bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №103569
 03.10.2014
The Russian Post will start selling books, and that’s right. I ordered a new one and got a classic.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103568
 03.10.2014
From a letter about the server room to the IB department:

Good day! I inform you that in the server room on the 5th floor are used sanitary elements, as a pissuar in the amount of 3 pieces. This device was found on the server without my knowledge. Where the key comes from and therefore access to the server - I do not know. Pissuars emit a demotivating appearance and the corresponding “aroma”.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №103567
 03.10.2014
News from 2012:
The Russians patented a tank that fired the crew’s excreta.

British scientists are stressed...

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №103566
 03.10.2014
to there:
here here :

Go to Fuji! I am an adult uncle with two children and 13 rats. I work on two jobs. I have not been home for half a month. I go to the store alone. I often walk with children. I cook great. And everything is OK with me. Do you have trouble with that?
It is...
I have a problem with rats :)
It is...
Well, in the remaining half of the month, the rats go to the store, and walk with the children, and cook great. They are okay :D

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103565
 03.10.2014
A few days ago it was...but first the prehistory - I gave my husband my favorite cosmetics for lenses and shaving accessories, so as not to collect all over the apartment.
Well here...
The husband stands in the middle of the apartment dressed in uniform (colonel of the police, father of three children, among other things!) and oret: "Where is my cosmetic?" It turns out that the lenses have not yet been worn... when I realized how funny everything looked - laughed.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103564
 03.10.2014
From Lebedev’s blog:
LagBeast: Design for drug addicts.
OSTRIK: even if someone cares about us

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №103563
 03.10.2014
Yes the former. Who said you don’t feel the same?
This is one of the most important things in the world.
I said my own. In the Zack. He said, “You don’t want to be an ex. And she told me. The same too. We have lived since then, for 25 years now.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №103562
 02.10.2014
Go go you naked! first learn to earn so much that your wife can afford to sit at home, raise your children with her and run the farm, and then open your mouth! You, fucking, come from work and want to see the hot dinner on the table, and that it is cleaned / licked / washed, and that the lessons with the children are taught and all that, right? And the fact that her wife came from her work half an hour before you, and tired no less, it remains behind the picture, isn’t it?
And it is not the fact that in maternity leave it will be easier. Because the child, if you want him to be healthy, takes a lot of time - walks, massages, gymnastics... and it happens that in itself anxious very and without mommy's attention is very nervous, irritating and mommy. Believe me, when your child is cracking, you will not crack in the kitchen.
In the first month of life, the baby mostly sleeps, and the time of the mother is more, the only problem is that this is not only the first month of the child's life, it is also the first month after birth, when the body is weakened and fatigue increases in times.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №103561
 02.10.2014
The girl at the Russian post thought about how much money to take from me for marks. I have gathered a consilium of the same mentally disadvantaged colleagues to discuss whether to consider Crimea Russia. And only after my words "check the index on the register" hanged for a minute, and didn't remember what the register is, broke "pocher, let there be Russia" and split up...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №103560
 02.10.2014
As a programmer, I will say: if the program does not work as it should, the first thing they do is to remove the unnecessary functions, simplifying the code as much as possible. With legislation the same thing: the simpler and clearer the laws, the more efficient they work.
=========
As a normal person, I would say, that’s the whole thing.
If people are to understand the laws, then who will need all this wretched superstition? And so - the more confusing and contradictory, the better, because there is no person for whom not crying even a small stature.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103559
 02.10.2014
I decided to take care of my health and bought a cheesecake to eat with honey afterwards..In the end, I played so much in Diablo that I ate a cottage for the night.)))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №103558
 02.10.2014
What did the extra-class killer Jimmy “Tulpan” Tadeski say?
"I believe in marriage vows, especially when it comes to death"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №103557
 02.10.2014
Everyone is mocking the tank drivers... And I’m coming to work — and all day — only tanks. And then two days on one, then a couple of weeks... And nothing, everyone is satisfied.

Sometimes I wonder if I can play them at least once. Or all the model and paint tanks for this "WoT", but never played so :-)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №103556
 02.10.2014
Yes, Mom does 90% of the housework and 100 - to care for the child, but Daddy can too!

A huge mistake of many people is the attempt to smear their own experience on all of humanity. All families are very different. Only among my relatives and acquaintances I know families where:
- Housework is done together, and cases when the wife is cooking dinner, and the husband next to the banks with preservation is normal.
- Where really everything is pulled by the wife, and the husband is not that at home does not work, but also trying to beat her drunk. I do not understand why she lives with him.
- Where the husband does everything because the wife is tired, does not want and at all "no you what is hard". I don’t know why my husband doesn’t understand it. Probably sex is too bad.
- Where the wife does a lot of housework, but the husband actually does two jobs. Money is lacking because. At the same time, he does work on the farm, such as repairing a couch or water crane. They can also communicate with children.
Where the husband went to decree instead of the wife, as soon as feeding ceased. My wife’s salary is much higher. And normally, he also cared for the child, and worked at home. My wife was at work.
In general, how do you manage to get such a complex world stuck in your "Gggg", and this is an ordinary song" I don’t understand.


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №103555
 02.10.2014
here

If the paint is out of the cartridge, it is impossible to scan the document!!! This is me now the boss, the lady with higher education proved!

You try to scan first, and then go on! Four of the five MFUs, until you change the cartridge, will not work in principle, even if they are crushed.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №103554
 02.10.2014
I bought the iPhone 6 yesterday. Not charged yet. I do not let him out of my hands. Very standard battery holds.

lazex: So you turn it on, good to look at.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №103553
 02.10.2014
by Dybala:
And the truth is that the majority of alimony women spend not on children, but on themselves. Their husbands do not pay them so as not to pay for the life of the woman with whom they have separated.
-----------
You started the day look at the average amount of alimony (and it is 1600 rubles).
The former is probably swimming in pearls, travelling to the Maldives every week for this hefty amount. And for the rest, you can also feed the child / dress / clothes / toys to buy.
Suck babies, such grandmothers get, and still get upset.
ZY: There are exceptions to any rule, but it’s real that men pay a penny, and at the same time they do not.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №103552
 02.10.2014
In one of the educational institutions of Simferopol there was a questionnaire in order to establish whether students already have passports, whether they have medical insurance, and whether they need help in their registration.
When issuing these questionnaires, the Crimean Tatars decided to penetrate. And to the question of what citizenship they have friendly answered - Ukraine.
Not a problem.
In Russia, democracy and you can be from Zimbabwe.
But there is a nuance: for citizens of Russia and Zimbabwe there are several different rules of training.
Therefore, the curator of the group said that he submitted these documents to the dean, and the question of free education for Ukrainian women will become very controversial, as well as the possibility of receiving a scholarship.
Hearing this, the girls suddenly changed their mind and said that they suddenly wanted to write that they are citizens of Russia.
And as they just recalled, they even have Russian passports. And since April.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №103551
 02.10.2014
You go - the birds sing, the sun shines, the mood is good and there is a bat! The Pillar!
Here is the shit! Caused by the corner

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №103550
 02.10.2014
One of my acquaintances loves in a dispute (when it is no longer a dispute, but a shit), to put in a phrase of the type: "And in general, I am d'Artagnan! I have a sword"
And he really has it and he is skillfully able to use it.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna