My colleagues still have them. I went on vacation for two weeks. I come and see – under the keyboard rolls the edge of the five thousand rubles banknote. My heart instantly sang: maybe there was an advance or someone decided to give me money for my merits? Unfortunately, I did not rejoice for long. It turned out that colleagues were inspired by a site where they sell different locks. They took the fake banknotes there and threw them down to such ignorant colleagues when they were out of vacation.



But I don’t hold the evil, I caught up in a joke, laughed and forgot. The couture is in principle interesting and I decided to take it home. Suddenly I want to play my husband too, he will think that the ass has fallen. Then even came the idea of sticking her to the shoe, allegedly he was walking and sticking such a banknote.



On the way home, his head was already busy. I just put the note in the box and forgot about it. In the mess, of course, like any girl in the car, accumulated a lot of dirt. I cleaned up, and I didn’t even notice how this paper from the bank of clutches fell on the seat.



In the morning, my laurel sadly stood with broken glass, in addition, inside the cabin tried to tear away even the display from the music. And on the seat - these fake, to overtake them, five thousand rubles. Apparently some fools, saw the bill and decided that there is something to live here and penetrated my machine by the most barbaric method. Angry at the deceit, they made a pogrom in the car. There is no morality, only my inattention and stupidity.

I was 10 years old then. I was sitting at home alone, and then the door was called... And we had an entrance door to the apartment on the staircase and a roof shared with the neighbors. I opened, two women of the Balzac age stood in front of me through the barracks. And then it started, “Hello! Do you want to talk about God? Do you know who Jesus really is? Worry about your lost soul and so on.”

Lost soul at 10 years old :)

I said to them, “There is no one at home, but I don’t care,” and they said, “Call, though, your name,” and they drove a booklet through the grid. And I, the fool, and say, “Alexey.”

A few days later, my mom was home, and I came back from school. A bell to the door. She went open and out of the room, far away, I hear:

“Hello to you! We are Jehovah’s Witnesses. Can we see our brother Alexey?”

I hear a sharp knock at the door, a quick step in my direction. I had never seen such anxious and enormous eyes in my mother before... She just ran in with their brochure and the phrase, “When did you get into the sect?”

8 March.

The boss together with the male team on the table at work. Well, personally from him a bouquet of flowers for each woman and a small money surprise.

One of the employees gave my partner a chocolate tile. She thanked and put it in her bag. We sit at the table and joke. We talk, as usual.

After a while, her partner is about to leave because she needs to get on the bus. Sergey (the one who gave the chocolate) breaks down and takes it seriously:

Where are you and have a chocolate?

She is:

I drink coffee at home, but I don’t want to.

He is:

- Break me half then, I thought we would eat it here together.

Valerie is confused. He gets Milka, breaks, stretches Sergey. is leaving.

Sergey turns to me:

I paid for it, so I also have the right.

The Chief:

Yes, Sirogah, you will be unmarried for a long time.

Having obtained the rights and after buying a car, she decided to build on the experience of taking her husband from work at night, his change ended at 23.30. The first trip left an impression for a long time.

I took my husband and went home, we went, and in front of the DPS crew, the employee masks with a stick, I brake and come to the side. In the head is empty, there are thoughts that at least in the auto school told how to behave and what to do. The employee approaches, I drop the window, he appears and asks for documents. And I ask:

Out of the car?

No, unless you are a drunk driver.

And in my head the thoughts will jump, "and on March 8, GAI employees gave tulips to girls who followed the rules. And now, probably, decided to take a joint action against drunk driving.”

What is the action? Tell me more, I would participate.

At this time, the man begins to cough. The employee looked at me with suspicion, it was visible on his face that he had gone to reboot. Here he guesses to look at VU more closely, turns around and looks at the date of receipt (2 weeks ago). He begins to roar and says:

Action for those who are drunk driving.

No, thank you, I will not.

Here he looked so compassionately at my husband and wished him (just not crossed):

I want to get home in full.

The husband then roared for a long time and told the men what his initiative wife was.

