bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137141
 22.12.2016
Eugen Krinitsyn: Yesterday evening I wanted to shoot a snowman at the entrance, but decided to do it in the morning at the light. In the morning he was cut off. Live this day!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137140
 22.12.2016
I was surprised of course, okay, I hugged and fell asleep.

The dream is simple.
Do you think of it, you think of it, you think of it, you think of it? Are they waiting at home?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137139
 22.12.2016
Today I heard a conversation between two women:
Mmm, it’s so cold today. It froze completely.
Don’t dress like a prostitute and it will be okay.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137138
 22.12.2016
Andersong: Will Uffec and Uffka get you done?
Eisaev: I did not doubt the power of folklore for a moment. Now I’ll tell everyone that I’m a full... root defect.
One word is crew.

Why UFO? and Uffak. Like in Tula.

Krivorozzi and Krivorozzi... Krivorozzi and Krivorozzi... We invite you to the beauty contest of Miss Krivorozzi... Miss Krivorozzi... to the Order of Lenin... to Tifou.

The city of Yaya - eggs and eggs. Agriculture and Agriculture.
At Karasuk station, the student-guide was urgently hidden in the wagon, as he joyfully turned to the local residents "Dear KarasukI and KarasUchki", and the locals did not like it.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №137137
 22.12.2016
American teacher sentenced to 30 years in prison for sex with students.
XXX: What is the problem? If she is a teacher, why can she no longer fuck her students? Is it because she is a teacher? What does it change?
YYY: It is not possible. If you’re a teacher, you can’t fuck students. Professional pedagogical ethics.
zzz: In pedagogical, this is explained in the first introductory lecture. The rector comes in and from the threshold "students can not fuck!' And the polaviditory with the scream "Yes, fuck!" takes the docks and goes to the army. Infos about 200%

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137136
 22.12.2016
On the radio in the news said that on the Petrograd side there was a shooting at the restaurant "Capuletti". Would you like to ask about Montreal?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №137135
 22.12.2016
The Knowledgeful

If one imagines that the universe will one day shrink and there will be another Big Bang (after which, in the first hundreds of thousands of years, protons and electrons will fly apart), is it possible that the primary recombination will produce completely different chemicals? Not hydrogen and others, but quite others? And, for example, are there never substances from which life will arise? M is?

not known. Other chemicals will only exist if there are other laws of physics. However, even alternative basic physical constants, "world constant" are sufficient. A little on the side - and no chemical elements may form at all. Protons do not necessarily exist. The question of whether the ‘world constant’ is constant in the entire observed universe is not resolved. The question of why physical laws and constant ones are as they are is not resolved. And in general, you want to freeze - google "anthropic principle".

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137134
 22.12.2016
Maybe I’ll be able to explain here what the fist is about...
My husband has lived and worked in Europe for a long time. He lives and lives, works and works, thank God. In the local society embedded, in the forums Russia does not hate, not to the forums to the person... Well, well, well and wonderful. As soon as some of my acquaintances learn about this, the question begins immediately, and why he did not take me, and I did not come to that country for PMJ. Why? → What did I forget there? I, unlike this relative, do not have a rare and highly sought-after specialty, but managers and service staff there and among the locals. As soon as I ask the question "what am I going to do there without the language and really necessary education", how am I immediately depicted a goat with progressive Basedow's disease (who doesn't know: with this disease the eyes are very accustomed): "How?! Find your husband and let him hold you!". Well, you yourself, dear advisors of both sexes, so do not be afraid to first check your advice on practice and your experience, and then distribute them to all in a row. This is what? Life in the USSR? Given that I am 40, and asking questions and advising more will be...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №137133
 22.12.2016
You are a liar female! Nurses did not emerge before the nurses, in those sluggish years for the sick in this regard, mostly, the monastic cared for, therefore, brothers and sisters. The fact that you remember only the twentieth century of history vaguely, and during world wars the number of women in this position for an obvious reason prevailed, does not give you the right to equate the normal word-abbreviation of nurses to such ugly people.
Normal feminists have done so much to make people of both sexes become a WOMAN, and now they call themselves trolls, who invent the bredonisms of man, man, and so on.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137132
 22.12.2016
The car, the car...

Inhabitants of the village of Tycopis, your way out!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №137131
 22.12.2016
I was on the Paris metro today. Now they are changing their wagons for new ones, and on the doors of the old ones, which are out of service, there are inscriptions "This is my last trip with you. Goodbye to you!" Well, I didn’t think that a simple inscription could make you penetrate with pity to the subway car, to the ordinary old railroad.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137130
 22.12.2016
What was the name of the Harry Swan?

