It was still in school. In our class there were two outlaws - Jurka and Vitalik, who mocked the boys, whose parents earned little... They called poor people, did bad things, spoiled things. In general, they tried to humiliate those who could not defend themselves. Why didn’t they gather and shake? Their parents were some serious chiefs from the city administration and when someone gave up the beasts ran away to complain, the school administration stood on the side of these wretches and dared to defend himself from there... In our class, one girl, who was raised by my grandmother and me, was strong. Because of poor vision, he always sat on the first batch and during the lesson all the garbage and chewed paper flew in his back.
At the next independent on the leaflets, Vitalik received a double, after the lesson he complained loudly about this injustice to Yurek, but instead of sympathy he heard only a vicious laugh, upset by these two circumstances, replied to his friend a penny, for which he immediately received in response - the two idiots fought shorter.
After classes, I ran through the classroom and cleaned this sheet and found it, it was immediately invented a worthy application. The next day on the way to school, he found a healthy fresh frozen dog cacao, squeezed a little with a stick, broke it off the ice and wrapped it in yesterday's notebook. In the classroom before the lesson, while Jurk was sinking in the hallway, he drove a cocoa mummy into his open wallet and prudently departed, hoping that no one had seen me. By the middle of the class, she stood out... and smelled. In the classroom began excitement and the search for the source, which was quickly discovered - Yurk. He grumbled and stated that - you were all stuck here, the teacher tried to calm the class, the class did not want to calm down, stumbled on Yurk and demonstrately clamped his noses. After a while, he began to smell himself and look at his feet. The lesson, meanwhile, ended, he put into the portfolio and found what was not there before, pulled out and unfolded. From the sheet falls back into the portfolio softened smelly sausage, and in his hands left a scratched paper, written by the hand of his friend, and also with the name-names. Along with the riot in Vitalika flew and pieces of ammunition from the portfolio. Everyone immediately fled the classroom and stood in the corridor, watching what was happening through the open door, only the teacher and these two fools remained.
Such behavior was not forgiven to them - they were forced to wash the class, the parents were called to school. As they cried... these crazy cries were heard even in the classrooms behind closed doors. They accused each other, the opponent’s children, the school, the teacher and the director personally. As a result - they planted Jurka and Vitalik in different parts of the class, they did not communicate with each other, and alone to stick to the rest, apparently, were afraid, so there was silence, only the back continued to fly papers, although not so often, but still terribly unpleasant.
After a couple of days, we had physical training, things and backpacks left in the dressing room, and we went to the big gym. Jurka before this became ill and, having been released for two weeks, waited for the lesson crawling through the hallway and eating the pancakes in the buffet. At home, I was prepared - soaked in a small plastic bottle and took it with me. Leaving the closet he poured the contents into Vitalkin’s wallet. Who did you think of? For those who did not go to school, there was a reason to take revenge. Again there was a scandal with screams, Yurk's parents transferred to another school, and Vitalik's nickname was attached to Ssany Govnomet. It was calm in the class.

Russian schoolchildren won the International Mendeleev Olympiad in Chemistry, winning 7 gold medals at once. At a reception in the Kremlin, Prime Minister Medvedev presented the children with memorable souvenirs and congratulated the future citizens of the United States and the EU.

The guy brought a laptop for cleaning, then when he took it, lighted a lamp in the screw and looked at something carefully.

I asked what he was looking there and the guy explains that he was wearing a laptop for cleaning and he was just washed with a compressor without disassembling it, now he is gluing a little plasticine into the screw hat)

And, by the way, a good way to know if you have a note or not.

A well-beaten deputy better understands the needs of the people.

Preamble to Israel, Haifa All residents know that after the fires on Mount Carmel in November 16th, the cabbages that were previously divided from unbuilt areas to dig in the garbage, now have become not only everyday but sometimes a everyday phenomenon. (Scroll or write a Haifa Kaban or copy it in Hebrew)

Daughter Alsu won the world championship in figure skating, bypassing son Ian Rudkovskaya only 0.5 million. The ruble.

Summer 2010, I sit on the driver’s seat in my Mazada 626 Cronos, the door is open.

Large parking, 200 meters, along the park, in one row.

I can see someone fast approaching me.

A 45-year-old man runs and catches the door sharply, opens it to the end and looks at me. The look is aggressive and at the same time expresses confusion. And is silent.

I say :

What to do!

He is silent. Second 10 looks at me and the front panel.

Then this:

- Fuck, not my car, I thought you got into my car. I look like my car, and the magnet is different! I have exactly the same simple. I remember parked around this place.

