bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101428
 05.08.2014
I found a thermometer on the floor. Where to put it?
Put it where you found it: it measures the temperature of the floor.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101427
 05.08.2014
and rushing:

and. and. and. Women are much harder to find a job. Just because: young - means soon married, married - means soon in a decree, there are children - will constantly take hospital, and the elderly is no longer needed by anyone.
= is
I will surely pass on your words to my boss (sales director 26 years old), put together =)
_______________________
And when you get through, do not be lazy to look at the statistics and trends when recruiting. The author above did not say "impossible", the original quote was "heavier".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №101426
 05.08.2014
The Barbara Streisand Effect:

Now that the rally has been banned, articles about the banned rally and, finally, information about the ban of articles about the banned rally on August 17 – everyone knows about the idea of the Siberian Republic!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101425
 05.08.2014
Do you know how hard it is to be a grandmother? It's like being born a bullshit - the fuck knows when you'll get another seizure.
He: Yes, it is even scary. A bit.
She: it looks like you are all so packed - in bars, NATO camouflage, with all kinds of lotions like the sense of humor, armor-cold-blooded vest, automatic logic, and other things that are inherent in a normal healthy person for full completeness. And here you are all so beautiful falling out of the helicopter, and find yourself in the fucking Vietnamese jungles, where you want to kill every butterfly, liana and babouin. And all these lotions and pants go fucking, because they are absolutely incapable in these conditions. This is how the normal brain lives in a grandmother’s body.
He is fucking...
She: Such things are.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101424
 05.08.2014
Ukraine is in impasse. 6 months ago. Time goes by and Russia is not attacking. Furthermore, Russian aggressors smell food to the territory of Ukrainian soldiers. They are fed, treated and even released... In a word, Ukraine has not yet seen such a greed from the “bad moscals.”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №101423
 05.08.2014
I work as a zoo technician in a large farm, a room in a 3-room apartment was given for housing, no one lives anymore. In connection with the situation in Ukraine, a lot of “refugees” come to the farm. I was housed by a young family. On the first day (afternoon) the following situation happened. I came from work for lunch, decided to get a chicken for the evening to cook...I got it, I cooked it in the evening, of course, I couldn’t condemn the chicken in one barrel, there was a lot left. I say to the boy (the head of the family): Eat a chicken, and then I will have a lot.And he answers: No, thank you, I am a vegetarian... well as a vegetarian, fat I eat, and meat almost no. Maybe my son and wife will eat, and I am still a vegetarian.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101422
 05.08.2014
XXX is
My favorite USB headphones broke, I had to plug the usual in the front panel

XXX is
Now I listen to the clues, as the disk rotates, as the mouse swirls, as electricity runs.

YYYY
I broke my headphones.
My favourite
I had to get the usual.
in the front panel.
I listen to the guides.
Like a mouse inside.
Running like electricity.
It rotates like a disk.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101421
 05.08.2014
California police catch a giant turtle
Police in the suburbs of Los Angeles not without difficulty caught a giant turtle who was trying to escape from law enforcement.
On Saturday, two police officers noticed that a 70kg reptile was walking on the street in the city of Alhambra, California. The reptile also saw them and "tried to strike, but our police are running fast," the city police department's Facebook page said.
Turtles can move at speeds of up to 1.6 kilometers per hour, “but this is if they really want to,” the expert notes.
– – – – –
Zenon was right!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101420
 05.08.2014
A: Max, you kissed a man on a walk?
B: Yes (
A: Then the norm
B: But we’re not like those gays.
We have no language and more jokes.
B: He took me to the pont.
B: and there the boys - fucking (
Q: What if you get taken in the ass to drink?
A: Max and half drink.
A: Only 2/3 of the stick and more in a joke
A: Not like the gay ones, just like the eggs.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №101419
 05.08.2014
I have long suggested that all the snakes unite and build their own infrastructure with mail, banks, hairdressers and other necessary places that start working after lunch! There would be clients and jobs, but my acquaintances are mostly crazy. Well, or at least make a service bureau for the soves, where you can bring your orders in the evening, and the morning shift of laurels would be engaged in calling institutions and going there, sending mail, paying for services, etc. Some of it can now be done online, but it would be great to order it all in one place!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №101418
 05.08.2014
The topic of the forum is "The biggest disappointments in life". One of the posts:

xxx: In September-beginning of the school was the task to write the composition "the greatest shock of the summer". I wrote that I was very surprised that the first devil requires twice as much operative for the multiplayer as for the single. 2...

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101417
 05.08.2014
News from Miley.

California police catch a giant turtle
Police in the suburbs of Los Angeles not without difficulty caught a giant turtle who was trying to escape from law enforcement.
On Saturday, two police officers noticed that a 70kg reptile was walking on the street in the city of Alhambra, California. The reptile also saw them and "tried to strike, but our police are running fast," the city police department's Facebook page said.
Turtles can move at speeds of up to 1.6 kilometers per hour, “but this is if they really want to,” the expert notes.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101416
 05.08.2014
Thanks for the 10 degrees! It was warm Chelyabinsk)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101415
 05.08.2014
If you tear off all your teeth, you will lose 200 grams of weight and can suck the extra cake.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101414
 05.08.2014
Here is :

to this:
I am not a selenium in games because I spend a lot of time on the robot.

Not Selene... Molybdenum, right?
*************
Do not load a human, he is on the robot, suddenly his robot will calculate you and he will accompany you on the robot.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №101413
 05.08.2014
----------
Especially considering that the last, at this moment, gay parade was held in St. Petersburg.

For the sake of objectivity, it is worth adding that it took place on the Day of the Lander, consisted of one person and lasted about 10 seconds.


[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101412
 05.08.2014
Today I watched a funny picture: from the 4th floor a man dropped a plastic basket on the rope. And he shouted, "Zorik, home!" and a dog jumped into the basket and a man raised it up.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №101411
 05.08.2014
Take care of the nerves. People still play and play with them.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №101410
 05.08.2014
Real facts... but sounds like a historical joke :)

The Poles in the 2nd couplet of the national anthem sing:
“Bonaparte gave us an example of how we should win.”

Yes, it is very...

In French, there is a word "Berezina", which means "full pepper".
And there is an idiom "Go on a journey to Moscow" with the meaning:
“Doing something hopeless.”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №101409
 05.08.2014
In order to impose sanctions on Sberbank, the countries of the European Union had to defend two hours.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna