We end up celebrating in a small but genuine pathos café, such with hipsters, tofu sausages, smoothies and mohito...

We are already going out, but I notice - behind one table sits a raised girl, surrounded by three (!) A waitress or a guardian.

The girl has a tragedy - came on a date with a guy, who in advance offered to divide the account in half, but after a bit, photos for an Instagram - went to the toilet, and disappeared... Very mysteriously! And his subscriber is no longer a subscriber... And in the coffee shop they are already accustomed to the habits of the hipsters – so they have a very strict policy on paying bills – no passport phones in deposit, or pay, or the police. Washing clothes is for anyone.



And the girl now pay for two. Money is hardly enough for one of them. She roars, the waiters yell, the guard-administrator snoops and flies his fists.

We find out how much debt, the amount for the cafe is really small - in the account of allop ara of liquid salads-smoothies, a couple of pizzas, beer and what a little bit - so we just give the administrator bills, he kicks the waiters - the girl is released from the siege. We are almost out, but the girl is catching us, grumbling of gratitude, vowingly promising to return us the money, this is all... She will call us!

She does not call us her phone number prudently, and does not ask for our number, so we only kindly sneak and hurry to get rid of her.

And here the toona makes a "decisive step" - sharply accelerates, and runs past our company, jumping into the route. The route is leaving, and it shows us the "fax" in the window - only with the index finger.



This is funny and strange. We didn’t ask for money back, we just paid. And even her name was not asked, so once she was released, she was just removed and all.

But whether she thought of something especially erotic and frightened, whether she and her boyfriend have such a way of divorcing others... He runs away immediately, and she then cries with tears.



But to watch her beating us, and then trying to insult us in a strange way, it really was more fun than the comedians from the cafe. A funny end to the weekend.

I work as a sysadmin in a huge company, from Kaliningrad to Sakhalin. And here, connecting to the network on another application, I suddenly at some point realize that:

I connected to the phone via TeamViewer.

- your home laptop in Moscow, from which by RDP ("Remote Desktop") via VPN connected to

- his working computer (also in Moscow), from which via RAdmin (also a program for remote connection) was attached to

home computer of an employee in Chelyabinsk, who needs to connect to

Working computer of the company's unit in Yakutia.

A long time ago, as a student, he worked as a nurse in a military hospital. The team in my department was wonderful, thirty-five women and a boss, named Mahmud Mahmudovich Mahmudov. The times were then difficult, apparently therefore the chief did not refuse to arrange an examination in a regime institution for persons entirely alien to the army, not miserably, naturally, i.e. not by law).

               Once the boss calls to himself, and says, will come to talk people that I have to meet, greet and send to RRS. At the appointed time comes a colourful couple: a man with the appearance of a gorgeous, in a raspberry jacket, with a thick-walled chair on his thick-walled neck, and with a dozen gold seals on his hairy fingers, and his wife, a little woman with sad eyes, dressed in all black, and with a head wrapped in a cloth.

               Who is the patient? The man points his finger to his wife. Go, I say, I will explain what awaits you, and you (husband) sit in the hallway for now. Husband - I will go with you, I will overtake, Ana savesam savesam ne panimaje.

               We sit in the office, I begin to explain, looking at the woman, the essence of the method of rectomanoscopy. You will be inserted, I say, in the rectum, a special tube with an optical system to examine the colon... A man interrupts me – Oh, listen, it’s very dangerous, right? ? to No, I say it is not dangerous. The only thing that can be discomfort from the unusual feeling of a foreign object in the rectum.   Don’t be afraid! This shameful Buddha is unusual for her!  The man said with a whisper and slapped me with his hand on his shoulder. A woman with her eyes...

Judging by the fact that one can only speak good about the government, it is dead.

I work as an electrician in a factory. In this profession everywhere overdahera interesting moments, but the story about one.

On the first floor of the production there is a modest male toilet for one person. Then someone stole the lamps. The lamp is ordinary, 220V under a 27-cylinder with a power of 40-90W (which set the one and stands). Factory, as if people were stealing. But going over the day to roll a new bulb is still tired (if the bulbs are needed - we would fit, we would give a dozen without any problems).

It was decided to put a 220/36 lowering transformator in front of the bulb and 36-volt bulbs.

