8 years ago I missed a dog wife in her soul did not wait for a month 2 and one day the wife calls and says that she met a man in the store with our maxi but the man does not give the dog says his wife in tears I go with a friend I look at the wife wipes people gathered all sympathize I rushed on the man he gave the dog with the words that we all b...s he left and the wife to the veterinarian to check the dog that he did not get sick, etc. and TP. A dog for a maximum of a year. And our 5 years.short picked out another dog.but it looks like two drops of water and responded to the name.

xxx: Found an advertisement for the sale of a tail on avito.

xxx: And now I understand that I have to call an absolutely unfamiliar person and arrange a meeting, to which I will come with money, and he will come with a tail.

Any super-quality is easily replaced by a medium-sized mud.

A joke of life.

I bought an inverter here. The easiest and cheapest, for which the frog will not suffocate.
I started learning to cook. I sit, weld all kinds of iron debris, and then I try to break. First they broke. Then they stopped, and a little later it even became beautiful.
Sometimes it :-)
Well, I’m inspired, let’s think I’ll make something useful.
I had a broken strawbrush. Half of the screw was found, the other one was lost somewhere. W - I will try. The second half is not - the fist of the war, from the armor bent, it seems.
Well, first as a smart person, I looked at YouTube as people such iron boil. It turns out that it is necessary to remove the straw more fat, so that there is a place to melt the metal. And another friend advised to wrap the electrode with a copper wire, saying that my grandfather was cooking iron.
He did everything as advised, removed the façade, wrapped with wire, swallowed from the soul into several passages. The Bulgarian fox was melted in the face, it turned out beautiful, If not the armature, then it would not be visible where it was broken.

How could I know that the straw isn’t cooking? It was then that I watched all sorts of videos where professionals say that steel is useless to cook. Copper is at the level of ignorance and prejudice, in fact it doesn’t help. Need special electrodes, expensive, even sold in batches. Also, iron before welding needs to be heated to a certain temperature. After the fight, let go for a long time. And no guarantee that the welding will hold, slightly mistaken with the temperature and everything will crack. In short, the deadly thing of iron to cook. It broke, only for discharge.

What is the joke? Sometimes it is better not to know that a job is impossible to do. My scraper works to this day and does not break, no matter how hard I pressed it.

The famous mathematician Gregory Perelman, who managed to prove the Poincaré theorem, over which the best minds of mankind fought for many decades, changed his scientific plans for a while and focused on solving a much more complex problem - he will try to determine how his pension will be calculated according to the formula of the Pension Fund of Russia. The mathematical community believes in his genius, but very discreetly estimates Gregory's chances of success.

1993 and I am 3 years old. For the New Year holidays, the whole family went to the grandmother’s village. It was decided to go to a New Year's show at the country club. While my mom, grandmother and aunt were dressing up, my uncle called me back and said:

What Santa gave a gift, you need to tell him the New Year's verse. Do you know a poem?

and no.

(He repeats me a short verse twice) Remember?

and yes!

came to the club. I watched the New Year’s show. And this is the very moment when Santa calls the children on the stage and asks them to tell a poem or sing a song. Most of the children were embarrassed, someone mocked something. The turn comes to me.

Can you tell Santa Claus?



and yes!

Well let it.

(In the microphone loud and clear)

A tree was born in the forest.

Who gave her birth?

Four drunk men.

and a crocodile.

The hall exploded. My mom and grandmother made facepalm.

As soon as they crossed the threshold of the house, Grandma:

The wolf is! Did you teach her?

The uncle runs out of the room with a surprised and joyful face:

Did she tell me? I only repeated it a couple of times. 0 - O

Well of course!

Grandma was still reporting to my uncle for some time, everyone was surprised how I catch up for the summer and to this day sometimes we remember this story.

At the end of the summer, I really wanted to take a weekend out of town. Choose a house at a popular rental service. (In the process, a lot of surprising discovered about the features of the national rental in the suburbs, well, okay, not about it now.) The owner warned that all toilet supplies should be taken with you. And he also takes from the guests a surcharge for cleaning - before the trip. All guests enter a clean and prepared house.



Ok to Ok. I make a deposit and take the keys. And the first, with things, I go to the place (wife with children came out later, from guests). I open the cane... Mda... Buryant on the belt, in the house dust layers, all in the web and dead flies, some rotten broken boxes, dirty bags, shampoos lie in the dried fat. Wood for the grill, which was promised: just not... I recruit the master, the one out of access. You can, of course, leave and withdraw money from the account. But to spoil the mood of children who are tuned for holiday is not hunting. In a few hours, I clean all of my own, I brush the web, I throw out boxes and garbage, I put the lawn in order with a housekeeper, in the nearest store I buy berry pollen. Family can be released!



