bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №129979
 27.06.2016
If the state takes the inheritance tax, why would it not pay the recipient of the inheritance if the heir had debts?

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №129978
 27.06.2016
At work, we decided to quit with the salary of one worker. He is a silent worker, has got jobs (reworking engines on 2 Kajen and 1 Pradike). 3 engines disassembled, the iron mixed and no more came out. There are now three bodies. No one collects them from the principle, and it is troublesome now. And everyone who reads this post to the bosses a big greeting, save on.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №129977
 27.06.2016
They say that "grey eyes" can be liked... you can fall in love with blue eyes... and only brown eyes can be crazy!" I only have one question - I have something with greens, fuck, what to do?
and masturbating!

[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129976
 27.06.2016
When I was going to kindergarten, I was not yet obsessed with food as I am now and broke everything in a row) But somehow they gave us a bakery, which I refused. The babysitter, laying up the portions on the plates, put this bakery in my shirt pocket and pressed it with her hand. I was so shocked that I told my parents who did it only three days later. The head of the kindergarten said, “I had to call immediately, and now it’s too late.” Another time, when soup was poured onto the plates before lunch, I decided to smell the dish out of curiosity. Suddenly, he was immersed in a hot soup. Sharped, in tears, I saw this babysitter’s licking face, which had stuck me in the plate. As she later said, “I didn’t like that he smelled soup.” There was a scandal, screams from her to me, but eventually she continued to work with the children in the same kindergarten.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129975
 27.06.2016
Are we so poor because we are honest, or are we so honest because we are poor?

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №129974
 27.06.2016
New technologies are radically changing our lives, often without our permission.
We entered the company for work not an elderly, but already gray at 40 years Sisadmin. And since the man is prominent - athletically complex, outwardly not bad for himself, and moderately talented, the clusters of unmarried women around him are constantly winding up. But without much success.

Looking at the whole month of these unsuccessful efforts, our young colleague said: Yes, you just can’t humble men! I need to leave for half an hour. After that, I went to prepare to shrink the strut with some fictional problem. Since we have an "open office" for 100 people, the workplace of Sisadmin is in the common hall and he is forced to be with us in the same room, only occasionally going to the server room or for lunch.

There was a scene, no, no. Scene: she comes out - bright makeup, stunning haircut, magnificent and stylish business dress, properly emphasizing her figure and the fourth number, in a word, the favorite of all sex woman. If printers could hang and air conditioners stopped whispering, they would definitely do it. So beautiful she was, which was confirmed by our leading manager who fell from the chair, trying to curl his neck looking at the new arrival of Tais of Athens. After passing through the entire office, she stopped in front of the sysadmin, waited for a pause and, waiting for the computer worker's silent, tired question, proclaimed the essence of her nonsense. Sysadmin quickly and skillfully solved the issue. Then he turned around and continued to look into his monitor.

It was indescribable. It was bold. It was impossible. A gorgeous girl has a solution to her problem and should just leave without getting an invitation to lunch or even a single compliment! No, not so, the girl decided firmly. And, quietly blinking with long eyelids, I voiced the following problem: I can distract you for a moment, on a personal question - my phone does not always work correctly "OK Google", you could not see what it is about.

Have you ever eaten a whole lemon? That’s exactly what happened on the face of the Ayatollah. “I do not advise you to use this service,” he said somewhat deafly. "Wow, stuck" - the lion of the office paparazzi, waiting for long explanations. And how smoothly, if not theatrically, she stretched out her hand with her phone in front of the computer worker: "Why don't you recommend?"
The fact is that Google stores in the history of requests not only the requests themselves, but also random recordings of voice events next to the phone.
“Hahah,” cried the hunter, “what can not be written there, but how to look at the story?
The computer in several touches went on the history of records, selected the random and pressed the playback. The office was filled with the bullshit of our conqueror’s voice, “Well, I’m tired... I don’t want it now, let’s go tomorrow.”

The computer stared compassionately at the girl. “That’s why I don’t advise.”

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №129973
 27.06.2016
As Western countries are leaving the EU and Eastern countries are joining, it is logical to argue that the EU is not expanding, but slowly slipping eastward.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129972
 27.06.2016
Thanks, on the phone is displayed only the name of the sender and the first line of the letter. I read: "Svetlana Vladimirovna reliably destroys rats and cockroaches." A terrible woman.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129971
 27.06.2016
Before you find one close friend, you will meet many nearby ones.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №129970
 27.06.2016
I work and listen to football... "Mother Rabbit catches the ball!I am surprised, whom does this commentator praise? It turned out to be the goalkeeper Motush Kazachek)))

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №129969
 27.06.2016
Discuss the type of parachute in which you need to catch up with the parachute thrown in the air.

XXX is weak. There is nothing like throwing away pieces of fabric and sewing them in the air.
Reply to
A parachute gunman?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №129968
 27.06.2016
I understand that our world is fairly paradoxical.
XXX: and seem to be surprised by nothing—maybe everything
xxx: and yet
XXX: Whose, Scuca, Strings are hanging at my doorstep?? to

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №129967
 27.06.2016
The mayor of New York decided to rename the Brooklyn Bridge into Ben Laden's Bridge for his great involvement in the life of the city. and New York. The United States.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №129966
 27.06.2016
Late in the evening, closing the car forgot the keys. Call local people to help. Those who watched the video on YouTube removed the rope from their shoes and began hardly forging the corner of the door. After some time our brave came and under their indignant eyes we diligently proved that our car was in it all the docks, etc. Police were filled with sympathy and opened the car's niche with a rope in half a minute and soon after checking the documents disappeared. You say the police are working badly. How quickly they did it!

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129965
 27.06.2016
Vegetarians are strange people who think that sausages are made of meat.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №129964
 27.06.2016
The question about the moralophagus: until what age of the child the father has the right to wash his daughter (in the bathroom, in the shower, in the bathroom, etc.), and from what age will this be considered pedophilia? The same thing about my son.
Additional points are awarded to those who will answer the same questions, but in a situation where the children are washed by the mother.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №129963
 27.06.2016
Eat: Before sex I lay a towel under me, so that the bedding does not stink.
Bobrika: Everyone has a bathing towel and Jerzy has a fucking one.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129962
 27.06.2016
Talk about cowards and Hanze morality.
I went swimming on a natural beach on one of the suburban reservoirs. Away from the crowd’s thickness into the woods, I found a place where, far from curious eyes, the starving were concentrated. Since I was not at all against not washing my swimsuits and not drying them afterwards, I joined.
And suddenly the phenomenon - along the shore MEEEDLENNO sails a motor boat with the inscription "Police" and in the megaphone broadcasts: "Citizens resting! You are in the Russian Federation. Get dressed right away!" Following them, the horseback police walked along the shore and someone (who did not wear clothes) was even raided and conveyed into a bag, standing in the nearest place, where you could pass.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №129961
 27.06.2016
My father in the divorce in addition to the standard division of property in half demanded money for what the child did.

Now if you think you have the most fucking relatives, remember this post.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №129960
 27.06.2016
When I say to a cat “kiss, kiss, kiss,” the probability of what I want is:

Feeding a cat - 5%

Check if the cat is working - 95%

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna