Patriarch Kirill called on the hegemony of Theophania to sell Mercedes.
Theumenia called on Patriarch Kirill to sell the yacht.

It was 10 years ago: returned from the army, set up a small outsourcing office with a sysadmin - 5 firms were given a piece to accompany (come, asked what to repair, wiped out the server with a cloth, until tomorrow!) Often the one-time customers were thrown: either to set up something new, or to repair the unworking. Application for treatment of the virus. Usually you come to the challenge and the person who challenged you introduces you to colleagues: a programmer/sysadmin/computer/engineer/sucher... but not this time. I walk quietly into a small office, I approach a random girl, I guess, so and so - the virus came to treat, where, to whom to go? The girl turns toward the door and loudly, so that they can hear: "Peter Sergeiich! o_O is a miserable resemblance of what was written on my face. It turned out that on a super-popper important compete caught a blocker, which showed someone's hot biscuits, promising to melt the story of walking on the porn sites of your mom. The banner is removed, the computer is treated, money and psychological trauma are received, because nobody has called me so yet!

I give advice, which helped me in 2005 to get a salary not issued for more than 2 months, for one day (day of dismissal). Be persistent when you go to any office: OK, Accounting, Director... anyone! You will not leave him in any case. Until the actual settlement of your issue! No promises, there will be lots of them. Up to real action! My former bosses lasted for two or five hours, I sat with them, in their office, then there were no mobile phones (like the modern ones), so I looked stupidly into their shameless eyes... two or five hours... money I got it all and immediately! The remaining employees, with their words, money was not given for a couple of months... They tried to call me, they talked about my ignorance and disrespect for the elderly (I was 20 years old), threatened with security... But the result was worth it... *I advise not to stick in the mobile phone, but look in the eyes, it’s everyone likes (no! It irritates everyone. I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t scream, I didn’t camel, I just explained that I would sit next to him until I got my money in full... I wasn’t believed at first, but in vain...

My father and mother sold an old apartment and bought a new one. Dad calls and asks to help move things. I was busy after two daily shifts in a row, I answer-Dad, I will now drop you to the card 3000, order loads, I want to sleep, two shifts worked out. I translated, and I slept.

And after some time I learned from common acquaintances that the mother-in-law tells everyone that this is what kind of son, he did not come, bought, this is what relationship to the father.

Bathe called, he rotted, don't bite, she says, all the norms, her children helped to drag, shrink, sweat, and you sent three loaders instead, and she was offended.

I have a friend, Pasha. Such a special companion. A few years ago, he told me how his parents chose his name. We bought a list of names and decided that the list will be read, and what name the child will react to - so they will call it. The baby cried by the name of Pavsekakiy. The parents scratched the tail and decided to call the nearest more decent. He became Paul.

After this story, many things have come to their place. Because he is friendly, although he is recorded by Paul, but he is indeed a Pavseseki. This name is fairly suitable for him.

A long time ago, when Pu was not yet down, but was just beginning his way to fame, I had a relationship with one girl (Masha).

I still rented the apartment then, and the girl already had her own. Purchased by parents. But the girl herself did not sit with her parents on the neck, had a very prestigious job and a good salary at the time.

My job was simpler, but the salary is quite comparable, even a little more. Part of it went to pay the rent. And, in addition, my mother was still alive at the time, but she was already bad and I paid for medicines and a nurse.  However, for life and moderate entertainment was enough.

Masha offered to move to her, her apartment compared to my, rented, was, of course, cooler. I did not move, but I moved a small portion of my stuff.

We lived a few months, had time to come to Peter, Yaroslavl. And I paid for these trips entirely myself, and I also paid for restaurants, movies, excursions and other entertainment. Plus the gifts. I have not been given anything in all this time.)

Masha introduced me to her parents, the impression they made was double: on the one hand - people are very interesting, intelligent, on the other - too pathetic and flattered.

But my negative I left with me and hoped that the impression left no bad. As it turned out, in vain.

I was then the manager of the project, and one day for the project, the client asked us money (we paid a small fix and interest on the project). However, the management swore (and kept the promise) to repay the debt within a maximum of 2 weeks. But at that moment I had, taking into account all my expenses, a small cash gap.

Okay, I think I’ll borrow from Masha, 5 thousand. I have enough for a couple of weeks. The amount at the time was quite solid, but not fatal, the girl's wage was 5 times higher. I sent her a SMS with a request. In a few minutes she called back. I learned a lot of new things about myself.

She was waiting for me to show myself. And I waited. That I flattered a few months, and now I will start to pull money out of it. As for alphons like me, she was warned by her mom and dad. My friends warned. And that fucking me, not her apartment. In general, I would need to gather clothes and drop them at sunset. 

