xxx: Please don't add this year to my age, I barely used it.

I almost got "inherited" a mocking shell, which was tearfully blotted "to take for a couple of weeks." I don’t especially like cats, but for a couple of weeks, a supposedly educated cat... Okay, let it live, it won’t go away from me in a couple of weeks! The harvest and sorter were promised to be given with the cat.



Going to me, the cat immediately got a bullshit from a powerful dog-killer of the remarkable German Daxshund breed and for the first couple of days moved exclusively under the ceiling.

On the first night, the swallowed monster sat on the refrigerator and apparently trained in vocal data for the spring chase. Melodically so, with different voices and tonalities.

As she stuck, the killer dog, beaten by these screams, broke up and went to check whether the cat broke the ground perimeter. I stumbled onto the cat with tapes, but the sparkly animal handled and knocked his eyes, cried.

So the week passed, for which the cat got pursued by the "Dirty Cat Moussa" (it was originally somewhat cunningly called, such as "Queen of Milena Bagira", or something like this hunky, did not remember), learned to skillfully bypass the dog seats, and steal me, for the purpose of giving her to eat (it had to buy her a bag of food and put a bowl on the window, because the dog, seeing the unnecessity in the form of a roaring cat, rushed to give her puzzles, and eat it all, although the dog did not recognize the dry hunky before the monster appeared in the house at all).

By the end of the second week, the ugly cat Musya skillfully robbed the dog’s bowl for the subject of the nuts and amused the dog with a piece of something in its teeth when it burned it for this action. During the day I stumbled into the closet, and at night silently stumbled past the dog guarding my couch and stumbled on me for the purpose of scratching my naked mocked rod or stomach, ticking my harry in the hand, and ticking like a tank diesel.

The whole house began to be covered with a cloth, which I and Matthew killed in the morning with a clothes roll.



By the end of the third week, I called the owners of the mocked creature, with the well-known question "when you will take your monster," and I was answered that they were fucking to Thailand type for a year, and the cat can be thrown off, you can right from the balcony, if she was so fucking me.

Having told the ex-masters that they were rare pydoras and greatly surprised me with their behavior (I know these people a long time ago, never noticed such a shit, and here on you...), hanged the telephone, and began to think what to do with happiness, which was already so upset that ignored the dog, turned in his legs, cried and demanded to eat.

...

In short, the ugly cat Musya lives with me for the sixth year, has eaten up to the size of a small straw, and judging by its naked rose, is quite happy.

XXX: The girl Zhenya found a flower-semi-flower. Standing and thinking:

Damn to guess that? My friends at the disco.

They walk, they kiss guys, and I sit like a fool and I suffer.”

He breaks the first leaflet and says, “I want to be spit.

The beginning! “” Well, let her spit, so that she is all yours,

He pulled the second and said, “Now I want to stop spitting.”

It passes a day or two, it is boring for a girl to live without adventures, the third leapest

She rattles and says, “Now let me not be cuddled as a child.”

Let’s make her cabbage, cabbage-cabbage, until she’s all green. Destroyed

The next one says, “Everything in nature. It is good to cuddle me...”

Then the fifth or sixth leaflet also went away. The last one remains,

She looks at him and thinks, “Hey fucking, I’m 16 years old and I’m a niqab.

I haven’t done anything good in this life. No, we will fix it.

in a moment.” Here her gaze fell on the boy Vitu, who was walking on the cradle,

The husband’s face was immediately clear. She dropped the last leaflet.

And, as he says, “Now let Vituo dish not be childish.”

I go to work at night, the subway is almost empty, bombs occupy their positions in warm transitions. Behind me is a girl, sitting in front of a typical old man of the station.

I pass by, I hear a scream: “Girl, girl! “Your rope is loosed.”

I turn around, I see Fifa, who with disgust turned away and goes on. He walks 10 meters and falls.

Sometimes it’s worth listening to what you’re being told and not thinking you’re smarter.

Looking around, he sits and smiles 😉

These are birds from the north to the south, and women from the poor to the rich.

