I bought my first apartment from a lonely woman. Her children were taken with her. This old lady in her old age was fascinated by flower farming, planting flowers near her house. And she had a strange thing – she was talking to her flowers. It was quiet, hardly heard, but it was hard not to notice.

In general, my grandmother went, I spent the night in the apartment, knocking at the door. The neighbor is:

Hi to

Hi to

How did you sleep in a new place?

- Excellent

- Strange, because the former owner was obsessed, the apartment would have to be sanctified.

I did not notice her obsession.

So she was constantly talking to evil spirits, did not notice.

Ordinary cute old lady.

She pretended. Definitely clean the apartment. After the obsessors must be sanctified.

and left.

After 3 years in that apartment, I realized that the obsessive was just a neighbor.

The mind helps to be happy, and stupidity helps to feel happy.

The crows were tortured, interrupted the entire site. The lawn fails, the paths fail, shorter - the gesture! Here I went to Ikea and read the inscription at the entrance: "Ikea, using the batteries, saved 1,700,000 croats." The first thought: "That's the fucking one who is divorcing them!“...

A lieutenant enters the barracks:
Who knows about electricity?
and I! One newcomer comes up.
What finished?
A red diploma.
It will come down. Make sure the lights are turned off at 22:00.

The passenger told me today.

He bought a new phone Honor. began to study. The camera has an “Augmented Reality” function. You can stick the ears of rabbits, five pigs, etc. to your photo. And you can change the background - Egyptian pyramids, big ben...

Well, he photographed himself and placed the backdrop of the sea. And his wife dropped by the watsapa. The message is sorry. I am tired. He flew to Sochi. I will come back in a week.

His wife dropped some evil smiley and that's all.

In the evening, the man returns home. There is no one at home. Started the phone call - the children of my grandmother, my wife, where, the phone off the network. It appeared only two days later. He says he had a girlfriend who doesn’t talk to him. As an excuse, I am tired too.

I tried the fools to get around. But it’s also full of fools!

When I was young, I lived in the glorious town of Konotope. In the neighboring entrance lived an old alcoholic woman, whom everyone simply called Froska. She was famous for appearing without invitation at all weddings, funerals and other events where you could raise your degree.
One summer, she came to a funeral, heated herself thoroughly, and then joined the funeral procession. At the end of the ceremony, her legs were no longer held, she lay on the cemetery grass and fell asleep.
She was awakened at night by the joint action of the desire to flatter and someone's loud voices. Froska slipped to the fence and saw a guy with a girl, in his hands holding a suitcase and a bottle of wine, which he insistently tried to cater to his girlfriend. The lazy went away.
And then, out of the cemetery fence, a clumsy hand stretched out, and a chilling, humble voice said, “Listen, guy, give me!”
A second later, the guy and the girl disappeared at maximum speed, dropping a bottle and a suitcase. Froska, having gathered all her strength, overcame the fence, devastated the bottle and felt human again. As an honest law-obedient citizen of the USSR, she took the suitcase to the militia in the morning (there, while the protocol was drawn up, the stomachs exploded). The boy was quickly found, although he stopped bingeing only after a month. Frossk became a local attraction.

The most difficult thing on anekdot.ru is to separate anecdotes from news.

Today watched a flirt-dating on the beach already quite not young people. Like in an American film of the 80s.

You know, with such teenage, ambiguous phrases.

There is a woman around 40 somewhere near me. 20 minutes later, a man approached her with his stomach pulled by force.

Hello girl, can I take a picture of you? You are the decoration of this beach. The man said, holding his stomach.

The woman looked at him with interest.

Wouldn’t you drop the horizon? A ha-ha-ha (unnatural laughter always paints the inconvenience of the situation)

I do not promise! I can... fall!

and ha ha ha.

and ha ha ha. The important thing is not to hurry. ... ha ha.

You are funny. and ha ha ha.

How did you say your name? I did not hear.

How clever you are. I did not name my name.

Let me guess. The Afrodite?

and ha ha ha. No is. and Oksana.

And I am Mika. Very pleasant. Going to swim?

And yes no. I cannot swim.

and Oksana. Let us go. I’m sure you won’t drown.

Oksana became serious at the moment.

Do I not drown? Why not drown? I am in yours. ...... Is it shit?

The woman silently stood up and left.

The man swallowed. Thirty other people who followed the dialogue were stunned.

P. S is

That’s it, the drama!

One of my friends has two sisters - twins - 8 years younger. After their birth, the father left, lived and slept with his mother in a 2-bedroom apartment in the center. At the age of eight, he became both a brother and a father. They lived in a one-bedroom apartment, a friend lived on an insulated lodge all this time. A year ago, his father and grandmother were drunk to death from a whirlwind. The apartment was inherited by my aunt and was repaired. Half a year later, she handed away the keys and documents from a friend’s mother’s apartment – “This is your alimony from my brother for 10 years.”

XXX: It’s shit when you’re both a handjob and a perfectionist. The result that you get is not pleasing to you, and the result that you would get is not successful.

yyy: All my life described (

In the house where I lived most of my life, a lonely old lady died 40 years ago. Relatives were far away and traveled for a long time - in general, the apartment was opened, and at first all the funerals were carried out by neighbors-knowns.

