bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №117092
 09.08.2015
Even in your exhibition, the son is engaged in small thefts, and the traces of your "education" are visible to strangers a mile away. I am afraid to imagine what is actually happening. Because, in fact, if you do not disturb anything, then why are you afraid of a simple conversation with a psychologist, like the hell?
— — — —
It is written that the child was caught for theft for two days in a row (thus he did this quite often), and this child did not experience moral suffering. So there is no need for a psychologist, but a police officer from the minor affairs department.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117091
 09.08.2015
XXX is produced. "we did not manufacture the products because the service was lost".
When will I be given a gun with one bullet at the meeting?
YYY: never
YYY: No gun
Tagged: fucking service

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №117090
 09.08.2015
by webest.net

Brighton Beach... I stand, I smoke, I look around. I am approached by an energetic elderly lady very characteristic of those outdoors. A seven-year-old boy hangs on a lady’s anchor and repeats:
I want ice cream! Buy an ice cream!
Finally, in the immediate vicinity of me, the lady’s patience is exhausted. She stops, and having turned all of her considerable body to her grandson, gives, blocking the noise of the earth:
Listen to shit! There is such a word – plizz!

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №117089
 09.08.2015
More stupid than burning food can only be her shooting.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №117088
 09.08.2015
In connection with the death of Natalia Silchanova, another diver recalled.

Unfortunately, in the broad dive circles Yura Lipsky became famous only after his death, although, in my opinion, Yura could be called a true hero of our time. He was the only person who challenged the Russian oligarchs. He entered into a fight with them and won it.

This happened during the financial crisis of 1998. At the end of July this year, Boris Yeltsin solemnly promised to lie on the rails if a default occurs in the country, and a few days after this promise, the default was announced. I think that Yeltsin still lay quietly on the rails somewhere in a secluded place, for example, in his garden in Barchive. Just no one has seen that. The heads of Russian banks did not want to lie on the rails or on any other road cover. Because of their poverty, poverty and orphanage, they simply refused to pay the workers. And one morning, Jura, like many of our fellow citizens, received an official notification from several banks in which his dollars were held.
They were all about the same content and looked like this: “Dear Mr. Lipsky! Unfortunately, our bank will not be able to return your money soon. But it undertakes to return them in full within five years in rubles at the current MMVB rate. All the best. With respect. Governor of the Bank.”

Most people, having received such letters at this point, breathed hard and said goodbye to the money. But not Jura.
Without long thinking, he printed back letters mirroring bank deposits, with the only difference that they were addressed to the bank manager, and the signature of Mr. Lipsky was at the bottom.
They said, “Dear Mr. Governor! Unfortunately, I will not be able to return your money soon. But I undertake to return them in full within five years in rubles at the current MMVB rate. All the best. With respect. Yuri Lipsky »
What an absurdity, every bank manager thought, we owe it to him, not he to us. Probably something abnormal. We are writing a lot of things.

But Jura knew what he was doing. On this day he flew to Hannover, and from there to San Marino (only after that he went to Egypt, Costa Rica, Cyprus and Spain). Sitting on the aircraft of the Lufthansa company (for trips this time Yura chose only Western companies), he asked the stewardess to bring him several pairs of Citizen diving watches presented in the Duty-free catalog. When asked about the form of payment, he extended the credit card of a respected Russian bank with a wide smile. The total cost of the purchase was approximately $2000. The card in the plane was not checked because it requires a telephone call. Yura had money on the account, and he did not violate the law, and the fact that the bank refused to give him cash is another matter.

Having flown tens of thousands of kilometers in a few days and purchased diving watches approximately the amount of bank debt, Yura decided to exceed it slightly, so, the smallest, to compensate for the moral damage. He estimated the moral damage to a few thousand dollars. It could have been estimated higher, but Jura did not want to irritate the goats. And who knows the habits of these bank workers? They will invent another shit.

From the point of view of the law, the question was crystal clear and at the first indignant call from the bank about the return of money, Yura gently and cunningly explained that the money he would definitely return, all up to a penny, in five years, in rubles at the current rate of MMVB.
Did you not receive my letter, it was sent with notification of delivery and certified by a notary? Look in your papers. Don’t worry, I have copies. If there is a mistake, I am happy to meet you in court.

The situation for the bank was completely pathetic. What is the court? They wrote that they would not return the money, and also signed. What can they demand from Yuri? Apart from scandal and another shame, nothing can be achieved. Unless the reimbursement of Yura's over-spent two thousand, which they will be able to receive only in the form of alimony, it is unclear what size, since according to the documents of Yura, most likely, was unemployed. And the managers of several banks were forced to trust Yuri’s promise. Namely, in five years, in rubles at the MMVB rate, etc. and etc.