Here he turns his head and finds his machine not far from mine, she was 10-15 meters nearby and leaves joyful. He ran on the left side, and she was on the right side of my car.



I think it was fine even though I didn’t get out of the car right away and didn’t hit.)))

It was one of my first jobs, where I went as a graduate student. I was taken to a small budgetary institution, which contained a small tabernacle as part of its extra-budgetary activities. I was responsible for him. The job was, as it is called, not a bay of the lying - money was received from the accounting office, the goods were purchased cheaper, prepared an advance report, a report on the bank of the seller received, and delivered revenue to the bank. Revenue was usually 50-100 tires. in the day. For a student from the age of thirty rubles, the sum is not a huge one, but a cosmic one. Sometimes, of course, I put myself up and gave money in a few days, accumulating up to half a million timber. But no one tolerated me for this and did not explain the concept of "cash discipline". I calculated the cash very carefully by hand, glued it with a strip of paper on which I wrote the number of notes, the amount, the date, put a signature, and locked it in the safe. In general, I liked the job.

But here, I’ll go into the office one day, where I find a cheerleading director. The eyes immediately fall to the safe. The heart is spotted, and the anus is reflexively compressed so strongly that even a molecule of helium does not slip into it... because the door is open. The Director is such:

Oh, and here are you! Why is the safe locked? We have Chapo! The revenue increased!

There were 230,000 in the safe. I won’t earn that much in a year. I remember closing the safe. Through growing panic, I try to ask questions:

I definitely locked it! What to do now? Calling the police? Who else has the keys?

The keys? Dirk pretended to think. Here is you, here is me. No more of anyone. The police will hardly help. Anyone who could find it will not find it.

He begins to fall out of the office. And I see that his leather jacket’s inner pocket is suspiciously sprinkled. And when he makes a step, the floor of his jacket slightly bends, and I see that he has packs of money there. Taking hold of it as if it were a puddle, still not fully aware of the situation, I throw myself over it:

Wait to! What money do you have in your jacket?

I have me? Those are the others, miss it. He tries to pull my shoulder away. For some reason, there is a confidence that if he leaves now, then I will crash 230 tons without registration and SMS. On the adrenaline, I catch it for the jacket, I take the money out of my pocket and see that it is the same lavender from the safe, I put together in packs and signed.

The Others? Why is my signature on them?

The director of the second shrugged five eyes and said:

Good that we found it! And a bottle of bottle runs around me and falls. And I stand, hold that money in my hands, and try to understand. What the fuck is this? This was the first and last time I worked in a position related to material responsibility.

I went on a trip to Istanbul. After all the affairs were done, he tasted the local shaurma in a fairly decent place and went for a walk around the old town. I walk through the narrow streets, contemplate the local color and then my intestine decided to express its feast to the local cuisine. The search for the toilet was unsuccessful. I had to improvise. I run into a hollow street. I catch the cardboard rolling there and sit behind the garbage tank if necessary. I exhale. What a relief! And here above I hear a native Russian speech: - Man, I told you not to go here! Wild people on the streets!

Soviet caricatures of the “capitalist west” have become relevant again.
Now they are about us...

The Soviet people

A friend told me a little about his family’s history. They are from the Kazan Tatars. In the 1930s they were dismantled. The eldest of eight children has already been married, escaped deportation – he left for Uzbekistan and lived there. The rest spent the entire period of deportation in the Krasnoyarsk region. After the expulsion period, the whole family returned to Kazan. And his grandfather Nazib remained in Yenesaysk. He lived there with his family, from there he went to war, there he returned in 43 when he was commissioned after a serious injury. After the war, his family persuaded him to return to Kazan with his family. Sold the house, property, cattle and bird, and returned home. A year has passed – it’s not all about him. not like it. My older brother was in Uzbekistan. He came there and lived there for another year – he didn’t like it either. Lust for Siberia. I wrote about this to a friend in Yenyaysk. He replied, “Come, of course, we will help!” and this was just the spring – the beginning of garden work. And this friend, being confident that Nazib will soon come with his family, grazes a garden not only for himself, but also for Naziba, plants potatoes, sows everything for two families... little more - decomposes his house with a fence in half, and cuts a separate entrance. Nazib came - here is your house, here is your garden... Nazib raised eight children in Yenesaysk, waited there and grandchildren.
One of those grandchildren, who is already a grandfather, told me this. He says: "We were not surprised at the time of such friendship between people, help... This is just an example of relationships that were considered normal... Called this friend of my grandfather - Semen Ermolaev."

Norway banned deforestation three years ago. How do these idiots live?
They buy the forest from the fools who sell their own.