My attempts to explain were ignored. Ok to Ok. I asked early from work, came, I had the keys, quickly picked up everything, left the keys to the neighbors and dropped it as required. The state of affairs was the worst. And in the evening also the SMS from her came: dropped and well, a cowardly bastard, do not want to see, do not hear, arrivederchi.

Less than that, from a few of my friends-friends went calls - what, say, you shocked? It turns out, Masha, by known to her contacts, dissipated her suspicions. True, people who knew me didn’t believe in my career as a beginner Alfonso. But it must have remained (as with the leaves).

I did not take any response - problems were enough: work, mother, etc. About Masha tried to forget, it was bad, the resentment did not want to go anywhere.

It’s been about two months, and suddenly a call from her: We need to meet. I replied that you need it, and I didn’t, I don’t need a new portion of shit. He pushed back and did not answer other calls.  In the evening I come to my rental apartment, sitting on the bench at the entrance. I think I’ll be accused of something else now.

Anne is not. It turns out that it is all the fault of Dad and Mom. For a few months they poured her on the ears, that once I pay for everything, it is extremely suspicious, soon it will end and I will start kneeling the money. Then I ask you to write in the apartment. Later, I will try to remove it. And in general, I showed little admiration and respect for Dad and Mom and their achievements. I don’t like opera and ballet. I have a bad taste, because every cultural person should love them. Moreover, I do not like symphonic music. and etc. and etc.

But now she understood that,, I was not going to either take out the apartment or spit out the money (“maybe” – I was very “enjoyed”). And she brought me 10 thousand, here, take it, if necessary, and let’s try to start again.

I refused to start, advised to listen less to parents and trust myself more. Next time with another friend. In response, Masha stated that in her feelings, I am Alphonse. possibly. In fact, it was Alphonse. After that, it only remained to go to myself, ignoring attempts to enter after me into the apartment. Standing in front of the door for 30 minutes, Masha eventually fell down. Two hours later, the SMS came: You are still Alphonse. Without the “possible”

This is how my Alphonse career began and ended. I spent my money, I didn’t have time to spell out anything, and I didn’t even pull out the apartment. I am a bad careerist.

Shoes are considered Italian only if they are wrapped in your presence by an Italian.

The Curiousness of the Circles of Destiny (almost by Pasternak)

Five years ago I had to fly to Sochi for half a day for a symposium, a lecture to read. While flying, it turned out that there was another event with my performance the next day.
There was laziness to fly here and there, I stayed there and had a free day in Sochi.
Reflecting on the fairy plans of free killing of free time, I remembered that there is a girl living in Sochi from our still student Uffim campaign of the 80s - Angela M-Yang, the real name, the Hussars - to be silent!!A thin low black Armenian, with a slight eastern smoothness of movements and a proud almost nobility profile with a compulsory light nose.
Thirty years without seeing each other.
Two or three phone calls – and here’s her number I have: “Angelina, hello!” – “Aaaaaaaaa!” You are where?? »

I stand in the agreed place, I look around, I wait.
Outside the corner is something black, full, curly!At the same time shouting “Hello! The same one! Where are the cousins? Shake is waiting! Go to us! Where are things? Time to eat! Why one?“!”

She finally allowed her husband to “no feed me for at least half an hour.”

“After the institute, I was assigned to Nagorno-Karabakh, a children’s hospital. Married, husband - a small chief in the council of trade unions of the Republic.
The first child was born, then the second. The house was built, furniture, crystal, carpets.
The war began. We thought we would wait for it to calm down soon, but when at night the turn came through the first floor window and scattered the vases in the servant, we left the beautiful house with all the things and ran with one suitcase to my hometown, near Sukhumi.

My husband went to work, I am again a pediatrician in the clinic. Slowly mastered, the father shared a small piece of land. They built houses, furniture and dishes.

When the first bullet broke the window of the first floor again, I was not even surprised, as if I was expecting something like this.

As a doctor, I could be taken at any time, even from home, even from work and taken to the front. No one even asked me, the pediatrician, if I could do anything. I swapped, changed the clothes. Small wounds under local anesthesia. The fractures broke. Contuitions and diarrhea treated.
Leaving and leaving work were prohibited, strictly monitored, constant control.
We were allowed to carry seriously wounded or sick people to Sochi, accompanied by military patrol.

I found acquaintances there and, hiding under the seat, took out the children one by one, left them there, gave money, as much as it was.
On the next Thursday, she asked the chief doctor to leave for Friday, saying that the strawberries should be cooked for the winter. I left in the office a coat, a replacement shoe, a spare dress, a bag, absolutely all things - on Monday, after all, back to work.
Her husband blinked almost like a mummy, cut off her finger and spotted the spots. I called an ambulance and went to Sochi. We arrived at the hospital, I drove the cockpit with the driver to the reception room, the driver went back to the car, and my husband and I went out through another move and went to the children faster.
Under Sukhumi there was a new house with furniture, all things, even bags could not be taken with you.

