Meeting at Aeroflot:
“Let’s sell tickets to closed countries, then cancel flights and don’t get the money back.
It is genius! Do it!

If in a phone conversation with a friend your wife says the phrase "and my too", the probability that you will be praised is zero.

Xxx: So I’m twenty and penny years old. I am a lawyer student. I get my first car, my parent’s seven. According to the laws of the genre, the domestic ashes often asked for love and attention in the garage. This time I had a difficult battle with the transmission box.

The own history. A hot July day. I drive with transmission. Of course, hands on the elbow, legs, face, scarf and even hair in oil. After an hour of forging, I am overwhelmed by thirst and I remember that at the exit of the garage cooperative there is a barrel (in combination with a boiler), where quas is sold for spill.  I wipe out what is wiped out, I close the garage and I go to rejoice.



Picture with oil: I am standing in the shade near a barrel and drinking my promised 0.5 quas in a plastic cup.



A couple passes by: a burdensome aunt, whose appearance shows that she loves to argue in the ranks and a small man. Aunt shakes me with contempt, looks at me and says to her companion (but so that I hear):



“Pash, look, you’re so young and you’re already cuddly.”



Kvas stood up in his throat. It was urgently necessary to siege the ugly aunt, and I began to be born:



“Woman,” Schopenhauer said, “pause. My husband and aunt turned to me.



“He who judges people superficially is doomed to live a superficial life.”



The routes at the stop nearby did not lie, but the four eyes of my visavi, despite the sunny weather, became round as 5 kopecks.



With the feeling of a won battle, I continued to drink my quas, which at that moment became even more tasty.

I rented an apartment, my own. A call is issued. I am a strange woman.

Q: Are you renting an apartment?

I : I give up.

Q: Are you the owner?

I: The owner

SJ: Something I do not believe you.

I put the phone.

XXX: Thank you very much. Now you have to understand how to program. At least at the infusion level of shoes))



YYYY :

Here is the factory. The big factory is a dozen workshops, in each hundreds of machines and thousands of people on machines. And there is a team of five people, you head the factory, you serve it. Usually the plus-minus plant works on its own, yes, sometimes you need to fix something, can repair the machine, can whiten the walls, but overall everything is calm.



But here comes to you the owner of the factory and says, I want the workshop No. 3 to produce not just figs, but figs with batches. You almost remember that there is such a workshop, there are such machines, but exactly where - you do not remember, because the last time you looked there a year ago, and since then someone else has changed something. Well, you pretend, guess and say, I will do it in a week.



You go to the workshop - and there mother does not burn, the conveyor spirals goes from the basement to the ceiling, part of the machinery grown with a web, because they do not do the details at all, other futuristic ones, which you see for the first time in life, but unassembled, so work, and in general, it all resembles a labyrinth. The light barely burns. You see in the access book, who was the last here to change something - and he resigned, and you start to understand.



You have three days to go to find where the figs are stamped. One day you scratch the site under the branch of the conveyor, two days you put new bandic production machinery, you allocate the work of the workers and the ur! The first figs with bands float somewhere deep into the factory. Well, you think and go to rest. This is Bats! colleagues resort to you, they say, something in the shop No. 7 machine was spelled, you need to see. You’re going to look at the machinery at workshop No. 7, and there’s also a maze, but another. Machines are different. They are not on the floor, but on the walls. Well, okay, go into the machine, and you find in it a trick cut off spelled. Something is not clean. You see where the figovina with the batch came from – of course from the 3rd shop!



You run back there to find out, and it turns out, the No. 3 shop produces figs outside, and for the No. 4 shop, which packages them and shells them in the No. 7 shop, and the addition of batches you did on the conveyor leading to the No. 4. In the foam you rework, but it is too late, said that a week will go and here the second has gone. And finally you are glad to watch the figs with bands leave the factory territory!



Here, the owner of the factory comes to you and says that a new machine has been put in workshop No. 2, and because of this, the rest are not working, and you should look. Well, you remember, it was not difficult there, in a couple of days you will cope with it, and with a happy smile from the successful bandits you go to solve a new task.



And after a month they say that figs with batches are bought worse than without batches, and you should remove the batches.



P.S. In normal companies everything is usually a little more iris, but generally so

I once worked in a construction company. There were not many of us sitting in the office, but the most interesting thing in the team were two guys who, by coincidence, sat next to each other. The notable thing about them was that the first was a dense body, well, and the second name was Fat. When someone from the new craftsmen or masters entered the office, the chief of the department sent everyone to the Greenery. The following dialogue is roughly the same:

Hi, I was sent to you.