For 7 years I have worked with children, schools, clubs, camps - stories of darkness. But I will never forget that. It was the first experience of working in the camp, the first trip to the sea, wine at night and... 34 children in a load. So it happened that two completely different delegations were identified in my squad: 20 children from Moscow with paid passports and 14 boys from a children’s home from Perm. As you can see, it was a wild change. But most of the problems, strangely enough, were related to the Moscowis. For on the third day of the shift, we and our partners noticed about ourselves that all our requests and remarks to the boys from the kindergarten are immediately fulfilled, if we transmit them not directly, but through the oldest boy Serjog, who in the boys indisputable authority. But among the Moscovites there was one picture - we will call it Sasha, who is said to be on the side of the frost. Sanya broke away as he could: squeezed the girls in the bags of dead medusas, the toothpaste poured the river on the little boys in his room, he broke two windows, broke the patch of the patsanu from another squad, etc. The list of his feats can be listed endlessly. And, of course, he spoke solely matto.

What we just did not do, and we talked to him, and invited the elders, the psychologist, the chief - the blameless, he built a guilty look, said that he would not be again and, leaving the director's office, answered someone with a junkie.

Do you know how it all ended? One day he brought my partner to tears that he saw Seroga, approached, asked what happened. Despite the fact that Sanya precautionaryly did not touch the children's homes, Seroga proposed to talk to him. We did not believe in the success of another conversation, so we agreed. They called Sanya to the cabin, where Seroga, sitting on a chair and smiling with a beaten front tooth, said to Sanya:

“Listen, Oops, I am not a leader, I will not ask. Another bit - I'll say that I hit myself, you'll smile like I hole holes.

And you know what? It worked. Probably because Sanya understood that the conversations would not end here and he would definitely come. But until the end of the shift he acted below the grass. This is not pedagogical, I agree. But it helped?

I do not like to share. I am not an ameba.

The most famous bank. I make a payment on the name of Sedova. The cashier is a pretty cute girl, young, in uniform, stretching the check. The recipient is Siddhartha. “Girl, I said, receiver SEDOV, from the word ‘grey’. I was angry, and I wrote that. I have to say that through “E”.

Where will you take me for May holidays?
Go to your mom!
And for the New Year?
I will come, I will take...

It was a long time ago, I met at the time with my future wife and as to behave in such cases I tried to make a good impression on her parents by entering with them in, often useless, and empty conversations.

One of which I remember, when I remember him, I always smile.

Her father, God give him health, spent 16 years at sea on Murmansk vessel bases and, accordingly, was in different countries about which he was not always willing to tell, every proposal had to be pulled out of it with "chips".

Have you been in America?

was was.

And in Canada?

He was also...

Was it in Africa?

In Cape Town.

How is there? In the Cape Town?

At that moment he looked closely at me, silenced a little and said, "And just like here, all black.

I haven’t talked to him any more about the sea.)

told my brother. The words of my brother. I am actually my brother, X.

I came today to install a water filter in the kitchen. I met a young woman and showed her where to put it. I did my business, the housewife watched. Her phone ringed, she replied with a couple of phrases and asked:

Q: Do you want to discuss this now?

X: Wait a minute.

X: Young man, have you seen the Avengers?

I : No.

X: I have a master here, I haven’t watched Avengers, I don’t want to spoil. I’ll call back when he goes.

I thank you.



Not a blockbuster, but thank you. Brother is a big lover of this cinematic universe, even in the inets is not afraid to learn too much.

Today, a colleague told me about an interesting incident that happened to her last night. Following her words.

The evening. Food store on the letter P. There is one box office. The turn. I join the products with the waiting. Behind me stands a girl, and behind her three guys of some nationality. The guys get bored and they turn on music on the phone. Like music, rap with my mother. Behind these guys stood a healthy drunk man. Someone is calling the girl. She responding to the call loudly begins to tell that in the turn some guys are listening to rap with her mother. And then he adds that if they don’t turn off their music, a healthy man will definitely do them. The man was humorous. He pulled out the phone, called someone and said:

“Hello, Cole, are you in our area today? It is great! How many are you human? very well. Come right now to the store P, here the case appeared.

I also decided to participate, to be sure. I took the phone and called my husband.

Hello, go to the store! I am scared. There will be clashes here. Some guys listen to mother-in-law songs, cheat the matte and they are now being detained by the police.

A miracle happened. The guys turned off the music. I apologized and quickly left the store. That’s what I know about collective work :)

It is not from chamomile and parmesan to give up, but from margarine and valocordine, which the whole world has given up.