In 1997, a merchant complained that the money was being shaken from him by the bandits, who should come then and then and then for revenue. They organized a group, the OMON pulled. New guys in the state who have not yet lighted up. In general, they wander near the store, an analogue of modern TCs, naturally. Suitable for them type, say help the gazelle to unload, for the TC. Go to. They go over the corner and there are two more bodies with knives. Everything is quickly pulled out of the pockets. A little retreat. There is also a little further gazelle without identification signs with OMON standing, waiting for a signal. In general, police officers in the state, good guys, just don’t have to cut. I went into my pockets for everything I had. They pulled the trunk, quickly into the snow of the robbers, carefully and quietly into the gazelle with OMON, where they were massaged well. I think the three remembered this day for a long time, maybe it was their most unsuccessful robbery, or rather a robbery attempt.



P.S The bandits were captured half an hour later.

Honestly speaking, our creative assembly is, in its majority, the worms of the nation, who have captured themselves with its conscience.

It is time to uncover a family secret kept for centuries by my ancestors and passed on to me. A universal taste. A taste that suits everyone, regardless of religion, gender, nationality and social affiliation.
It all started with my mother being sick. I was forced to go to the hospital and we two younger boys were left with my father alone. The elderly had more luck, they went to school, school, institut, married and married, and we and my brother were only nine and eight years old. My father spent the whole evening in the kitchen, spinning a five-liter pot.
“Eat, sit down and eat,” he finally said.
My brother and I grabbed the larger tablespoons and rushed to the table, cuddling each other. Food, and that was it, in other words, at the expense of my youth I probably would not pick, was unbearable.
This burdock cannot be eaten. What fucking thing is this? - I would say now, but then I just tried to pour a spoonful deeper into my throat so as not to sink. Vaska, and he was younger and privileged, just spit that shit back into his plate. And he had nothing for that. Yes, I forgot to say that my mother was Ukrainian. And how Ukrainian boars and soups... A fairy tale, just a fairy tale.
“Well,” scratched his forehead over his eyebrows, his father said, “I knew I lacked the ingredients.
Ingredients, the word I do not like, because of the difficulty of pronunciation, difficulty of writing and difficulty of obtaining. But then it interested us.
What is it, what? We were a little worried.
"I am a Siberian," said the father, as thoughtfully, "taiga supplies a lot of ingredients without which food is not delicious. So yes, all sleep now, and tomorrow in the woods, for the ingredients. I didn’t have time to get up at dawn, my dad played up. After checking our pockets for biscuits and candy, and at the same time a piece of sausage, he strictly said - we go to the taiga, and she will feed!
Thro the day, we wandered through some debris, from the pine to the cedar tree, from the berry to the oak. Daddy struck out some peel, smelled, rubbed in his fingers, looked at the light. I thought it wasn’t mature. And we wandered further and further. Taiga, fucking, did not rush to feed. Except for mosquitoes and mosquitoes, which have just eaten us. It darkened quickly.
-And why in the dark in such a distance to pass, here and overnight, - said the father and began to break the hammer. He forgot about us. We broke it ourselves. I wiped my teeth until morning and washed my teeth with rose. This is a straight rose on the grass. We continued to look for ingredients, whether they were cold. By the evening of the next day, the father still narrated, whether the swan or the urticaria, in the darkness was not to be disassembled. We went home proudly.
We didn't have time to get back, my dad got out of the refrigerator yesterday's soup, melted the oven, crushed the brought grass in pieces, ups, sorry - the ingredients, crushed them in a pot and then broke them into cups.
I ate a spoonful, it smoked in my hands. Vaska was a younger and in privileges, so he ate his mouth out of the plate and he had nothing for it.
How do you taste, guys? My father asked. Instead of answering, I gave him a plate for a supplement. Ingredients, a terrible force! Reporting to me, he said.
Daddy to Daddy! What are these ingredients called? After emptying the second plate, I wondered about the future.
They are called hunger. Just a hunger! It has the universal taste of all times and peoples.

When will the coronavirus epidemic end?
I don’t know, I’m not interested in politics.

Employee dismissed from work (change of employee)

I worked for two and a half years and decided it was time to open new horizons.

Approaching and blinking his eyes says: We took the fan here in the fold for 2400. (In the summer, the heat was incredible, and my fan was broken when it was replaced)

As he stays here, give me back half of what I gave.