With me? Who is?

Your boss is yours.

and yes? What exactly did he say?

I told you to approach.

More specifically, what did he say?

(The man has moved)

They said to the fat.

(In addition to the raised tones):

Fat is a family.

(Tell me a fat man who was fat)

My husband and I crossed the 20-year-old line together last year, but his whole family is waiting for him to leave me, return to them, and they will pick him a more decent party. My mom wants us to break up too. But we live and laugh at their wet dreams.



YYYY :

I presented your acquaintance.



Will we be friends?

Against whom?

against the relatives.

You are a fucking son! I am in business.

My parents did not like my husband very much, especially my mother scandalized a lot. After learning about the marriage registration, she even asked (through her father) not to call her for a month.

Then the children appeared, and the parents had to get to know personally (ja-yes) and communicate with their husband. The husband is an unforgettable and cheerful man, and despite the ton of everything that came out on him, he easily communicated with them and even helped them in a difficult moment. We build a house, children, money is there, relationships are good - well, we have settled in 10 years, you look, and the beloved son-in-law will now be, I thought.

A couple of days ago I learned that my mom was just waiting for me to find a normal man.

As he went to the doctor, the tooth of wisdom removed. We are asked before anesthesia: do I smoke, do I use drugs, etc. I thought it was important for the amount of medication and the effects of anesthesia, so tell the truth, I said I smoked marijuana. The doctor asked how often and removed the tooth in a couple of minutes, I didn’t even feel it.

A year later, another wisdom tooth was removed. I thought I’t tell the truth about the grass, because I was ashamed. When he sat in his chair, the doctor looked at me and said, “I remember you, you are the guy who smokes grass.”

He is now my regular dentist.

“Our student environment was good because nobody was jealous of anyone.

Except that the locals were jealous of the socialists – they could wave for weeks without the supervision of their parents,

The local people were jealous, and they could eat three times a day.

When you talk and take your hands...

There is a high probability that you have already been divorced.

We go with a friend and his family to the dacha.

From the rain all roads, except asphalt, turned into a terrible messy.

Not far from the country, a friend decides to cut and turns on the ground.

Encounter a man in a rainbow, rubber boots and with a hoodie.
He saw us and began to shake his hands to stop.

“Better turn back.” He says.

My friend has a jeep and we go.

Within 500 meters, they sat deadly, pushed, digged - everything was useless.

At 3 a.m., the same man passes by on a tractor.
We stop him, we tearfully beg him to pull us out on the road.

He clamps the wire, and sadly says, “How did you bite!”

Do you already have a calendar for next year?
- What else, Naher, next year...

Years ago, I walked around the city and found a new bar.

A roaring guard said that today there is a local rapper's concert and the entrance will cost us 100 rubles (at the time, 2 glasses of beer in a good institution)

We explained to the guard that we wanted to just sit down and the concert didn’t get us anywhere, only we were going to leave, as the guard breathed, that the bar was almost empty and allowed us to enter for free.

Later, we loved this bar, got acquainted with the guard and, given our average check, we were always allowed to go to the concerts of local strangers for free.

One day, the system suddenly failed.

The guard at the entrance said that he would not be able to let us in, given that today the literary evening of local poets and the hall is full.

So many that there are no paid seats.

And, although we had to look for another institution, the mood was wonderful, even the pride took for our little Peter.

Xxx: I was going to remove the tooth.

And this surgeon (age 35-40 is strong, sympathetic) is also specialized in the insertion of implants. He injected me an anesthetic and went out to the presbyterium. It is advised by a client. My aunt-in-law is around me. I sit and wait for it to work and wrap up the information about the implants.

I came back and literally in one movement my tooth - a knot! and all! It didn’t hurt – I didn’t even feel that he touched something in my mouth.

Well, of course, all such a gratitude decided to compliment him and said:

“Well, doctor, if you put in as well as you take out, then I’m your client!”

After a second of confusion, all the people present stood up.

The doctor said he hadn’t had such remarkable compliments before.



Yyy: I had a similar story: the injection, the waiting, the surgeon’s return, the dent and the tooth left my mouth.

I was surprised and asked, “Is it all?”

“Do you want to tear one more?” Ask the surgeon.