Two days we breathe fresh air, walk in the woods, catch fish on the river, loop shale. Before leaving, the wife washes the dishes, clothes the beds, blows the floors. We give the keys (as agreed) to the neighbor’s grandmother, we leave. At home, I called the owner a couple of times to express his admiration for the lack of cleaning, but he still did not take the telephone. I have already forgotten all this story, as suddenly, in a week, it calls itself. I have to, I think. The conscience is awakened, the man wants to apologize. But the man from the move begins to whisper: you, such a crazy, made me a shit! They also struck me! Oh how? I listen to this flow of consciousness. It turns out:

Throwing out dirty and torn boxes rolling across the rooms, it was impossible to touch, it is his property and they did not bother anyone!

- I spent wood and did not replenish the stock (ah, the same wood that we did not leave)

Decent people, by default, wash, smooth and fold bed linen carefully in the closet, and we left everything on the beds, laying them like over it in a scam!

- and in general, all his tenants always left him at departure their bathing accessories, which did not have time to use. Shampoos, soap, paste, toilet paper, washing powder. We brought it with us! Like the last craving! He has never met such poor people in his life.



In any case, I fooled him. Long and sophisticated. I took a suck.

has long been. I got a good job in a small company selling building materials. Salary and conditions are fine. On the third day, a strange incident happened to me. I am a smoker. In the morning before work I always buy, but it turned out that the bar is closed, the last cigarette in the pack, well, I think I will buy somewhere in the afternoon. At the stop I smoke this cigarette and as according to the law of the genre, the bus appears. I quickly squeezed it and sent it back into the bag. Working day in the middle, you have to go to smoke, and nothing. I remember that there is a non-smoking cigarette in the package and I go to the street, where there is a dedicated place for smokers. This place was in the corner of a neighboring building. I get a non-smoked cigarette and before smoking it, the lighter slips from my hand and falls next to the urn. I raise the bull in my teeth and start smoking and here I see that the director of the company is nearby (where did he just come from?) He is watching me closely. Here comes to me the absurdity of the situation, because beside the urna were rolling bulls just like mine. This is my bull. - I said, in a tone similar from the side, as if he pretended to him. Of course yours. Throw out. He told me and gave me a pack of cigarettes. Have you recently arranged? The third day. They stood silent and smoked. I thought it would be ridiculous and long to explain would be even more funny. There would be a whole cigarette, and here.



Close to the evening, the boss unconsciously and suspiciously told me to go to the box office. I was given a small amount from some unregistered, apparently budget. It was a long time before the salary, so I didn’t object.

I have met him before, then on the road, then on the sidewalk. And every time I could not stop, not to admire this spectacle and not only I alone, all the passers looked after him and smiled.

Imagine a man on a small electric jet, he runs at a furious speed of fifteen kilometers per hour, but looks at the same time as if he is trying to break the world record on the bottom of a dry lake. I would still understand - a bicycle helmet, well, in the bad end - a motorcycle, if not, a person is just learning and afraid to turn. But there was another case. In addition to the helmet and gloves, the self-driving machine was equipped as a terminator before the battle with the black hole: the turtle, shoulders, loaders, elbows and knees on the slats, armored trousers were sprinkled under the pants, and most importantly - these huge motobots, which barely fit on the self-driving machine with an area of one and a half feet. It would be a crazy grandfather with brittle bones, of course, or not, it can be seen from everything that young and healthy, even if the self-made man did not buy such a dead man. Well, you can’t be so afraid to fall at a speed of 15 km / h.

And today I was riding the big one and at the end of the street again saw this figure looking into the future. The ghost rider ran at his favourite speed. I strained, worked with pedals, caught and equaled with him. For a while we were driving in parallel, until I thought about talking to the driver.

He started first:



Want to ask something?



Your backpack was unwrapped, as if nothing had happened.



The rider stopped, on a business basis put a carpet on a small foot, removed the backpack from his back and began to fasten:



I almost lost my wallet.

Not for what. And, sorry, all this protection has already suited you, falls, don’t give god, happened?



The man smiled with one eye (the rest of the face under the helmet was not visible) and replied:



Are you there too? Let’s make fun of me, humiliate me, I’m ready for it. It was angry before, and over time I got used to it and I even started to have fun. The most common thing I hear from people around me is: “Look, look, the referral has gone! “I’m an ordinary city madman, raising people’s mood. What is wrong with this?

In fact, really nothing. You are right.

“But I will disappoint you and admit that every day, in the morning and in the evening, I drive by car one and a half kilometers from home to the building.

