bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №149665
 12.03.2018
While the entire enlightened world tries to socialize as much as possible not like everyone, in our medieval realities, they still try to isolate as much as possible, depriving every chance of social adaptation in that (yes, sometimes aggressive!) an environment in which they will live their entire lives.
......
When one "nitaka" prevents studying 30 normal - rather than he would go... to a special school with his socialization.

Why should this strange and unpleasant child socialize at the expense of mine?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №149664
 12.03.2018
Stop complaining about life. No one forces you to live.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №149663
 12.03.2018
I work in the technical support provider on the phone. Typical call: on wifi nothing works, for which money I pay, optical fiber, where my 50 Mbps, and so on. As usual, I argue, please connect with the cable... In 15 minutes he says he has 2 modems. We start with two modes. I notice that it connects to Huawei and is issued by ZTE. I think. The subscriber asks: "Maybe I'm not connected to it?" The wife approaches, looks carefully at all this and gives: "You connected the laptop to the wifi that the phone gives".
Whilst the subscriber apologized, the wife wildly stumbled on the backdrop.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №149662
 12.03.2018
I am going to change the lights. I don’t like the color temperature. Too much yellow.
YYY: Where are you in a hurry? Wait until the present ones burn, then you will change.
xxx: "Wait" how much? Seven or ten years? Did you understand what you said?
zzz: Guys, I say responsibly: fifteen years ago nobody would have understood what you are talking about.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №149661
 12.03.2018
Tagged Tyrannosaurus

> a Chukotka comrade named Victor Vykvyragtirgi...

>> I am sorry, Sir, I have not heard your name.

I didn’t really know, he was Valerie.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №149660
 12.03.2018
I have 45 cm and an erection is 90. I repaired my glasses.

You are the lucky one. I have an erection - so on the forehead comes and I lose consciousness. I am a virgin.

You are both lucky. Will the Chinese satellite soon fall? I got up – I hit him.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №149659
 12.03.2018
A group of chemists. Announcement on the wall:
I sell chemicals, write in ls.
Please sell me water.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №149658
 12.03.2018
The main caliber

>>> I have no erection 180, and with an erection three meters in excess.

This is a rare case where x@i raised a man.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №149657
 12.03.2018
I visited the Pushkin Clinic.

first went to change the policy in the office 115. arrived at the end of the corridor, stumbled on the door with the sign "Safe Exit", turned.

captured the Aboriginal. He says, “You, grandmother, don’t see what: once the door is written ‘back-out’, then there is your 115 office behind it.

is logical.

In the 115th carefully studied the passport, SNILS, pass, phone, took a photo on memory policy promised to do quickly: by 10 April.

But in the event of an unexpected illness, a paper was issued (where without paper), but the paper was said to be filed in the register (from September 1, last year, the organization was banned in Russia). There is no sign of registration (prohibited in Russia). The method of deduction calculated that the nameless window where the crowd stands is the registration (a prohibited organization in Russia).

I submitted a replacement paper, and I was asked for a passport and SNILS. Something has been stuck in the computer for a long time. There is a clear belief that the clinic's computers are directly connected to the FSB.

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №149656
 12.03.2018
Colombians are guilty

Interestingly, and someone was interested in statistics - how much have they fallen (or increased?) Sales of tobacco products
1) amplification of the font of the inscription "Ministry of Health warns"
2) Inventing phrases and frighteners "Momentally in the sea", "Nestambha", "Bue-ke-ke" and others
3) Supporting them with "terrible images"?
Is it working or is it just doing hernias on a global scale? and ;)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №149655
 12.03.2018
of modern medicine.
I had to somehow at work to grab a hand part of the Aybiemov metal body. The bleeding ground was polluted, and the reception room of the hospital is nearby, I think - nothing, I will come than to call an ambulance and wait. I come there, the corridor is empty, I look into the office - three ladies are sitting, one is writing, two others are talking. I show my hand in the blood, the other hand underneath it I hold with a hammer - so that the blood collects. I told you to sit in the hallway.
I sit. I sit for forty-seven minutes. During this time, eight times different health workers approached me with the question whether I have a passport, a policy and a sniles, and whether it is all with me, and not somewhere else. Another minute after fifteen came the lady with a swab and made the pretext that the floor was sprinkled with blood (the barrel from the hand - he, you know, is not immeasurable, through the edge has already been polished), said that it is inappropriate to sit on the bench and clean floors, but it is necessary to get away in the corner and stand, holding your hand over the urna.
In general, an hour and a half later, the surgeon came, led to some warehouse to sew a hand. And she said that the weak people went - to see, the blood is afraid, it is like shattering.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №149654
 12.03.2018
From one forum:
" Funny to see reasoning about food from a person with a nick Diarrhea..."

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №149653
 12.03.2018
For more than a hundred years, our company has been active in the market of telecommunications technologies development of 3D gaming applications.

[ + 29 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №149652
 12.03.2018
In Russia, my new film Death of Stalin was banned. One person sent me a photo on Twitter where he was watching a movie from a laptop right on Red Square. I admired his courage. But since he downloaded the film illegally, I immediately it to the relevant authorities.
The pins )))

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №149651
 12.03.2018
> I understand like no one else. I am 45 cm, and with an erection at all 90. I repaired my glasses.

You are the lucky one. I have an erection - so on the forehead comes and I lose consciousness. I am a virgin.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №149650
 12.03.2018
XHH: What is true is true. I have 30 cm and no erection. When I wear shorts, the member is down. And then one day I saw the most beautiful grandmother, my penis stands up and I almost wept at this moment, it was so painful, such a feeling that I almost broke.

I understand like no one else. I am 45 cm, and with an erection at all 90. I used to fix their glasses when I was sitting in one house at the bus, so once in the eye accidentally ticked, it was painful - not to pass.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №149649
 11.03.2018
<photo of a pad filled with something green and moist, from where the clock and minute arrows appear>

Design studio noktuku from Rotterdam on the creation of one copy of these wall watches spends almost 2 kg of invaluable Icelandic moss, the beauty of which is indisputable, but the care for it is a real hell. It looks like a broccoli plate."

The hell is when yours buy this ikebana for 35 euros, and you forget it, you will throw the ashes of a cigarette there.
<HolyWarrior> - Wall clock You’ll have to put that cigarette in order to catch up. There is a more interesting way to cause a scandal: remove from the wall, cook and eat.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №149648
 11.03.2018
So I want to bite and bite everyone around me.

Mikhail Olegovich, my dear. Here is a tour in Samara. Have fun!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №149647
 11.03.2018
“Did not the Gypsies try to squeeze your pockets or cut your bag, while the adults distracted their pen with their ‘puzzles’?” You are lucky. Just don’t think you have the norm."

The ethics of this subculture (as, however, many other closed social groups) is such that “alien” are perceived not as people but as “meat”, “mining”. This is the norm. Scene: maternity, a very young (14 years old) Gypsy is on the rescue, pregnant for the second time, the first was a miscarriage. She lifts up her belt from the window and cries to her 16-year-old husband: “You’re only there for me, look, don’t cheat!” What gets the amazing "return": "With the Gypsies - I will never! With the Russians you can?" And she answers: "Okay, with the Russians you can!"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №149646
 11.03.2018
You are a loser at all.
1ney: Even the wife left
1 and you stay.
I don’t know how this characterizes me as a loser.
1ney: and you have to pay the mortgage)

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