Dishonest attention is easily recognized by a silent snoring.

There was the feminist Samantha Brick. She worked as an executive producer on top channels such as MTV. The job was prestigious and highly paid, but she didn't like "glass ceilings", and most bosses were misogyn. She decided to prove to them all that women can do well without men! After all, women are not inferior to men in anything - so why not organize their own company, where only women will be accepted? Smart, capable and career-oriented. They will work in harmony and sisterhood, without any ugly males there.

If a man in Britain tried to organize a company under the slogan “we don’t accept women,” he’t get out of the courts. The company would go bankrupt without having time to emerge, and he himself would be affected by feminists and made a crestomatic example of a dreamy patriarchal misogyne, after which he could only count on the work of a carrier. And so, everyone very much endorsed the idea of Samantha Brick. Try to say something, you won’t be happy.

said and done. Samantha laid the house to get the start-up capital; the area in which the company was supposed to operate (television) was well known to her, and Samantha’s reputation was high. The seven women she hired were delighted with her idea. It is true that they demanded high salaries, but it is fair – good professionals demand high salaries. And all wrapped...

A week later, the employees split into two cliques: those who worked together before, and the rest. The “Other” were not invited to lunch and coffee, and even when women met after work, it was easy to see who of them was considered cool and who was not: from who in what places sat around the table, who with whom was polite.

Then the battle began for clothes. Everyone was here for themselves. It was constantly said of the ugliness: one over-dressed, the other a false garment. If any girl demonstrated renewal, she was praised in the eyes, and in the eyes was subjected to devastating criticism. This rule had no exceptions. Samantha’s deputy, Sarah, refused to accept the best candidate for the post of secretary only because she didn’t distinguish between Missoni and Marc Jacobs brands. Samantha did not object.

Sarah still disliked the young employee, formerly his ex-girlfriend, because they came to the office with the same bags received as a Christmas gift. That is, they managed to make compliments to each other, but became enemies - at the expense of the company. Two other employees came into the office in the same jeans. One said that the jeans look better on her because she has the eighth size, and the other employee has the tenth.

Other employees were divided into those who used cosmetics and those who did not. Typical comments were “is she ever hairy?” Everyone in the bus probably thinks she’s a prostitute. Of course, all such comments were made behind the back.

Everyone was on a diet. If Samantha bought a sandwich with tuna, her eyes were called a pig (Samantha's size is 12). The two thickest girls liked to talk about the fatest, “If I were such a thick girl, I would have committed suicide.” Another pretended to drink low-fat latte – it was actually fat.

Leaving work to visit a beauty salon was fine. One girl was always late because of the fact that she painted her hair every morning, and when Samata put it on her face, she became very angry. He explained the reason for his delay. Others just arrived late, and if Samantha pointed at the clock, they said something about the late electric car. In the office, work was second after talk about shopping, boyfriends, and diets, and the poisonous comments of two employees who ticked their teeth on the third, Natasha. Six months later, the hostility reached such a degree that they simply took Natasha's laptop and refused to return it. In order to settle the incident, Samantha had to cancel all meetings and return to the office. Sarah refused to intervene, she didn’t want to be a “evil cop”.

Then the women began to argue openly. One of them said something ridiculous about the other, the other did not stay in debt, then the rest joined the quarrel, and soon in the office stood or and blasphemy. The quarrel ended in the fact that one of the women began to cry, and her friends were comforted. The group was divided into two parts: one in the office, the other in the toilet. Each group mocked the other in every way, and the work stood.

Then Samantha wrote instructions on how to be mutually polite. Everything revolved around the fact that all colleagues had to be respected, criticism and gossip were prohibited. Everyone agreed, but in reality nothing changed. The girls continued to behave like before. And when one of the employees began to undergo a course of artificial insemination, she splashed out her hormone-induced anger on others without warning and without apologies. The same happened when someone had PMS – which happened very often because all employees were women.

But the hormones were only the second cause of absence and bad mood. The first reason was a love life. When one of the women broke up with her boyfriend, she sent Samantha a letter that she should be "super understanding and tactical with her at work." Her tears at work continued for a week, to the great joy of her enemies. The other, meeting with the two at once, instructed the employees what to say to which of the two guys. He had an excessive sexual appetite. And okay, but she devoted in detail her intimate life to all employees, whether they wanted it or not. Samantha often received complaints about her rude tongue.

The quarrels diminished when Samantha hired two male operators (operators have to pull heavy equipment by type of activity, so men usually go to this job). Women were distracted from their quarrels and began to flirt with boys.

A year later, the company had financial problems. Sarah was hospitalized for a month. Even she did not respond to the calls of people demanding payments on the bills, which destroyed the company's reputation. In an attempt to save the company, Samantha sold both of her cars, but it was too late. In March 2007, less than two years after the company was founded, it collapsed.

