bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №96147
 02.04.2014
From the Game of Thrones discussion:
I had the impression that the author had a perverted passion for describing food, weather and clothes. In order to get someone to read about food, weather and clothes, he had to insert more intrigue, violence and sex.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №96146
 02.04.2014
Comments on one news site to the news that the Yellowstone volcano is awakening:

Two weeks after the sun hides in dust clouds, the air temperature on the earth's surface will fall in various parts of the globe from -15 degrees to -50 degrees or more. The average temperature on the Earth's surface will be about -25 degrees.

YYY: That is, not changing the tire for the summer?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №96145
 02.04.2014
NNN: Yes, I’m also drunk... and sleepy... and warm.
Heat me with your apple.
Tagged: oh, warm

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №96144
 02.04.2014
I lived somehow in a shelter and among all the other neighbors were (m)am and (d)ocha, and they loved to scream (really roar on the edge) from room to kitchen through all the corridors:
M: What did I tell you? Let’s clean up now!
D: Mom, I’ve gotten it all and gotten it in the shell!
Q: What about the tobacco? Epto...
D is broken! Ma...
Yippidy yi yi yippity yay. This... WILISAPED put behind the calidOR! Outside the wall, you can’t fuck! I will throw my mouse out!
That daddy!
M is?! to
D is P.
Scalper is ungrateful. I’m there, fuck, I’m talking. Go clean up here quickly!

Years have passed, but I can’t forget. And "pop-food" was the first time I heard of them.


[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №96143
 02.04.2014
<Gzews> And I remember here with one sweetheart I met by chance. We talked a long time about Sam. Then it came to me that we did not present ourselves:

I: What is your name?
She is Eva.
I am ("electronic" voice): And I was Vaallll-Iyi!
She is: Uff! How did you get me all, idiots?

She doesn’t talk to me anymore.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96142
 02.04.2014
"A cat is an animal guarding the prey and a dog is chasing"
Y. Dmitriev, "Neighbors on the planet"

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №96141
 02.04.2014
I used to drink coffee 3 in 1 at work... now I bought myself coffee, sugar and dry cream.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96140
 02.04.2014
From the hubra, the post is called "People do not need a drill, but a painting on the wall".
by Kibizoidus:
People do not need a painting on the wall, but comfort in the house.
People do not need comfort in the house, but a sense of tranquility.
People do not need a sense of tranquility, but security.
People do not need security, but the opportunity to extend their race.
Drilling is the best way to maintain your instinct of self-preservation!
VoVanJinn
The Fuff! I had already thought that you would write the last line that Drel is the best way to extend the family.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №96139
 02.04.2014
Post about pulling out a bowl from a metal bowl. The commentary:

How to properly make a submarine?
We take a titanium bulb 25 meters wide, 200 meters long. Put it vertically on the Earth's axis, center it. And from space from a special tokar satellite carefully cut the inner cavity with a cutter... "

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96138
 02.04.2014
Hubble, article on space:
"Once I was in space education, I always wanted to know what would happen to a human being in the open space. The option “he will die” is not offered. For example, what will happen first: freeze, stifle, or break the vessels from internal pressure?
“This is what will happen: first a person will go to the International Space Station, then fly to the Chinese Tiangong station on the Soyuz, then he will experience hallucinations, return to Earth and receive the Golden Globe and 7 Oscars.
I think it will happen, there are precedents.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №96137
 02.04.2014
The road to the bright future may be a ring.

[ + 88 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96136
 02.04.2014
Go to the box.

On the first day, the old man was reading a book standing by a small window, where it was brighter.
He laid it on the window, laid his elbow on his stick and carefully licked the glossy pages, then the matter was stolen looking around.
Not a library, but a bookstore.
The young saleswoman, not waiting for the old man to read and leave, felt pity and brought him a wooden pencil.
At first, the grandfather desperately protested and refused, but then he still sat down and thanked him warmly, because he stood at his age, and still for several hours in a row.
The saleswoman asked, “Just try not to get in the eyes of our head, she doesn’t welcome the bull-reader.”
Grandfather, though he promised, but still struck.
A platinum blonde, forty-five years old, passed by, she stopped, stared at the reader with an abhorrent glance, unhappy with her head and left, nervously squeezing with spikes.
A couple of times passed by the proud guard of the store, he tried to interest the uninvited reader, but the pride did not allow him and the guard left.

