bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №147005
 02.12.2017
xxx> What is your passive income?
yyy> Generally speaking, I need new friends, and so norms
xxx> O.o
yyy> As it turned out, I am just now switching from the category "ahahahaha poor)) not trying to work, weak?))" in "we communicate with you major, we weep and you do babies out of the air";

[ + 25 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №147004
 02.12.2017
I would also add that only citizens of Russia could write on the forums. Then there would be less clashes (especially from Canada, Ukraine and Israel). And the people would be more engaged in business, rather than being distracted by trolls on salary.

Do you mean people from Canada, Ukraine and Israel?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147003
 02.12.2017
What do girls want at 16?

The Cholera:
The girls at the age of 16 want to finish school well, pass the EGE and enter the university.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147002
 02.12.2017
to this:

Anna: I say to Dime: “Dim, pick up water, be a cat.”
He approached the bed, dropped the bottle on the floor, questioningly looked at me and said, “I?”

He could not do anything else. He has feet.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №147001
 02.12.2017
Your grandfather in the war received a medal for the fact that he... deprived the Germans of a combat motorized wheel unit with shells and dropped it from the surrounding!

For some reason it always seemed to me that the craving for adventure is not antisocial in itself, it just needs to be correctly oriented... No, I will not argue that everyone is dictated by the craving for adventure, on the contrary, rather even by a minority. But this minority, being properly educated and targeted, can not be a tank, but a benadene from a hole to spire and deliver to their own.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №147000
 02.12.2017
A Peruvian footballer caught on doping has explained the presence of cocaine in his body by the fact that near his country is Colombia

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146999
 02.12.2017
XXX: He went into accounting and received his 0.3 engineering salary per month.
XXX: It turned out that, by a strange conjunction of circumstances, the NIH pays me exactly the amount of money that would be enough for me to have a luncheon at the nearest shaurman for a month.
YYY: But only for lunch.
XXX: Accordingly, a full-time engineer can have breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146998
 02.12.2017
Dialogue in the kindergarten (preparation for the morning):

Pope Petty: Olga Petrovna, our Petya will be a rabbit. We have a special relationship with rabbits.
Olga Petrovna: I’m sorry, you are a fool.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146997
 02.12.2017
There is a lot of talk about the repentance of the phoshydofs... And another thought does not give me peace – quite recently in our beautiful country there was a successful layer of citizens who liked to put included utyugs on the stomachs of their compatriots... Well, or to insert solder in the anus. for green papers. Many of them, unfortunately, are already under the ground layer, but someone, hypothetically, now stands for respectable people. Do they not want to repent?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №146996
 02.12.2017
> the cosmetic

It’s even better than a speech.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146995
 02.12.2017
Ordinary office in California

XXX: We are here preparing for the NG corporation in full swing. The team of workless people wear and distract people from work. They rushed to us, pulled out a few people and forced them to film the series. I got the role of Walt from Breaking Bad. But they dressed up in a vampire suit.
YYY: C with your hair to your shoulders you are of course cast Walt
XXX: That’s what, the role of Skyler got a tattooed wart. More than 100% getting into the image of the jewel
YYY: Didn’t you find any blonde?
XXX: They first selected people, dressed up, and then began to find out which scenes remained "hissed"
XXX: Well, I read my three lines in the manner of early De Niro
YYY: I see, in the Russian style filming. In Russia, everything is done so. And Walt in a vampire mantle with the haircut of Ned Stark, speaking with the voice of De Niro, is a strong move.
XXX: The breakdown of patterns is our way. Stanislavsky approves O_O

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146994
 02.12.2017
On the morning of November 5, the rescue service received a message that an unknown woman threatened to commit [Roskomnadzor] on the top of the White Rock near Belogorsk.
Arriving at the scene, rescuers found out that the 45-year-old resident of Belgorsk is sitting on the edge of the rock, does not allow anyone to come and really threatens to commit [Roskomnadzor].
According to rescuers, the situation was complicated by the fact that the victim did not allow anyone and threatened to jump. To save the woman from [Roskomnadzor], it was necessary to act quickly, but at the same time extremely carefully, so as not to provoke a potential [Roskomnadzor].

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №146993
 02.12.2017
If the missiles fall, it means someone needs it.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №146992
 02.12.2017
Oh, disturbed the soul with memories about music lessons... %)
In the early 1990s, music teachers were frequently changed in school. Literally every month or two. And from these lessons in the memory remained the same endless attempts to force the class to sing a song harmoniously and beautifully, chanting the gamma and guessing the notes. Specifically, the note was offered to be heard, but since the bear danced in my ears, I pretended the position of the teacher's hands and tried to guess what the note sounded. Sometimes it is %)))
And one day, instead of another Turgenev girl, a man aged "over 30" came to the role of a music teacher. And then he showed us what music lessons could be... First, a synthesizer appeared next to the piano. And thanks to the play on it, the teacher made even the most boring songs more interesting (for us). Secondly, even the classical music this man served so that all of our shake-lake (how many we had? Apparently, 11-12 years old, she sat quietly and listened with interest.
The lesson was especially remembered when the windows were shut down in the classroom, the light was extinguished, the teacher turned on the projector, and the image of the Sistine Madonna appeared on the screen above the board. The teacher told us about this painting, and also told us about church music and mentioned that when it sounds “I don’t remember what” musical work, the Madonna on the canvas “goes” to the viewer. He asked us to listen and see. and enabled music. We all, holding our breath, listened and looked, trying to capture the movement of Madonna. Even our boys sat quietly, which was unnatural to them :-). In general, we convinced ourselves that we saw Madonna going %)
Unfortunately, this teacher did not last long. But that lesson struck my memory hard. I was especially able to appreciate him when, as an adult, I realized what a brilliant move he came up with, so that whispering schoolchildren at least tried to hear the classics.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №146991
 02.12.2017
And you noticed that the phrase "in this difficult time for the country..." in Russia can be used at any time?

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №146990
 02.12.2017
Kruger, Kruger... there is a hypothesis that during sleep, the brain switches from the senses to internal biochemical processes and regulates the work of immunity, digestion, hormones and much more. That is, in order not to sleep, we would need a separate brain just in order not to die from the rejection of all drinks. Regular, daily adjustments of all "system services".
And the relatively recently formed part responsible for consciousness, in the best traditions of “You Wrongly Write Animals” remains foolish. She is stupid all night and, locked in herself, sees all sorts of glutes called "sleep". Only the most necessary thing was formed - disconnecting from the "executive mechanisms", so that the branch did not sneak in a dream, erasing the memory, so that he did not go too deep into his glutes and did not forget to catch the mammoth, and so on.
If this hypothesis is true, all this potential can really be used, instead of connecting the rest of the brain in the dream to an external device. "Ancient parts" are engaged in the arrangement of the body, and the consciousness at the nearest compact codes the solution of a system of differential equations.
Sometimes we succeed in doing so, if in a dream we have focused on something, and in the morning with surprise found that the decision is right, not nonsense!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146989
 02.12.2017
Cases at work:
We design an information board for all well-known passenger transport companies.
The dashboard essentially represents a video wall of 6 panels diagonally 42+ inches.
Conversation with the Designer (K)
Q: And we put these matrices under the glass if they are described as being resistant to pollution, metal dust, and human touch?! to
I: Well, my friend, it is for the civilized world they are stable, and in our country it is better to put a large and thick fig on top of the matrices for anti-vandal purposes.
K: Well, in general, in Russia, it is better to put a big and thick fist on many things...

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №146988
 02.12.2017
I was asked to choose another host for our company’s website. I call different companies and ask about their servers. Here is one of the dialogues between me (I) and a tech support employee (T):
I: Do you have dedicated servers each time new details are collected or how will it work?
From new, of course, we sell the old right away.
I: And if a person only took a server for a month, will you also unload and sell later?
T: Of course, we have our own sales channel. A small company that buys parts from us in any form with a very small price, then packages as new and ships to third world countries.
I: And the new details you do not accidentally buy from them?
T: They have a reason to go far. and what? Stop... in the sense?! to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146987
 02.12.2017
In radiology they said:
There are patients who are injected radioactive substances into the body for research, which are then removed naturally. Of course, all this affair phones, and it is impossible to risk and pour nuclear wastewater into the sewerage.
There is a bathroom in the basement with a shelf, where the miracle-saks defend until the disintegration passes.
And students from time to time write that we have a special room for storing patients’ stools. Harry Potter and the Secret Room in Harsh Reality.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №146986
 01.12.2017
Valery Tsurkan
It’s a pity that Kirkorov didn’t spare the song to any "Cannibal Corpse". They would have eaten it, and this shame would have ceased.

Baron Sumedi
“Cannibals, like most good mito-musicists, are calm and very cultural people. I think I would just kick off my legs and get rid of it, and that’s all.

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