How beautiful she was! Not only beautiful, but also fast. In general, in her drive she was enchanting. At the same time, it is unattainable and cold. Sasha lost her head when she saw her run into the cabin of the plane.
To be honest, Sasha lost his mind from the fact that his arrival in the city of Kostanay was under threat. In order to save time, he agreed to fly from Almaty to Kostanay with a transfer in Astana. And now the second part of the route was in danger of collapse. The entire plane obediently waited for the windy girl, with the status of "do not touch her" who was delayed on the road.
She was taken to the staircase, and she ran to her place with her heels, squeezing between two businessmen, Vova and Sasha.
Sasha appreciated the girl, and the coldness of the look, and deliberate negligence, and pointlessness. He wanted to play.
Waiting for the moment when the plane began to increase speed for take-off, and the girl settled comfortably in the chair, he gently asked:
Girl, where are you flying?
The girl turned on the "surprised eyebrows" mode, added in the view of the echidist, in the voice of sarcasm and asked in response:
And you?
Sasha was ready for the question. He also sat comfortably in the chair. He looked carefully at the girl and said:
I am in Kostanay. Here is the ticket!
The final destination was actually indicated on the ticket. After reading this, the girl became nervous. had to pursue. And Sasha spoke to the silent Volod before this:
- Young man, can I see your ticket? Are you in Costa Rica too?
Vova obediently demonstrated the ticket.
You can’t imagine how fast beautiful girls are. What a good reaction and physical preparation of the boarders pulling the girl away from the outlet.
In Astana, Sasha arrived with a glued patch of faciality.

Author: Sergey Seregin

This was the year of the rat.
Sitting in the Norse.
They carried food home, and there they bite it.
When they saw a man, they hid.
transferred the infection.

I come home somehow from a business trip at 8 in the morning (instead of the planned twelve). I quietly open the door, I think I may have time to go to my husband under the barrel. Ann no, he’s already washing in the soul, singing songs (and you, god, thought he’s cuddling with the grandmother? This is a story about another.)

About what a serious adult woman, wife, mother of two children is doing, driving 200 km to get home.

Here is what? is correct. It runs, into the closet (as is - with a bag, in shoes and upper clothes) and begins to subdue from there.

Water is turned off. Steps of bare feet along the corridor... Pause... Heaven, he thinks, seemed. I went back to the bathroom and stopped singing.

And I decide to finish the show (in the closet it is hot, tight) and give such a lengthy penetrating twist that Wes Craven and George Romero turned into a grave.

And here is what I will tell you. At the time we were married for 15 years, but never in my life, neither before nor after, I had heard in the voice of a brutally strong and courageous man such unfailing horror as the day when he pushed his head out of the bathroom and whispered:

“Who... there?“?”



PS a couple of months later from him arrived a response, but this is another story.

XXX is compassionate. One of the tenants managed to squeeze a chair on a common sort. What only the neighbors did not try - he was pooher, referring to the chairman intentionally. And then one day, a neighbor came up with a clever plan for how to explore it. I told my neighbors that they approved. The night came. The neighbor is hiding and waiting for a referral. The door of his room opens, he goes out and goes to the sortir. It begins to suck, and by the sound is clear - a reference to the chair. The neighbor stole from behind and shot him in the head from a shotgun.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYY I hope he made the right conclusions.

Zzz: Broke his brains and realized his mistake

I have long noticed that of all the variety of Russian matta for foreigners, most often, the phrase “suka blyad” is the most famous. As I explained, because of the video from the car video registers on YouTube :)



I work in Germany. Another Skype meeting, the microphone is not turned off, I touch the table and a simple Russian five-letter blasphemy breaks out. Immediately the joyful choir of German colleagues “suka blyad” is distributed. It was so pleasant in the heart!

When pitying cats, do not forget to pity people.

The announcement was short: “Clarely seeing and guessing Anastasia. I will return the loved one, I will remove the spoil and the crown of marriagelessness. It is cheap.”

Anastasia Petrovna wrote, thought: well and what? Thousands of them, such ads, crowds of guessers and clear-sighted ones. What does it attract customers? There is no money. How to Escape? She lives alone, her son in another city, her pension is ridiculous. She really knew it from her youth. But no more skill in the mystical sphere. Hm, we need to add services, decided Anastasia Petrovna.

She added: “The clairvoyant, extravagant, witch, descendant guesser and parapsychologist Anastasia. I will return my beloved, I will remove the spoil and crown of marriagelessness, I will make a conspiracy to succeed in business and turn away from competitors.

Little, decided Anastasia Petrovna. Magic and clarity - at every corner, money is not cut, the customer will not come. She breathed and wrote, “I do small repairs, paint walls, paste wallpapers.”