Well, I say, just let’s debit the loan first.



The sofa on which you sleep is bought for my money. The refrigerator too. Tea and microwave. A 32-inch TV from the house brought-the same money is worth. I don’t even care about the rest.



You have been using it for 2.5 years, it would be time to pay the rent. You are not my friend, nor my brother, nor my relative, that I may keep you at my own expense, right?

Take a purely symbolic depreciation fee of 10 rubles for the replacement of all equipment. It is just like a gift at all. Travelling on the road is three times more expensive.



In 2.5 years, there are about 450 changes. of 10 rubles. There are 3300 more. Clearly by companionship.

I thought his constrictions were enough. The air swallowed.

Everything speaks clearly to you. I left the object and I did not see him again.

In the office then complained that I had thrown him on the money.

Sitting on the bus. Through the stop in front of me sat two ladies aged 35-40. One of them looks at me, then nodded the neighbor in the side and pointed his head at me. She turns around and, looking me in the eyes, turns out a booklet about Jehovah and his Witnesses. and speaks:

“Young man, we see in your eyes that you are suffering some sort of sadness. Read it and it will be easier for you.

I, looking at her with sad eyes, replied:

I want to sweat...

They did not turn to me anymore.

Roughness is an attempt to mask stupidity.

All health and success. This is not my story, but deserves to be read!!!! to

The Russian name

1969 – A Tajik family lives in the Wahsh Valley in the rich Kishalak. And their Russian name is Yakovlev. Studying in the universities of Dushanbe three of their sons, all three Tajik. All are jacquard. A little black-eyed girl runs through the courtyard – a Tajik girl. Her name is Risa. The name Yakovlev. What is the matter?
At the time of the Great Patriotic War, two artillery warriors - the Tajik Abdulhamad Holmuradov and the Russian Nikolai Yakovlev - became friends with a strong soldier friendship. They fought in one artillery calculation, divided the last mahorka, ate from one boiler. They saved each other’s lives. Together they experienced military failures, together they rejoiced in victories: in war as in war.

“Let’s kill the fascists, let’s go to me in Tajikistan,” Abdullah said.
We will live and work together. What gardens, what peaches, what cotton fields! I divide my house in half. Getting married to the best girl in our country. He will see that you are strong like Rustam, and you write poems like Rudaki, and the first beauty will bow before you.
One day before the battle, Nicholas said to a friend:
“You know, Abdullah, if I die, no one will be notified. I remained alone in the white.
Abdullah then replied:
Why think of death, let us live better. Let the fascists get funerals. In my homeland they say that a man is more tender than a flower, but the iron is stronger. You and I must survive until we win.
However, it was not fateful for the Russian boy Nikolai Yakovlev to survive until the bright day of Victory. In August 1943, in a battle at the Mius River, he fell by the death of the brave.
...After some time, in a short pause between the battles, a party assembly of the battery took place. Parthorg read the statement:
“In the party organization of the N-Guardian Artillery Regiment from the guide Nikolai Yakovlevich Yakovlev.
Please join the Communist Party. I will not regret the strength and life for the final victory over the enemy. Nicholas Yakovlev »
The assembly froze. There was silence:
“Everyone knows that Nikolai Yakovlev died.”
Suddenly, Abdulhamid Holmuradov comes forward and says:
I was born in the Wahsh Valley in Tajikistan. But now I am Nikolai Yakovlev. He is my brother. We swore to each other before the battle - the name of the deceased will always be borne by his comrade. In memory of the fall.
In the protocol of the party meeting of the N-Guardian Artillery Regiment was recorded:
“To satisfy the request of Holmuratov, to give him a different name and surname.”
He was unanimously accepted into the party.
Holy memory of a fallen friend. Together with his sons, Nikolai Yakovlev came to the eternal fire. The 60s.

Thus appeared on Tajik land a Tajik with a Russian name, the communist Nikolai Yakovlev.
Friendship is more valuable than wealth, they say in their homeland.

How can I drive if you lack pedals? There were three in the car school.
I have a machine!
Do not threaten me!

“When I was about 5 years old, I had an incredible dream and asked my parents for a set of Lego boats for a long time. Large, with a lot of details. For an enthusiastic child, assembling this designer would become a favorite activity for many evenings.

