bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №116392
 22.07.2015
I called the child’s phone. I was crying. I asked how to be with a fucking mom who hates you. They said "Therpy. This is what your destiny means. It’s even worse"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116391
 22.07.2015
Jožin z bažin:
To go or not to the Terminator? That is the question.

The Whc:
C a good tank, chill and control – why not?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116390
 22.07.2015
From the City Administration Forum:
"Discussions on the work of road vehicles of the city of Smolensk".

The citizen:
I’ve seen a strange fist for a year.
Router drivers constantly close the front passenger door next to them, and only open if the network wants a girl and sometimes not always beautiful.
I understand that of course you will say: - Just want to meet a girl!!! to
But there is not always just dumb silence and do not talk to them, even get acquainted do not try.
What a quiet car ride.

Heroes of Fantasy:
Maybe they’re just ashamed :P

Tagged 37:
Or maybe they are just fulfilling their secret dream. That the grandmother would sit and be silent and not need to talk to her.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116389
 22.07.2015
Xxx is:
Masya, now explain to me: how did you, in 10 minutes, talking to me about what you don’t like about me, be able to cut off all the corners without offending me, and answering no one question?)
Yyy: We talked about what I don’t like?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116388
 22.07.2015
The Aaftor:

and OK. Let’s say, the wife is delicate and non-obsessive, she doesn’t burden the “seeking” husband with her problems. She goes, makes a career, takes jobs and earns money on her own hotels.
She goes to a good resort alone, while her husband carves beds in the country. She buys a shirt in the snow queen while her husband is dressed as a bumerang. She buys good cosmetics for herself, until her husband even forgets what a shaving tool is. The result? He will look at her and be jealous/complex.
As a result, either she will change him, or she will leave him, because she is a successful woman and he is.
____________

I am embarrassed to ask, and these of you who live in parallel "husband" and "wife" are familiar with each other at all?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116387
 22.07.2015
To all who organized quarrels about socks, home buildings and who earns more.
The rules of the game you choose yourself and should not change them at your discretion unilaterally.My wife knows that the home should be comfortable. He does everything to create comfort. I, in turn, do everything that my wife and daughter need. And when I come home, it doesn’t matter whether I throw my socks in the corner or in the basket. It is important for them that I am at home. And my daughter and I do my dishes, not by compulsion, but because it is an interesting game. And we prepare breakfast to Mom on the weekend, because we love her. Love each other, respect and appreciate each other. Then you will have love. All good and happy.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116386
 22.07.2015
She goes to a good resort alone, while her husband carves beds in the country. She buys a shirt in the snow queen while her husband is dressed as a bumerang. She buys good cosmetics for herself, until her husband even forgets what a shaving tool is. The result? He will look at her and be jealous/complex.
As a result, either she will change him, or she will leave him, because she is a successful woman and he is.
-
Stop for a moment. So if he earns money, they go to the resort together, and if she earns money, is she alone? It looks like a game in one gate. Where is the economic symmetry of society?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №116385
 22.07.2015
Here the guy complained that the bearded jokes are fasting.
Here is worse. Here are some funny anecdotes.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116384
 22.07.2015
And I was borrowed by your spiritual fellow men, who seem to be in a pity to spoil me all the festive mood. Please don’t give money, please don’t give money. I blame politeness and refuse to accept money. Scandals, but they seem to understand. It starts with your own "and what you can give". Give me anything. As a gift, well, you understand, a sign of attention and all that. Even a hammer, even a pot with a flower, even a chocolate, even a plush rabbit "dust collector";, even a cute shovel, bought in a tent "Print", which is on the way from the bus stop to my house, but a gift, not a catalog order. With the craftsman I will go shopping and for my money I will buy exactly the towel I want - myself - and get I want a gift.
Okay, I don’t want it anymore. You are lazy to think of what I might like at least a little...

What is so difficult just to say "Give a beautiful little thing to the soul, only so that it is not a pity to throw it out in a week?"
And you will have flowers, and rabbits-dust collectors, and even more original stuff, although budget.
People who ask such questions, as a rule, do not really understand how to rejoice in a gift, which in the farm will still not be useful, and the money is worth it. They think it’s a gift that’s worse than money.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116383
 22.07.2015
What kind of shit? The phrase "women are more enduring than men". And if you specifically did not raise anything heavier than your own breasts - this is not the sexual difficulties of others. Both men and women.
— — — —
What to argue? Women and men have different functions and different physiological features.
A man is imprisoned in order to tear a mammoth in two halves with his naked hands, and then with these halves to strike the deadly two tigers who bit him from his back while he ripped the mammoth. After that, with a sense of duty to fall unconscious, from blood loss.
The woman must pick up fruits and berries onto the garner and take them to the cave, along with two half-bones of a mammoth, two unbroken tigers, her unconscious man, and a stone tail that swallowed one of the tigers at the very beginning. Prepare a decoction of herbs and mammoth bouillon and treat a man, not forgetting to revive him.

