A veteran of the sea.

It was a very tired ship. His machts, cargo arrows, and his body seemed to say, “I’m old! Why do I continue to be tortured and forced to crawl from one port to another?“!”
In the ship itself, despite the consequences of numerous repairs and modernizations, it was still possible to guess the original silhouette of the legendary "Liberty" - the most mass transportation of World War II. At one time, U.S. shipyards made these steamers an incredible number, bringing the total production of all types of such vessels to three units per day by the middle of the war. The quality of the swiftly made ships was disgusting, especially in the early series. In essence, the Liberty type steam, officially designed for five years of operation, was single-use and paid off its construction in the first flight across the Atlantic, delivering its "land leasing" cargo from America to Europe.
It was even more surprising to find such a historic specimen in the suburban Caribbean port at the very beginning of the twentieth century.

Under his steam ship was his captain-mechanic: the daughter of the burning fat man of early retirement age in shorts, a souvenir captain's feather and shorts on the "boss foot". He introduced himself to Victor and told us his story.
In the distant eighties some year Vitya worked as a mechanic on this, the Soviet ship. Capitalism, which began in Russia, picked up an old steam boat and dropped it with the crew into the hands of a new shipowner from Greece. Gradually, the crew on the ship changed, becoming more and more international. Victor, as the only remaining specialist who thoroughly knew the device of the rare ship, the new owner did not want to let go.
As soon as the last remaining Russian sailor rushed to write off to the shore, he was immediately doubled his salary and he remained on the steam boat for another six months. The ship changed owners, countries of registration and ports of assignment, but not mechanics. At some point Vitya realized that Leningrad has long been St. Petersburg, and no one is waiting for him at home. His wife divorced him, his daughter grew up and got married to an Italian.
Without regular docking and major repairs, the once proud "Liberty" rapidly stumbled and stopped allowing it: first to decent ports, and then to almost all the others.
Cabotage flights in the Caribbean Sea are not as profitable as transatlantic, so the next shipowner, realizing the irreplaceability of his ship mechanic, decided not to pay him a salary, but took a share, making him his partner.
Having obtained the rights of the owner, Vitya reduced another expensive position on the ship - the captain, and, having assigned these duties to himself, moved to his cabin. “It’s still good,” he added to his story, “that we don’t have to go to civilized ports, and in these tropical suburbs, where we are ‘cabaret’, the local authorities do not have the habit of carefully conducting ship documents.”

After finishing his narrative, the old sailor took a bundle of keys from his pocket and, showing them, said: “These are the keys from my apartment in Petrogradka. I don't know what's there now."Then he breathed hard and asked, "How do you think I'll ever be there again?"

As soon as the extreme senses say that they can predict the future, immediately write to him in a row, do not worry, the extreme senses have foreseen it and will turn away, and if they do not turn away, then what charlatans to regret.

I have a good acquaintance, a doctor.

And she has a problem - she can't pick up a phone - everyone's battery is weak. The tariffs of the operators, too. All is expensive...

The other day I called, we spoke for 20 minutes, and then suddenly... the connection broke! Recruited it a couple of times - the subscriber is not a subscriber. Well, of course, again the battery village. In 10 minutes I called again - if I don't call again, I'll be offended. At the time, the phone had to be charged. No, the phone is still off.

It was another 10 minutes. I recruited again. turned off again.

Okay, I did my business. After 40 minutes, a call. from the doctor.

Have I been missing for a long time?

40 minutes ago...

I tell you, I tell you. You are silent... I thought, what an attentive listener, with what interest he is listening! Suddenly I decided to look at the time on the phone - and it is turned off! I just put it on charge!

Probably a very fascinating story, if she told me it for 40 minutes on the phone...

My son is about 13. A year ago, he decided to clean the balcony from unnecessary garbage, and at the same time to teach his son to quite legal ways of earning. I installed a local advertising board app on his phone. He showed how to use, explained that in order to have more chances to sell, he described in detail and attached more photos from different angles to the ad. He agreed to keep all the money he received. He has to do all the negotiations on his own. During the following several months, bicycles, old sanitary equipment, dead phones, self-driving cars, plugs and so on were sold. He told his wife not to touch his son or money in any case. For the money he collected, he chose a new phone for himself, and safely bought it, adding a little money from birthday gifts. As a result, he learned to talk and explain to foreign adults some details about the things sold. He gave him a sense of ownership that what he earned was his own. He decides how to spend that money. He instilled the power of will to save money, rather than run away and spend immediately on all sorts of nonsense. Release the balcony.