If not one but. The next day, returning from the kindergarten, he found a near-assembled boat in his father’s hands. Dad had a weekend and he picked it up. In order not to give God his son lost anything, he collected a super glue. He will break, he will lose.”

Now his mother-in-law is under 70, and he has a long-standing hoodie: a hoodie chair. I jokingly suggest to give her to my father for the anniversary, and the next day, for safety, to wrap the anchors to the floor so that he does not fall.

My husband is thinking...

I sit at work, flying a woman 35+ years old

Do you have batteries, do you have batteries?

I ask what needs?

Such a medium.

(I understood that we are talking about the type "C" R14 are salt and alcoholic).

What device do you have?

She first gets red, then hahaha, I won’t say, and the bullet flows out of the store.

Xxx: I was the opposite in my childhood. Dad decided to teach me how to fight and hit me with his fist in the nose. I immediately in tears, my mom rushed to regret me, telling my dad everything he thinks about him. Then for several years in a row with sinusitis suffered until the jaw-face surgery did not correct the nasal partition. So much time has passed, and the nose is still a little twisted to the side.

Yyy: When I was 16, my dad said, “It’s better to have it happen to you at home than in the basement,” and he shot me with a knife.

I had a companion who could have caused trouble with his behavior. He didn’t imagine anything behaving very challenging. He got it.

He goes out of the bar to smoke. He sees his neighbor in the house, a healthy man, and says something ridiculous-ridiculous to him, he is behind his chest and against the wall. You go out and scatter them.

Or he walks around the city and is drunk. He is like a drunken fool.

He was in our company an evasive ballbuster.  In most cases, he was forgiven. He came out of the water dry.

For a celebration of the New Year, we went for a walk in the city. I went to the disco bar. I ask him to sit down and behave normally. He says it is good. I met the girls. We sit to rest. We danced once in a row. He is pushing someone. He is properly commented. And he starts screaming all over the room. I tell him to calm down, I apologize for this fool and take him out to smoke.

I am ashamed. I suggest not to go back and leave. Comrade disagrees that there is our drinking. I say fuck her. He says his jacket is there. There are documents in it. I’ll have to go back and take it. We approached the entrance and the guards refused to let us. I say I take my jacket and go. They are not and that’s all. You behaved like a fool. Please call the chief. They then allow me to enter and pick up the jacket for me. There is no comrade. I say OK and I go. I walk a few steps and I hear behind my back, "U@@@@@@ki, just try not to let me in! I will break your cheeks! I will tear your teeth!” I turn around and see that this fool has come in after me for some reason and the guard is pushing him out. After screaming, they started beating him. I stupidly want to stop this and run to them and here from some side comes a blow to my jaw, I turn to the offender slightly lost and on the other hand someone mirrors me exactly the same way. I fall on my back trying to catch something. And I accidentally break the mirror at the entrance and the nose of some beautiful girl. I beat my head around the corner of the staircase and blink like a candle on a dune.

I woke up on the street under the disco bar, my head rested on the knees of the girl sitting on the bench with whom I broke my nose. I was also lying on the bench. Her boyfriend stood next to her and helped her wipe out the blood from my head. I was ashamed. A man and a woman said that nothing was wrong. They wanted to call an ambulance. I touched my head. There would be a brain shock. He smiled at the absurdity of the situation. Thanks to guys. and stood up.

By the way, your friend was knocked out immediately and thrown out into the pit, and then his jacket on top. The guy said so. “We put him on a neighboring bench.” I look back and sit. I woke up. and smoking. I approached, looked at him, and when he said something, he turned and left.

Since then, I have given myself a promise never to talk to fools. For almost twenty years I have not broken him.

We are always told that water stones, the main perseverance, if you suffer for a long time, something will work.
I disagree with this. The fly also hits the glass, and it is only necessary to fly over it through an open door or door.

I am a programmer in Sber.Now our robot on the question "What is the half-life of radium?" It is 1600 years. What else can I help you?”

If there is a Mathematical Olympiad, why is there no Paralympic in Mathematics? Humanitaries would participate in it, and everyone would admire their courage.