If you compress:
The man’s task is to die, but do everything.
The task of the woman is to do everything to not die.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №116382
 22.07.2015
sitting in the wreath.
Google "Dysplasia of hip joints" and go for treatment. You probably have this since childhood, since you consider this condition the norm.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №116381
 22.07.2015
After a successful cast in the DnD roll:
Have you killed three orcs with a butterfly?
They removed me from lunch.
They didn’t even touch you!
They ate my sandwich.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116380
 22.07.2015
The Knowledge! Study tiredly, please answer what will happen if a tiny black hole approaches a huge star. It is very similar to the subject of whether the Almighty can create a stone that he himself cannot raise. Explain options with different sizes of a black hole in a similar situation. Interesting, I am not thinking. Is it real to imagine?
......
1st CDs have a certain minimum size, or more precisely mass. So the 'maluzenka' HD is significantly heavier than the entire solar system.
2nd As it approaches the star, the HD will pull out of it 's wrist, turn around itself and will eat.
Three Gradually, the star is rolling out into a disk around the HD, and millions-billions of years later it will be absorbed by the HD.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №116379
 22.07.2015
Good luck to all of you with socks. And I found a bunch of socks on the floor, ah, I think, such a one, I looked at him... and all four were mine...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №116378
 22.07.2015
and Ogo:
No-no-no, I have such arrangements - and don't throw out socks, and my dishes when I don't want to.
--------
A "I want to wash laundry" - is it actually how? No one wants it, with very rare exceptions, but this is the adult life, the sweetest. And if you haven’t grown up to clean up after you, and you think it’s only a woman’s business (and you think she doesn’t want anything less than yours), then it’s actually right that you haven’t gotten married. Why is a woman infantile instead of her husband?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №116377
 22.07.2015
>These are the cats.

Let you know, cats are the highest predators. They are so productive that they can not get stuck with the production of food, but lie down and murmur. At the same time, they will be ready to kill everything reminiscent of edible from the state of “I sleep” simply by mocking a lap.

I once had a cat with a big letter - meeting me in the neighboring village he did the pretension of "and let's not know" and smartly blinked, with his weight ~8kg he killed and pulled like a rat neighbor's dog weighing 16kg - only because she dared to eat from his bowl. The birds he caught by jumping from the position of "I am calm" by jumping up 2 meters, and so effectively that mice and other rats he did not even try to drop.
Once he tried to kill a bad person, and he would have succeeded - if he had not changed his mind in a couple of seconds... during this time he had time to bite in the throat, and the hand to disassemble so that the person was treated for more than a year.
Eternal memory to you, Sevka, I will never forget you, you were my only true friend throughout my childhood.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №116376
 22.07.2015
Basically modern, if you move the rating histories to 2015:

He: Sori that I didn’t appear yesterday – a boy.
She: There are always lots of idiots on boys.
He: No, this is a boy, there are no girls.
She: Do you think I’ve never been on a boy boy?! to

____
The mother of three children, I say, there are no blunders on the boy.

____
If he wanted a boy, he would run after the grandmothers all his life.

___
Does the socks disappear?
____
And my husband is a super popper, even writing sitting.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №116375
 22.07.2015
Talk to a friend (X), the owner of the night club. We discuss the staff:
X: Sacha, the bartender, in general, is choked, the cleaners/womens are chasing, then not so washed, there are not cleaned, all the bartenders are strangled, everything is not suitable for her, and it is also blowing at the end of the shift. A bartender is like that.
I: Well what? Will you be fired?
X: Fuck with two, the administrator will do.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №116374
 22.07.2015
In connection with the release of the film Ant-Man I will be looking forward to when one of the directors will continue the topic of insects and shoot the erotic horror Baba Bogomol.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №116373
 22.07.2015
A "I want to wash laundry" - is it actually how?
________________
While the stationary computer was alive, I had a second SIMS, the licensed one, but with a bunch of all kinds pumped out of the network, the dooolgo-дооolgo was loaded, well, in order to save my nerves, I started loading and went to wash dishes, just about the time needed. Then something sneaked in the compass and the discs stopped reading. When my mother asked me in the evening why I forgot to wash dishes today, although I always did it on my own initiative, she was clearly not ready to answer the question.

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