bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №105409
 13.11.2014
Chat at work:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Can you help? ?
ZZZ: No
XXX Why?
ZZZ: I am not doing satellite TV
XXX: How is it? You are a programmer!
ZZZ: Leien, make me a mine
You are being guarded!!!! to
You are Secretary!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105408
 13.11.2014
The robot landed on a comet. Five hundred million kilometers of glasses threw him - and caught him. is surprising. Right now he has her pockets in the pockets, tests are taken, punctions are all kinds of. A feast of reason, boldness and patience.

And at the same time somewhere in Peter communicates with the icon of Milonov. And she said to him, “Hey, do you look? You go do it. In the second entrance, a man is smoking, with an English flag on the jacket. Do I have to tolerate that? Take a beat and talk. Or even scratch his face. Or scream and run away. Realize yourself as a person. Fuck, what a pity that you don’t have me..."

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105407
 13.11.2014
There are terrible things in life when you don’t know how to behave. Imagine that you are a modest guard of the station at the hell on the folds and here Leo Tolstoy comes home to you, lies in your bed and dies!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №105406
 13.11.2014
The daughter of the samurai: A friend once worked in a toy store. And there they sold a doll, growing from a 2-year-old child, could talk, cry, laugh and snore. The crap was so wealthy. When her vendors first turned on to check and she snorted, everyone started to snort, and the doll woke up and said that she was hindered from sleeping.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №105405
 13.11.2014
There is a pharmacy in the city. It is called something like something there "-pharma". One thing no one knows the name - it is a pharmacy and in Africa it is a pharmacy. But their logo is the big green letter "F". Accordingly, above the entrance of the sign - the logo and then the word "apotek". The factory.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105404
 13.11.2014
XX: Here I remembered another popular bonus on the topic "why so many children were born?" - "To be, who in old age a glass of water!"
I don’t want to drink " :-)
ZZZ: Oh, it’s popular at home.
Kids, bring some water!
What is?
Old age has come to me. Bring the water!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105403
 13.11.2014
Our cat has a sacred ritual.
If you want to visit the pot, you have to go around all the corners and dig there, expelling the evil spirits.
Then go to the human toilet separately, dive into the toilet.
Then go out and start preaching in the pot.

:D

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №105402
 13.11.2014
to this:

As a rule, we struggle to write down and start sending everyone out precisely because we don’t have anything of it!

– – – – –

If... I was always ready to suggest, and other people’s option to solve, and explain why it is so, – purely out of love for art, something will remain in the mind of a person. But when an idiot throws a dirty cloth at the change, and at the lesson, write off, well, you're...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105401
 13.11.2014
It is written in English: Parliament Night Blue. The government is blue at night.

— — —
Let it be, let’s eat the bees!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105400
 13.11.2014
A-Kun: The most complex creature in any organization is the leader. He does not remember, under painting - is insulted.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №105399
 13.11.2014
Starting with gender:

Chat at redite about sms-ki "good morning", free translation (from woman):

xxx: I get the standard Saturday morning "good morning sweet, go down, here you are waiting for coffee and croissants"
XXX: And then "and in general I want you right here on the table! Much more than coffee and croissants"
xxx from my husband’s phone.
I've never woke up faster in my life.
XX: because he is in command until Monday!
xxx: call back, scream, cry, threaten lawyers and divorce, etc.
xxx: it turns out that piece of idiot really was down there.
xxx: arrived on a night flight to spend the weekend with me. He decided to make a surprise.
No, of course it was the most memorable morning SMS in my life.
If he does that again, I’ll cut off his head.

_________________________________________________________

So you, sheep, would have come down to start before wearing. This is how the desire to make surprises disappears.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №105398
 13.11.2014
xxx> So what do you know about conceptual installations? The railway ignites: near the house there was a spare road - departed from the main, and then merged back. He was dismantled. The arrows at the beginning and end were removed, replaced by simple rails.
yyy> Yes...
And the grass there all a little dusted, so that now the path begins and ends on the side of the main, in a pure field. And the whole "way" is a rectangular hole from the spades.
yyy> what is it?
The road from nowhere to nowhere, made out of emptiness!
xxx> And somewhere above, Buddha is probably smiling :-D

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №105397
 13.11.2014
by Google Translate:

From Russian to Chinese: "I nihuya didn’t understand" - 我不明白傢伙
From Chinese to Russian: 我不明白傢伙 - "I don't understand guys"

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105396
 13.11.2014
Mel
I really want to sleep.
Mel
Directly gesture
Mel
As long as I do something, everything is normal.
Mel
But I just relax - it cuts clean.
Mel
I went to the toilet and woke up from my snoring!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105395
 13.11.2014
zz: if a woman loves to drive fast, and my "penny" more than 83km/h doesn’t... then what to be?
kk: Smoke her, you’ll drive 40 km/h, and she’ll scream "Eye, don’t chase it! andquot;

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №105394
 13.11.2014
xxx> See also There are those who have not digested meat since childhood. Some of them were brought up by their parents as vegetarians. Those who just do not quietly eat it, giving up in conscious age for ideological considerations. Because meat is expensive.
yyy> Yes
xxx> There are those who worship about their vetarianism for and without. Those who think he’s not being taken to special forces because he doesn’t eat meat, not because he runs a hundred feet 17 seconds.
yyy> It is...
There are those who believe that the absence of meat in the diet is an absolute evil, undermining the foundations and the destruction of the body, and on this basis calls for the forcible feeding of meat of all vegetarians. Those who believe that meat in the diet is the personal choice of everyone. And aggressive vegans, ready to seem to break their own principle and personally eat everyone who eats animals. And to them all the sensible attitude will be very different, right?
yyy> Yes So what?
xxx> Now you understand why I avoid gays that usually offer simple solutions?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №105393
 13.11.2014
The joke of November 15, 2013:

"Looking at some modern guys, it seems that they have sucked out for the iPhone..."

There is a prophet in his homeland!! to

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №105392
 13.11.2014
I am: Hi My phone broke out and the alarm didn’t work. So I’ll try to quickly invent the teleport. If I don’t come in 10 minutes, then I’ll take the subway and I’ll be somewhere in an hour.

Try the flying powder!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №105391
 13.11.2014
The Courts:

xxx: Personally, I am embarrassed that Obama is constantly chewing his gum. Is it really chewing? Or he is not fed in the United States and he, the poor woman, wants to eat all the time?
YYY: He chews the C-4. In any case.
____
Oh, you might think "My favorite Martian" did not watch. Nourflex he chews))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105390
 13.11.2014
Place of action: Departure from the shopping center. Buggy clings to the cars, throws under the wheels. The situation warms.
Look at the show from above. Climbing is scary. There is a guy next door. He takes the phone, calls the number. (Apparently an ambulance or menta)
and allo. There is an inadequate citizen for... (description of the situation)... No. Assistance is unnecessary. Not beaten yet. But while the car is coming - help will be needed... no... what to do? Okay, let’s get a psychiatrist.
He lays the phone and continues to watch.
What a cautious young man...

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