bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №81927
 24.05.2013
This only happens in Russia.
Near the work recently failed a small piece of asphalt coating - just fell inside yourself. As my colleague noted, "Per during the rain it was done as usual...". At lunch there was a bright sunshine and I saw the repair team cut off the failed asphalt in the window to put a new one. It was raining in the evening... Guess what the repair brigade was doing? I made the asphalt ;)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №81926
 24.05.2013
Yesterday I made my usual trip to a local store for food.
I had new long to shoulder earrings on this day from a lot of chains, oh this fashion)))
I leave with the products from the box office, next to the guard of the eastern appearance,
He looks at me and says, ‘Girl, you have such beautiful eyebrows.’

I smiled confusedly and thanked him for the compliment.

Then he added with sadness:
"They reminded me of the house..."))

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №81925
 23.05.2013
Yes_Firststeping: There are times in life when you feel like you have forgotten about it. You no longer feel like you missed her, you forgot how you wanted her. You sit and watch a movie, and your thoughts are quite different, but a subtle hint, a random association is enough. There may be a happy young couple on the screen sitting for dinner, sincerely smiling to each other. You suddenly remember everything. You lose control of yourself, for a fraction of a second your face is distorted, as if from pain, and you scream: "Bye, a strawberry!" And you carry to her, but it is too late, now nothing to fix...

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81924
 23.05.2013
4x nuclear 2x GHz, 2 GB oz, 64 GB main drive, 1920x1080 (FullHD) screen, and after all, I am talking about the smartphone now

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81923
 23.05.2013
I would like your hard work. I am a liar at all.
Imagine that the usefulness of your current time now is the rate of your success in the future, or even the extension of your life!You can be a happy sex washer, you can be an exhausted boss, you can be forever young, but for the latter you must have your ass always raised!
She: well from your mouth it sounds logical)) need to have some incentive to study. I lost him long ago.
He: Do you want me to fuck you?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №81922
 23.05.2013
Comments on EVE Online:

xxx: There is an opinion that the main feature of Eve is that it is more interesting to read about her than to play.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №81921
 23.05.2013
Viper_by: Briefly about the plot "The Great Gatsby": Gatsby had a mistress, she had a husband; a husband had a mistress, she had a husband. It was he who killed Gatsby.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81920
 23.05.2013
From Habr:
Another fun story with firefighters. In Russia, if you have a car burned, you must bravely, risking your life, rush to extinguish it. And the hoisters strictly watch for the tool to be available.

In America, go away, call the insurance company, and enjoy the spectacle while the firefighters go, pretending which car you will buy for insurance money.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №81919
 23.05.2013
Zetsubou Sensei:
and gt; 41 Examples of sophisticated programming?
I lost my voice XD

The Gundos:
Answer "I am ashamed" xD

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №81918
 23.05.2013
Bartok Oo (22:11) :
Do you care that I can end up in the stomach of a crocodile?
Bartok Oo (22:11) :
Did I think of the shit?
by Danya (22:12)
No... not alone.
Bartok Oo (22:13) :
Don’t imagine how it is...
Bartok Oo (22:13) :
Do not imagine
by Danya (22:13) :
No... too late. T.T

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №81917
 23.05.2013
Road repair, small stones are scattered along the road, which are constantly flying out of under the wheels and knocking on the car.
The driver is driving: "Not broken! The Ricochet! The armor is not broken!"

[ + 32 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81916
 23.05.2013
What about your early session?
I went to the science school on Monday. I wrote in an hour and a half by the method of "copy-insert", of course, I did not read anything. Today I went to the assessment to find out (I would not, but not 2), and she says to me - serve me, in the summer there will be a conference in Peter, you will go there with your topic right as you need to cling! The job is perfect, so you have to go!
I’m here to invent [...]
You look there as a candidate of science don’t become accidentally)))

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №81915
 23.05.2013
So, I promised you to write a list of your retaliations) I want to kiss you/... and you: 1. Oh my hands are ice! 2nd I am watching a movie! Three Fuck, I am eating it! 4 is I talk by phone! 5 is I am so tired of volleyball. 6 is Keep quiet, I am wet. 7 is You are wet! 8 is Fou, the hair is wet! 9 is On the knees of David! 10 is My stomach was squeezed, I just ate! 11 is Ooooh, I’m just pumping, I don’t have the strength. 12 is I think I’ll do it if I’m not promoted. Thirteen I don’t have a computer, but you! 14 is I solve the technical problem. 15 is I want to catch! 16 is Give me a ring. 17th Oh, I’m happy with the pearl...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №81914
 23.05.2013
XXX: The grid for the pipe is over. What to do, took an old notebook, cut it, turned the self-turn. I smoke, and the formulas of function integration revolve in my head. I think what shit. Then I remembered that the self-turn sheet was ripped out of the notebook on the matana.

xxx: And then I got a brilliant idea of how to prepare for physiology.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №81913
 23.05.2013
Do you think women have invented anything?
Women invented hysterics, headaches, critical days, the word “capricorn”, the phrases “how stupid I was” and “you don’t love me...”
— — —
And the question "what do you think about now?" (((

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81912
 23.05.2013
A glamorous whisper asks:

In your country, you are also invited to an expedition to Mars? We are called and called. There is no way to gather the right bunch of people.
Tell me, what is the pattern of this? Without irony, I ask.
For the participants of the expedition, this is a very strange way of suicide. They do not hide, and no one will return from there. Accordingly, even if you imagine the utopian option that they will fly there (long before this drawing in a small and uncomfortable closed space), what next? They will perform some tasks there and send the results to an email until they die. All, there are no options, and no, in general, interesting turns of events are not expected there."

Most people on Earth will "do some tasks and send the results to email until they die"."

[ + 27 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81911
 23.05.2013
- A little overlapping Ilfa and Petrov, I want to say. Men must be respected. It was they who invented the powder, the steam machine, the radio, the car, the plane and many more.
Do you think women have invented anything?
Women invented hysterics, headaches, critical days, the word “capricorn”, the phrases “how stupid I was” and “you don’t love me...”

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №81910
 23.05.2013
by Ilya Vasilić:
I read about the Colossus of Rhodes (one of the wonders of the world).
The clever Rhodesians first ordered the statue twice lower, and then, when they agreed the price, asked to increase the height by half. Master Hares, without wise wisdom, doubled the price, although the costs increased precisely eight times (two in a cube: all three dimensions doubled). After the execution of the order, the master put his hands on himself, because he ruined".

by Valentine Shin:
Instructive is. Just had to increase the height and the width, and the width and thickness to keep the same. Work on the tech task to beat!

by Ilya Vasilić:
and the al-no!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №81909
 23.05.2013
When a sinker sinker of the 6th grade, measuring with a sink circuit, asks for a key of 21.5, it is worth thinking about his qualification.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №81908
 23.05.2013
Many years in a row carried a cat on vacation with them, bought all the coupe, driven three - two adults and a child. Three tickets were free (husband - military), and the "cat" was taken for the full cost... No one, no time tried to resettle anyone to us.
Only once the conductor tried to "press conscience": "People cannot leave the railway stations for a day, and you are bourgeois here with the cat!", "And what she said about the cat ticket, we demanded a cat shelf in response, and she, finding nothing to object to, departed...
(IMHO) So I think if the ticket is paid – the shelf is yours.
I need a cat now.)

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