Theft continued, but a week later one employee comes to us for consultation: "Please tell me, here I am turning the lamp at home, I turn on the light, and the lamp immediately burns, and so I already burned the lamps."

Good afternoon, how long we have been waiting for you 😉

It is time for metro stations to return to the names they had before the revolution.

A work colleague told a story about how his first-class son walked home for an hour and a half, although the journey takes only ten minutes. The father began to question the son.

Father: How could you go home for an hour and a half, where were you?? to

I watched the multicolors.

Father: Where is it?? to

In the children’s clinic, there the TVs were hanged.

My wife has a beauty salon. A small one, 10 years old. The wife herself is a master of manicure, does it carefully, and her clients have been visiting her for many years. A few years ago we moved to the suburbs, we live in a collective house like this... I stand on the street, I smoke, a neighbor comes out, a lady aged 27-28. We talked...

What is your wife doing?

It has a small beauty salon.

OOOOO OOOOO! Is the manicure done there?

...?!... Well... of course!

How do I get your wife to make me a manicure?

Come into the salon with her. There is a phone...

“Yes, I don’t want to go to the salons there... Let her take everything she needs from work today and make a manicure at home in the evening! have agreed?

My wife does not work at home. First, she comes home late, and secondly, at home she is resting.

The neighbor silently left... The next day I stood smoking... The neighbor came out.

Why didn’t your wife bring me anything yesterday and make me a manicure?

...!!! I told you that she doesn’t work at home.

I don’t understand – what is the problem? Bring everything you need from work, and I - my neighbor - for the sake of warm relationships, make a manicure?! We can be friends!

My wife is almost 55 years old, and she is the director of a beauty salon... at home she has not been working for a long time! Do you understand?

Will she make me a manicure?

Go to the salon with her.

And the neighbor stopped greeting me too! Strange people! Or are we getting older and no longer understand something in modern relationships?

“A woman must be educated properly,” the taxi driver tells me, “I don’t even allow anyone to tell my granddaughter that she’s beautiful. Although she is pretty cute. No reason. Better not to know. My mother educated my daughter wrongly. Everyone told her not to study, not to work. You have to get married and everything will be fine. She grew up, the fuck knows what. He does not know how to work, he does not know how to work. My husband is waiting. Therefore, a girl should not think from birth that she is beautiful. She needs to think about education and career.



I am silent. I haven’t grown up yet to argue with retirees about how to raise children.



“Why don’t you have a car?” the taxi driver suddenly asked.

I don’t just want to, I answer.

Does my husband have a car? He does not lag behind.

I do not have a husband. Where does his car come from?

Why is she so beautiful and has no husband? He is surprised.

“Because I have education and work, I ironize.



For a while he remained silent. Reloaded on. Then the rest of the road was rough. I fear he never told his granddaughter that she was beautiful.

I went to McDonald’s for coffee this morning. I order in the terminal, a couple approaches the box. The girl makes an order, the man adds, “And Happy Mile!” The further dialogue:



Girl: What else is Happy Mile?

I want a toy.

D: What one?

There are robots.

D: Why are they for you?

M: I like them.

D: And what, now we’re going to buy everything you like?

M: But there’s a great blue robot.



Seeing that in the turn are already beginning to joke about what is happening, someone whispered very loudly, "Let's buy a toy to a man," the girl allowed to take the companion Happy Mile. His eyes were filled with happiness. It was interrupted by the phrase: “Vitya, pay for us!” The man believed in success and asked the treasurer about other toys from the collection, but the girl said, "You have enough of one."

I take my son from kindergarten. In the car, he asks:

“Daddy, why did you take me out of the garden later?

“No, baby, I’m taking you up at the same time, just getting dark on the street earlier.

Why is?

Autumn is coming and the day is getting shorter.

Why is?

The sun rises later and goes down earlier.

Why is?

Well, see, our planet moves around the Sun on a not quite circular trajectory, that is, at some point it is further away, somewhere closer to the star. Plus, the Earth's own axis of rotation is slightly inclined and at some point less sunlight falls on us and the light day becomes shorter. Do you understand?

That’s why you took me later.

What in Russia is called “struggle against poverty” is essentially a struggle against the poor.

As the saying goes, “Husars don’t take money.”

The sister of the famous Russian naturalist and messenger Pavel Georgievich Demidov, having married General Lavrov, could not find a simple family happiness. Cards, alcohol and cuddles fascinated her husband more than the charms of her own wife, who decided to look for affections on the side. The wealthy and beautiful Mrs. Lavrov quickly found comfort on the chest of three Hussars of the Regiment, who conquered her art, ingenuity and gallant manners.
Wishing to thank her friends for the incredible romantic adventures, Lavrov gave each of them a bill of 30,000 rubles. Soon to the general began to reach rumors about the betrayal of his wife and unreasonably large expenses. If the first fact did not confuse him, the second caused an attack of rage. Not understanding how it was possible to pay for flesh comforts such a fabulous amount, Lavrov concluded that most likely his wife gave each lover a bill of 3000 rubles, and the Hussars themselves attributed an extra zero to it, increasing in times their "regression".
Lavrov wrote a statement to the Senate, which, having considered the situation, recognized the Hussars as fraudsters, decided to dismiss them from officers and sentenced them to prison. Per the fate of the Hussars would have been sad if their defensive words had not sowed the seed of doubt in the minds of Emperor Paul I, who ordered a careful investigation of the case in the regimental court. The commander of the squadron offered to apply for explanations directly to Mrs. Lavrov, who confirmed the amount of remuneration issued to three officers of 30,000 rubles and accused her husband of lying.
The court decided to remove all charges against the Hussar with the restoration of military service. When the outcome of the case was to Paul I, he slightly changed the verdict, according to which the Hussar should be dismissed from the army, since officers are not in the face of taking money for amourful comforts.
This case became the subject of numerous anecdotes, which ended with the emperor's somewhat modified phrase, known to all as "the Hussars don't take money."

Love was interested in yoga, meditation, auto-training... But then tried the cognac and realized that it was not worse.

I am sitting on vacation, and I get a SMS from Sber that my money has been arrested. They wrote 500 rubles. Execution letter on request. Sberbank could not explain anything to me, nothing for the executive list, nothing for anything, nothing!!! sent to the ports. To the ports in Mordovia, village of Chamzinka. What this is I have no idea, I was born and lived all my life in Moscow, in Mordovia never was. During a bunch of calls it became clear that this was a court debt by court decision, a fine of the GIBDD. I have never had a driving license or a car. Then followed my appeals through the electronic reception of the FSSP. It was a long time and 500 rubles. And you know what they said to me and wrote in response? That money they write down simply based on the FIO and date of birth. All of! No passport data, no ID, no certificate - nothing matters. Matched FIO and date of birth = write off all debts from the card, without warning. No, this is really a cape! Overall, I knew a month then, it happened in August. And a few months have passed, and again I see on the state services legal debts for excess speed... This all happens at the stage of the boarding, because there are no fines for me in the GIBDD and there was no. Again I wrote them a letter, a month has passed, just came the answer "response to the direction by the Russian post". What kind of post in Russia? where? I wrote the appeal electronically through the site and indicated my electronics, during the consideration of my appeal I managed to move, change the register... I wrote another appeal to the FSSP... And in general, it is time to change the surname.

One question, we start all of these inns, snills, we have passports and passports, if the money is dumb on the FIO and the date of birth are written down?



OS: you are there, my friend from Mordovia Chamzinka, I have heard about your constant failures to pay loans and GIBDD fines, take yourself in your hands!! to

I’m going to the “Lastic” now.

By loud communication, the mechanic calls the controller. and their dialogue.

M: Controller, go to the 9 wagon.

Q: What is there?

M: There, one of the passengers presses a button to open the pad. If he is a disabled person and needs help, help him.

If not, put it on your neck so that it doesn’t press.

...

People in the wagon roar.

I was 27 years old then. For a year, he divorced safely and was very actively thinking about moving to Peter for PMJ.

One day, a strange, but very nice girl writes to me in VK: say so and so, we crossed up with you at the exhibition in Ufa, you liked me, but somehow embarrassed to say about it, and now I am on a business trip to your city... How about meeting? ! to

Such proposals did not come to me so often (never), and therefore immediately began to look for subwooh🤔. Not finding him in any control issues, I entirely endured the mhatov pause and agreed.)

We met in the evening of the same day, walked a little, I showed her a part of the city, and then she offered to go for a short time to her relatives with whom she stopped, so that they don’t worry and then we go out to quench at least until morning!

We came to relatives, we were immediately seated at the table, I was poured vodka, she had some wine and it turned out that we were on her uncle's birthday.

I was very welcomed, everyone was eager to communicate, I consumed theatrical stories, told anecdotes and generally broke up in full, and I was directly listened and not often interrupted by questions.

Somewhere after two or five hours, when we once again went out to smoke, I realized that the girl was no longer at the table or in the visible rooms... I asked the nominee, and he said that she and two other girls went to the store for wine and juices.

Somewhere at 2 p.m., when someone had already turned off, someone was preparing to turn off, and the same two were already sitting in the kitchen and choking for life, I walked home and again asked about a acquaintance, which I had never seen again at this holiday of life. What her blue-eyed uncle replied to me was that she brought the ransom, and she and the girls went to the club to squeeze and will only be tomorrow afternoon! 😳

I lost weight a little, trembled a little, started to reach me a little, but I asked again...)))

It turns out, her uncle very much loves how his niece tells stories and anecdotes, and she really wanted to meet with friends and go to the club, in visits for just a couple of days, and to celebrate DR with starters she is not very interesting. Well, and she offered him the option, in which she will bring an equivalent replacement and if they like everything, he will drop into the club and visit to the girlfriends later! 😬💁♂🤦♂

When they say passive-aggressive behavior, I remember my acquaintance travelling to my grandmother in Odessa. A typical morning - a friend wakes up, the grandmother puts her at the table and begins: "Eat granddaughter, eat. Are you tasty? Of course, it’s delicious, I’m standing behind the plate for three hours, and with my knees can I? Eat, eat and don’t get distracted. It’s nothing that I woke up at 6 in the morning, went for food, and then quickly came here to have time to make everything ready for you. “Eat your granddaughter, eat her.”

They say that money ruins people... You can think that the lack of money makes them better!

A month ago, a friend came to work with me. He smiles. Blue under the eye. I praised his makeup – he said that Fingal is very good for him. He stumbled and told the story.

He was passionate about paintball and often ordered every little thing in China. Having taken another package from the mail, he went home and was all in his thoughts. For two houses before his, he passed under the windows of the multi-storey and felt like something fell on his head. He lifted up his head and in the window of the fourth floor saw a man in a shirt closing the window. After a few seconds I felt a burning. He fell over his neck and burned his neck. As he pulled him out of his jacket, he arranged a true dance of papua. I checked the jacket, and there was a hole in it - the smoke burned. Trying to mate, decided to first calculate the owner, but the door on the homephone. Until you find it, for the time being, the soul was angry and wanted revenge. Therefore, he decided that the owner himself will come out when he shoots him out of the paintball rifle window. If it does not come out, it will have a beautiful window. He ran home, charged his gun from his soul and began to take revenge. The Dinner. The owner did not appear. A friend was caught by the shooting of the window, and did not notice how someone came from behind, knocked his shoulder and attached with his right. A friend came to himself and enthusiastically ran into a fight. The man who struck him was outraged and claimed that it was his window - a "military apartment". A friend immediately presented him with all the claims for the ugly bite. They remembered each other, and then calmed down a little, finding out the relationship. The man said he had just arrived, and there was only his wife at home. He does not smoke at all.

- What kind of man in the Maca was at the lodge. A relative? A friend asked.

The owner of the apartment, after these words, immediately alerted and asked him to go with him to check. They approached the door and the owner opened the door with his key. My friend followed. The wife of the owner of the apartment was fun in the bathroom with a strange uncle. The sight of the legitimate owner appearing in the bathroom with a broken rod, a friend also hit him a couple of times, brought them to horror. But after the fight the fists do not matter. The owner was no longer in the mood to give lilies to happy lovers. He apologized to a friend and gave him 5,000 rubles. And about the window asked not to worry - the wife said then washes out the tongue.

- The owner of the apartment would have found lovers at the scene of the crime, - shouldered I listened to the story of a friend.

“No,” replied a friend, “he was just nearby and only got home in an hour. A vigilant neighbor called him and told him that I was shooting under the windows.