bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №103609
 04.10.2014
Apart from the Ukrainian? Israeli and Cypriot,” Kolomoisky replied to the question about his passports. On the question about the Swiss citizenship, he responded negatively, reports "Correspondent". “The Constitution states that dual citizenship is prohibited. And the triple is not forbidden,” the governor explained.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103608
 04.10.2014
Lina: The 12-year-old son is a child of modern media culture like SpongeBob. I am not losing hope to get to watch the right in my opinion "Soviet movies" such as "Love and pigeons", "Girls", "They fought for the Motherland". He is in none. And I decided and announced at the beginning of this school year that for every couple in school he would watch a movie.
Yesterday comes sitting in the room at night and looking faithfully in the eyes says:
So go crawl...
What from where??? I say...
Love and pigeons, Mom.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №103607
 04.10.2014
I lie somehow on the couch, a telecoupe, suddenly got me a cup of tea with milk to drink, I call my own:
Make me tea with milk.
Where is the milk?
The refrigerator door in the package.
(The tea is boiled, the tea is made, the milk is poured...)
The milk is fucking.
Oh, what a sad thing, I want to try again, but then...
Not so cute, it turned up again.
Okay, put it next to the garlic, then I’ll make the garlic.
(It takes a couple of hours)
I stand my dishes... I look at the bag of milk lying around the dishwasher...
On the package is written:
Kefir

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №103606
 03.10.2014
V: I took 1 kg 200 g of shrimp on Bezymyansk. I was wondering how much will remain after the defrost and the water slide. A total of 500 grams of ice :)

A: Crickets should be bought as follows: first we pick the most fatty pieces, then the middle breaks the heads and puts only the buttocks in the bag (the fat ones can also break the heads). The result is an ideal kg of meat. By time only long, we got a couple of kilograms for forty minutes in the carousel.)

L: mya... it’s scary to imagine how you buy the fists... :)))

R: The same is the case in Aasan, but laziness wins and only a handful can be cleaned from the skin. As much as possible, you will also collect the bulk.

Fuck, I was joking! It is out of it :)))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №103605
 03.10.2014
Okay well. They do not learn otherwise. About backpacks Pushkin wrote - "and experience is the son of difficult mistakes."
well and about programmers also wrote - "... and genius, paradoxes friend... "
and :-)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103604
 03.10.2014
Greg spoke yesterday. And he said that the main problem and task of our country is the need to improve the quality of management. I did not understand at all. He signed the order of dismissal.? to

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №103603
 03.10.2014
HH: Why to be scared? I almost fainted!

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №103602
 03.10.2014
>>>>
Are you going to listen to music?
of her. to play. You will listen)

And I had it: I bought a guitar a day ago, I bring it home, I go past the store at the entrance, a neighbor of sixty years is watching, watching... She says, we will listen to concerts now? I answered in reply, ah, mole.
What are you playing?
- High Chizha, DDT and Aquarium. Do not like?! to
She smiles pretty much:
As you think of the concert, call me with vodka and sandwiches. Or here in the store one Malakhov, then another are discussed...
We are back today again 😉


[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №103601
 03.10.2014
Buratino gave 5 apples, 3 he ate, how many apples has he left?
— — —

No less than two, because he could have had more apples.
And don’t forget, you still have a giraffe in your refrigerator.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103600
 03.10.2014
XXX is fucking. I watched the whole series, admired by the amazing sound of the voice: there in the previous series the character killed a bunch of people, and then died, hysterically and solemnly choking, and in this series this terrible laughter all the time sounded in the background, as if stressing how everyone was knocked out of the track by the incident. Well, they still scratched the whole series of consequences, so in general, the topic is cool and very nervous.
It turned out that the hook was distributed from the advertisement in the neighboring tab. B****, I have no words, it’s a file))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103599
 03.10.2014
A few years ago, a guy boasted that he was a steep man, then went to the forest and departed from the station for a couple of kilometers. At the survivor forum, I asked what to do. Only found in the spring.
YYY is alive?
xxx found a body
Zzzz: I hope he is okay.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №103598
 03.10.2014
The UrsusMaritimus:
You have eaten though. There is no asphalt in Omsk. And you mark... I saw the mark when I went south in the car. Before that, I thought I was being trolled in the PGD.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103597
 03.10.2014
Secondly, laser correction is an absolute contraindication for the pilot.

and damn. Check out the mat. part.
Military pilot after laser vision correction.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103596
 03.10.2014
xxx: today I saw a patient coke with the inscription "for fun". This is a spectacle in psychiatry.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №103595
 03.10.2014
Employed as an engineer (ex emo)
I printed the A1 drawing and found a serious mistake. You do not want to print a large format, the boss gives him a blade: "Do you know how to use?". This is "Yes..."
I noticed it in time. Who knew he had ever cut his veins?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №103594
 03.10.2014
I went to the Cannes shop. of goods. I see, the stack of disks - bulbs and price:"CD single-use b/u". by Plá! How can it be a one-time B/U??? It turned out "no packaging".

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №103593
 03.10.2014
Lacrimosa: *rying* I sent my grandfather (like my daddy) for the child to school. He calls now with the words: call him, or there are thousands of them. The curtains 😉

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №103592
 03.10.2014
There are people in the subway who go on a shering, and still barely move their legs.
It is necessary to make distinctions, similar to buses on the roads, for sharp passengers. And for violation to punish with a pinch under the ass.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103591
 03.10.2014
It is because of this behavior that the masses, as in the 15461 debt box, become "splitters", "singles" and "not like everyone else". And it’s just the “splitmen” in such collectives that the only normal people are. Not an aggressive herd like the rest.
Yes the bombardment. Yes, I am the same Olya, Light and Sergey at the same time.

The anecdote.
A lecture on the theory of relativity. There are 3 students and a teacher. Five people get up and go out. The teacher, outraged: “Well, now someone else will come and there will be no one left!”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103590
 03.10.2014
I add :
here here :
Call the system administrator "the programmer" again and I will call the accountants "the mathematicians" - also figures, formulas and calculations.
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
This is the word, not the word. If system administrator and programmer are two different, but generally equal professions, then for most bugs, a mathematician will be a huge compliment.

The joke:
Cocktails admin: "Mouse on the server"
— — — —
Call it an accountant, many passions like this do not like :)

Also a joke:
In the personnel department:
You are not moving enough for your age.
Who do you need: a programmer or a monkey?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna