He worked as a waitress. One regular guest was very pleasant. For example, he could have eaten almost the whole steak and when there is a small piece left, to say to make the roast bigger - not to roast. His beer was poured exclusively into a 0.33-volume female glass. He was a friend of the director, all his wishes were fulfilled.
He sits with the director and eats. The waitress was not patient. They brought him cucumbers cleansed from the skin. and he:
Why are they cleaned? The most important vitamins!
A waitress with a serious face.
The skin still remains. Do you bring it separately?
The director cried, the guest was silent.

And you can imagine if BelAZ starts burning tires...

We go with a friend and look at a cat sitting on a tree. So bright, black with white. He sits and sits.

A hundred meters from home. At the entrance, an announcement - a lost cat that found a reward. A picture of the cat on the tree.

We walk back, I climb a tree, the cat from me up. I shake the branch, the cat screams. Finally, I shake, he falls to the ground, a friend catches him on the ground - a pack is well covered. We go to the entrance and call the phone number. The cat in the package rattles, trying to rub the package.

There are two ladies, one of the ages and a young, mother and daughter to see. They look at this cat, then (with a breath):

This is not our cat. We have received it five times.

Fuck... Let the cat go, it shakes and goes unhappy to the same tree.

One day at the beginning of the zero gathered in the universe in the morning. Before leaving, I check the mailbox. The boxes were hanging in two rows, one above the other. The gaps for newspapers were above and quite wide.

I opened the door, looked and closed. I pulled the key and or sharply shrugged, but it stuck, the whole ligament slipped out of the hand. If he fell on the floor and her with her, he would raise up. I decided to catch her! And showing the miracles of the reaction, I crawl my hand over the bandage, send it to the wall, and from there with the ricochet - to the lower mailbox. Any other day she would get stuck. The stars were especially bright. She slipped perfectly.

There is no time at eight in the morning. Bring to the apartment from the number on the box. He opened the embal in his workouts with a cup of coffee in his hand. He listened, went down and opened the box. And just delivering the keys from the box, apparently, to the end believed in my story, because. began to roast.

I go on the street, the weather is good, the mood is great, and go to meet the company of schoolchildren (14-15 years old)

Uncle, can you help me?

I did not immediately understand what I was.

Uncle, we need help! A question of life and death!

I turned around, what happened?

You can buy electronic cigarettes.

I am not, guys. I don’t buy cigarettes for my kids.

I turn and hear such a dialogue.

The old fool. How do these starters dance?

I’m only 26... I’m still small, I love ice cream and my mom is scorned if I eat all kind of shit... And here I’m already a “old m#dack”.

PCI is hurt.

If the villain is not sitting, it means that a honest person is sitting in his place.

And our cat on the wave Black Lives Matter has filled up its vocabulary, although we do not live in America.
Cat two - one white, fatty and absolutely inert, so that access to it is not denied anywhere, it will still lie in a carcass wherever it is placed. The second is black like resin, very lively and playful, sometimes too much. So it happens when we want to quietly watch a movie in the evening, we drive a black man out of the door, if he goes too far, i.e., he starts running on the ceiling, drilling holes in the couch, etc. It happens that he still crashes back, as he knows how to open the door himself perfectly, but it happens that he leaves offended, and then demonstrately does not return.
At some point, at this most mentioned wave, I had a habit: if I had to remove a cat from the room, I would take a dead body and, saying, “Marsic, we have racism,” I would take it out of the door.
And here, one day, the black falls and begins to crumble. Well, I think it’s time to get up, to endure. I get up from the chair with the words, “Marsic, we have racism.” And then this miracle turns to me, looks full of contempt and proudly leaves the room alone! Then they re-checked several times - hearing the word "racism", the cat himself leaves the room. So now we also have a victim of racism who is fully aware of this fact.

Democracy is when the literate and responsible powerlessly observe how the ignorant and the ignorant choose the ignorant and the ignorant as their leader.

I studied in 11th grade.

"I run away" I once out of school to smoke, I approach the garages and see the following:

A bearded man in unclean clothes tries to drag the boy into the van.

He cries, cries, and almost cries.

Then I immediately understood everything. The trouble!

I run and start pushing the man away from the child, looking at the sides, looking for someone to call for help.

Thankfully, the man explained everything quickly and I didn’t have time to bring the spark.

He was working on repairing the apartments. What he was wearing, he went after his son.

And the little girl didn’t want to go just because his father was going to take him to the barber.

The child confirmed this version, laughed and separated.

It was a bit embarrassing, but better so :)

As a child, at about 5 years old, I went home to Moscow with my aunt from Nizhny Novgorod, where I visited all summer. We were on the night train, and in the evening, before going to bed, the conductor offered tea.

The question is, “With a coin?” My aunt sneezed positively, and five minutes later the conductor returned with two glasses and a plate.

It must be noted that for some reason, I still did not know what "meat" is... And on the plate were crops of zephyr (marshmallow), which I also never saw or tried, because it was the middle of the 90s and we lived very modestly...

The overseas delight came to my taste and the child’s brain decided that it was a “meat”.

Everything would be fine, but when I asked my parents to buy me mint for tea in the store, they first looked at me strangely, and then brought some dried honey.

A friend needed to refresh the closet, he called me with a girl for the company to the store to evaluate from the side of potential updates. He picked up his clothes and went to the sample. Periodically it comes out, we assess. He comes back and repairs his shirt.

The girl: “This is great, somewhat tightly sitting.”

My friend said, “Emma. This is mine, I came in.”

When I went to kindergarten at 4 years old, we had a new teacher. At home in the evening, parents, as usual, ask what they were doing, what new I.T. learned.

(I) - So and so - I say, here is a new teacher!

(Mommy) It is great! The Young?

(I) - Yes, no, not anymore young, (thinking pause) like you about.

Mom, by the way, was 24 years old at that time. He still remembers)

A few years ago I was operated on the intestine, which resulted in removing its part and re-connecting the remaining meters. I was forbidden to eat any food for two weeks, and to restore function told to drink vaseline oil, several tablespoons a day. Who does not know, vaseline oil is the result of the purification of petroleum products. I can’t express his taste, because the brain prefers to block this information. The only thing I remember was the insurmountable desire to throw everything back in the same second, but with an empty stomach refused to react to such little things. After a couple of days it was like a focus from a strange circus, when you (pressing your nose) drink a spoonful of that shit and in a minute maximum, this oil is already knocking on the other door. You could drink it while sitting on the toilet. I felt like a car. Not in the sense that from the pumping of muscles you feel invincible, but in the sense of affinity with the old giants, whom the owner changes the oil several times a day.



On the sixth day I decided to "bund, bl&d" and told the nurse that I will not drink this gum and you can write me out for violating the hospital regime, because it is better to die unsweetened than having passed all the TO for 150,000 km running at once. The answer was brilliant and only the danger of accidental GSM leakage from the “technological” hole saved me from an emotional explosion:

Then drink olive oil, but it is expensive.

............

Now I have learned to ask for alternative options if I am not sure of the adequacy of the proposed solutions. Do not get sick.

I prepared for my birthday. It was 10 years. I spend the whole day waiting for a surprise. He is not and is not. I can’t wait, it’s time for dinner, it’s time for dinner.

“Have you forgotten to congratulate you?” ! to ? to ! to

How you are not ashamed! ? to ! to ? to (How did you... How did I... All of you... ©) This day was ruined. And crying. There are two days until my birthday. confused...

My sister’s daughter is 4 years old. She and her husband went on vacation. With them on one plane flew acquaintances. They have a son of 3 years.

In front of the plane, the boy was angry. The first time he sees an airplane, and it is huge, noisy, roaring... generally scary.

I’m not going on the plane, I’m afraid.

Father told him.

Don’t worry, we’ll get through the plane and get on the bus. We will not fly on the plane. We will go on the bus.

The boy believed his parents and calmed down.

Sitting on the plane. They fly.

The boy is playing with my niece. They paint something.

(P - nephew M - boy)

Are you flying on a plane for the first time?

M did not understand. Are you flying in the plane?

P is I yes, and you?

Noah, I’m on the bus.

The nephew separated the boy. She did not want to play with him anymore.

