bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90487
 02.12.2013
I enter the DNS - a consultant appears (k)
Hi, what can I serve?
I - Hi, dearest, be so kind, help me in choosing the memory operating for my computer
K - of course, strike, go to the windows. What memory do you have?
I - be so kind, I do not need a DDR 2, and memory in it, four gigabytes is desirable.
Q. I am very sad about not being able to help you. Such a component is not available.
I am sorry, I am sorry. Wouldn’t you look for a gigabyte for two?
K - here, please, operating memory, two gigabytes in it, Kingston overseas firm, and costs one and a half thousand rubles. Would you like to buy this wonderful item?
I - Of course, please take me to the box.
This is the moment, Lord.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №90486
 02.12.2013
A friend of mine wrote sadness. The sadness. What a Mexican word... Caballero in sorrow ate paella.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №90485
 02.12.2013
In the winter, it is cold.
XXX is coming!! to
YYY: What is so pleased?
XXX: Finally Covered with Lack
Do you smell toxic?
No, I opened all the windows. Now I can see the temperature on Yandex not only outdoors, but also at home! I sit behind a note in a jacket, a batin hat and vals. Under the window was already a bump.
YYY: I understand, I smelled

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №90484
 02.12.2013
A few moments from our family life:
The evening. I am in a room next to the kitchen. The wife wipes the table (other strange noises such as a boiling boiler, etc.) No is).
The little one needs to change the slides, and I can't get away from them. I shout to my wife to bring the dry:
and Len! and leeeeeeeeeen!! Loyalty to Loyalty!!! to
and silence. In the end, a few minutes later, after finishing, she came by herself.
an hour later. The little girl is already sleeping in the most distant room. I sit with my wife and watch TV at a normal volume and here she is:
Smoke, go to Rome. He will wake up now. I heard a void fall out of his mouth.

Oh Oh Oh Oh! O O O O! Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh!! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №90483
 02.12.2013
Dzherika: What do you think, if you come to the architects-designers with a note and show a house loaded in sims... very strange?

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90482
 02.12.2013
Drunk, that is, this damned Yandex brother has caught me up.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90481
 02.12.2013
The preface. My grandmother, the coast like does not like pigeons, ranging from their disgusting whirling and finishing with the fact that, they crashed onto the balcony.
The substance. Not long ago, the grandmother was engaged in housework, on the street, they sat on the bench of the puppet and listened to the puppet, quite loudly, and once again on the balcony landed a pigeon and began his dirty business, the grandmother, coming out to the balcony, did not stand and in her hearts shouted - Well that you died all, my whole life was poisoned!
After a short pause, one of the boys, judging the most courageous, timidly spoke, said, it was possible not to scream at us, so they understood and left...)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №90480
 02.12.2013
The modern version of the proverb "from the dust tower dust on the field flies" - from the dust tower of cats dust flies from the ceilings.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №90479
 02.12.2013
Students on the leaves were completely stuck on the tb. We study the microstructures of alloys, and they look at samples with lead in a microscope. In lead, the core is heavy, a large section of capture, which means it accumulates cosmic radiation. Upon reaching a critical mass, it pulses out a large dose, and the optical system of the microscope focuses the radiation. He beats directly in the eye. The net will burn.
And even if you hold a lead battery in your hands for a long time, you can earn radiation disease.
I’m waiting for someone to tell me about it now.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №90478
 02.12.2013
To the girl who is studying for pairs and it is not clear how to pass the exams and whether to pass at all, at the graduation, instead of a dress, the parents bought on Ibay a fashionable suit of the courtman.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90477
 02.12.2013
Everyone talks about the Bible, but so few readers.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №90476
 02.12.2013
and Canada. In the office of a small company, employees are talking - 3 Canadians, a Polish and a Russian.
Polka says that her husband at work (and he works in a large Japanese company that produces aircraft) has an unofficial rule - once a month high-ranking managers do bypass the toilets of the enterprise. At the same time, they do not look at the toilets, but actually the walls of the toilet cabins.
If on these walls they do not find insults and curses against any of the middle-level managers, then the conclusion is made - this manager is not demanding enough to the subordinates and is subject to punishment, up to dismissal.
At the end of the inspection, all inscriptions are painted.
Canadians, after hearing this story, say: Yes... You want – you don’t want, but you will have to be angry in such a situation...
Russian, with a second pause: What’s the problem? These average managers have to go to the toilets once a week and write shit about themselves!
The Canadians: Yes, of course! Very well invented!
They look at the Russians with respect.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №90475
 02.12.2013
I called Sberbank today and offered them to take a loan from me on their own terms. He was sent in a rough form.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №90474
 02.12.2013
There was always a wild problem to suck in a public toilet. I could stand for 15 minutes, struggle and stumble - until I am alone, nothing will work out. And lately I am standing, as usual, suffering. Here comes a man with a young son, 2 years old. Take off his pants, and give the usual children’s mantra: “Let’s, Sashok, write-write.” Sack sucked...and I am for the company! I am an officer!

Now always in the public place I am about myself "writing-writing" - and suck that crane to open. The main thing is not to say, I am 32 years old.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №90473
 02.12.2013
This is:

Sochi dwarfs, who are offended for power, you, before I offend, say:
1st Look at the climate map. Sochi is not subtropical, but the boundary between s/t and moderate.
2nd Calculate how many of the last Winter Games were held in the subtropics or nearby, and how many in the center of the moderate and northern. Be very surprised.
And before taking artificial snow for trying to laugh, again study the matter - and you will learn that naturally long ago no longer drive regardless of the place of competition.

That you under the windows decided to arrange a super-mega-championate: they took the house, excavated half-city and surroundings, banned the use of the car, and on the streets outsourcing was constantly asked.
And you would, fox, be proud: cool, the torch is shown to the fish in the Baikal and the Martian in space!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №90472
 02.12.2013
here here :

OLGA: I'll leave for half an hour, mom calls the second duck to clean
...
Olga: I am happy with the lily scratched. I suffered with this cat, then a brilliant idea came to my mind.
OLGA: I picked up the lighthouse and walked through the whole cage. There were no feathers, only black spots. I washed it from Ferry.
OLGA: When she was still in the foam, I tore her sponge
Here my mom came in.

___________
Did you read Dennis’s stories?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №90471
 02.12.2013
andrew> Room, decoration and service are included in the price of the meal. Let’s say, in some establishments you will pay 500 rubles for tea, because there will be no people around you who can’t afford tea for 500 rubles.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №90470
 02.12.2013
You get a card in the store, and it’s in powder – that’s what I understand, inconvenience!

[ + 33 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90469
 02.12.2013
Misha... may be Americans and stupid, but their model is much more effective than the Russian model of stupidity.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №90468
 02.12.2013
The Military Department. A boring topic about the charter of the SS and here we write another point, the predect dictates:
- under no circumstances to disclose state and military secrets - here my friend Sasha, in full seriousness asks:
What is the secret?

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