bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №21448
 16.10.2009
Yes, who is there?
The pirate.
How full you are!
Yes, there’s a little... Can I go in?
– not
You know, I’m just asking for politeness.
Are you waiting for us for a long time?
I’m afraid to go to the PM...

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №21447
 16.10.2009
xxxx
By the way, the operator at work issued...
xxxx
It’s good that the numbers are just 9, not the letters 36.
UUU
I wonder which number do they consider a number?
xxxx
I am more interested in letters 34, 35, 36

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №21446
 16.10.2009
Neva-Da (15:03:05 13/10/2009)
In Rostov after the arrival of the patriarch, probably, those wishing to convert to Islam will be more
Neva-Da (15:03:12 13/10/2009)
Total chaos in the city.
Neva-Da (15:03:23 13/10/2009)
Menta rides, in the matyuhalniki orts.
Neva-Da (15:03:36 13/10/2009)
In front of the building for three months was parked.
Neva-Da (15:03:48 13/10/2009)
Her husband was constantly quarrelling that she was parked with cancer.
Neva-Da (15:04:12 13/10/2009)
Today we approach the office - the parking lot is empty and the gauges walk - no one is allowed to park
Neva-Da (15:04:25 13/10/2009)
One of these nine values is
Neva-Da (15:04:37 13/10/2009)
I see the manager of the building walking slightly stunned
Fridman (15:04:40 13/10/2009)
Think about the separation of the church from the state.
Neva-Da (15:04:49 13/10/2009)
I ask if it happened.
Neva-Da (15:05:28 13/10/2009)
he grit: yes we said to urgently remove this shit from the parking lot (the pocket along the Budenovsky, and the prospectus is cleaned), let's look for the owner
Neva-Da (15:05:41 13/10/2009)
It turned out that this villain parked the car and went... to the army!!!!! to
Fridman (15:06:44 13/10/2009)
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!! to
Neva-Da (15:06:53 13/10/2009)
We were here all morning.
Fridman (15:09:02 13/10/2009)
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!! 1
Fridman (15:09:06 13/10/2009)
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!! to

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №21445
 16.10.2009
XXX is
I was lucky on a brain tamogram.
XXX is
and found nothing.
YYYY
Poorly

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №21444
 16.10.2009
For the flown word can go a long way...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №21443
 16.10.2009
Methods of provocation

(The source is not disclosed, do not even ask. Anyone who knows the names and names, please keep silent.

One security colleague was hired to put order in the IT economy of a large enterprise. He is the head of the newly formed IB department. In particular, he decided to intimidate the workers. Conducting training on I.B. issues, our hero reminded them that in case of addressing any persons with proposals to pass on confidential information about this should be immediately notified to the I.B. department and personally. For more efficiency, he promised that he would arrange provocations – sending spies with seductive proposals. And whoever does not report, he will be equated to a real misguided insider with all the consequences.

Of course, in terms of provocation, he had enough. The method of provocation, of course, works well, but unworthy it is, it is the method. and immoral. There is no budget for such activities. Take care not to lose vigilance.

What was the surprise of the new head of the IB, when a month later, from the early morning, one of the operators came to him and said: "I do not endorse your method of provocation, but, as appropriate, I report. I was offered last night. Can I go?” the confused security guard did not let him go and demanded that he explain everything in detail.

In detail it was so. The operator appointed a meeting with his old friend on some occasion. There I met my friend. And this friend of a friend, who showed a surprising awareness of the workplace and labor responsibilities of the operator, made him an offer. No, not to transmit confidential information, but to correct something in the company’s billing system. And for this to receive exactly 50% of the nominal of the adjusted data. and regularly. every week.
of cash. The amount was drawn up in such a way that in the event of a transaction, the operator could simply give his official salary to the poor due to its insignificance.

Hearing this news, the boss of the IB thought very strongly. Eventually he said to the operator, “You know, it wasn’t a provocation.”The careless expression of the person immediately flew, turning astonished, in the eyes of dollars. The boss continued, “But you did the right thing to come to me. Because without me you’t have done anything.
You have access to billing, but that’s not enough. FPS works here.
Fraud Prevention System (fraud prevention system). And only I can reset it so that I don’t notice what shouldn’t be. Half of the money is mine. Agree?” – “Of course, agree.” In fact, there was no FPS there. And hell he would notice something, especially if you make adjustments not sharply, but smoothly increasing the difference.

It was this planning (which indications on what schedule to adjust so that it looked natural) that the head of the IB was engaged in, intermittently counting future ladies. Income, to be honest, shone fairy tales. They did not shine for long. The security officer was fired from office last night. The method of provocation worked very well.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №21442
 16.10.2009
In Russia, in 2008, more than a hundred thousand baseball beats, two baseball balls and one baseball gloves were sold.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №21441
 16.10.2009
So what do you know about serving in the Russian army, if you never painted grass, did not whiten snow, did not squeeze the wheels of Kamazov with gumlin, did not smash with a spade, and did not squeeze the oaks with a crack?! to

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №21440
 16.10.2009
The New Village...
Good apartment, sorry, not far from me.
I: I said that this apartment has a lot of pluses!

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №21439
 16.10.2009
Alex is
You will be shocked by this.

Alex is
I don’t want to hurt your psyche.

Elli
I listened to the gas sector at 10 years.

[ + 84 - ] Comment quote №21438
 16.10.2009
Yesterday, my husband and I returned from a famous furniture supermarket, bought a closet for the kitchen. They collected it together according to instructions, carried to 3 o'clock at night. Three of our cats joyfully rotated underneath their feet, swept their noses everywhere... We assembled the closet, hanged and closed the doors and decided to put it on the refrigerator. He was lifted up, unbearable! We can't understand anything - before this we tried to raise it, it was easier... Somehow we put it on the refrigerator, we open the doors... and from there, about O_O O_O O_O, the frightened cats are roaring on us =)

[ + 60 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №21437
 16.10.2009
A month without beer. It is all shit.
Crab: Transmission "Good night baby" do you know? You are throwing out what duration it needs to be to spin the doll of the chrysanthemum, sitting under the table between the legs of Miss World Oksana Fedorova and at the same time managing to not forget the word!

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №21436
 16.10.2009
X: We had a...
xxx: a nice, young teacher practices, we solve the task.
She drew a healthy graffiti, marked the tops with letters.
and asks the audience..."suggest from which point will we begin bypassing the Count?"
The whole group is a choir, not speaking "from the G point!!and "
She says: "No... she still needs to be found" 
Tagged with: rofl
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №21435
 16.10.2009
xxx: How did you get this straw, straw, and other beef... almost every day call and: "and you’t want to connect." ]:-> You don’t know how to get rid of them?
yyy: I always say that I do not have a comp at all and do not plan to call less steel.
Yyy: Or you can do like my acquaintance - talk to them on abstract topics. He has a couple of philosophers on the phone. Very abstract and dirty. When someone calls with an advertisement, he randomly opens and speaks to the telephone "and you knew that... (reads from the book)". Until the phone calls itself.
YYY: He also printed from the injection of every sectarian snake, compiled and tried to convert those who called to their faith - the faith in the Prince of the Twenty-second Galactic.

[ + 77 - ] Comment quote №21434
 16.10.2009
An intellectual competition was held in Australia. The winners were two:
Priests and middle-aged workers.
To identify the very first, an additional task was proposed: in 5 minutes to compose a four-step with the word Timbuktu (a deaf town in Africa, Sahara).
The first, by the draw, came the priest:
I was a father all my life.
I had no children, no wife.
I read my Bible through and through
All the way to Timbuktoo.

The audience is delighted, everyone is sure that the robot does not even know such a word where to go.

He goes out calmly, and:

Tim and me to Brisbane went
We met few ladies, cheap to rent.
They were three, we were two.
So I booked one and Tim booked two.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №21433
 16.10.2009
"The fans of the Azerbaijani national team were throwing the tribunes with smoke sticks... No, stand, I think they just broke the mangal and now they will start to roast the sticks!!and "

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №21432
 16.10.2009
Where is the price, damn lazy?
WOW: You, Fyodor Andreevich, seem to have worked somewhat and have not noticed how your manner of communication with colleagues has acquired a shade of familiarity, and I firmly refuse to cooperate with the Hamas and ask you to continue to be more restrained.
The phrase, which you, Andrei Alekseevich, found familiar, was caused by the fact that due to the lack of a current price buyer, our department cannot fulfill the lion’s share of its direct responsibilities to implement the new service of the company, and I am personally under tremendous pressure from my direct management, forced to pay for the simple qualified personnel. So I am by no means the ham, with which you willed me to attest, and not more than a conscientious subordinate, executing the order of the unknown to you, Paul Olegovich, formulated by him in the following way: "Let me stand until the price is delivered!"
XHH: So please send us a ready prize prize soon.
Fuck you, you are lazy!

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №21431
 16.10.2009
Listen, was the clay tea in your kitchen?
YYY : Oh
YYY: Has it broken?
XXX is broken. = = (
YYY: You know, to start talking about it with the phrase "was" is like calling from the hospital and asking: "Can you talk to the widow of Ivanov Ivanov?..."

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №21430
 16.10.2009
School is when you go to bed in the morning.
EugZol: You hear parents get up to work
EugZol: You think - and it all went nuts!
EugZol: Wrapping yourself in a blanket
EugZol: and... you feel the fucking light of the fucking yellow lamp in your eyes, and the voice – “Wake up now.”
EugZol: and then the flow of thoughts – like shit “what does it mean? At seven o’clock in the morning, how naked are you already?”
EugZol: but it’s not all loud.
EugZol: and you get up fucking like a fool
EugZol: an Institute
It’s when you lie down in the morning.
EugZol: you hear the neighbors get up on the first pair
EugZol: Think - and it all went down.
EugZol: Wrapping yourself tightly in the blanket
EugZol: And... it’s going naughty!
EugZol: It’s really going on!

[ + 74 - ] Comment quote №21429
 15.10.2009
Under the South of Sakhalinsk is Americos, and with addiction photographs the shrub of Kalina. A man approaches him and asks: Why do you photograph the bush, what is there?
Americos: It is surprising that I had never seen the caviar grow on the trees before.

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