On the second day, grandfather again came to "his" thick-walled book, only the attack nearby did not appear, had to read standing. That day he even rewrote something from the book into his little notebook.
The seller greeted and asked to read carefully, so as not to spoil the look of the product, the book is inexpensive, and also, at least a little off the shelf, so as not to blink on the caravan paths of the head.
But sooner or later, the inevitable steel bars struck - a platinum blonde appeared on the horizon again, and by the official tone of her voice, it immediately became clear that she is the head:
- Dear friend, we don't have a reader room here, if you chose a book, please go to the box office.
Grandfather was confused, like a schoolboy who was caught with a cigarette, and guilty smiling, timidly objected:
- Yes, I would love to buy it, but a very expensive edition - 1740 rubles. Please don’t chase me, I’m very, very careful.
I understand everything, but that’s not the case either.
The platinum blonde turned and left with tight sponges.

On the third day, the wooden stroke was in place, the old man without invitation sat down and, as always, immersed himself in the reading of “his” book, but there came a young saleswoman, greeted her and as if justified herself, said:
Unfortunately, you can’t read here anymore, because of you, I’ve gotten stuck.
At this point, lightly in mind, a platinum blonde emerged from the shelf and said strictly:
-Gala, did you make me a bookshelf here again?
- All, all, Tamara Palna, he is already leaving.

The host took a three-kilogram book from the old man's hands and passionately and energetically leafled it, causing some wind. It was some sort of a thousand-page historical folion about the Romanov dynasty.
The manager looked at the seller and said:
“Go, Galia, work, I’ll do it myself.

Galia left, and the platinum blonde took the book by the corner with one hand, and... suddenly pressed her fingers. The book collapsed into the abyss and hit the floor very painfully.
Grandfather whispered, he even rushed to try to catch her attack, and where there, only his stick dropped and the homemade wafer eroded.
The manager raised the book from the floor and cried out loudly:
and galia! by Galileo! Please come here.

Galia returned, the headliner pointed to her at the bended corner of the book and said:
- Look what we have here: the corners of the turmoil and the superblock are exploded. Is this the last copy?
– Yes, Tamara Palna, the last one.
- Then take it and form the "uncondition", put 120 rubles.

Tamara Palna turned to the old man and asked:
120 is okay. Yes is? Well, this is good, for health.
Go to the box...

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №96135
 02.04.2014
Petya’s boy hit the worker’s fingers with a hammer and got five. At least he heard so.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №96134
 02.04.2014
An old experienced rural doctor asks a young colleague:
How is psychosis different from neurosis?
The young man begins to call symptoms, feverishly recalling the institutional course.
The old doctor listened carefully and then said:
It is very simple, Daddy. With psychosis, the statement "2 + 2 = 4" will cause a light smile, and with neurosis - a strong anxiety!

From the 1st of April, Dear Members 

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №96133
 02.04.2014
by Antonina (11:46) :
Well really, I direct my flow of consciousness to wish all good, all living beings on earth))

by Antonina (11:46) :
I am alive and do not want to.

Kicked (11:47) :
I do not offer you so live. Kill it first 😉

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №96132
 02.04.2014
There is only one program in the world that does not install Google Chrome when installed is Firefox

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №96131
 02.04.2014
Therefore, the correct answer to such questions, on which even dementia children are trying to provide (and also drugs from it expensive to prescribe, of course) - "the common thing with eggs and milk - is that fucking under-educated psychologists use them in one question." Well or "go nahuy" vs "I will now talk to your boss".

And it is better for such psychologists to ask for a diploma, because working in this position, never asked this question, and much less did not suspect a diagnosis on ONE question. For this you can go to court, a psychologist - not a psychiatrist, not a doctor.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96130
 02.04.2014
British scientists have concluded that eating large amounts of fruit can reduce the risk of death by almost 2 times.
Thus e. If there’s a lot of fruit, there’s a 50% chance that I won’t die.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №96129
 02.04.2014
by Christa_eselin

The neighbor is at the entrance. Nearby there is another neighbor – an old, kind and poorly known to me.
The neighbor. By the way! Do you know who wrote the best about Ukraine?
LIDIVANNA (occupied with contemplating his own mops, who is occupied with contemplating a fish skeleton rolling on the lawn). I know. and pause. and Gogol.

The neighbor looks at her, and something in his face is reluctantly and incomprehensively changing.

LIDIVANNA (after a break, still looking at the mops). No, I can’t do that, maybe someone else has written well... (pause). Well, yes, here is Pushkin...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96128
 02.04.2014
All the fucking people have come. Two grandmothers start fighting on Facebook.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna