A short story from one of Tarantino's films:

Before he died, he admitted that he was a police officer.
Why before death?
Because I confessed.

has been?
And yet another:
Continued by:

Fourteen is a number.
Fourteen is a room.

Seventy is a number.
Seven and forty – a bunch of deeply drunk Russian Jews dancing 7-40

Fourteen is a number.
And one forty is the husband of forty.

45 is a number.
And five forty is almost the end of the working day, you can slowly shrink.

"Collusion of fallen women,"-
Blonde and quietly whispering.
The intelligent archaeologist,
I hit my finger with a hammer.

I have long been accustomed to the non-standard requests of friends and acquaintances, but yesterday's call with a request to help sell a faulty Ukrainian An-12 in Crimea for "white", while I live in Vladivostok - an undoubted hit of the year.

I was invited by a girl here.
I asked for something sweet for tea.
Take half a kilo of sugar.

A 95-litre tank of the SUV is enough for 563 kilometers of distance.
Is it possible for a hammer to eat 6l per hundred? and lying.
222: Another victim of the EGE? 95/563 * 100 = 16.8

With a friend, I went from the trenki (volleyball), we passed through another courtyard, there were 4 hopes on the road, well, as usual, there are little things, and if I find... I prefer to go out with blueprints from such situbies, but when my own, I pressed to the wall so that they didn’t come from behind, my fists crashed, I wait. And the friend was evil, he had a bad day, quarreled with the girl, quarreled with his parents, and even after training he threw 2 beers. He stood up like this, his hands down, his eyes to the floor and through his teeth: “Yes, what?” You know who is in charge of this area, you know who is in charge of this area? Do you know Arlequin? What if he knows about you, AAA? The gopes vanished, the choto burst and quietly dissolved in space.
After an hour and a half, when the friend calmed down, I asked who Arlekin was.
- Yes, this is a brother-in-law (12 years old) of a classmate Persian in a game with a sharpening of +12 in a circle (maximum point in the game), he is there all on the server urinates...

(I am talking about Kasparov)
Aaa: the kind of Harry is not miserable, but a jacket like a collage. Fou...

BBB: Why did you think he wasn’t in trouble? Prestigious housing in America is expensive, you have to save on jackets.

The main thing is not the jacket, but the tie. by Saakashvili.

The main thing is not the tie, but the shirt. B is Berezovsky.

The main thing is not the shell, but the helmet. by L. Trotsky

FFF: The main thing is not the helmet, but the dosimeter. of Litvinenko.

Ggg: The main thing is not... too much. Saskia Biely

Maniana: Yesterday I saw a police officer who got worse - the child with him took off his pants to show that he was squeezed - the district barely lost consciousness )))))))
Recon105: Mint is a frog! After 9th grade we were sent to the medical commission - well, this is a place where doctors are legally looking at the eggs of minor boys. The doctor, looking at me, asked if there were veins. I honestly answered that I don't know - after having sex with a girl, an unhealing ulcer appeared on the egg, but I healed it, so I wasn't aware of the veins or the skin. The doctor asked - what, what I learned the answer - a purifier... Then I saw a doctor who was sick! ))))
Maniana: Uahahazaha What a fucking shit you are! ? ? ?
Recon105: Well you remember our childhood - everything was treated with either greens or pineapples.

My friend wrote wonderfully:
Well, I went to Ashan after the massage, bought a fire extinguisher, a puddle and meat. Rushed at the box.
Tomorrow I’ll try to go through the check-up, not I’m such a heroic cook.

xxx: And in the resume, the beginner domain admin, you can specify "Easy Domain"

Is it possible to regulate the gender of the child?

YYY: It can be. In order for a son to be born, a woman immediately after sex must knock a nail in the wall with a hammer, and in order for a daughter to be born - again immediately after sex to wash the floor. This was seriously told to me by my aunt with a higher technical education, the leading engineer of the CB of a large factory! Here is the Enlightenment!

Zzz: What if you hit the nail first and then wash the floor? Trans or Twin?

