bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98648
 31.05.2014
He entered the testator in the insurance without him, by photocopy of the rights (he has all categories open).

Agent: What is his status?
I: forty
Is it age, and age?
I: It is a time!
Agent : O.O

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98647
 31.05.2014
Relax with your socks. You can wear socks under the sandals. But :
A) The socks should not be above the upper belt. Pull it off so that it ends under the strap.
B) on monotonous sandals the looking socks should differ (but at the same time combine well) in color.
If the sandals have contrasting details, the socks should be as close to them as possible.
D) If a hole shines on your finger, you can safely forget all of the above. A hole creates its own ensemble of styles to which these rules do not apply.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №98646
 31.05.2014
News: 40 Kamazs with Chechens to the borders of Ukraine
The comments:
xxx: And how can the Ukrainian border service detect someone in Russia?
YYY: Americans send photos from their satellites.
xxx: well, on the photos (let’s say) you can disassemble that this is a column of kamazs. Where are the Chechens from?
zzz: from the front of the KAMAZ a beard of Chechen shape and North Caucasian color.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98645
 31.05.2014
They do not climb the office staircase - they climb it.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №98644
 31.05.2014
I’ll tell you about my grandfather, what’s there. He was buried in May, for two days our veteran survived Victory Day.

He was called into the army at the age of 17. He served in the Lviv region, on the border. Before the war they were taken to the border for exercises. He tells that everyone saw German planes flying, troops moving, everyone understood, but Stalin ordered not to panic and believe... He served in artillery, and when the Germans began the offensive, there was such a mess that they forgot to give orders. And they, the artillery regiment, with combat equipment, sat and watched the enemy coming and could do nothing. Eventually, we were surrounded. They broke through to their own, 40 kilometers at night. Fear was, but youth is youth - for humor the forces remained. In such transitions, everyone wanted to sleep terribly, and they slept in turn: one goes in the middle and sleeps, two on the sides are held and directed. Sometimes the dormant comrades let go of the sleeping man and watched him continue to walk, fall on the side, fall, and so sweetly stretch. And everyone is fun - death of laughter is afraid, believed.
Bombing every night. Once they crashed - everyone was hiding under a broken tractor on the road, and my grandfather didn't have enough space. He fell where he stood, lying not alive, not dead, he feels that something has shrunk on his hip. When the bombing passed, it turned out, the fragment hit the sapphire scarf, turned it all around, and flew away. And in the place of the tractor wreck... Then he believed that he would come to his mother alive.
They go on, less and less every night. On the road, the truck was found turned, repaired, the driver was found. Grandpa got a seat right behind the cabin. That night the truck overturned, and a couple of people survived, including my grandfather, who was protected by the same cabin.
He broke into his own. Designated a communicator in artillery calculation. We rushed to Stalingrad, we didn't have time - the ring was locked. Located on the sidelines, grandfather needs, as usual, to connect. He took the coil and drowned to the command post. The wires there, he says, lay immeasurably, so, in order not to get lost, he took the already stretched wire with his free hand, the closest, to his calculation, and held for him, placed his own. It goes, the coil is heavy, winter, the hands shrink and faint. He decided to change his hands, releases his Ariadne thread, rolls the coil, drops his eyes - mommies, and there is a glove, and, he tells us, both our and the German mix. The price of the mistake is to get straight into the legs of the Germans. Not alive, not dead, not knowing what to do. You will no longer turn back - went far, and when he walked, he did not follow, hoping for a wire. As a result, he went along the line of the front, went by chance, two days later went out in a circle to his calculation Who wandered in the forest, he knows that without an orientation you walk in a circle and return to the starting point. His guardian angel brought him out.
He went through the war, took Berlin, and then served in Germany. All the time I was very fond of my beloved mother. As a result, he dropped everything, despite the conspiracies and promises of his career, and went to Belarus, to his mom and his hometown. I didn’t receive letters all that time, flying like wings.
Arrived - and as in the song "Enemies burned their hometown"... During the war, the younger sister went to the partisans, as part of a sabotage group undermined the railway. He kept the explosives behind the closet at home, saying nothing to his mother. They lived on the move, in the booth of the wanderer, and when the Germans came to relocate them to the village to settle there their wanderer, they moved the closet and... Mother was terribly tortured, cut alive with a knife to give where the partisans, hanged and not allowed to bury. The sister, learning about this, tracked out the colonel who directed the torture and shot him. The resentment of his sister and, what is there, the partisan commanders, who gave a 16-year-old girl to hide an explosive in the house, remained with him for the rest of his life.
After the funeral, looking out his things, found a notebook with his story. My grandfather went to Jurfak and went to his hometown for the holidays. Since his home was not left, he went to his homeland. Here he goes from one village to another, looking under his feet, sad. Suddenly some force causes him to raise his eyes, and he sees: right in the middle of the road lies a "naughty hairy creature" - a huge wolf. My grandfather froze on the spot, and such an insult took him: it is necessary, 5 years of war passed and remained alive, and here some local wolf will now eat and not drown. There are a few options – you will not escape anymore. And he began to say to the wolf, "Wolf, sweet, get up, go away from the road. I need aunt Anne, she’s waiting for me, worried. Let go, do not interfere.” And then the wolf reluctantly rises, looks him in the eyes and goes into the field, where the wolves play with the wolf.
My grandfather has had that power all his life. When he was a juvenile prosecutor, the teenagers whose cases he investigated came to thank him for putting them in jail on time and not allowing them to ruin their lives.
We buried our grandfather with an honorary guard and a farewell salutation as a war veteran. I cannot believe that he is no longer.
The last thing I want to ask. Please help our veterans. So few are left. Grab the neighbor's grandfather gardens, fix the fence, throw the crop from the country, wash the grandmother's windows, wash the underwear. They don’t need our beautiful words on the internet – they’re not kids, and they know the price of nails and candy on May 9. And even if they are 90 years old, even if they have a pain, they still want to live. And even if it seems to you that their life is no longer worth anything, you cannot decide for a person the price of his life.