I made an announcement. The next day I asked, “How long will the walls in the kitchen be painted?”

“The posterity guess” Anastasia was deceived, the price she did not know. The first price that came to mind. “Good!” they said to her.

Anastasia Petrovna was nervous: the walls painted twice in her life and for a long time. But what to do? Better walls than nothing. I bought a bag and arrived at the address.

She tried, it went well, she got the money. Called again. Now about the tapes.

Anastasia Petrovna called a friend: "Listen, you have nothing to do at retirement, and there is a job here."

He and his girlfriend handled the wallpaper. A friend told Anastasia Petrovna: "And my brother is in the sanitary, by the way."

And the "clear-seeking" Anastasia wrote a magical announcement: "I make cranes, set up shells and toilets, remove clogs. It is cheap.”

Send the orders. Anastasia Petrovna was surprised: “Well pure mysticism!” He attracted two other friends, and three men over fifty who were sitting without work. A month later, the announcement was added as follows: “I cycle the floors, make furniture, repair household appliances, washing machines and refrigerators. It is cheap.”

The team gathered boyfriendly, Anastasia only had time to send people to the objects. Six months later, Anastasia opened a small company called The Witch. I rented a garage to repair cars. But in the ads for any case did not clear the crown of unmarriage and other magic.

Finally a woman called. She cried. She wanted to return her husband, went to another, and she is 53 years old, nothing to catch in life. Anastasia Petrovna said tiredly, “Listen, fuck him husband. To whom did he give up, Kobe? Go to the brigade. We have fun and a lot of work.”

The woman stopped crying, “Are there men?” Anastasia Petrovna smiled: “There is. and normal. Come on, my friend, let’s wait.”

After that, the “clear-sighted” Anastasia went to watch how bakeries were made in her new bakery.

Alexei Belakov

And Anton Semenovich? My name is Georges Milosevsky and I am a representative of the Sberbank Security Service.

This week happened: I walk with a dog (she’s without a leash, on a free-pass, which is important), at night (she’s running out, so I go out for a walk only after an hour of the night so I don’t cross with other dogs), quiet, dark, the whole city is covered with a thin layer of fresh snow. The dog jumps through a small fence and goes closer to some garages to raise a bunch there. I am one of those who principally clean up for their pet, so with a smooth movement, I put a bag on my hand, climb over the fence and go to the garages - there is dark and the nibuga is not visible. In order to find in the snow a bunch of cockroaches, I pick up my phone, turn on the lighthouse, sit on the shells and start looking. The dog is rolling out of the garage at this moment - she is not interested in my problems. The warm cockroaches are quickly found, I stretch to them and grab them in a bag - and at that moment the whole world is illuminated by bright blue flashes (I hide) and from somewhere behind some people start screaming to me "Stop, cock!" I can hear the climbing of the boots. I turn around and see two police officers approaching me as fast as in movies – one thick and low, the other staircase and dirt at the same time. Running into the focus, the tall begins to scream: "What, fuck, in the package, open the package, let's fuck!" I obey, I open the package, but, as I said, the garages are dark, the contents are not clear, so the policeman takes the bag out of my hand, opens it wide and looks into it, bringing it closer to the face. It was at this moment that the hellish smell of the dog fucking put him in the nose a powerful hook, he plunges the bag and looks closely at me with obvious astonishment (, the guy at night runs behind the garages in the dark and is not looking for a pitch, but fucking from the dog - while the dog is not there!) and. At this point, the noise from the garages runs out my Blonde, the cops look at her, then on the bag of shit, then on me, the situation begins to reach their brains, and, with the words, "Well fuck you in the mouth!" They turn around and go to the car. The world stops blinking blue, we stay at the garages in silence and darkness three under the peacefully falling snowflakes: I, a dog and a bag of shit.

The 44-year-old woman was unemployed. Being a good and sought-after specialist, I am not especially upset, especially since there is always a demand for sellers. I wrote a resume, posted it where it was appropriate, sent it to vacancies... 2 months have passed, no response, there is no silence at all. The lady began to get nervous, and after moral torments went to the counterfeit - added to the date of birth 5 years. Three weeks of waiting, the result is zero. Then, continuing her vicious path, she rejuvenated herself by another 5 years... In the next two days, the lady went through 9 interviews. And every one of them!) ended with an invitation to work. At recent meetings, she had already admitted with some coquetiness that she was slightly sluggish with age. But the employers were only astonished with their hands, and some mulled compliments about the appearance.