I sat in the shadowy courtyard of a modest two-story house in the suburb of Sochi, silently drank the chacha under her cheering about the queues to her in the clinic, about her son and daughter, who have already graduated from institutions and live and work in Moscow, about grandchildren, about common institutional friends - who where and who...

No need of war.

Governors are scared: you stop stealing, they think you’re a murderer.

I walk around the house with my three-year-old grandson from room to room through a double door. Usually one door is open and the other is closed. My grandson overtakes me and opens the second bowl. I ask, “Why did you open it? “” He said, “That you go through. You are so fat.”

Like with love and care...Oh, it’s time to lose weight.

XXX: We had the same case in the gun store. The man took a knife to look at and placed it right in his foot.

And also buyers cut off often while choosing. And they bought a knife with the words: “Bite! I have to take.)



YYYY :

Can you help me pick a knife?

The knife will choose you.

How do I know that the knife chose me?

He will try to kill you.



Zzzz: I bought a gun.



Sex shop is better not to go.

I talked to my Thai colleague while working at Phuket. She asks:

Do you like Thailand?

Yes of course!

There are such traffic jams! How can you like it?

Even in Russia there are traffic jams.

What are the obstacles in Russia? ! to It is so big for you!

The most trouble is when there is no money.

Once upon a time our dry cargo stood in one of the ports of the Baltics. The loading was already over when my fellow sailors who lived in this city came to visit the steam boat. First, we drank a little for a meeting in the captain’s salon, then went to dinner at a country restaurant – the former mansion of some Ostsee baron. In the menu were elaborate medieval dishes, cooked according to the recipes of the baron's chef, and the same elaborate snacks - this was already the recipe of the baron himself. Judging by the inscriptions, the German baron was a nature of fascinating, one can even say, passionate.
After dinner, our entire company went first to one bar, then to another, where “for a dear guest from Leningrad” local musicians performed some classical works from the repertoire of my compatriot and teaser – Sergey Vladimirovich Schnurov.
Someone joined us, someone left for physiological, so to speak, reasons. Finally, the cousin of the wife of one of my peers offered our company to go to work with him.
“We have a real Russian couple there!” He said, “It was built under Alexander the Third.”
Having decided that before I returned to the steam boat I needed to refresh myself, I strongly supported this idea. We were driving a long time. I remember some taxi, then a dark brick building, iron gates and a lot of bars instead of doors along the way as we walked from the car to the doors of the bathing complex. In addition to the Russian steam room, there were shower cabins, a large wooden barrel with ice water and a rest room. In the middle of this room stood a copper three-bowl samovar, in which floated several litre bottles of vodka and whisky. The owner welcomed everyone to drink while the room was warm.

I woke up in the morning. There were drunk bodies around me, which showed that no one had reached the couch yesterday. After taking a shower, I decided to get out of this "bath" faster, or you could already be late for the ship's departure. But I failed to get out. Literally behind the first turn of the corridor there was a grid door and a guard who waited behind it. And then I remembered with horror that our owner, this cousin of someone’s wife, yesterday in the bar was telling something funny about his work “in the zone.”
“Yes! So I’m in jail,” I realized, “I need to get out of here, and urgently!”
The attempt to wake up the cousin was unsuccessful. Even swinging it under a cold shower, it was possible to only a small, but rhythmic moisture on the motive of "Leningrad-SPb-point-ru". There was an intense desire to drown him in a barrel. and what? Shouldn’t someone who is already in prison be put in prison? Well, by the analogy, "to shoot twice the statute does not say." Then I decided that this logic would not work here and needed a different plan. For example: to take this body, I do not remember how it was called, that is, they call it, to drag to the barracks with the guard and try to explain that I am not escaping from the prison, and so, went to the bathroom to bathe: "Here is with this man, that is, the body. I have other bodies, if necessary.”
How will it look from the side?“I thought, ‘Some incomprehensible, squeezed and unbarred man with a senseless prison worker in his arms? An attempt to escape with the hostage? No, I will not pass. What is the name of the cousin’s wife? Is it Yarek, or Yatsek, or,, George Viktorovich at all?”
I had to shave myself in front of the mirror, fix my clothes and go to the barracks alone.
The young man! – I started my story – you see, I was invited to the bathroom with you yesterday. Your employee. He sleeps in the corner. Sorry, I do not remember his name. Don’t think I’m escaping from your prison. I need to go to the port urgently. There I am waiting for a ferry that is due to leave in the sea in two hours.
The guy looked at me silently.
“Damn,” I thought, “he was very young, apparently he went to school after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Maybe he doesn’t speak Russian anymore? And why did I tell him that I would leave this country in two hours?“!”
and Sir! – I started again, now in English – here there is a place to be a confusion...
“Yes, okay,” the security guard replied in good Russian, “you can’t explain, you don’t ‘escape from our prison’!”
Why are you so sure? I was surprised, even a little offended.
The prison is female.

“Tonight my husband called some Lucy in his dream.
Talk to him when he wakes up.
He will not wake up.

xxx: In the year so 2011, played in the KP in L2.

When I came there, in the KP I already played chirognom with Nick GYVIGINECOLOG.

I thought, “Well, Nick, he’s playing a schoolboy.

It turned out that under this nick played really Givi of the 50s and he was a gynecologist.



At the beginning of the prime time, he opened a bottle of cognac. Sometimes I didn’t wait until the end of the prym) just fell asleep on the key.



yyy: I remember somewhere at 03-05 played in la2, and the network was only local, respectively everyone knew each other, or at least lived nearby, I had DR and SHE, it was a bit convenient to farm, and how a guy who wanted to kick me off, from him fell then the only on the server of a bow like a grid, and in 40 minutes to my home he broke and demanded to give in good, and I was then 12 years old. Until the brother came and the nahui sent him, he broke up.



zzz: This is a real augmented reality, picked up in the game, picked up in real.

I went to the institute (with the aim of going to the evening after classes for training). I met a girl, we talked... she goes home from class, as if the conversation is glued up and you can leave the back for a subsequent meeting. (The event takes place on the day before the celebration.) I think, so, in the evening training - I can't miss (as the coach said: if a girl interferes with the sport - throw a girl), so, further... tomorrow is a pre-holiday day, in the evening they got to drink with friends, the girl is inappropriate to be drunk at once to call, to postpone the desired meeting for the afternoon unwillingness, and tomorrow in the afternoon I am close as you need to go off shoes to buy... I asked her to go with me to choose shoes ))) agreed... We live 21 years, married 19, 3 children...

We go to the electricity station. Sitting in front of a man. Dukan from him - the ogo-go: a mixture of garlic and "Belomora".

My dog is in full shower, driving with his nose, trying to realize - what a cloud of onyism is nearby.

The man looked at her and said:

“What? Do I smell like a dog?”



Damn, man, I’d rather have a dog smell :)

10-12 years ago it was necessary for a large foreign company to do a project in the marketing sphere. I was on the side of the service provider. A big boss from the customer wanted to get a refund from our office (surprisingly and unusual of course 😄). The owner of our company sent me to these informal negotiations. I said I’m going to be “from Fedor,” like a password. This was the first unofficial relationship. At the meeting, the employer’s director insisted on calling me Fedor. A couple of times I tried to correct that I was Vitaly of Fedor, but he persistently continued. Well...Hz, maybe the corrupt is encrypted, maybe he needs it. Then I conducted all the official affairs with that company for another couple of years precisely as Fedor. Everything was good for everyone. Then the contract was closed and there was no reason to communicate.



It’s been seven to eight years, I’m sitting at a meeting at another big company, we’ve been working for six months, we’re solving some difficult issue. Nothing goes well. Everyone is really tense, negotiations are entering an impasse. I decided to take a break and breathe out. And the customer side says that they will now attract a very large boss to the negotiations, because the contract needs to be revised, other departments involved, and for this, in order not to delay, it is better to immediately attract the boss and talk. It will be easier to think and decide. While they were waiting for the director and drinking coffee, I went to the relaxation room. After relaxing, washing and refreshed, I return to the negotiation. Their new boss is already in the situation. He begins to introduce me: Here is the project manager...

He looks away from the monitor and sees me and his face blows up in a smile (that’s the director from that old office): Oh, good morning, Fedor! Now I am sure that we will find a solution with such a professional.



Fuck, thank you, I didn’t get into the movie. The process of convincing him that I Vitaly took a while. All the participants in the process looked at us very closely. I was confused with someone in the team for years. And he still seems to think I’m some kind of a spy who changes passports and names for every project. I can’t believe he just stumbled.

Xxx: I remember, at 15-16 years, somehow in a hurry narval leaves from an apple tree, dried, then carefully cut small, twisted into a sliced paper from cookies type K Tea, a cotton filter sprinkled, sprinkled some dish with the inscription Cigar and hid somewhere in the basement. Three years later, and more, the basement was dismantled from the basement, and this absolutely unsuitable smoking cane (one and a half centimeters in diameter) fell from somewhere out of the mud. I said for some reason that it wasn’t me. And after a while I thought it was just an apple, you could just admit.)

Yyy: Here’s you... And then my dad sat down, pressed an apple leaf and thought he wasn’t crying.