It is noteworthy that the apartment was a warehouse of all kinds of barracks of different degrees of antiquity and antiquity. At the same time, she was very suitable for life. The old lady slept on a iron bed with a grid that was so hollow and hollow that a bunch of all kinds of sloppy clothes were just stuffed under the mattress so that you could somehow lie down.

This is witness observation.

Then some relatives arrived. After the funeral, they began to scratch the apartment in order to somehow adapt it to life. There was no talk about repairs yet - there was so much barrel that it was necessary to start at least somehow. Even before the fact that (per at the daytime) all the neighbors involved and others offered to catch whoever liked, well within the limits.

My grandmother (according to my father’s instructions) took a small drill. I remember her.

And what was of the least value was quickly carried out for washing.

And here comes the matter of carpets. They remove the carpet from the wall - and there is the inscription on the wallpaper: "Gold in the mattress."

I know where the mattress was at the time.

Or rather, where he was no longer.

yyy: A good idea for family trolling, even if there is no gold. ;D

xxx: Oh... I remember in 2008 my friend and I designed a house for a classroom. 8 hours of one picture.

Beyond designing, what else did you do with her?

I joke at night, of course. Or is it about a girlfriend?

A acquaintance told me. He hunted within the city (Ryazan) on sandy carriers. Further his story:

“It’s early in the morning, a little fog, I’m standing and catching. The "Buhanka" (UAZ) comes in, a man comes out, not in a hurry dresses himself in a submarine suit, wears balloon on his back, lashes and went into the water.

I stand as an officer.

A few minutes later, he comes out, carrying a drowned man, aged 25-40. He puts him on the shore, changes his clothes and leaves.

And I stand like a fool, alone in the early morning, with a corpse next to me.

I pulled out my pants and left.”

There was a friend who told the girls that he was a virgin. Some slept with him.

YYY: I had that. I told the girl that I never slept with anyone... I’m sorry, not very successful. I was angry, turned away. I asked her: What is it? I said I have the first time. She turns: Oh, I thought you were joking!

And then, with such enthusiasm: Yes! Go again! You will study!

My husband’s phone died. He bought a new one, sits, restores contacts. I see, he records me as a “Lighthouse.” I was mistaken, he was a man with a lot of emotions, love proves more in deeds than in words, and here he signed so poetically.

I approached and cuddly asked:

Is it because I am lighting your life?

He was confused at first, and then cried and said:

No, it’s because your ass is constantly swallowing.)

I had an operation on my eyes a year and a half ago. To the home from the clinic to go 15 minutes, but I was not able, so my grandfather met me, and we called a taxi to the house. The price of the trip is 100r.

They went. My grandfather sat in the front seat, I was in the back. I wanted to say to the taxi driver, “Yu, you’re a toxic.” For he has managed to shake his ears with the fact that the government is shit, everyone ruined, everyone steals, no honesty, corruption, poor people suffer and so on.

We finally arrived. Grandpa goes out, I give the taxi driver the money, he quietly takes, and quickly leaves, I barely shut the door.

Then it turned out that grandfather also paid him, only I saw nothing because of the diaper) probably, afraid that we would uncover it and take the money, as the dwarf government does.

Compared to leading TV news, those who are on the track have a decent, necessary and noble profession.

Posts by Peckin 2020
Everyone remembers how the notorious postman did not give the package because of the lack of documents from the recipient.
However, time is not standing still, with time the marasme only strengthens and goes to a new technological level.
End of October 2020. The pandemic. Somewhere in the south of Russia, my aunt and aunt were sick with the crown, lying in the hospital. You need one drug, the other, because the supplies in the hospital are extremely limited. In the pharmacies of this and neighboring cities there is no line. Fortunately, in Peter we can find a lot of what we need. Purchase and Express Delivery. And here again we need the medicine X. We find it in a well-known Internet system. They do not sell themselves, but deliver to one of the pharmacies of the city, of choice. The pharmacy is selling. In the evening we order, we quickly receive a confirmation that tomorrow at lunch will be delivered to the pharmacy. As long as everything goes well. At 11 a.m., I see on the Internet that the order is already in the pharmacy. Everything worked superbly! I go to the pharmacy, call the order number. Yes, we did, but we can’t sell. Why is? The Marking! The system does not work. When can you sell? Maybe in an hour, maybe in a week. Fuck the fuck! The same marking we have been suffering with in the shoe industry since March this year and which has deprived us of a portion of our customers because they were unable to work with it. Curve site system, no needed functions, regular glues. This is all about the marking system. They also brought their pets to the pharmacy!
So the arrangement: there is a patient who urgently needs a medicine, this is the same medicine in the hands of the provider, this is the money for him (we don't remember about free medicine and medicines). But what a shit sticker that is wrongly read or not read at all. The sticker was invented by another idiot under the pretext of some public good, but in fact to get 50 copies for its release. It is 50 kopecks for each sticker that some people are involved in this shit. And with those 50 copies, do what you want. Look for medicine elsewhere if you find it. And no, so suffer and die, dear comrades. The pandemic? No, they didn’t hear... We have our most important to get from you.

Previously, in the Soviet Union, there was only one television program about animals - it was so called - "In the world of animals".
Now she is not there, but there is “House-2”, “Let’s get married”, “Let’s talk”...
I liked the old broadcast more.