bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 12 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99768
 27.06.2014
Algeria is happier than Algeria. Another goal at the gates of Russia and they will accept Islam

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №99767
 27.06.2014
I am 31 years old, on the dating site found 20+ visits to his page from "Anna 52 years old, a psycho-optimist"... replied.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99766
 27.06.2014
XXX: How did you call?
X: And you didn’t come?
YYY: I wanted to ask if I should leave.
YYY: and then
Then a ants fell on my head.
YYY: But this is a completely different story.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №99765
 27.06.2014
Where can I smoke a cigarette here?
In Russia, smoking is prohibited, you will have to leave.

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №99764
 27.06.2014
You think we’re working on X-Files, right? We tried to fix the blue insulator, we could not wrap it off, because in the galleries in which we work, it is impossible to fix the end of the insulator. Unable to use security techniques.
The MX.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99763
 27.06.2014
Our products are of the highest quality and need no guarantees!and "
----------
I remember, agreed with the person to meet at 8 p.m., came, we call, and behind the door radio feeds signals of the exact time transmits. The man opened the door and said, “Accuracy is the courtesy of the kings.” And we replied: “Our punctuality knows no boundaries.”

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №99762
 27.06.2014
A well-known surgeon said:
Rural hospital.Summer.2 o'clock at night.Beyond the window of the storm:strong wind, rain, in general "enemy winds".Surgical staff "Surgical"touch their nose.Suddenly a strong knock on the door.The patient came.At the question of the staff from the door "Where?"answered "From Ivanovsky" (a village 15 km from the district center).With the words "Well you are the hero, in such weather to go to the hospital!",they open the door and invite you to enter.The man crunches and crunches from the door, but can't go through.The help comes from the med brother.With his help, the patient enters the room and

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №99761
 27.06.2014
here here :
"Kavik: Good morning Are you looking for a promoter?
We are looking for a specialist in advertising and PR.
Question: What is in these duties?
OCD: Judging by the question you do not fit us))"

:) A very logical question. We have the responsibilities of the programmer (literally): "repair of electrical equipment, solving problems with electricity". Who knows what the pioneer has to do ;)

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №99760
 27.06.2014
I did not hold up :)

We correctly calculate fuel consumption - 600 km divided by 100 liters! We get that the hammer eats only 6l/100 km, and that’s not enough! I speak to you as an engineer.
— — —

What engineers are like.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №99759
 27.06.2014
Preface: Drilled the house for three days because it has 4 floors.I was tired of jumping with clothes and I bought a cute shabby on the sharrinary, which is dressed on alternating tasty scented clothes-chips. The beauty! I washed and forgot...and here the swabber was found by the husband.
I sit behind the compost, I don’t touch anyone, here the door opens from the pinch and my round spouse, whose maximum physical loads make up the movement from the compost to the refrigerator and back, rushes into the room with wild eyes and swaddling forward. Soon, he begins to shake the pool.
I: Oh what are you?? to
Evaluate what I found!! Is it cool??? Are you a toilet soap? What about the corridor? And the bedroom?? to
Without waiting for an answer, he picked up the floor a little more... then the door... his MONITOR, and ran away, waving the sword in an unknown direction....

And I thought about the development of a radio-controlled vacuum cleaner and a racing machine... well what? Let’s play ? ? ?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №99758
 27.06.2014
here here :
My companion is very self-sufficient, even on the phone called the box office movie tickets to book, at that end, so they say- "but, what can I help?", and he so appeals to me -"oh, and what to answer, what do we want?" Me this is his character trait, at the end I got, I answer -bl#@de ask - what are the peppers in Ukraine!" He stumbled, looked at me, turned and replies on the phone uncertainly-"am...and what are the peppers in Ukraine?...O_o

So here’s where most of the posts on debt payments come from debt operators and sellers.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №99757
 27.06.2014
@serbunchik
I like to lie on the couch and write to customers "I am in the subway - I will call back later"

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №99756
 27.06.2014
The support service "VKontakte"
xxx: Can I somehow view outdated services, such as "Anonymous opinions"?
Support Agent: Unfortunately, this service was disabled because it was actively used by all sorts of trolls and hooligans. You have a boring summer.
Oh, sorry, I got confessions in love there, and I can't even read them and fill myself with pleasant memories =(
Support Agent: Do not worry. They were trolls and hooligans.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №99755
 27.06.2014
Hammer and gasoline.

1st Buy a hammer.
2nd Measure a litre bowl (and if you need special accuracy - a bowl) the control amount of gasoline. And pour it into the tank mentioned in p.1 hammer.
Three Take a hammer.
4 is Get out of here naked.
by Zy.
Do not bring magnets.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №99754
 27.06.2014
...in which, along with other regalias, it was indicated that the applicant is an indigenous Moscow...

Yes to! Moscovite me, moscovite me entirely! by FacePalm

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №99753
 27.06.2014
xxx: yyy, thank you dear))) The main patience))
Yyy: xxx, ah))) and peace of mind!!! And then in a row such images are caught.....when I issued a foreign passport we made a list of surnames - who is behind whom....when everyone went out for lunch one woman stumbled it and stuck in her mouth.....such as nothing was - she was the first in a row...I thought it was only in movies!!!)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №99752
 27.06.2014
Personal experience is a subjective thing. My family came to Latvia for the first time. We went to the medieval castles, she looks and says, said, here everything is like in Chernivtsi (she visited Chernivtsi many years ago and penetrated), went to Jurmala, too, says, said, everything is like in Chernivtsi, only colder. We went to look at the unique Art Nouveau - again says, said, Chernivtsi, here is exactly Chernivtsi.
I sneeze in the back of the head and carefully ask, say, and what exactly is here like in the Chernivtsi?
“Dick everything,” says the relative, “houses, trees, sunshine shines... Well, everything is pure Chernivtsi.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №99751
 27.06.2014
P.S to P.S Yes, children, you could comment on quotes here before, and even before it was an IT resource.
= = = is = is = is = is = is = is = is

Where is the "Like" button here?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №99750
 27.06.2014
I work as a designer at the Chinese Embassy. A couple came with a family photo (mother, father and two daughters are sitting in a flower bowl). They say, photo fire, but here the face is nowhere, you have to take from other photos. I explain that the replacement of the face operation is possible, but rarely when successful - it is useless, they are asked to change. The father - with one, the mother - with the other, with the daughters the same mute. Okay, I will replace your face, scratching your teeth. The Chinese sit, do not leave, they say that the background would change too. Okay, fucking with you, I will leave the flower, the background behind another. Now is it all? They look at me, they say, and you can change clothes.
I sent them to the studio to take a normal photo. These strange Chinese.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №99749
 27.06.2014
to there:
to this:
And yes, cats are better at apologizing than girls.
___
They know better than girls. Cats never feel guilty.
___
As well as girls.

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