bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №113712
 21.05.2015
The little girl followed her for two days and said, “Tia, this!” The sister makes a small cup of tea in tears. On the third day, the little girl sees in the randomly opened folder with the cartoons the desired icon and ticks in it with her finger: "Tia!!!". The Prince Vladimir. Not quite a king, yes.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №113711
 21.05.2015
Oh my comrade!
We’ve already realized that you’ve hacked a website with "cake".
Read and rejoice, or are you going to rewrite them all here?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113710
 21.05.2015
News: The Tolyatin anti-military center told the BBC that every month and a half special forces brigades are sent to Ukraine. andquot;
Where did so many Brigades of Special Forces come from in Tolyatti?
And the Tolyatin anti-military center does not exist, here and believe now the BBC (((

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113709
 21.05.2015
This is:

In Germany, for example, the tenant has no right to raise the rent even to the next tenant, not the current.
________
I live in Berlin, renting an apartment. The tenant has the right to raise the apartment fee once every two years. This is legally stipulated. The contract of renting is written indefinitely. And the next tenant already has the right to increase the fee in accordance with the change in the market value of the housing. At least 30% if there are such prices on the housing market.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113708
 21.05.2015
A story from a familiar.

The grandfather (D) and granddaughter (B) talk about what happiness is.

D: Happiness is when everything is fine, the sun is shining, everyone is friends, and the food is delicious, and the mood is great.
Q: but we have misfortune in the kindergarten - and the children are not friends, they fight all the time, and the food is not delicious at all.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №113707
 21.05.2015
The price of human life is constantly falling, and its cost is rising.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №113706
 21.05.2015
I go to him with a friend today. Braking the auto stopper. The North American. Recalling the school Englishman, they realized that this tourist tearfully asks to bring him to some kind of Matybka. He promises us a hundred dollars for that. Almost refused in English. Well, we don’t know where this mysterious Matthew is... That’s a misfortune. The Americans have already robbed us three hundred... We go out with saliva... But we don’t know where this metabika is!!!!!... We go upset. And the man did not help, and the money unpaid bars... At the entrance to the village, a friend sharply beats the brakes and breathes out: "We are Mu-da-ki! Here is Matthew!” On the road indicator the name of the village (location of the house of my friend) MATVIEWKA.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №113705
 21.05.2015
One day I was forbidden to take pictures of the fresco "Jesus drives the merchants out of the temple" because the photograph in the temple is paid.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №113704
 21.05.2015
Moscow Patriarch Kirill found the main source of Russian misfortunes
Have you looked in the mirror?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113703
 21.05.2015
to this:
Girl: "Well, this is like this one, not like he himself!"
Swindler: "You mean that this is in the package of this, i.e. One and a half kilograms.
Girl (happy): "Yes!"
I, turning back: "Thank you for translating from female to Russian"

This is not necessarily "from female to Russian". A huge number of people say so, both men and women. I can do that with Tom.
A real dialogue. Call to the notary office.

My mother is dead, I need to confirm.
I (Secretary): What do I need to confirm?
Man: That is all.
Do you want to form a legacy?
Man: No, the inheritance I have in another area, but she said, and all, and need to be confirmed.
I: Sorry, I do not understand.
Man: How do you not understand! So she condemned [with a terrible voice], and everything [pause], and nothing changed.
I: Do you have a mark on your will that your mother did not cancel it?
The man: Yes.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113702
 21.05.2015
Well, yes, and if you tell the grandmother that in bed she is cuddly, then sex and turned into 2 minutes once a month for stagnation and then only because the mistress these days and in the ass does not give.

Ugu, only most babs in this situation will not run to check with other men that they have not lost the ability to have sex.
And you, dear Chel, are really a whirlwind with eggs.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №113701
 21.05.2015
RBC news headline: A gang of pensioners suspected of stealing £200 million from a London depository.

This is what I think of "The Old Thieves. London style"

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113700
 21.05.2015
xxx: Who can tell what could be the trouble, php-fpm falls
server reached pm.max_children setting (12)
yyy: Multi-child PHP tired of such life and jumped out of the server

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №113699
 21.05.2015
I went to the clinic for procedures. After that, they were forced to lie there for 2 hours on the couch. I decided to complain to my husband so that it wasn’t too boring.

Dick sleep for now. I did not sleep today.
I: Ughu... And you can easily fall asleep in a strange place, on a hospital couch, among strangers? I am hardly here.
Husband: If I don’t sleep, I will sleep in the electric bus, standing and in the anti-gas.
Why do you have anti-gas in the electric car?
Where is your toilet in the electric machine?
I: What is in the tambour? and Fouou. Do not sleep there anymore!
Husband: Could not even drink hot vodka from the soap?! to
I said, “You are my sweetheart! Well, how to deprive you of such pleasure... Drink, of course, only through anti-gas.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №113698
 21.05.2015
When the Russian satellite misses 30 km. From the course, I imagine how future engineers are sitting now at the lessons of Orthodox culture.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №113697
 21.05.2015
Go to the bathroom with your sample. Women are even more affectionate to strange children on the street. Men only notice their children.
________________
Do not confuse warm with soft. Women in principle "more affectionate". True, this does not prevent organizing within the collectives a smiling and cute serpentarium, from where the youth that did not fit (just in children is suitable for plants usually) flies out with nervous crashes and killed self-esteem.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №113696
 21.05.2015
Why did you hit the shots? If a woman should be swallowed before using all available means (yes, and the tongue too), then she will end you earlier. And if you continue after the pencil, but for the number of minutes during which your penis was directly inside her body, it will frankly matter.
And by the way. Better more often than longer ?
cats cats cats

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №113695
 21.05.2015
Brave Watts over Paris
Flying with wings
Then suddenly I meet Fanny.
They have an air fight.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №113694
 21.05.2015
( the answers )

X: Welcome to me! I was fucking yesterday.
A: Congratulations to you! Gus is satisfied?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №113693
 21.05.2015
I need a little more time to warm up and orgasm.
You are barren!
You can’t finish it in two minutes!
I had several lovers, both in relationships and just for sex. My husband was)
But everyone tends to slide into boredom, with time they are lazy and do not want to waste time on your body. He touched, suppressed, cried and fell asleep. From you at the same time the entire program was required - and a massager, and a pass, and a posture which is convenient for him.
Overall they were adequate. I started conversations and heard the same thing - well, I am tired, we are so sometimes (9 times out of 10), sometimes I want to be faster (yes, I don't mind, but not every time).

Men all their lives say that they only need sex, and women endure. All because to satisfy a woman you need to make an effort, wake up, find points, love the female body. And we will respond with gratitude, because we have a sea of tenderness, care and desire to bring pleasure to a man.
Watch your partner, listen to the heartbeat, look at the skin, feel his body and find out what movements contribute to achieving orgasm.

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