From Wiki:
For a long time tomatoes were considered uneatable and even poisonous...In American botanics textbooks entered the story of how a bribery chef tried to poison George Washington’s tomato dish. The future first president of the United States, having tasted the cooked meal, went on to engage in business, and did not learn about the insidious betrayal.
This is a disappointing cook. 😉

In the morning before leaving the entrance, you should hang a poster: "Help your neighbor"

xxx: Hearing, why when you look at fucking horses, the penis stands up? I am not a zoophile.
YYY: Late, I’ve changed your name.

Putin: Homosexual marriages do not contribute to birth rate

Thank you Cap!

Still, Harry Potter would have been much more fun if Dobbys had been killed in every series, and this red guy was shouting, “Svolocchi, they killed Dobbys!”

Yesterday on the radio it was broadcast that the roads would be cleaned. I go out this morning and there is no road. Not cheated – really cleaned out!! Didn't anyone hear when they were returned?

............
I will pay half of my salary for my apartment.
There are two options: either you have a paycheck or a flat.

How do I make the distance between the headline and the text two and a half times?
He: I do not know. I do not understand very well.
She: I’ve been cutting in Contra for so many years, and you don’t know anything about Word.
He: So many years of monthly, and no experience of sex.

Fuck, I could just break up the cowards with a crapper!

Victorian
not sad

Victorian
There is your prince.

Victorian
Where the horse's tail is standing

Victorian
Soon to jump

Natali
The horse will jump.

Natali
And the prince is going to get it...

Who talked about female logic? Everything is much easier. "Yes" means the first variant of the answer, "No" - the second. If the question "Will you be tea with sugar or without it" was answered "yes", it means that the tea will be with sugar.
Please conduct tests on your female relatives and publish the results here for statistics.

I am on the train. I sit in the ash. There was nothing to do to decide to conduct an investigative experiment: the entire female half of his contact list made a simple offer to marry me. The answers were many and quite diverse. The most brilliant answer I’ve got – "Why am I?"

In the United States, drunk special agents carrying nuclear weapons, caught in a bar

Homer is you? O_O

Cognitive dissonance.The evening and night without light and heating and, as a result, a tough morning.8 o'clock in the morning, a dialogue with my mom.-Mom, there was no light, the toothbrush was not charged!--Han, the toothbrush is not a vibrator, move your hand.

XXX: You know, this is what I understood...
We have been fooled all our lives and not agreed.
YYY :?
Do you remember how it was at school?
xxx: First they said that the smaller more can not be deducted - and then they talked about negative numbers
xxx: Then they said that 5 by 2 is not divided... and then they talked about fractional numbers
xxx: Then they said that the root of a negative number is not taken - only to tell later about complex numbers
YYY :D
xxx: I think... Maybe I went away in vain in the second class – maybe I would be allowed to divide by zero?

half six in the morning. At six, he was stuck in the elevator. Two of them are already asleep, the others, including me, are still standing. And suddenly, one of the sleepers raises his head, and the phrase comes out of his mouth: "If these bugs do not open in five minutes... " a minute of reflection "...I will send everything on*, and I will go home!!and "

In the bed:
Your elbow right in my eye! Would I find myself at night?
Do not shake your eyes!! and :-)

Status in Cyprus
One day in the cold winter I got out of the house... suddenly – severe diarrhea: (((

What to buy for the new year with a budget in 3k?
Valu: 375 glazed cheeses for 8 rubles

I live in Norilsk! Above me lives a family in which there is a little boy who is dying and jumping around the clock... oh miracle... before 6 p.m. it has stopped its plugs! Well, I was interested in how much joy this grace... it turned out to be handed over to kindergarten No. 14 "Elephant"! He has reached the right people...