There is an untranslated game of words. On the one hand, Hedwig can be the Yadwiga, on the other hand, head+wig, i.e., head" and "paric". From here the bull. Which I quite like.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137129
 22.12.2016
Previously, films were dealt with on quotes, now also on gifs.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №137128
 22.12.2016
Talk about the wedding photo in England and a very cute girl on it:
xxx: actually, it was thanks to the English beauties that the Anglo-Saxons flew around the world and bended it.
YYY: Let’s be objective, there are beautiful Slavic women, but there are babysitters who drive you out of the washed floor, there are Nash Japanese women, and there are curved long-tinted Japanese women who also wear school uniforms, there are Nash Thai women, there are black goddesses of love, and there is Masafaka I will sit on your face and kill you. Therefore, I’m inclined that they conquered the world thanks to a gentle fleet.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137127
 22.12.2016
Well, you’ll go to Israel. Language must be learned.
What to teach him? There are 70% of Russians. Learn in place.
The Russian Cherry? xd

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137126
 22.12.2016
Worse than a boring administrator is a boring security guard, worse than a boring security guard is a boring director. I am now an admin and a security guard. When I am bored, am I worse than a missing director?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №137125
 22.12.2016
Tagged with: ollo
Why does friction heat everything instead of cooling it?
Why are the leaves yellow in autumn?
Why can’t we break the magnet in half to the north and south?
How to make it possible to pour water into the car but it was driving?
The nephew of Alisha. 5 years.
There is no time to learn physics and chemistry, but curiosity is crazy. In the vacuum.

Because you have to make an effort to drag. It becomes warm. Taking heat is more difficult than adding.
Because they were always yellow inside. Just there is a microscopic layer of green matter outside while they are alive. It easily breaks down.
Because if you break a pencil, the half will also have two ends. And if you break it to the stitches, it will not be a pencil at all, but not a pencil with one end.
Build a steam car (you will need coal). Throw it on a planet with a fluorine atmosphere, the water in the fluoride burns.

How is it called? The questions, answering which, the community itself is indirectly enriched with new experiences, which make you think and so on, I do not remember the exact quote.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №137124
 22.12.2016
When taxes are paid in black, there is a black hole and wages are blacked.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №137123
 22.12.2016
The case was in a small unrecognized state. A mountain river flowing on the bottom of a shallow pit. On the one hand, our position, on the other, not ours.

The width of the river is nothing, meters twenty. The valley itself is fifty. You can make a good stone. But both sides quite peacefully: we did not shoot because we were not there, and the enemy - because we were there.

Both sides went to the river. Who is behind the water, who is to wash, who is to go away...

This is what we will stop in more detail.

Most often and most actively washed went, of course, doctors. The headpiece was a gentle "woman over thirty", with customs, as the youth would now say, "a fat troll", and a simple female longing for family happiness. In appearance - for her years very even "nicho", and therefore close acquaintance with most of the officers and officers not only for official medical indications.



So, the supostate got off when her doctors came to wash, in this same river from the other shore to suck without hiding. It is clear that the river is mountainous and takes everything away instantly, but it is unpleasant.



Nacmed, having learned about this, decided to head the wipes and personally look at this disgrace. She was driven by a medical interest, or a purely female curiosity, I don’t know.



And here the doctors start cleaning, an enemy appears from the bushes on the other side, gets his "appliance" and begins to spoil them water, "appliance" so, bluntly, waving.

Nachmed looks at it with interest... And then gets a binoculars. And he begins to look at the evoic device in the binoculars, then turns to his own, and makes a gesture like a fisherman... Which shows him how much vodka to pour into a glass. My fingers say, “Is it?” The others, having already understood where the chief clings, look over and sneeze, say, "E...", and shook their heads disappointed.



He stopped being out of indignation. He turned red, swept away, hid the pipis and his own. The next time they dispatched another - Nachmed and his defecated.

In general, five left behind, then the opponent took a break - I thought, as if: the grandmother is experienced, she is not so easy to impress. Nachmed was also preparing.



And here is the day "X": the doctors only to the river, and they are already waiting there, and such a "bolt" falls that the nurses opened their mouths. In every sense.

Only Nachmed, as before, is still whirling disregardingly. Here, on the other side of the shore, they did not stand, and the direct text: "You are defamating, evil woman. Where have you seen most?“”



And here from the top, from the archery cell comes out Ilush... And Ilush, I will tell you, the name of the richer was not in vain. And he also wore a "Utes" and could shoot from him with his hands in rows. In order for you to understand the scale, "Utes", it is also NSV-12.7, it is a large-caliber machine gun, from which the UAZik bounces like a fishing life in a storm. Ilya, of course, was also upset, but less. Eat, indeed more than that. But not the essence.



In general, our Ilya goes out, the rich man of the canyon, to the edge of the canyon, and with the words: "I want to choke something... turn away girls..." gets his "Slang-Gorynitch." It reaches, and begins to scratch with such a stream that it hits from above to the middle of the river, breaks through the water and turns out from the bottom of the stones. Nachmed, according to the medical accurately calculated the cycles of Ilushin's body, then brought him three litres of breweries, which the couple of gloves, snacked with garlic, and just now the pressure and desire in him reached optimal values.



And the enemies stand and, not paying attention to the salty splashes that sit on their faces, look at this sunshine monument of the triumph of the Russian war over the supostates, which is straight like a monument to Peter, the work of Ceritela, only more, and shaking them Illus. Because nothing can be said or done here. Just look and penetrate the consciousness of their own insignificance, because they are on their side, not that the fighter-horse will not find, in order to show something after that, at least closely similar.



In general, after this, the enemy stopped walking to the river not to suck - a closed sorting built, so as not to be ashamed. And Ilusha, after this perfomance, first earned the nickname "Hydrant". And secondly, in the morning, we often began to notice ladies with a cavalier's footsteps wandering from the illusion of the tent with a dreamy expression of the eyes. So, see, when they say that it’s not in the size of the matter, they crack a little.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137122
 22.12.2016
The king is good, the cowards are bad.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna