bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №101388
 04.08.2014
Here is a young female.
Girl, let me go for the trip.
She is young and cute, but there is a little boy around her. Oh I gave birth.
Woman, I am behind you. What? Is it your brother? Sorry...
A guy and a girl are going. Yes, I’m already fucking.
Woman, you cut off your gloves. Not yet yet? Again the signs.

Go to the hell. If she looks like a girl, I’m afraid of her intimate life and I won’t think about whether it’s decent to call her a girl.

[ + 15 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101387
 04.08.2014
When the Berkutovs of Yanukovych looted the demonstrators on the Maidan, Russia swallowed its nose and said: “Well, you can’t...”, “Well, you can’t,” Yanukovych shouted, and the Berkutovs stopped chasing the people.
When the fascist militants began to beat the Berkutovs, to build barricades and to set fire to surrounding buildings, Russia looked at it in horror and said, "Well, you can't! "Go to the ass", the Maidan oral, "we can! "
When the ultra-nationalists began to expel the district heads of administration and establish their own power, Russia in shock whispered: "Well, it is not possible at all! You are destroying the state!" "We can! We have freedom!" Ukraine shouted in response. "Maybe..." – Russia whispered shockingly. Then she looked at the Crimea and asked herself: "So is it possible?"
..."Nelziaaa!" – Ukraine whispered, but Russia no longer listened to it.

[ + 10 - ] Comment quote №101386
 04.08.2014
The Minister of Energy of Ukraine has demanded from Gazprom to resume the supply of gas in credit on the basis of the fact that the girl's surname of his grandmother was Lannister, but everybody knows that the Lannister always pay the debts.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101385
 04.08.2014
XHH: It was necessary to adapt the translation and call Christian Grey just Sergei. A title to leave: "50 Shades of Grey"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101384
 04.08.2014
The corporate. Two people stand over the corpse of a new employee who fell in an unequal battle with a green snake.
1: Yes, a person is able to join a collective
2: Oh, he knows how to get in, I noticed.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101383
 04.08.2014
When I got the rights, I became more careful crossing the road.
What is there. When I bought the registrar, I started to drive more carefully :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101382
 04.08.2014
XXX: Comrade of class! Why not shaved?? to
I did not shave, Comrade Colonel.
XXX is...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101381
 04.08.2014
In general, the name Bageerah is male. Much more often it occurs in the form of "Bagir" (including in some peoples of Russia). In the original, the image of Bagira is absolutely unambiguous - it is a hero-warrior, equipped with an oasis of romantic Eastern color. He opposes Sher-Han as a noble hero to the thief. The model of the behavior of the aristocratic jihadist fits into his initiative to reconcile the conflicting parties by means of a ransom for Maugli, and his retrospectively told story of captivity and escape (the latter is the top of Orientalist literature). The relationship between Bagira and Maugli in the original is a relationship of male friendship, and not a relationship of motherhood / sonship at all. The transformation of Bagira into a female makes the clear and transparent Kipling plot difficult to understand: why, for example, the doubling of maternal custody - does Wolf not cope with the responsibilities of raising Maugli?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101380
 04.08.2014
This is:
Talk about the early rise and what bad those who have a hard time getting up early in the morning have broken up. This again proves their intolerance and limitation. Sows usually respect other people’s biorhythms.
You are chasing! I am a cowboy, my wife is a cowboy. No respect for my biorhythm – she’s shaking up to 10, because she’s looking at House 2 before night. I get up to work at 6.45.
Your wife is not a sheep but a chicken.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №101379
 04.08.2014
From one of the mobile sites, the theme is "Awesome and just funny stories"
Vitam
Employees of the security service of one of the hypermarkets of Naborizhny Chelnov detained a man with a package of frozen hanging shrimp, the heads of which were cut off. As it turned out, the buyer cut off the heads of the arthropods in the shopping hall and brought to the box office only edible parts of seafood, reports Chelny Ltd.