One girl confessed to me that in her past life she was a witch. How was it necessary to sin in order that after the torture of the Spanish Inquisition and the public execution on the fire to re-incarnate in Barnaul?

I remembered it before the New Year. December, I’m still a kid, I’m sitting in the kitchen with my older brother and mother. Here the brother says:

Have you already written a letter to Santa?

I look at him with amazed eyes:

Meaning of letter? How to write? And what will be? Where to put it? And what? And how? And why? ...

Brother: Just write a letter to Santa Claus, put it under the pillow and indicate there what you want as a gift for the New Year!

I: And that is all? Can I write anything? Anything at all? Even a helicopter? ? to



Mother with her eyes open does not have time to put in the words and brother continues:

Yes, whatever it is! This is Santa!



I happily flew to write a letter, not even paying attention to the possible further fight of my mother with my brother))



And here is the New Year, I climb under the tree, and there are gel pins with glitters! I asked them! Three blades of silver! )) My happiness had no limits. At that moment, I really believed in miracles.



Years later, I met again with my mother. 30 December. Me, mother, brother and his son.

I get up from the chair and say:

The Noble! Have you written a letter to Santa Claus?

My brother’s face stretched out.

You can write anything! Whatever you want, I continue.



My brother was not as fortunate as my mother. The tribe wrote “iPhone”. He was about 6 years old then. But he eventually got a chocolate in the form of an iPhone and other toys. No more letters to Santa Claus. I’ve been writing four years since the first letter. I stopped when I found all my letters in my mom’s closet.



Morality: To believe in magic, consider the possibilities of bathi.

Once, as a twelve-year-old girl, she asked her father-in-law not to masturbate with me anymore. By rounding and increasing the size of my mother's eyes, I realized that I was rubbing some fierce wild. I had to admit that I heard on TV that masturbation is a bad habit. And bad habits are smoking, swinging on a chair and biting nails, the last eye was just doing it. I no longer use words whose meanings I do not fully understand.

I received a warning today.

The Employer is us (Yesterday):

We are all one family, if someone at work, or even at home, have any problems or difficulties - approach me boldly, as I can try to help. Just talk, just approach me. We are all in the same boat.

Colleagues - the employer (today at all):

Hi to you! How do you live?

Don’t make a family...

(K) – Then don’t advertise your small boat anymore.

Yes, the idea of making December 31st a non-working day is not bad, because on December 31st almost nobody works. But if the 31st is not working, then it will not work already on December 30.

There was in one Siberian city a remarkable theatrical actor and director, folk artist Boris Nikolaevich Kiselyov. He told a funny incident that happened to him in the 1970s, on the eve of the New Year.
The trade union committee instructed two artists in the image of Santa Claus and Snowmen to travel through the apartments of theater workers and congratulate the children with the coming New Year. It should have been done on December 31. Father Christmas was appointed Boris Kiselyov. It is understandable: the best candidate for the role of a good grandfather in the whole city cannot be found. A favorite of the public, ballagur-veselchak - a solid appearance, a chic voice. All would be nothing, but on the evening of the same day Boris Nikolaevich was to play the main role in the theatrical New Year's performance - and he was simply obliged to remain sober by that time. The artist perfectly understood that a hospitable Soviet man for nothing would release a expensive guest from his apartment without a traditional drink "on a pad". To refuse in such a situation was to offend the masters.
How to? The artist found a way out. On his chest under the de-Morozov costume he installed a large medical heater. He inserted a pipe into it, which ended out with a plastic wreath. This wreck Boris Nikolaevich fixed and hid under his beard - somewhere in the neck.
Congratulations to the children at home went according to plan. When Santa was offered a drink to the owner to say goodbye, he did not refuse, but pulled off his beard and carefully threw the contents into the wreath. Who saw where the alcohol actually went?
After the evening performance, before going home and greeting the New Year, the whole group of artists gathered for a short feast. This is where they got the baking soda. When its contents were poured into the dish, they saw that there was a liter of three pink, pleasantly smelly liquid. In taste, it was not bad.
Boris Kiselyov, recalling that working day, said: "And what is interesting, the alcoholic cocktail was enough for the whole group that gathered." And he added, “Imagine how the show would end if I had to drink all this alone.”
This happened more than forty years ago. Per today the ingenuity of the theatrical artist will help someone to meet another new year in a healthy mind and a solid memory.

I want the main tree of the country to hang on the main new year tree of the country.

My girlfriend had a very good grandmother.