Xxx: Shut off at the moment with the weapons babies. Pizdec is like a rage: you watch any disaster or incident - everywhere babies scream. Everyone is scared, but only the grandmothers whirl to the pain in the ears. I can, too, but in such situations I didn’t whip like the entire male sex. I understand the screams of pain, the screaming of fear and the same pain, and so on, but the fool whispers it is a shit at all. Especially the wounded. You lie, you can't breathe from the pain, the beetle hurts and turns because of a huge amount of painful impulses from the body, turns and blows, as if this was lacking, and some creature says that the drum membranes are bursting.

Yyy: The wreckage is nature. It was loudly penetrating, so that everyone was scared, and everyone heard that her leopard was cracking. and escaped.

When I came to the nursery, my battles were weak and quite tolerable. After filling out documents and a couple of humiliating procedures, I was sent to a prenatal room with these light battles.

There already suffered a girl with the "rare" name Katya.

Katya was quick (as far as the stomach allowed) and nervous walking around the chamber: from door to wall, from wall to window. The door wall, the door wall, the window wall.

At some point she stopped sharply, attached a towel to the wall, grabbed it with her face and screamed with a strange low voice. After screaming, she started walking again. The door-wall window-wall... Then it stopped and screamed. Then she walked again.

I lay on the bed and watched her throwing. I thought that Katya was somewhat strange, that Katya was a bad actress and clearly overplayed. Apparently, the word “little” was thought.

“Well, fighting and fighting, why make such a tragedy out of this?” I did not understand.

And then (within an hour and a half) Kaakak understood

Sometimes a man is like a whole planet: he rotates, he rotates, and there is no life.

When I was 16, I joined the Evening Moscow newspaper. Newspapers at the subway.
Payment is calculated depending on the number of sold books.

The point was new, so at the device I was told I would have to scream to find buyers.

I couldn’t scream, so on the first day I sold only two or three newspapers.
In addition, there were interesting, but expensive magazines in my office bag, which I was ashamed to offer.

Realizing that I would not earn money in this way, in the evening after work - I started training.
Remember “Little Hole”, where Jimmy screamed at night, dreaming of becoming a “Layer”?
Here I remembered.

All night I screamed in front of the mirror: “The Evening Moscow newspaper, the magazine “Expert”, the newspaper “Work and Wage”... Overall, I trained and developed confidence.
The parents turned their fingers at the whisker, but they did not interfere.

The next day, inspired by the imaginary success, I took the job.
Imagining myself, neither much nor little, the poor Jimmy from Little Oakland, I overcame the fear and began to scream, as I thought, in all my voice.

Five minutes later, police came to me.
I checked the documents and they were okay.
I bought the most expensive magazine.

It took me here.

I spoke in such a way that the passers stumbled at the exit of the crossing, and the grandmothers grabbed their hearts.
Oral to chrysot and accelerated heartbeat.
Oral, as if my life depends on it.
“The evening of Moscow, Expeyeyeyeerert, slave-oot and salary-aat!” spread throughout the district.

Strangely enough, it has brought fruit.
By the evening I sold almost all the newspapers, about half the magazines and a little souvenir products.

Satisfied with myself, I drove home and expected to earn even more the next day.

And then more.
and more.
I will become a millionaire.
I will buy the newspaper.
I will be a successful entrepreneur and my parents will be proud of me.

The next day I shook.
My attempts to shout out something sounded like this: “Ashshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshsherrrrrahaya sssyvvaaa” – such a whispering whisper that I could barely hear.

To my surprise, I sold half the newspapers and a few magazines.
It turns out, people who live nearby are convenient to buy newspapers and magazines on the way home.
They greeted, communicated, interested in sales and bought.

When I stopped crying, I started crying with less force, but the same intensity.
Buyers are getting more every day.
I was given a second bag, with wheels, so that I could take more press for replacement.

My business ended unexpectedly.

In the middle of the second month, when I had about a hundred regular clients, I was called by a coordinator.

“Vipman84, you’re doing a good job. Such valuable employees should not disappear, so we put you on a new point, and yours will be given to Ivanova. They don’t want to do it, but they want to earn it all. Don’t worry, you’ll find customers quickly, the boy is capable.”

"And so that your experience does not go in vain, this is Alexander, he will stand with you on the spot. You have to teach him everything to sell like you do. And while you are together, divide your pay by two.”

The next morning, the coordinator was long wondering why I decided so abruptly to quit.
But the decision was made, and a day later I already found a new one - a courier for the delivery of printed products.
Books are sold on the street.

But this is a completely different story.

Vasya was so tolerant that he called the bosses, the government, and the homosexuals the same word.