The salespeople of the department brought to the box a package of broken heads from the freezer, so that the buyer paid for them. The man dropped the shrimp tails from the package, recounted them, and then counted the same number of goals, and only after that allowed to weigh the package and paid for the purchase.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №101378
 04.08.2014
I love lawyers, two days of negotiations on the signing of a contract with an enterprise with an ideal credit history, for which suppliers in line become to work. We cut our vigilant jur. department contract - excess caviar placed. Beyond us the enterprise went off, but the lawyers did not let the “fraudsters” check the case.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №101377
 04.08.2014
I work as a designer. I ordered for a children's store, to draw a drawing on the logo. The manager went to check how it was. Too late I understood how the phrase "that I killed half a day" sounded.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101376
 04.08.2014
The graduate:
= = = = = = = = =
I apologize in advance for U.S. On the subject of engineers: I went here recently to one of the stores of a large electronics network. You know, so many familiar faces among the donors! With many studied together, someone studied for a course older, someone - younger, no matter. I am a graduate of PED. by VUZA. And among my classmates on my fingers can be counted people who work in the profession. And all because a young specialist in school gets on the first couple of thousands 15 - 20. Yes, with time the salary will rise, but it will be in five years, not sooner. Yes, there are numerous benefits, but still the pay does not correspond to the work that the teacher must do. Here it turns out that the average age of teachers is 55 years old, and in 10 to 15 years our children will teach no one.
P.S I live in M.O., I think the situation is not better in other regions.
= = = = = = = = =
“Voz”
In the first pair.
“Light”

If your classmates are as literate as you are, I am very happy that none of you are working on a specialty.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101375
 04.08.2014
If people don’t like it, it’s good music.

_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Nevertheless, passions, strong or not, must never be expressed enough to reach the point of generating disgust, and music, even in situations of greatest horror, must never be painful to the ear, but must flatter and charm, and thus always remain music.
and Mozart.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №101374
 04.08.2014
P.S I live in M.O., I think the situation is not better in other regions.
*************************
a) "Light "??? Then it's easier - you fucking teachers, there you and the road.
b) 15 to 20 thousand Do you have no experience immediately after studying? Then you also ate up, gentlemen, beginners teachers.

and smile)
Weak men produce mistresses, and strong men - Zhyguli in a 40-degree frost.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №101373
 04.08.2014
A beautiful poem "Lenin and the stove" - about how the stove was called to clean Lenin's stove. "Two military seeds... Dress up... I will ask you to take the tool with you..." And, the just great leader - He did not shoot!Al the furner made a sharp comment to him six months ago - he did not shoot anyway! Just made a day to work for free. I drank the tea and let go. The Humanist.

— — —
No, I did not shoot. There was something else, remember?

Lenin just answered.
and Lenin! The old man sat there.

25 years of confiscation.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101372
 04.08.2014
A colleague returned from a trip:
Nursery (10:10:54 4/08/2014)
was at the employer. He told a story, entertained everyone. and shorter:
made the way. She walked next to the church. He came to his father and said, “Do you need a pedestrian crossing to them and where to do it?” To him again, grandmothers go to church, and here the road is 4 lane of movement, "How will they cross the road?", daddy on his wave: "God will give, will cross..."

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №101371
 04.08.2014
The rumors about women are exaggerated. I am going in 20 minutes, from lying in bed to slightly painting and forward, and my husband 2 hours. During this time, he needs to have breakfast with an omelette - dampen before the compound in the pants - drink coffee - smoke - dress - half an hour to look for the phone of the cigarette lighter throughout the apartment. And if you don’t catch it at the end of the thread " well let’s get out", the cycle will start again)))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101370
 04.08.2014
HHH: That is the hell! Rospotrebnadzor has identified harmful additives in whisky!
Would you say: Kola?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №101369
 04.08.2014
A man jumped out in the dark on a familiar blonde, put a knife and cried "give the phone!“!”
To death, the frightened maiden began to dictate: “Eight nine hundred...”
The man stopped and fled.

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