bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130179
 01.07.2016
My girlfriend and I love to experiment in sex. So strong that in a couple of years of relationship has accumulated a large backpack of all kinds of baggage :D Since she lives with her parents, all of our bad things I keep at home, if I go to her in visit, together with the flowers I capture a miracle backpack. We live in different parts of Moscow, so I get there, including by metro. One day my backpack seemed suspicious to a metro worker, and he decided to enlighten him with a X-ray machine.

Those eyes and that "thank you, you can go" I will never forget :DDD

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130178
 01.07.2016
It is hot on the mirage platform. An old round-mouthed electric car came from Ryazan. There are so many strawberries, sea strawberries and red ribs.
Mirage - a lake with palm trees and beautiful women in sunbaths?
The red ribbon is also a mirage, it just begins to red.
Electric circular - also a mirage
There is also a mirage and a mirage.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130177
 01.07.2016
You slept so well, I decided not to wake you up and left.
xxx: "Decided not to wake up" from the word "abandoned at the tenth minute"

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130176
 01.07.2016
I am 24 years old, studying in 5th grade and working as a guard in a sanitary store. A cousin called me yesterday and said:

B: Zdarova, listen, I need to buy a mixer for the bathroom here, and there is no money.

I thought he wanted to borrow, but that was not the case.

By the way, the cheapest mixer here costs 1200 r.

I: What do you need from me?

B: Well you’re working as a guard, let me come to you in the store and steal, and you’ve seen nothing and I’ll go.

I: We have cameras in the store.

B: Well, you’re a guard, you can wipe it out and you won’t get anything.

After that, he was sent to yuh, and his number was added to the QS.

minus one relative.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №130175
 01.07.2016
- Half of my group girls with the stomach, maybe it's time for us too?

Give me the cold, I’m on the cake.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №130174
 01.07.2016
A acquaintance told me. Further from his words. The son (third grade) in the school meeting, before the teacher appears, parents communicate with each other. I am approached by the parents of my son's classmate, outraged that my son calls their child a fool, demanding action. I am surprised, I promise to talk. At home, I am interested in my son’s reasons for this behavior. He says, “Dad, remember we were in the woods with the classroom? Some parents were there with us. This boy took a plastic glass, turned aside, wrote in it, then approached his dad and offered to drink a "limonade". Who is he after that? His dad laughed at it, and he probably liked it.”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130173
 01.07.2016
My neighbor decided to pour the yard with concrete. Naturally, it was decided to hire local workers to save money. The contingent there is appropriate, zeki, alkashi and drug addicts. A brother comes to him in the evening, but he meets him and notices that he has a chip in his hand.

Are you a trail?

This is? This is the SM9 decoder.

Even for the decoder.

The radio detail. It was when I went to Moscow, 2 years ago, a friend of mine bought 10 pieces. Here you will find Hera. Just from the meeting with the buyer came to you. He did not like the price. Sold one for 4,000. What in the ass of 4,000, under order a month wait for 6,000 take only. Shortly sent it to the naker, the shredder, wanted to sell again apparently.

Well, the neighbor invited him, for tea there and talk, the brother on the window decoder placed. Within an hour, no soul. The loaves are left lying, from the men and the trail forgiven.

It is blue, Sania. They drove the SM9!

The meaning?

The decoder is yours!

What a shit, calm down. I picked up that shit on the way to you. It shone in the grass.

As a result, almost the entire yard is betoned for free. We just had to find new workers.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130172
 01.07.2016
It is from the root of Chukovsky :-)

The doctor went out on the balcony, quietly looking into the sky he said:
A plane above us.
In the airplane, there is a begemot.
There is Behemoth.
A rapid bullet.
He flies over the swamp.
The flying flight,
A little lower than the topol,
Drawing out of a bullet.
In the scared children"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130171
 01.07.2016
xxx: This is how Skynet will actually appear - it will send the appropriate firmware to the machine and take it under control. And the automatic line instead of, say, condoms will glue silicone valves for the terminators :) And the assembly line for the motors "Jigul" will make for the robot-terminator an energy installation :) And the rotor line making cartridges will continue to do them, but in the glory of artificial intelligence :)

YYY: at the Zhyguley factory nothing will work, the place is crazy!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130170
 01.07.2016
About the peculiarities of America, with its rules, amendments and prohibitions:

x: on Pt evening plan - to go to the shale on the California Coast
Y: Yes, we invite you to the shells if you can hit the fire on the shore
Reserve the fire :)
X: The fire is blown separately.
Y: If you have reached 21.
x: for groups of no more than 5 or no less than 7 people, only in rescue vests.
x: at least 46% of participants must have a certificate of passing the training "Evacuation during a tsunami during a volcanic eruption", but if there is a cat deficiency in the group, then 53,3%.
Y: Obtained during a lunar eclipse.
x: Certificates obtained outside the eclipse are deemed invalid in California except on February 29, when the General Federal Rule of Certificates applies.

y: benefits are granted to participants in the Bordeaux battle and festival participants.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130169
 01.07.2016
AlenFuns: Do I think, or does the artist emphasize my gaze on my chest?
Sleeping in the bushes: No, it’s your inner unconscious, overlooked hentai

[ + 21 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130168
 01.07.2016
<artwork> and why do people perceive writing in a shell with a meme? Imho, shellfish is much more suitable for this matter. First of all, it is higher - there is no splash in the process, neither on the pants, neither on the boots, nor on the walls (sic!). second plush - you can immediately, without leaving the box, wash your hands and causal place (if desired). Overall - the time spent and the consumption of water is less, and the repair is cleaner.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130167
 01.07.2016
What a bookkeeper can do in 2 days, a 1C programmer can do in 15 minutes!
Yyy: And what a programmer will do in 2 days, the accountant can hide in 15 minutes:)))
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №130166
 01.07.2016
Visitor to a karaoke club fell from a height of 6 meters into the basement.
Commentary: Singing Song

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130165
 01.07.2016
They sent the order to court as a wicked non-payer.
It turns out I did not pay the quarter fee for 8 months in the house that was demolished 9 months ago and where it was discharged a year ago.
They need a certificate that the house is demolished and a certificate that I am released from there.
The new certificate does not matter. Certificates should be issued for a week.
They sit in neighboring entrances.
Long live the Russians.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130164
 01.07.2016
Peter is rolling. She sold a few furniture items (10-20 kg) on the avito, young guys came to pick up. Everyone, without exception, walked into the room. All in vain answered at the last moment, now I think I have never seen a man with a powerful load in his hands, wearing shoes).

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130163
 01.07.2016
At the First (Founding) Congress of the World Association of Exhibitionists, its symbol was unanimously approved: a flying protein in flight.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130162
 01.07.2016
The conductor aunt, who on the first day of July from the morning of Friday was walking in the bus cabin absolutely SILENT and only turned her head negatively when she was shown to travel for June, thank you very much! You made my day!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №130161
 01.07.2016
11:34 arrived at the scene.
11:34 He questioned witnesses.
11:34 I signed the report.
11:34 I found that the clock was broken.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №130160
 01.07.2016
XXX: No, you will not be me
Tagged: unfair
I am a girl, I can.
YYY: You all say that.
xxx: I am not all
YYY: and so too =P

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