I sit next to the garage and smoke. Next to his car, a neighbor digs up.For instance, he does it constantly, regardless of whether it is broken or not. He loves engineering, he loves engineering. There are three bombs. Two faces, pressed to the chest, carry iron batteries. Behind them, with a careless view and with two long tubes in their hands, a third shakes out. Men walk slowly, periodically loudly staring under their nose.Fuck, we are late! Twenty minutes left! (Visibly before the closure of the metal reception point, which is further along the road)", - hurries them a friend from behind. They hide him and hide him further. The neighbor, seeing all this action, silently stops them and asks to put the batteries on the ground. After that, he takes one pipe from their third companion and moves it through the sections of two batteries, making for them a kind of "pipe". The men thank, throw all this weaponry on their shoulders and continue their way a little, almost a run. I should have seen their faces.

I had a friend, a circus, aerial gymnast.

One day after the end of the show, when the audience usually approaches to take an autograph, get acquainted or just say thank you, a woman with a little daughter approached and, after expressing admiration and gratitude, asked: "And we were in a city a couple of months ago, at the performance of your circus, and you performed there in a white swimsuit, made of tape. We liked him so much! You’re in black, why?”

I see, the gymnast was a little confused, thought, and then began to explain:

"You understand, the concept of the number has changed a little, it has become more tragic, black better emphasizes the mood. We even let the music slow down a little to express it. And then, in this circus, the light is set a little differently, white would not look like this!

When the woman, satisfied with the conversation, left, I heard light laughter from the circus, friends of the gymnast. He turned to them:

“Well, you think, I’ve gotten a little better, I don’t get into my old swimsuit! I will lose weight!”

The further people depart from animals, the more they become similar to them.

I recently got a cat, Maine Coon. Healthy such a cat with brushes on the ears, a born hunter. The red cat, serious, the sheriff I called him. I live in a private house, in a sufficiently warm climate, in such a way that the cockroaches here are street insects.

Nevertheless, the cockroaches love to fly home. And once they flood, they no longer leave there themselves.

So, my newly acquired cat has done them genocide.

Turtles are not very afraid of people, because they move much sharper than us. By the way, if desired, they can fly, but this desire does not often arise in them. And not to escape from people - they are just lazy to escape from us.

But this is a different thing with the cat, I observed it thoroughly.

At first, the Sheriff was shy and did not go anywhere beyond the first floor, and at the first he was more and more hiding under the washing machine. Then he mastered, dared and took on the cockroaches. They did not immediately figure out who they were dealing with, first tried to escape. ha ha! When he hit their hordes by the edak three times, they began to try to fly away from him. God helps them. My ceilings are low, two and a half meters, and the Maine Coon jumps one and a half meters away.

The cockroaches ended up on the first floor very quickly, and the defects fled to the second, where the bedrooms. Previously, they did not get there, I even had time to be upset by their invasion, but not very strongly and not very long.

The Sheriff has a special love for cockroaches. No, he also catches flies, but without enthusiasm, but cockroaches are passion. Therefore, convinced that the cockroaches were finished on the first floor, he stumbled onto the second. Here the ultimate star almost arrived.

The cockroaches move quietly, you will not hear them at night. But the sheriff is not obsessed with such nonsense. That is, going out for hunting, he also does not make any noise, but when he catches the victim, it sounds like this: "shshsh-sh-sh-bdm, urrr!..." Bdm, it’s a jump, and urrr, it’s already when the cockroach is in his legs.

He took them all out on the second floor, and then walked a few days unhappy again, until he discovered the presence of a loft with a billiard table. This is where the real disco began, and late at night.

The scene is like this – I sleep peacefully, suddenly I hear “ba-ba!!!” I wake up in a cold sweat – what? Where is? is incomprehensible. Here is the “ba-ba!” from above. I run to the roof - the sheriff is on the table, two billiard balls roll on the floor, and between the sheriff's legs the last is sick. And Edak proudly looks at me, saying, “See, master?”

Now the house is sterile. The sheriff sits down the first floor again sadly, breathes up and asks his bullshit, "When will we hunt again, right?"

Lukashenko calls Putin:
Why don’t you congratulate me on winning the election?
You have not counted the votes yet.
Do you think you have your voice?

At the beginning of the zero in our village was a place by the name of Ubeykobila. And in the district, at the time still the militia, sent a new chief with the name Ubeykon.

When they met, they fought, because each thought the other would follow.

No one harms the independence and unity of a country as a flock of idiots who have declared themselves true patriots.

In the Caucasus, it is not acceptable for a young man to smite an old man. For insulting an elderly person will then have to answer before his children (many), grandchildren (many), friends of children and grandchildren, peasants and friends of the elderly (many), before their children, grandchildren and friends (many). This applies to all elderly people, including guests in the Caucasus. You can guess how the hamster ends there.

Today I watched debils on Sochi beach, who came to the resort from Zasransk with their Saransk culture. Deciding to expand their space for rest, they began to ham and push out of the shadow of the elderly neighbors. The old women did not conflict, moved away, and then quietly left the beach. But at the exit of the "winners" met and conducted, holding under the pen, the children (a little over 30) of the owners of the house, where the old women stopped. No one has seen this company of Zadar tourists on this beach. And somehow not sad. And the elderly come to their favorite place in the shadow.

Sometimes it is necessary to stop the wheel and walk the wheel.

If you are smart in the minority, you are stupid in the majority. Who can they vote for in fair elections?

I registered my grandfather for a free haircut from some institute.

This time I went, I liked it.
Recorded another.
Half a year later, he suddenly started cutting his neighbors and friends.
And so well, very quality.

Those began to recommend to friends, began to cut for money, bought equipment, grandmother sent first for free haircuts, then for courses at the same institute.

In other words, pop business.
I ask, how is it?
You just went on free hairstyles!

So, he says, imagine a room with 10 women who don’t understand a haircut.
And each teacher explains 10-20 times how to cut properly.
They do not understand, he explains and shows again.

So, I watched, watched and learned.
Well, teachers during this time asked a little bit what to buy better and how to cut.

The salon does not want to open, says and so from the customers no rejection.

If the manager of Sberbank calls you and wants to check your card, always ask to present yourself in full: name, surname, pursuit, article on which he sits.

Have you seen, dear man, a spoon? And have you noticed that the spoon is almost the same all over the world. Yes, there are Chinese and Japanese, but you know what? They also have slices.

Do you know why they are the same?



Think about it for a while, and I’ll talk about the nails.



If a person starts to interfere with the work of the nails, he cuts them / scrapes / bites them. A person does not go to the forest and collect the berries there, does not make a special tea from them and does not drink it twice a day, so that the nails fell or at least stopped growing. He shortened them.



Do you know why? Because it works. The decoctions don’t work, and the scissors / pins / teeth work. Therefore, the recipe for getting rid of long nails is flying around the world instantly. And the recipes of secret herbal decoctions so that the nails do not grow, may be (and if not - I can strain and try to come up with), but apparently kept a secret.

What is the spoon here? She also works.



Any recipe or invention that works and is actually effective will spread throughout human society at speaking speed. Secret knowledge is almost nonexistent, or it is knowledge about what does not work.



If there was a secret to penis enlargement it would not have been a secret for a long time and everyone would know it. And every mum from the diapers would do anything so that her son's herre would be the greatest, as this would give him a great (literally) advantage in passing on his, and therefore his mother's, genes to the offspring.



And even if this secret was owned by one family, very soon all or almost all of Earth’s inhabitants would be descendants of that family knowing the “secret.”



So if the secret knowledge on penis enlargement exists, the only thing we can say about it with a hundred percent probability is that it does not enlarge the member.

Taxi driver is a dangerous profession. I was once attacked with a knife.

What a horror!

“Yes, a passenger sits, I see, he has a knife. I didn’t bother, I got my knife. He is with me, by the way. Do you want me to show?



For some reason I did not want.

The fast hand often requires the speed of the legs.

I also got a call from Sberbank.

- Whether you translated to Nalchik in the name of Huikina Vasilvasilich.
I did it, I responded boldly. I will check now. The second. Well. Yes is. Two translations by Hook. One for 100 thousand rubles. The second is forty-three thousand fifty copies. Exactly so.
Eeee, I am moving in. - You just carried out bla bla bla... - continues on the script, but nervous.
Well yes. Huiquin, Daddy is mine. and Huixin. He bought an apartment there in Nalchik in a mortgage through you. And the car. You have a car, of course. by Lada-Kalina He could have bought it better, but he likes it. What happened to him again?

The guy turned away... but came back again and in the third round.

Are you such?
So exactly.
You just carried out...
Well yes! I have two translations. One of such. Another sequel. Huiquin is my father. He really left us with his mother and brother when I was five, but we are in a good relationship and I help him. I bought him an apartment, a car. by Lada. and blue. He is not bad like that. I quit drinking recently. What did he do there again? Did not pay. Or the deadline continued?

The guy somehow moved. Hard for him. But the voice so raised, spoke importantly, roughly, quickly.

- You understand that Huikin is in search of murder and you, as a complicit bla bla bla...
and oh. Not in search of him. Listen to him more. He builds out of himself... He is the last time in the twentieth as he sat in the two-thousand, and thinks that he is a cool criminal. Please don’t listen to me, call me. So what there? Do I have to pay something else? So I’ll give him it now, he’ll pay.
- Citizen Huikin committed a terrible thing... - the voice of the man was sad. He wanted fantasy just like me.
– Oh! I know! I did not take care. It was his previous payment for the order late. exactly! The fucking. Per the pen has run. The old is simple. But kindly. Very good man. But if you don’t remember, you forget to go to the bank on time. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it now. Is there 70 rubles? Or even more?

- You need to go right away - the voice was so sad and sad. Chuvaku wanted an apartment in Nalchik, a blue house, a daughter in Moscow, who paid for his father’s expenses... love. The silver cat.

and yes. I have already dressed up and run to the nearest banking office. Thanks for the promptness. Give God health.

There was silence somewhere in the maritime silence.

by Lia Brinza