YYY: And that’s how LGBT representatives get out :-D

zzz: Fuck, I knew that my mom’s love for sex washing would not lead to good!

xxx: Three pattern breaks in one headline MICROSOFT - ANDROID - NOKIA
YYY: and to pour content on such a phone, you need an EYUNS!
ZZZ: Through the WIN.
Web: under FreeBSD

At work with a report, I say to my husband:
- Fuck, I'm so worried, what if I'm asked a question and I can't answer it?
What my husband advises:
For every unclear question, there are three actions. 1) I was told that in the office, and I just read it. I do not know the details, but I will definitely clarify. 3) Please ask the following question.
P.S I am not red.)

Grishabel: Somewhere (Discovery may) heard the theory that after death, information accumulated by an individual must go somewhere, i.e. It just can’t go missing...

GreatRash: and you thought why compost is warm?

He spent the whole day in the office, wildly hanging. I go out, take the car, go out to the dacha. I do not remember how I arrived. I open the boiler, immediately pull the pump, attach the hose, start to water the garden. You know that in order for the hose to go further, you need to squeeze a part of the output hole with your finger and then the stream will hit better.
I press on, popper.

After 40 minutes, which I spent somewhere deep in my mind, I go into the greenhouse with tomatoes, take another hose. The same scheme: I press my finger to lick further.

Thirty minutes later, I went to the toilet.

He recovered a second before the disaster.

He was in such a deep ass that long afterwards he cracked out of the daylight.

Funny stories of young mothers

I went out for a walk with my two-month-old baby to the playground. I sit down, drink juice, read a journal, I do not touch anyone, but here the passers somehow crack. Half an hour later, the husband passed by and said, “Let’s go home, dear.” I looked in the mirror, and I was in bigodes. Large and varied!

I went to my friend’s birthday at a restaurant. All of herself - makeup, nails with straws (lipped at two nights), only from the house picked up a bag of garbage, and forgot to throw out. And hanged him on the door pen in the subway, where the last door. At the top, the pampers are worn out. No one said. It is good that when I came with him to buy flowers, the seller drew attention with a compressed voice. I went to the restaurant with flowers and butterflies.

It’s hard to count the tablespoons with the mixture, how many you’ve already put in a bottle. I found a way, while I put on, I count loudly. Approximately so: one-one-one, the second tablespoon I throw: two-two-two, etc. I sat down to drink tea, I think that this husband looks so strange at me... I pour sugar into a cup and say loudly with an expression: one-one-one... It is good that I was still at home, not in a cafe or guests.

I left a sleeping little girl on my husband and jumped out to the neighboring store for some nonsense like bread and milk. After a while, I realized that I was not enough to ride the cart here and there as a wheelchair, so I still tell her (the wheelchair) out loudly: "Now we will go, take my dad green apples, he loves them very much, and then we will go out there for milk..."

At first, she couldn’t wait for her daughter to fall asleep, and she fell asleep sitting on her arms while feeding. I wake up from the fact that she’s crying, I suck her chest, and she’s still sneezing, then I look, her head is on the other side, and I’m trying to feed.

- I go with my eldest daughter past the pond (her 9 years old), Max (1.5 years old) home with my dad.
I: This is a crackdown.
Anita is silent.
I: And you see, the dog ran out of AV.
Anna is silent.
I: This is a machine. How does the machine speak? The BB machine says.
Like in an anecdote.
Mama, who are you talking to?

A man comes from work and asks for tea. I quickly ran to the kitchen, made tea, poured it into a bottle on the machine and gave it to my husband.)))

We have a parrot at home, very handy and loves attention, but when dissatisfied with something bites a little. I took him on my arms, I talked to him, then something he didn’t like started bite. I immediately started pumping it, jumping it up and saying, “Tsss, quietly, it’s okay.”

When I was a child I couldn’t clean the bulb, my grandmother said:
If the thin is not removed, remove the thick.
This advice still helps me in my life.

The 7-year-old son in school soon "happy starts",..with his parents....he and his wife without hesitation recorded there....and in the evening announced it with the slogan: "Dad, mom, I am a sports family!"I try to go away; and you could not have held these starts under the slogan: Grandpa, grandpa, I am also a sports family!"? to what he answers: "Please don’t confuse the Funny Starts with the race of retirees-rapids!! )))