by Ivashka:
Yesterday my husband blackmailed all day: you will behave well, wash dishes, flooring and clothes - I will play with you in the evening at the "colonizers" (this is the table). He did everything, we sat down and I hit him dry three times in a row.
by Ivashka:
He sits sad, scratches his tail, and thinks out loudly: “That’s what I’ve been choking all day.

The news of every day that the Voyager aircraft daily sets a record for the range of flight is also relevant for the US government debt.

Cowardly deeds are often hidden behind bold thoughts.

swimming
This story was told to me by one of my comrades, Sasha. The case was in Vorkute, where he fell as a young lieutenant after his release. Dark stories about this place of service we have heard many times since the time of the classroom. And here – his first summer, he came to the tundra, where it was cold, hungry and flies bite... in general, the idea of a new place of service is the most oppressive. And then a new companion comes to him and calls for the beach to burn up! Corrie immediately got a good mood. And that! There is a beach here, you can sunbath, so it's not so bad! So you can live! They lied all about the eternal cold, the horrors of constant avitaminosis, dumb chucks and unbearable living conditions! And here, armed with some sink, he arrives on the shore of the lake, where the resting locals chew their bodies under the dim northern sun. Relaxing and enjoying the process of obtaining ultraviolet, as well as warm up, Sasha decided to take a bath. A little truth worried about the absence of swimmers, so it was decided to touch the water with the foot. Suddenly, as he went to the shore, he felt the attentive eyes of all the resting people; some even stood up to consider him better, which was slightly alarming. The water turned out to be cold, but Sanya, seeing such curiosity among the locals, and especially catching the eyes of the beautiful half of mankind, decided: "I am a harsh northern man! Not in vain in his native Vologda hair was swimming in May, when the mourning southerners on the street in jackets walked! I go out and immediately back. One run, dive and go home dry.” When he left to run, he felt a noticeable revival among the people, which further alerted him, but did not stop him. And here is the run-off - he runs into the water on his knee, slaps and loudly, under the general goot, splashes his ass on the ice. And hrenley - tundra, eternal frostbite.))) I had to crumble home with a crushed and frozen copper.

In the phrase combination "romantic dinner" for a woman the keyword is "romantic", and for a man - "dinner".

xxx: No, I understand, people have different tastes, but to prove something to a 13-year-old unfamiliar girl is to go shizzy.

at school today. They hung up the schedule for the next day and all of course went to photograph it (oh these modern children...). I hear the dialogue:
She has such a short brain that she can’t remember three lessons.
Why are you showing two fingers?

I bought three fish, three barbus. One week later, he lived a year. They called Duncan McLaud.
They bought barbuses for him again. A week has passed, but as in the previous case, there is no trace of the rest.
Should we buy others, or should we try to kill them first?

- Fuck, I have already eaten the third punch, I can't stop! I’m going to be fat and you’ll leave me :'-(
What are you, dear. If you continue to eat so much, I’ll quit you before you get fat.

Uncle Mc has arrived. I made a lasagna. Standing, he eats this lasagna HANDS with the words: "Nothing like a cake, only I did not understand how it is."

True sisadmines do not pay attention to worldly little things, as a result of which the signature on corporate mail (which is governed only by odmin) does not coincide with real data. There is a representative of the contractor, with whom previously corresponded:

- Hello, you are Anton, merchandiser, department of contracts...
- Hi, I am Nikita, a marketer, a commercial service...
Sorry, you just have a signature on the mail.
- It was made with a mistake... e... our sysadmin worked out... and you are Mary? agency Steph...
- Generally speaking, Anna, the agency Script... apparently we have the same admin earned...

(They both breathe hard)

Why does a girl give a guy a phone if she already has a boyfriend?
yyy: the question is not "why", but "why"
XXX is OK. Why is?
yyy: because she does not respect her choice and herself, although she may not be aware of it and probably does not realize it. Because modernity is aimed at seeking benefits, not deep feelings and subtle fruitful interdependence. Because a person who has moved from dependence to independence becomes self-centered and unable to see anything but personal benefit. Because the fall of morals has revealed the deep problem of society – indifference.
The prostitute is shorter.

The Habr:
I would very much like the word “ginoid” to be used in the same way as “android.” After all, the android by its nature is a humanoid robot, imitating some characteristics of a man, a man robot. But there may also be ginoids - women's robots. They also have the right to self-identification. Stop violating the rights of ginoids, it is roboticism!

XXX is gifted! What do you do?
The sculptures are inappropriate.
Xxx :?? to
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

I write in the smartphone "And you good luck", it corrects "And you kill". Smartphones also have Mondays.

By the will of fate I work on diametrically different jobs. I work as a carpenter for myself, work every morning and get paid well, spending 30 minutes a day. For money, I have a good leadership position. I have a small business. I have two red diplomas. There are two good cars. I do not burn anywhere.
Why do I need it? I like to troll people who think that working as a courtyard is shameful: when I finish the morning cleaning, I sit behind the wheel and leave. On the faces of passers who do not know me, there is a slight confusion.

11: To freely argue about variable current you need to know the tower (integrals, the decomposition of functions into a series and other brainstorming pieces).
22: "To freely argue about variable current" a listener is needed, and better a switch %)
Did you go to Ivanych in a visit?

XXX: Who will be at the meeting?
YYY: I am in question
ZZZ: jump, break your head, there the mushroom will come out.
Have him

Is there a phrase/word in Russian that sounds shocking to foreigners? Well, apart from "philfax"?

The wife said that it seems to her that the song "I'll go to live in London" is sung by Gary Harlamov.
All of. Now I don’t hear Leps in this song, only Gary.