In applauding the proletarian rallies, do not forget that one day after them they began to shoot the socially irregular and racially disabled.

Bag or Fitch

Fifteen years ago I learned that being offended is destructive. That these negative emotions toward other people are your own mistake in evaluating those people.

I took a relay. The switch. To loved and dear people he stands on the top division. I know I’ll give them everything and I know they won’t give up anything.

If something is wrong, no insults. The relay switches to the division below. People are no longer very own, but you expect less from them.

You put it hard on “strangers.” To whom you owe nothing and expect nothing. They say “be healthy” – you will answer “thank you.” and all. You will not answer, you will not answer. Because they are strangers.

There is also a unique, minimal division of "not people", but I have not used it for a long time. I have it for living creatures and creatures of the same race, and I never see them.

===
A few years ago my family left me homeless. My sister’s husband, a sister, a nephew. Unfortunately, my nephews were especially sad. He took from kindergarten and school, did lessons with them. I was shocked when they were sad at home. I have cats, dogs, go to the zoo and eat better.

Transferred the relay. “Almost a stranger.” I did it myself. From Zero.

= is
At some point it became difficult to cope. Called my father. He offered to sleep a dog so that it would be easier for me to rent the apartment. He turned the relay to “almost strange.”

= is
He pulled the dog to Rostov and the dogs lived there for another 6 years. From communication with relatives - stories about their difficulties and problems through the tenth hand. Trying to throw me on everything else.

Transferred to “foreign”.
Let them throw. I don’t have those cozy apartments. Strangers can be thrown. You do not expect anything else from them.

= is
And when a nephew is born, I will not see. Foreign because of. My grandchildren are cousins.
And when one of the Kuzmin apartments in them burned, I don’t have money for strangers.
When my father needs something. He is clever and does not ask for money, but for work. I have no work for strangers.

= is
There are no changes on their part. They think they were always right. And I have no reason to switch the relay.

And if he was just offended, he would have exhausted all his nerves and forgiven him for a long time. I would have been able to do it three more times. But the relay does not allow that. Strangers means strangers. And no insults.

On the long birthday congratulations from the “family” I replied, “Thank you.” Like a congratulation from a regular courier company or a congratulation from a nearby cafe.

= is
I do not recommend this relay to anyone. Because the drunk seems that something is wrong and that you need to restore contacts with relatives. This is a nervous and severe state - when I drank and became sad.

But add a little and understand - right and otherwise can not be. And you are sober - you don't even understand what you reflected on the drunk. And in a year’s time, I’ll say “thank you” again. And if they die there, I will not answer. Every day in the world, strangers die. I will answer the courier company.

The director reports to the chief:
Jakov Samuilovich, what is the Stone Age? You have the most up-to-date computer in the company, and you are ticking your bills! I am ashamed of the customers!
– Roman Arkadievich, what I have to tell you about accounting. I have already closed a few financial checks when you walk under the table and I assure you, the accounts are much more reliable than this computer. Imagine - the taxpayer breaks into the office: "Everyone to the wall, hands for head!" When will you delete documents from your computer? And I raise my hands with the bills, all the bones come together on one side and that’s all! Nobody will prove anything!

I sat down at night, drank a beer, watched a series. At three o’clock I remembered that my friend’s birthday had already begun. Knowing that a friend with humor and not offended decided to call him immediately and congratulate him. I called, but he did not take the phone. I think okay.

The next night, I sleep, exactly at three o’clock, a friend calls, takes the phone, asks, “why did you call?”))

Two years ago, in my multi-thousand enterprise, a girl from the supplier for a joke blinded the director’s order to cut wages by 20 percent and dismiss 10 percent of the company’s employees. After sending this to his colleagues in the department and about 30 people there, he began to watch and laugh quietly at the reaction of people. Everything would be nothing but by the time she said it was a joke-sarafan radio spread this news throughout the factory and forced a lot of chiefs of workshops and other units to sweat a lot by gathering emergency meetings on the reduction of the state. If you are reading this, sign up! Let me know what happened to you after this epic dismissal? P.s : but they even wanted to launch a criminal case on this photoshop masterpiece))))