The Conclusion. Candidates over 35 are not reluctant to consider, their resumes are simply not read. This is the story of 2012. Now everything is probably even better.

Ignorance of a state secret does not exempt from responsibility for its disclosure. Actually the story. Before a lecture in a very large Russian corporation, I was asked to write down that my presentation did not contain a state secret. I answered them that I am not committed to the state secret, and I do not know what it is. Therefore, I cannot guarantee that it is not included in my presentation. There was some hustle.

Friday and evening. I go to Mac to buy something delicious. While waiting for the order, I hear a conversation of a family couple who went for the same thing.



Man: Let’s take more potatoes with sauce, let’s make.

Burger is enough, hug yourself.

Man: Listen, maybe coke, or do you want to drink?

There is water at home!



And like growing up, and the tastes still do not allow. Probably offended him.

It was a long time. I worked in "Technosil" with a man of 1.60 height (one meter, sixty centimeters), he apparently would compensate for his growth fiercely coupled on the hoverboard and apparently ate some hormones, which was manifested in eternal sperm toxicosis, he when communicating with the buyers spoke with breathing and shook him up, not to mention an uncontrolled erection. I do not rule out the possibility that he had problems with his head, because he ran into the sorting to shake at least 3 times during the work shift, but on a good day he could run 5-6 times. He really looked like Sponge Bob. The small, with short racked legs and the same hands, always walked in the scourge and his hands could not descend on the seams, while absolutely bald as a knee. It was worth entering the shopping hall to another buyer of large sizes, as our square man said to me in a whisper, "Oh look - a duck!" I was eager to talk about protein supplements and why methane gas? Is it necessary to say that the girl's colleagues were just cuddling with him and his efforts to attract attention could not lead to any reciprocity. Those words were my honor!! He could walk in the shopping hall for at least a whole day on his hands, loading to the shopping hall with refrigerators and other white equipment he did not allow at all, and to show the girls easily pulled 130-pound two-stitched refrigerators alone with amazing ease. Whether he was constantly distracted by drugs, or he himself was such a vivic, but during the whole shift he did not stop at all and chased, chasing the shopping hall with a staggering speed. And if the flattering disappeared, it meant that he was either at dinner or shaking, why did he not hide this, and to the question of the management: where were you, shit, for 10 minutes? He calmly replied, “I drowned. His sales were not fantastic and always kept in line with the plan, he did not pair up dop buyers. guarantees, clothes, cables, wipes and other garbage, he just sold it and did it with some inherent hassle. He complained that it was difficult for him to wash his head on his own (banks interfere) and for this he always shaves her hair at the barber, it is very difficult in crowded public transport to pass over or just survive: I am not seen, because my volume exceeds my height and people standing on their feet and trying to get up to the tram loathing and demanding to shake up, say this is a free place, but there is our cubometer, which is not banally visible. But the real talent he showed when the competitor and I decided to play basketball! Kubometer breaking into the cigarette said: I am on anybody in the team! I’m ashamed now, but I’m roaring along with the others. He did not get offended, but only smiled and said: you will understand it all yourself, after work we go to the neighboring yard to the basketball court. So we went. Our surprise had no limits. To play decided in one ring, and immediately he was one against two, he said: What hasn't played a long time and you need to break up, so far there are only two opponents. At the end of this "training", when our smokers died of the breath and their buttocks were in soap, Kubometer continued to jump around the site. In the final he said, "Look guys, and standing under the ring, from the place just jumped up there with his head, in the sense of jumped so high up from the place that his head was in the ring, could probably have been higher but worked a physical restrictor in the form of widened shoulders.

Baseball we won only thanks to him! After the "match" we carried him down the street straight to the bar, where he drank a glass of milk cocktail and sang karaoke).



Wherever you are Kubometer, I’m glad we know you and so many fun emotions are associated with working together with you!

On their knees they ask, and on their knees they ask.

I stand on the side of the road, here at the passing van the back door opens on the move, the box falls right under my feet, the door closes, and the car is taken away. I didn’t even have time to be scared. I open a full box of ice cream in cups of waffles. This is, of course, not 500 Eskimo from a helicopter, but luzuha, definitely luzuha!