She: and I and my girlfriend, when we say goodbye, smooth each other on the chest and say "grow tits")))
He is: 0_o

X: He has a daughter, the cat is already going to school... unexpectedly)
Y: Yes, that cat goes to school, I hadn’t heard of it before :D

I'm about the same figure as you, can you recommend a diet?

Fall in love with a fool.

XXX is
The mother of shash with the father quarrels, does not want to drink him with the neighbor to let go
XXX is
He says that if he leaves, he will shut the door and will not let him in.
XXX is
If I leave, will you not let me in either?
XXX is
He says, “You go for a walk until the morning, and this one is undercover.

Please help who can! I need to get an agent somewhere and get in! What is it and how is it done? for me urgently.
I am an agent, come in!

The last man on earth was sitting in the room.
They knocked on the door.
Frederick Brown. "The Shortest Scary Story Ever Written"

Commentary: "Humanity is extinct, but the darts remain"

Now phone has 9 out of 10 Russians (82%) O_o

XXX: Greetings to you bro! help me.. fucking I don't know what to do.. the girl stopped.. I haven't slept for 2 days, I don't eat almost, I can't think of anything.. the bump doesn't help, I can't even squeeze on other babies.. I'll definitely open up or go crazy, I don't know what to do.
Go to Dota
The xxx: go!

A week ago, I put a piece of bread on the window. for the birds. and a week (!) The little ones remained untouched. Yesterday it was snow, the little ones slowed. Today the birds arrived, digged the tiny pieces and clung.

<GONYAEV> Father burned...friend told my mom a sad story
<GONYAEV> about how her spit-cock was ripped out of her eyes by courtyard cats.
<GONYAEV>the operation cost 40,000, the eye was restored, but he can’t see anything.
<GONYAEV>father listened and issued:"better would the button shake"

Mother of a 19 year old daughter:
“In the Tao years I’ve grown up with you, and you’re behaving like a jerk!

I think half of this happens to me!! Maybe not in half, but in one of the two...

A photographer is a person who managed to keep the first thing in his soul: "Oh you, photocopies!
I’ll click someone.”

Pure English Mentality

Near our house there is an English supermarket, belonging to the largest chain of British supermarkets. We arrive there after eight or nine in the evening. Reductions begin at this time. Products dated by today's number are priced to the limit. I don’t know why, but at this time it’s as unpopular as always. On a special shelf lies food, preyed ten or more times, and only a rare old lady is interested in it.

What I will tell next is very difficult for a simple person to understand (I only understood this from the third time, and then not to the end): among the extortioned goods are products with the motto: "buy two - get one for free". That is, for example, two packs of bacon, each pound, together cost one pound. Until the assessment. Now imagine that they were valued up to ten pennies. Now for these two packages you pay ten pence, and one pound is returned to you! The account is down -1.00! yesterday
Romka went to the supermarket, picked up four bags of food, and the young English treasurer said a little crazy: "Sorry, I can't understand anything: we owe you 3 pounds... " “Well,” they say, “sorry, we can’t give you the money, so you’ll buy something for that amount.”

If you do not understand, read the previous paragraph again.

Dad eats a candy, a little boy rolls around.
Wife: What, Daddy doesn’t give you sweets?
Husband (melancholic): - Mother does not give, Dad does not share...

On the 1st channel, there is one detective series in the evening, where cool uncles for DNA analysis calculate criminals. Today we are showing another series. At some point, a room like a morgo appears on the screen, on the table lies a corpse covered with a shell. A pathologist rubs something clever about injuries that are incompatible with life, approaches the table with a corpse and rubs a slug from it.
Apparently, the corpse did not expect such a turn of events... and... the whole TV will be flashed! I forgot to remove it XD))

I have a shaman father: from the morning to the frost he leads the seven, it is in no one, it goes out and grit: it is worse if you do not start new wheels and paint you do not see! The fucking! He hits the wheel with his foot, sits down, starts!!! I’m in a shock 😉

What is "Lost" in English?
Is at home...

My wife is an English teacher.
One of her students answered a message (book for 1 class):
I have a sister, her name is Kate. I have a dog, his name is Spot. I have a cat, her name is Pussy.
A girlfriend, a corrupt man, unnoticedly smiles; but the child seeks:
My sister doesn't like to play with Spot. She likes to play with Pussy.

My father is worried)
He is, as far as I understand, afraid that I am fucking.