bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 79 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №39921
 07.12.2010
Announcement on the Kyrgyz forum, in the topic of job search:"The drug control department for a permanent job requires a DJ".

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №39920
 07.12.2010
of Abkhazia. Jigite takes us on a jeep walk, stupidly breaking the rules. Destroy the local houses.
Jigget: Listen brother, I’m in a hurry, right?
If you’re in a hurry, drive.

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №39919
 07.12.2010
YYY: I don’t give me peace of question))) What did you call at 12 at night?)) OZ is interesting

XXX You Can't Believe It

My husband had an ultraviolet light.

yyy: a great choice))

[ + 85 - ] Comment quote №39918
 07.12.2010
A man smoking topless in the frost.

My father smokes on the balcony (in the apartment to smoke bull, the balcony is not glazed) in some trousers, but smokes quickly and when back the spoon on the couch the cowards crumble))))


[ + 81 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №39917
 07.12.2010
YYY: We had a strong group. It was a matter of prestige to close the session for 5 not just so, but also before the session :D

[ + 96 - ] Comment quote №39916
 07.12.2010
Valkyrie (21:52:26 6/12/2010)
The fuck! I sit quietly and here the chat in the closet falls with a thunderstorm

Valkyrie (21:52:54 6/12/2010)
Probably hanging

Energizer (21:53:03 6/12/2010)
Do not check

Energizer (21:53:12 6/12/2010)
In horror films, it always starts here.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №39915
 07.12.2010
Breasts ‎ (19:35):
I am here to remember how you are called a whole logical chain made up. How did you remember my name, Lena?? to
The Quasar (19:36):
Emmy...

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №39914
 07.12.2010
Tagged: spaghetti spaghetti
Why spaghetti with the big letter?
XHH: This is the name.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №39913
 07.12.2010
Dennis (16:17:18 6/12/2010)
Lectures on State Secrets

Dennis (16:17:21 6/12/2010)
Oh yeah

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №39912
 07.12.2010
My husband burned today. He calls the employer and says:
You are urgent, right? We’ll try...Yes, tomorrow we’ll do it from nose to mouth...

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №39911
 07.12.2010
Ireland is now below zero for the second week. The disaster. From the Russian forum:

"I drank coffee a week ago, with my 7 year old neighbor. The young mother is single, Irish.She says don't let God the water freeze like last year... And I give her, and you leave the water on the night, then it won't freeze. And she: So it is constantly to heat it, no oil is enough. I do not, do not need to heat, just open the crane, let the cold flow, then it will not freeze. How is it...???? Well, I explained in two words... the movement is shorter, there... molecules... Yesterday asks me, is there water? I say, and I do not have!Is the water included at night? Oh, fuck, I forgot... Today the door is ringing. A delegation opens up. My neighbor and a few other friends. Well, they say, tell me... What do you have for fake molecules and why don’t we have them? And the most important thing is where to write and whom to complain about??? I was confused..."

[ + 115 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №39910
 07.12.2010
20:13:20 <@avn> According to experts, the carrier rocket "Proton-M" with satellites "Glonass-M" after the launch deviated from the given trajectory by 8 degrees due to mistakes in the mathematical support of the flight task.
20:13:25 <@avn> and what you want
20:13:37 <@avn> abolishing astronomy in schools and introducing Orthodoxy
20:13:50 <@avn> the rocket fucked around the sky

[ + 81 - ] Comment quote №39909
 07.12.2010
XXX: The Beautiful Girl
yyy: Well I don't know, I'm like a guy, I can't appreciate it
XXX: He passed 10 levels from the first time
Yyy: The Beautiful

[ + 20 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №39908
 07.12.2010
A whole life, not a kind of drug addiction?

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №39907
 07.12.2010
Epiphany on the grave plate:
“Sleep peacefully, my dear friend.
The facts have not been confirmed.”

I was offered a job - to sell for a forest trade shop in one of the district centers. Far away, but in Soviet times, it was possible to settle in such a place only on a very large mud. When I first saw a warehouse where I had to make money, I was struck by a huge black mountain in the middle of the courtyard. On all the slopes of the mountain there was a liquid growth of ambrosia, cycoria and shrubs. Apparently the soil was not the most suitable for dendrarium. Indeed, the earth was too acidic, for it was not the earth at all, but a three hundred tons of coal, which was accumulated for years and was not demanded by the population. Coal has always been a special consideration for our state, and everyone was monitoring its implementation. The store provided a list of all residents of the area. Two tons of strategic fuel were delivered to each yard. When selling, it was strictly necessary to write out a bill, where the name of the buyer, his home address, the amount issued, the price and the amount were indicated. But the sale of only large coal, AK brands (Anthracite large) and AO (Anthracite nuts) was limited.
In much larger quantities, very fine coal of the brand AS (seed antracite) was sold. Too small coal tightly clogged the oven balls and did not burn. This is the seed of this mountain.
There were no restrictions on the sale of coal.
In short, the shit for the native people was not a pity to the rulers. Everyone could buy as much as they wanted, however, when selling this same shit, it was necessary to write out the billboard.
In general, this coal can be used in boilers, where the traction is achieved by inflating, but it was strictly prohibited to sell to organizations.
At first, I got used to the situation and people. The plan was carried out calmly, certain thoughts about the coal mountain, I had already begun. It wasn’t that I wanted to go to jail. This huge, unspoiled mountain became my personal enemy. With her legs and legs, she occupied almost half the territory. There was nowhere to store the pile. The trucks, unfolding, increasingly scattered this coal powder through the yard. In the dry windy weather in the mouth felt a sour, disgusting taste, in the rain, buyers threw boards on this black grass and melted on them. The boards became black and nobody wanted to buy them.
One day the boss came from the office and told me that due to the fault of two shops, Ripo did not perform the plan. Very asked to try to give more revenue, to block the underperformance of the plan.
My plan was ripe for a long time and I decided to take a risk. I went to one of the collective farms, with whose chairman I had a good relationship, and offered to buy for their boiler a well-known mountain of coal for cash. He expressed confidence that they would put us both on board. I swore that I would never give the address where the coal went.
The next day, the excavator and two Kamazs hired from the side began to vigorously deal with the hostile crowd.
Revenue for the rescue of the plan was, but to deliver it to the box office it was necessary to write a mountain of bills, indicating that coal was sold to the population. I did not have to sleep at night. At first, he easily remembered the surnames of familiar peasants, their addresses and "left" them two or three tons.
Further, they had to come up with the names and addresses of the villages and houths of the nearest regions of the region. He invented, wrote, recounted the sums and materials of those idiots who invented this foolish nonsense. Well, why when selling a millionth range of other goods, there is no need to ask buyers about their names and home addresses? This is not the coal that was distributed in the executive committees by special lists that were approved in the district committees. These foolish papers are squeezed into thick accounting books and sent to the archive. Never, in any weather, nobody will even think of reading this nonsense, or even just browsing. The only thing they will do is check the amounts in the consolidated registers.
At two o’clock in the night, I had completely exhausted the remnants of my imagination, and I had already wanted to wash away from anger. And suddenly came the simple idea of how to quickly finish this tortuous “martyškin work.” I started writing the names of all known celebrities and greatly expanded the geography of my sales. The first such "buyer" of non-liquid coal was a citizen
Pugacheva A. B. She took her three tons directly to Moscow, somewhere in the country.
The Sabbath. Nona Gavrindashvili went on a Kamaz with coal in Tbilisi to the Cereteli Avenue. Anatoly Karpov delighted his parents, who lived in the distant Zlatoust. I don't know if there were any complications.
Sheremetyevo has Viktor Korchny, but the vice champion of the world in chess his three tons of coal risked to take to Switzerland, Zurich.
The former Soviet chess player was the only foreign buyer. There were enough Soviet artists, athletes, prominent political and public figures. When it began to shine, I had already subdued the amounts, wrote a compiled register, and with a sense of a profoundly fulfilled duty went to the accounting office with revenues and documents to them. As usual, they checked the amount in the register with revenue, and received the joyful news that the quarterly implementation plan was completed and that the population unexpectedly bought up the whole bunch of "seeds".
This flashy sale of three hundred tons of non-liquid shit looked very suspicious. I replied that I told all the visitors that this year due to frequent accidents in the Donbass, there would be no coal receipts at all. The people, allegedly, were scared of the shit that was. In our country, everyone is accustomed to the fact that such rumors are always 100% confirmed.
The store area is clean and spacious. All boards were placed in the headquarters. Working has become more enjoyable and it has become easier to keep records.
Two years later, when I retired for a long time and left the station, I was suddenly called to the accounting office of the selpo. When I came there, all the women looked at me like a deadly sick person. It turns out that the CRU was doing a planned inspection and someone, by chance, opened the sewing with the stamps two years ago and a "document" came to the eye, confirming the fact of selling coal to a citizen Gavrindashvili, who lives in the capital of Georgia. It became interesting. They read the rest of the papers and, joyfully rubbing the palms wrapped with numerous bribes, gently asked for explanations. The new, by that time, chairman of Selpo had nothing but to call me for explanations. The question was specifically
Where do I do coal? I replied that if the old bills were accidentally preserved in the accounting, then you can, by looking at them, find out who and how much it was sold. On the echoing question, where in the station appeared so many celebrities in need of chernobyl coal, I had to explain that in the face I know few people, and the names and addresses written in the billboards from the words of the buyers. Even if I had doubts about the authenticity of the data, I did not have the right to demand a passport. So, if there was a need to verify the facts of the sale to these persons, apparently, you need to call all suspicious buyers into this office and demand an explanation from them. For me personally, it doesn’t matter who buys bread and fireworks, clothes, shoes, coal. In order to avoid such questions, it is necessary to prepare and give to all shops of the country lists of all citizens who are allowed to buy non-liquid goods.
The men were surprised to open their mouths. Apparently, they rarely had to listen to the sharp basics of legal liquidation, the first commandment of which is the rule – confession mitigates guilt, and non-recognition releases from responsibility.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №39906
 07.12.2010
But in Europe and other civilized countries on cars with blue
with special signals and escort transport only seriously ill and
The criminals!
- Yes, in Russia, in principle also on cars with blue special signals
They carry only seriously ill persons and criminals.

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №39905
 07.12.2010
From VKontakte:
I got a picture of myself without clothes.
I: Write the address of the box, I'll send out
She: What, do you really send out?
I : Yes
She says, “You are a pervert!! to

Laughed long

[ + 83 - ] Comment quote №39904
 07.12.2010
It would seem quite recently "you eat a spoon for mom" and now "let us drink for our mom".

[ + 61 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №39903
 07.12.2010
by Maxim. There should be a member in bed. There is only one rooster in our bed.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №39902
 07.12.2010
Persona - Che
The eighth is the poorest animal. He has legs from his ears and hands from his ass, and his ass from his ears, and his head in his ass... and he does not complain!

Bicker
Or maybe the whistleblower... we don’t understand him... Paul... maybe he complained... and instead of understanding, listening, he was flown with flags.

Bicker
Here he died of misunderstanding and sadness.

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