Jura carried out this operation mainly out of love for art. He wasn’t in trouble and that money wasn’t big for him. The watch bought by bank card he sold on the Internet, and several copies gave to friends.
His Citizen watches, presented to me, still lie on my desk, in memory of how a smart person can win a session of simultaneous play with several big fools at once, and play with a smile on his face.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №117087
 09.08.2015
They undermined the business of Norwegian fishermen, French wheatstocks and Dutch florists. What are they still carrying to Russia? Whose business would be destroyed?! to
- A business of Russian darmoods that steal the budget,
Have you tried bullying?! to

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №117086
 09.08.2015
The case moves to the night, we write a project with the boss...

xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx
xxx: I made it
[23:47:14] xxx: or broken
XXX is not important.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №117085
 09.08.2015
How to remove mold from the car salon.First reference:
MICHEL
In a dark dark night, you have to drive into a deaf, deaf forest, then you can see how the mold blooms. after tearing a four-leaf flower of mold, jump through a 14 meter carpet, jump through 3 fires, pour diesel fuel in eight tractors, put a flower there, sleep with yeast, drive over after five days of abstinence, drink and forget a long sleep and do not ask strange questions about where the mold came from.
Because she can’t get from nowhere. The car is always raw. It flows. It does not dry. Fuck all the slides.

Dry, disassemble and not make mosquitoes.

PS was scared.
SPs for Positive.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117084
 09.08.2015
One Saturday morning I remembered that as a child I dreamed of rollers. Then I thought about how to squeeze. Introduced: "Rolls of amateur class"... I watched an amateur video with a business class stewardess...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117083
 09.08.2015
Well, secondly, it floats only over the railway, dug under the track. No one shows her, of course.

Did you look at her with a blind eye?
-------
Unlike you, the scientist and the troll, he knows what'superconductors' are! He doesn’t need to see it to know what’s there.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №117082
 09.08.2015
I have a shirt with an enot.
Today, my mother and I fought for her.
Olga: I am an adult woman, a writer with an engineering diploma
I don’t want my mom to buy a t-shirt.

[ + 27 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117081
 09.08.2015
Maybe you are just jealous? If a guy and a girl are good with each other, they embrace, kiss, smile, "shake up" - what's wrong with this? They enjoy each other’s company, and that’s great!
__________________
Stop so childishly justifying your uneducation. No one will pay attention to the "crying on the ear" pair. But when you get into drunkenness publicly footing and ticking the three-layer body, and it whispers to mask its "guy-guy" urges to swallow from pain - the people around struggle with nausea and occasionally sympathize. And those who are in free swimming realize that it is better in free than to agree to such a humiliating relationship with an uncultured person.

Even in the Zamaitsky "We", where people were stripped of the right to any intimacy and privacy - and that to fuck, the characters still covered the transparent walls with curtains. But you - roll, you can still sit straight in the bus, and annoyed stickers that they envy your excellent digestion.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117080
 08.08.2015
There has never been a more absurd and strange situation in my life than to go out on the balcony in the morning and find a fresh peel in a box of flowers.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №117079
 08.08.2015
husband
My wife drinks 5 cups of coffee a day and has as much sex as I do.
Do not make hasty conclusions!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117078
 08.08.2015
As a citizen of HS who:

Briefly about the destruction of foods and the burning of shit on this subject:
Fuck, I forgot to ask.

And I, you shit, am paying taxes! And all this shit is done at my expense too. So yes, I would not bother to ask.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117077
 08.08.2015
I had a date with a girl who had a housekeeper. His name was George Clooney.
Okay, what was the name of Enzo?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117076
 08.08.2015
Maelinhon: I don’t have a note, but a fool.
Updates to the driver of the Waffle Alkaia!
I say, burn, I bless you.
I installed one of the three, in honor of which I turned off Wi-Fi for installation.
And immediately got panicked that the other two could not get down. I turned off the Wi-Fi. And it can't be turned on - the wood is not yet. No, because... and so on.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117075
 08.08.2015
and what?

According to official statistics during the Great Patriotic War:
About 700,000 were removed from the battlefield. The wounded,
<...>
They destroyed 300 enemy tanks.
There were more than 60,000 at the war.

What did your cats do?
----------
That’s why we can’t love cats. Well, the cats of the family woke up in the fire several times, the snakes that flooded into the house, killed, controlled the number of rodents that spoiled the crop and spread the infection, and the children from the same dogs were beaten away (see the video on the titerube)... The plague, which shattered half Europe at the time, was largely due to the fact that, on the order of the Pope, the cats were interrupted by almost all, such as the type of witch champions. Don’t go on cats here.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117074
 08.08.2015
I did an interview for a building magazine.
Uncle so serious, smart, cute...
“I,” he says, “are very good at screwdrives, and also at the Winx and the Pony Star, BLIN!!!” I have a daughter of 3 years!

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117073
 08.08.2015
Basically educational:

_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I bought a pastry. I tasted good on the bread, I stood crumbling. The wife comes and decides to feed the cat. She put it in a bowl... She looks at the cat and suddenly begins to roast.
Look at it! He buried him in a bowl. The fucking taste!
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Cats will instinctively bury not only shit, but also delicious food, if they are not hungry, in order to return and feed.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna