Once in the winter, I went out with a friend to meet the girls. There is a mode: in the afternoon they let go without problems, and at 10 p.m. the commander of all the guests accompanies.

We drink alcohol, we eat breakfast, we talk. Two hours later, under the influence of alcohol, the girl's hearts were shattered and they wanted warmth and affection, and then the time went to the evening. Naturally, you do not want to leave at all, and our ladies offer a brilliant plan. You need to bypass the building and enter first on the window grid on the first floor, and then on the blanket to them on the second.

In anticipation of love we walk around the building. I’m the first, it’s all fine. It was my friend’s turn. He’s a bitten guy, somehow enters, grabs the blanket and suddenly “BAH! » The spark is sparkling and the light is extinguished throughout the building, and a companion with a loud "mly" falls somewhere in the dark.

The girls are pushing me into the closet, and I am already boiling all over the community.

I stand in the closet. I hear the door to the room open.

Where are they?

Women in one voice:

Who is?

A horse in a coat. Judging by the senior voice, Commander. They cut off all the wires from the transformator to the shuttle.

Here the door to the closet opens up and he lights up with a lamp right in my head. I woke up and said the first thing that came to my mind:

I go to the theater with one adult.

The man was caught with humor. Finally, he says, we only go to the depot.

Then he breathes up, drops the lighthouse and says, jump in the window, there is a swallow, or I have already called the menta.

I jump in the snow and back to the house. That was the night of love.

I decided to go to sports and buy myself a giraffe, I was then 16 or 17.My birthday is a few days before the new year. Here is the story itself.

My friends learned about my idea in the purchase of guiri and offered to mark in the bath of our common acquaintance, in the village 18 km from the city. I went. Bus, electric car and 4 km through the forest. Couples after drinking a beer well and of course the solemn part - the delivery of a gift weighing 32 kg. I decided to bring the gift home.)

First on his left hand, then on his right, then on his two hands, but it is uncomfortable to walk. On the floor of the road through the forest to the electric car, I tried to carry it behind my back and to drag on the belt, and it was still cold. Her hands clinged to her through her gloves because on the street - 22°.The foot on the back so that the socks were wet... I could not throw the gift and decided what I shouldn't tell.

I took her home and put her in the corridor, I didn't feel my hands for three days and I held a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve with both hands)))

Good and caring friends. I haven’t touched Giraffe for six months.

He stood a puppy a cloud of years and everything had to be wiped out, but the time has come. I lift this heavy fucking, though not in the gravity of the problem, but in the dimensions and the fucking weighting, I pull up to the staircase without looking at the front and fuck in the peril so that it falls out of his hands and begins to count the stairs. This sound of glowing plastic about the shocking stairs in the acoustics of the entrance is not transmitted by words, so this fuck still did it in a hurry and pushed the atmosphere to the very end. The lamp lived until the last fucking bite and in the final it stumbled like I fucked his mother’s mouth. Neighbors I have not heard for all the time the collection of armor of this bandit, minutes 20 may, but in general it seemed that life in the house stopped for shit.

I was driving from town to town today. I sat in the gazelle, waiting for the shipment. 10 minutes later, a 70-year-old grandmother comes in accompanying her children. They put her in place and went to the driver to talk. Then I hear the dialogue:

Take a trip for your grandmother.

The driver is OK. Will anyone meet her in the village?

and no. But you bring her home, please (extend the money, which is 3 times the cost of the ticket);

Take away your thousand! Do not shame me. Bringing home and so on. The grandmother herself.



He came without any annoyance. But the most pleasant thing was to watch the grandmother who sat down and sincerely smiled.

There are good people around us.

Our medicine is the first assistant of the government in optimizing retirement spending.

Officials in China. How did I feel it?

Yes, I personally felt how the shootings of wage-taking officials affect the prosperity of the country. I had to live and work there at the time when they just started shooting. The year 2005.

It was amazing how everything changed in my eyes. It’s about the attitude of officials to their duties and, accordingly, about the growth of business, the well-being of the country and every Chinese.

2nd At first, in the first three years, it was rumor – “the party adopted a plan: each year to shoot 1,000 outspoken officials.”

Well, once there is a plan, it is necessary to execute it - to catch and shoot 3 corrupt officials every day, which was actually done.

Three The year 2007.
At our factory in Weihai it was necessary to increase the allocated power capacity, almost twice. I knew from Russian experience that it was hard and very expensive.
When I brought the Chinese official a request to resolve the matter, he almost fainted. In general, the power increased in a week, while having time to remove the old cable and lay a new one for a distance of about a kilometer.
The officer took a Parker pen from me, bought for $100, and recorded it with me in a special magazine.

How the legend worked. I myself did not attend the shootings, although I was interested, as the Chinese comrades explained to me, only Chinese people are allowed to watch the shootings.
I didn’t insist because I wasn’t Chinese.

The year 2015.
The salary of our Chinese factory workers is $600 a month. In 2003, they earned $50 a month. How China flourished during this time to talk too much... you know.
The latest technology and so on.

2019 year.
More than 120 million Chinese have traveled abroad. And it was only indicatively that 10,000 bribery and pests were shot, although they began in secret.
What a result! A surprising result.

By the way, Europe blamed them for this, say, democracy – this is what the Chinese replied to them:
“You have democracy and we have China.”
is genius.

Of course it’s bad to shoot people...not good, but how effective. It’s brilliant how they approached it – the plan!
For 10 years! Three officials per day! Every day, regardless of the time of year and weather.
Just military - three every day, for 10 years, because such a Plan and it is very important for the whole country!

What every official thought at the time is not difficult to guess, although, as you can see, they were brave.

by Valery Ustinov

The teacher of algebra was very upset when he found his wife with two unknown people.

Political correctness is when pirates have more rights than normal people.

For a long time I could not understand the reason for the bad feeling. She did the uzi, donated blood for everything, tested for hormones, died, visited a neurologist, enrolled in a cardiogram and X-ray. I brought the results to my doctor and asked what he was seeing.
I see you have money and energy.

From postal correspondence:
“Abram, I think our letters are being opened. I send you my hair in this letter.
Go out, it’s okay! Her hair got!
– Abram, and I didn’t put it in the envelope!

The start of Carlson reminded me very much of a fighting club. Carlson for Baby as Tyler Darden. The baby is clearly mentally unstable when he sees Carlson for the first time. He was beaten, his parents are not involved, there is no contact with his brother and sister, the dog was crushed. As a result, he spreads the room (fighting club) being in his alternative personality. Which is not afraid of anything, nothing and no one needs anything (except a bowl of strawberries and a huge cake with crumbs) and in general the complete opposite of the baby. Parents eventually find nothing smarter than leaving a seven-year-old alone and going to the cinema with the whole family. A classic of the genre - he went out to the window. In reality, such cases exist and do not end so positively. A sad thriller.

A young master becomes an adult professional when he realizes that "working a lot" and "earning a lot" are not always interrelated things.

Uber driver arrives. I see in the profile of the prize "interesting interlocutor" and "know how to support a conversation", I think, well, I will have to build a polite passenger all the way and talk meaninglessly. A car arrives and the driver is deaf. Fuck what people are ironic about.

When the feminists were outraged that the gender division in the bathrooms wasined, the men rejoiced, but when they saw the feminist, they demanded to leave everything as it is.

and cap! Why does the yacht go and not swim?

Because he only swims in the bathroom!

What if you get thrown out of the boat, will you go or swim?

-**** *** *****!

Previous term “the thief” changed to “member”

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a married couple with a completely confused view looks at a painting depicting three absolutely naked black men sitting on a bench. The two had black members, and the middle was pink.

Walking nearby, the curator of the gallery realized that it was difficult for them to interpret the meaning of the canvas and, as an art scientist, offered his personal assessment.

He continued for more than half an hour, explaining that this symbolizes the sexual harassment of blacks in a predominantly white patriarchal society. He also added that...

“In fact, some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by homosexuals in today’s society.”

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said:

Do you want to know what the picture really is about?

Do you consider yourself to be a better expert than a gallery curator?

I am the artist who wrote this painting. There are no black people here. Three Irish miners. The man ran home in the middle of the lunch break.

Do you betray me?
What did you get, dear?
You are constantly surrounded by smart and beautiful women.
I don’t need smart and beautiful women, I need you.

Don’t try to understand a woman, she’s doing it badly.

and Casanova.
I’m so old that when I pass by the grandmothers sitting on the bench at the entrance, I always smile and say, “Hello, girls,” and they all say goodbye. The situation is normal, because I live in this house for a long time, and the grandmothers are also constant.
And then one day, as I passed by them, I greeted them again and went on, and suddenly I hear one of them, apparently new and also deaf, asking loudly:
Who is this?
This is the house from the fifth apartment.
The Truth?! to
He greeted all the women and smiled. The poor woman!
All the men are the same, the other man cried out.
At the age of 70, I finally became a man.