bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №143044
 14.07.2017
My love lives on the 25th floor. The elevator does not work. You come and you don’t want anything anymore.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143043
 14.07.2017
Comments to the article that scientists recorded animation in the DNA of a living organism in digital form:
XXX: It is terrible to live. He kissed a girl and became infected with a encryptor.
YYY: And then you’ll see the inscription sending out bitcoins within 48 hours, otherwise the kidneys will turn off.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143042
 14.07.2017
Growth: In the Central Market walked, walked, watched all kinds of engines and railroads. They said: "boy, what to suggest", "young man, what to help". As soon as he took the electric motor into his hands, it immediately became: "Bring the resistors, here a man buys the engine!" "man, can you a bag?"
The electric motor makes you a man.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143041
 14.07.2017
I watched a movie, "Time to Kill", there was one hero, a lawyer, I remembered his conversation with an assistant. (Not literally, but very close to the essence)
The Assistant says:
I look at you and your happy family, how are you doing it? I’ve been married three times and women always leave me.
What the lawyer answers:
My secret is simple: you want happiness for yourself and I want it for them.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143040
 14.07.2017
XXX: You can get blinking out of sliced milk!
YYY: Half a year of life with a daily batch of clothes and you will not enter any door.

Zzzz: The truth in your words!
The husband so started a healthy lifestyle, cheese among other things purchased...
Every weekend I checked the expiration date of the cheese he had not eaten for a week and made cheese biscuits or cake. A month later, the first results appeared. In my waist.and (

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143039
 14.07.2017
4GJ: You start to doubt this world when you notice that your fictional friends are helping you more than your real relatives.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143038
 14.07.2017
Wife and husband play:
You will have a romantic evening and sex with a beautiful lady.
The husband:
Are you going on a business trip?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143037
 14.07.2017
One of my friends, a chess player, was so justified after an insulting loss as a result of being in the best position: If I never make a mistake, rumors about my divine origin would go on, which is undesirable.

One day I replicated literally this argument in a conversation with AG, bursting into some formula. He replied, “I think you are insured.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143036
 14.07.2017
Yes to! If you decide to throw out the sewing of the magazines "Science and Life" for the years 1968-1981, we do not advise you to first unravel the famous crosswords with fragments, otherwise you will never throw out these magazines!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143035
 14.07.2017
There have recently been cases. I was going to go to the neighboring town (about 90 km) by electric car, I will go into the car visually running the options of landing, the benefit of the people is not much - I take a place, I lay things down and wait for departure. To my right sit two ladies aged 15-16 and throw their feet in shoes on the opposite seat. Seeing this situation, I make a comment, I would have reasoned at least. In response to zero emotions, I raise my voice a little - the same reaction, i.e. no one. A neighbor sitting next to me (interested in my monologue) does the following ---->>: gets the phone, and with the words, "Let's then take a photo for the memory of the social network. The front camera is turned in their direction. It had to be seen, hearing loss immediately passed and the girls at the speed of the comet

They left the car (it took them 5 seconds). By the way, she just turned the phone to their side without even removing the lock. I am sure of all 100 - a former woman!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143034
 14.07.2017
I had a friend like that at school. We lived three minutes walk from each other, usually met in the middle of the pharmacy. I walk a little more than a minute, he walk a little more than a minute. Only that fool was always late. and constantly. And not for 5-10 minutes, and sometimes for 30-40-50 minutes. I had a couple of times so achewed, sometimes quarreled, sometimes left, then simply took the habit of coming half an hour later and didn't guess.



One day I went to Crimea with my family. I told him several times that I was leaving. I have forgotten that, axiomatically. We are in Crimea already, here he calls me and calls me to walk. I take to agree. Half an hour later, I call him, and I say to him that he is tired of being late. After another 10 minutes he calls and says that in the place, say, where I am. I say to wait now, I have gone home, now I will come back. During some other 30 minutes he called me and asked where I was, I was constantly saying that I was going and let him wait a minute, I am waiting for him all the time. After another 10-15 minutes he came to my house, where my grandmother told him that I had left the Crimea yesterday. Surprisingly, after that he stopped being late!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143033
 14.07.2017
Someone is going to the passageway, because the working day is over. She approaches the cabin, where the evil aunt stands and so mysteriously in her ear says:

- Tatiana Ivanovna, I need someone to take out tomorrow... So that there are no problems, what will be more suitable for you – chocolate or a box of candy?

To what this aunt and her speech responds, blotting her eyes:

Maybe a box of candy.

The man went out and went home to himself. The next day, a man rushing to the cabin after the end of the working day sees the smiling aunt he had agreed with yesterday. The closer he approached the cabin, the more and more the smile of his aunt became (larger, wider). And suddenly a wicked whisper comes out of the mouth of this aunt:

And put your hands behind your head in the pool!

The guard came and let the man feel. Shakes, touches, almost split and realize that the man has nothing. And then the man approaches this aunt and gently says to her:

Tatiana Ivanovna, you are a fool. I took it all yesterday...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143032
 14.07.2017
One of my acquaintances complexed because of her small chest. She thought that if her breasts were bigger, the boys would turn to her (to a acquaintance!) attention, she would be more confident in herself, more sociable, and she would have a better personal life. A new complex appeared: now she was not at ease by the thought that the guys in her are attracted not by her personality, but by her breasts. I was thinking about getting it all back...

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143031
 14.07.2017
Unfortunately, the letters cannot convey how much I feel.and c)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143030
 14.07.2017
Yeehoo is:
And I was a rapper and also picked up puzzles from skins and metalwork, but the puzzles were warm lamps, chopsticks and norms, no one jumped on the head... and now...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №143029
 14.07.2017
Olka: I came home yesterday: the toys are folded in containers, the containers are placed evenly, and they are wiped out of dust, there is no dust on the book shelves, and there are no dirty socks in 39 or 43 sizes.
Cleaning on the working tables.
And such exemplary smiling children.
Olka: And even this did not lead me to the legitimate question: why would it be?
Olka: In short, Mom’s favourite snack
Olka: and the bike trainer broke the control... by a fist

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143028
 14.07.2017
Remember the classic. Chatzky (the smartest character in his history, by the way)

By the way, Gryboedov said that in his play there are exactly 23 fools, that is, ALL.
And Chatsky is only a step above the others.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143027
 14.07.2017
If I shave - the passport is asked in the shops.

If I do not breathe, the passport is asked by the police.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143026
 14.07.2017
If for you, as a minor, dates are cafes and condoms, then I’m afraid to upset you, adults don’t need either. They met, understood each other and met. And it doesn’t matter the level of income and nothing matters at all. Except for mutual attraction.

These are the teenagers you have described. Adults are aware of sexual diseases, and experience has already taught them to take their own health seriously. And in the cafes and restaurants and other places go, not for the sake of potts, but just delicious to eat and drink before other pleasures, the more income allows. And they most often do not stress each other, because they have experienced a lot for a long time, and they can all be sufficiently careful and look at each other for years.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №143025
 14.07.2017
My wife has been driving for more than 7 years, but only today I revealed to her the secret that a white plaque with the name of the settlement means a speed limit of 60 km/h. To my question "How did you surrender the rights?" she replied relentlessly "I remembered the pictures and the answers". It is terrible to drive on the roads, gentlemen.

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