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №98643
 31.05.2014
As the old Cossacks said: if Ukrainians are sent to fight with the Russians, you must stand on the border back to back and shoot those who sent.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №98642
 31.05.2014
Not to get in the mouth normally! The mouth shrugged like a piece of shit.

A girl feeding a cat with a shaggy

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98641
 31.05.2014
This
How you already borrowed the poor DiCaprio!! Open at least Wikipedia. He hasn’t had an Oscar for a long time.
__________
How illiterate people are. The nomination is not a prize.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №98640
 31.05.2014
It is right:

The fact that our JEC is intelligent and intelligent I understood when I came to them in the heat of forty degrees and read the ad on the door: "Close, please, doors, keep warm!"
This is very important....

The heat from the outside will fall into the JEC and disappear - completely and forever. It will be cold.

That’s why Jack warns.

He knows what happens when heat is not kept in the summer.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98639
 31.05.2014
I scare you: most babs have similar thoughts, but in a more perverted form.
They may be perverted, but men think about sex 90% of their day.
The remaining 10% are sleeping.
zzz: ah, such a man pulls out the garbage and thinks: "Seeex", teeth brushes and such: "Oh, yes, sex", on a walk under the rain gets: "Well, sex too!", looks at photos of cats in the internet: "There would be more sex", chooses products in the store: "Somehow not enough sex in them".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98638
 31.05.2014
xxxh: We were taught at work today to assemble the machine for a while, it was fun, but I don't fit in the norms.
WOW: Oh why?
XHH: We have the assembly and disassembly of the machine in our official instructions, now everyone who wants to learn how to disassemble it.
Are you working in the call center?
But suddenly the terrorists will attack us, and we will unlock their machines, and then by example we will repel them.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №98637
 31.05.2014
It is not ruined...
One of my acquaintances took the pills.
and rubber in general is an unreliable thing, it breaks quite often, such cases only with my acquaintances three, and with acquaintances of acquaintances so generally a lot.

----------------
Do your acquaintances personally report to you, or do you have an anonymous club of victims of broken Gondons?

[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98636
 31.05.2014
“At reunion we can put a cross, all our neighbors are afraid of us now. I recently returned from Astana, and I was constantly asked: when will you hold a referendum and annex North Kazakhstan?
Asked with hope?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98635
 31.05.2014
Why is it that whenever I’m knocked on the door, my cat thinks it’s come to him?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98634
 31.05.2014
The following letter came from the Chinese:

Good morning my friend.
Do you have an order soon? Tell me, tell me, tell me...
I waited a long time for your answer, sitting at the computer. Do not make me wait. Tell me, tell me...

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98633
 31.05.2014
From the hub, a comment to the article on the topic of smartphones:
Mezomish: >... the spouse for the night in general includes the flight mode.
When I read these words, I for some reason remembered the novel "Master and Margarita" :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №98632
 31.05.2014
I think the point is this: "At the same time, our compatriots proved to be the most patriotic. 72% of them choose their country’s airline."

The Russians placed 5 points on Aeroflot if the illuminator was not broken and the pilot was sober.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98631
 31.05.2014
Dallaylaen
It reminded me of the joke about the circus eight-legged and the wolf.

by mishgun131
For people who talk about an anecdote about (something) and do not refer to an anecdote or do not quote it, a special, especially hot boiler is prepared in hell.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №98630
 31.05.2014
From Tabu

xxx: Am I here a representative of the higher race that you listen to Zigafolk and folk rock/mytol?
There is another ZZZ. He is an illitist and claims that he has turned all the directions he does not like, and the zig-zag people are among those he does not turn.
BBB: What is Zigafolk?

I came to the tavern.
I see the bartender Hitler.
How can I not drink,
How not to dance?”

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98629
 30.05.2014
There are also those who ring the bell for two hours every night. Isn’t it selfish to impose a hobby and a concept of tradition on everyone who lives within a radius of five miles? Among them, by the way, may well be followers of such traditions, in which the sound background of rural life is the shooting, not the bell.

Based on this, do they have the moral right to shoot the bell? © Jeremy Clarkson

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