A nice woman, but here is her habit of asking everything thoroughly. In childhood, friends of a girlfriend didn't even want to call her on the home phone (the cell phone wasn't everybody then), call for a walk, because if you suddenly rush to Antonina Pavlovna, it begins:

Who is asking her? What did you want? Where do you want to walk? In the cinema? In what movie? Who else will be there? What kind of saucer is this? What class do you go to? half an hour.

Then a fraudster called my grandmother. Presented to the police, said, your son shot a man, urgently need to transfer the money, so that the son is not jailed. (Popular at the time of divorce, and with the son they guessed, so the grandmother generally believed them)

and carried out:

Whom did he beat? At what time was it? Where did he drive? What did he do there? Who else was in the car? Which car was he in, his wife?

In short, the fraudster dropped the phone.

Monday is a bright day that marks the beginning of a joyful working week. Therefore, on Monday, it is better not to go to work, so as not to obscure the holiday.

Old New Year’s story. Before the New Year, the trade union of our rural PTU has traditionally identified Santa Claus and Snowball in the team, provided costumes, sweet gifts and car transport - and sent to congratulate the children and grandchildren of employees. It is clear that to congratulate started from the most distant, and ended in the dormitory, so our child was among the last to congratulate. We waited for congratulators in the evening, the daughter read the verse, guessed the puzzles, received a gift, and pleased went to bed, and we offered colleagues to stay in the kitchen for a drink or another.
I have to say that the colleagues came almost sober (even more, among those visited were the management apartments), but as their mission was close to completion (colleagues lived in the same dormitory), they were not against relaxing a little. There was only one congratulation left to them, and this is what came to be said - Santa Claus and Snowmen have to congratulate their own children! Our artists were from different families, but this evening the children were neighborly socialized and expected congratulations together. Our friends visited that for all children the congratulations were a New Year's surprise, and their children, despite the precautions, saw something from the preparations, are aware of what is happening and, of course, parents will learn. What is the surprise?
My wife and I got into the situation and said, “So what’s the problem?” Can you congratulate your children? Take the record!”
Santa Claus, I, like any adult man, have been to it many times – before and after that. But such a spectacular appearance, such opened eyes of amazement, as then, I will not remember! Even so, the children are waiting for Igor’s mother and Seroj’s dad to come with Lena, and instead of them they are coming... Santa Claus and Snowmen! It happened amazingly. Here the parents of the children appeared: "We need to, Santa and Snowmen!“!”
In general, everything went well, which was noted during the subsequent working discussion within the kitchen...
The new year is rushing to us.

Putin said that in the event of agreements with Ukraine, gas for final consumers in Ukraine could be cheaper by 25%.
Dear Vladimir Vladimirovich, what need to be agreed with the government to the population of the Russian Federation, so that our gas is cheaper at least by some percentage?

We had a man in the company. One day, he sneezed, a snake flew out of his nose, hanged on his jacket and froze. He had the name Sabiro.

I have a friend, let’s call him Fedor (25 years old). He loves to drink. Drink beer after work and whiskey on weekends. I didn’t even know him at the time. It is clear and explicit. It is not bad for Russian standards. A couple of years ago, he suddenly married everyone. Clown, he had no relationship before the word at all. I don't know why his wife chose him, but immediately after the wedding she began to drink him. You’ll see him again in the company, and he doesn’t drink. Let us all ask, “What’s the matter?” “How about driving?” Leave the car!” At first he was justified that under antibiotics, or tomorrow to get up... Sometimes he still gave up and drunk in the hills. And then he has already begun to really hold for more than six months, and I ask him (dialogue restored approximately in shrinkage):

Do you admit that your wife forced you to leave?

“Yes, no, I read Alain Carr’s book and realized that alcohol is a poison that has an unpleasant taste. Moderate drinkers are also alcoholics only at another stage of alcoholism.

Is his wife satisfied?

So I divorced.

O O O O? ? to ? to

I trembled

Experience is when you know, but you no longer have the strength.

During the Soviet rule in Odessa lived one descendant jeweller - Khayim Osipovich Ermolitsky. When he decided to emigrate, the KGB established a 24-hour surveillance. The commissioners had no doubt that he would try to take out his diamonds. When they saw that he had bought two pairs of shoes on a thick waist, they realized that he wanted to hide the jewelry in them.

And they were right. At home, Khaym shattered the curtains on the windows, took a drill, drilled holes in the helmets and poured stones into them. The holes are carefully sealed. Then I put on my shoes and walked around the room. The diamonds issued such a terrible scream that the old man sweated out of horror.

But since he had no other plans to take them out, he shrugged his hand and said, “Whatever happens!”Diamonds, in principle, he had not very many, so one pair of shoes was enough. The second one he gave to his nephew Misha.

On the appointed day, Haim went to the sea station. The ferry to Haifa departed from there. Misha went to accompany him. In the car he was very nervous.

Misha, you know what? He told his nephew. I am 80 years old. Why do I need these treasures? I want to kiss the Holy Land and die peacefully. You will still need them.

After that, he changed his shoes. At the station of Haima immediately directed to customs officers, who had already been warned. They polently asked him to relax and disassembled his new shoes into component parts. They were so confident that they would send this perpetrator not to Israel, but to the opposite side, that they were even upset.

Then they called where to go and said, “There’s nothing in the shoes, what to do?” They are answered: waste the suitcase, jacket, pants, if there is a hat, waste the hat. They did it – nothing! Again they call where they need to be, those: turn it out, it is impossible that it should not be!

Customs officers, not thinking long, took the unfortunate to the hospital, where he was washed the stomach, forced to drink a liter of contrast fluid, took a X-ray and again found nothing. This time they already say: it’s hard to believe, but apparently we were wrong, sorry for the worry.

Then these customsmen washed their hands with soap and went around the houses. The next shift was followed by a new group of customs officers, which included junior lieutenant Tatiana Nikolaevna Lugovskaya.

This was a simple Soviet woman 55 years old, who due to circumstances of personal and work life was in a rather depressing state of mind. There was a reason for that, but remove it. Just that day, her cat gave birth to six kittens, and could not give them. None of one. They used to eat, and now they say they don’t eat anything.

Then she, with a heavy heart, poured half a bowl of water and drowned them. And the cat went all the way into the bowl to find out what the owner was doing to her puppies. At the same time, she whispered with such a wild voice that this whisper stood in the ears of Tatiana Nikolaevna all the time she was going to the service.

Through her usual affair, Tatiana Nikolaevna hoped to distract herself from the experience, but it wasn’t here. In the office she was waiting for Hermione. The old man, as they say, had no face. And, more precisely, there was nothing on it at all, except blue sitzers and partly white shirts.

This is who? She asked.

He was stuck there, I explained carelessly.

Tatiana Nikolaevna approached the old man, looked at his documents and asked:

– Haim Osipovich, do you have anything to wear?

“I have a desire to die and not see this nightmare,” said Khaym Osipovich.

Does someone accompany you? asked the customs officer.

“Neighbor,” said the old man, and slightly waved in the direction of the door through which he entered the cleansing place.

Then Tatiana Nikolaevna went out to the hall, where the accompanyers were crowded, and asked whether there was a nephew of Khaym Osipovich Ermolitsky among them.

There is! He was immediately found.

“A young man,” said Tatiana Nikolaevna. For reasons beyond my control, the costume and shoes in which Khaym Osipovich was going to go to his historic homeland have become useless. But don’t worry, Haim Osipovich himself is almost in full swing. He just needs to change his clothes before he leaves.

“I can only get rid of myself,” the nephew suggested.

Would you go home in shorts and shorts?

- Listen, in Odessa, a pedestrian in a coward and a maid is a normal phenomenon, - found a nephew. Maybe he’s coming back from the beach, or maybe he’s gone out to throw the garbage. But to appear in this way abroad is uncomfortable. Foreign media may misinterpret this. Do you understand me?

“Well, let’s see what you have there,” Tatyana Nikolaevna breathed, and five minutes later, Khaym Osipovich wore his nephew’s jeans, his Adidas T-shirt with three red strips on his shoulders and completely new shoes, where all his life’s savings lay.

How do you feel? The younger lieutenant Lugansk.

“Better,” Haim Osipovich replied laconically and went to the trap.

Vadim Yarmoulinets

Putin told the Russians that they now have a hypersonic missile capable of hitting America.
And about the fact that the Russians have salaries and pensions that can hit America - he did not say.

I was waiting for the baby to drink beer in liters. My wife’s behavior has not changed.

YYY: Ohoo, do I mean I’ve been on the subconscious for 8 years waiting for a baby, especially on weekends?

Zzz: The Latent Father

Something funny and unclear happened yesterday. The engineer calls, two monitors simultaneously started to loosen. Coming here, it will be very good. Connected these monitors to another comp in the neighboring cabinet, there is no strip. I pulled the monitors back, slapped. Connected monitors from another company from the neighboring office, loose. I decided to do something with the compass. Replaced the system, it will still fade. We checked the power wires, tried in different options to connect, slash. I pulled another system from the warehouse. We installed a new monitor from the box, as well as stripes. Here, the engineer gives out that he only brushes in the morning and in the evening when it is dark on the street, and when the sun shines then the norm. Here it shaded, turned off the lights in the office, the lanes disappeared. It turned out that the cabinet replaced the mercury lamps with LEDs, and just above the table of this comrade, there was a faulty lamp that flashed, somehow the flashing frequency of the lamp coincided with the frequency of the monitor and from this there were bands. I wanted to run after the shaman. and :-)