There I have a litre sportsbike in the underground garage.

Everyone can gas.

To slow down at the right time?

We need brains.

$10,000 was not enough to successfully pass the interview.

No, I didn’t go to the prosecutor’s office or the tax office, not even a cleaner at Gazprom. As my acquaintance psychologist said, “Life is richer!” with that in mind that there are more situations in life than the options we assume in our minds.

So, the call: “Dear Simon, this is the company FranKConsultinG (frank consulting), we found your resume and would like to offer a job manager on customer service, a salary of 50 +%, no searches and cold calls.”
In the interview, I learned that the company is advising people who want to trade on forex. The boys and girls walked through the office in a Wall Street Wolf costume. Under the conditions for initiation, candidates undergo free training for 7 days, then write the test and according to the results of it, a decision is made on admission to work. Training is free, so I agree, especially on an hour a day. Honestly, it was interesting, the more the subject is completely new to me. One day after a compulsory training hour, I was invited to stay for additional training which will take place for existing clients, also free of charge. The training was conducted by a 23-year-old financial consulting genius with fat barrels and a pediatrically illuminated brick.
During the training, the lecturer told and asked questions to the audience, some of which I answered. After the class, I was invited to the guru’s office.
The Guru
You understand a number of terms better than our current customers. I was very impressed.
I am
I’ve met those terms before.
“I see you know the dates when slavery was abolished in the United States and slave law in Russia. From this I can conclude that you are a brilliant acquaintance with world history.”
The Guru
In this regard, I would like to offer you a position not as a customer manager, but as an account manager for our clients. Here there is a significant difference in income, the manager has a salary of 90K + 90K of passive income +%.
Well, and of course, the classic of the genre: "I need to agree this issue with the management!"
The next day, the issue with the leadership was solved in a miraculous way. But there is one nuance! People don’t trust managing their brokerage account, a person who doesn’t trade in forex, so I need to take $10,000 somewhere to open my brokerage account. At that moment I understood that wild A*U*AI. Falomorf, I came to work, and I was offered to get 10K green for a successful employment. I gently sent the guru in the direction of the female reproductive organ and said that I was not ready for such risks and better I would remain a customer manager. To what the guru objected to me that the money then I should not bear him, but should put them on his own brokerage account with any broker I would like and generally pushed a-la speech Tony Robbins about the importance of successful success and the problem of loser failures, while trying to show on his phone his insagram where he is on a yacht with blackjack and prostitutes. Honestly, I haven’t watched Instagram so I don’t know what’s there, but I’m sure that in the best traditions of infocygan.

After the training, there was a simple test of 19 questions that I thought I wrote well, and in the evening I was promised to call to report the results. The next morning I called myself and I was promised to figure out what was going on with my test and call back.
I was not used to thinking badly about people and assuming that there was no job "Customer Manager", but there was just an attempt to heat up the next loophole, and only those men who sleep with other men do so.
Probably, I still wrote the test badly and I just didn’t get upset...

P.S I believe in the honesty of the president and the innocence of the officials, in the care of the banks about the clients, in the mermaids, in the households.

Rosstandart identified a shortage of fuel at every fifth refuelling plant, as a result of the inspection of every fifth refuelling plant.

Based on real events. (The names have been changed)

There are two bosses in the office.

...and I also have Dolbovids working here.

You are what! ? to Show me!

“Mashenka, invite Dolbovidov to me!

For a moment Viktor Arkadievich.

The guy comes in, in the glasses, the face is disturbed by the attention of the management:

Hi Viktor Arkadievich! Called to?

I’m interested in you here. [...]

You hear Dolphin, but what is your name? (They are

- Yes, I myself as a child was very upset about her, one day I approached my father in tears and asked - why is she so funny? He said, “You are a son! She is magical!”

What kind, what kind? (There are some of them!)

- Magical... "If Dolbovidov say out loud, the deep... is immediately visible..."

I had a friend at the academy named Leha. He was a sportsman, all his childhood engaged in wrestling. All his medals and grades are easier to measure in kilograms than in pieces. From his first class, he loved light athletics. He became interested in sprint, playing in city competitions in honor of the university. He ran 100 meters according to the norms of KMS after a year of training. And here he tells such a story. From the first person.

- I come from training, bathed, sleep I am going to lie down. And under the windows, two kinds of margins of orte, rjute, music on phones are listened to without headphones. I climb the window and say, “Hey guys, let’s be quiet! You interfere with sleeping!” And to me the answer is the one who is smaller: “Go on!” I asked him again in a good way, and he started shouting offensive words to me. And the second one, who was healthier, said, “Oh! The Environment! The UGU! “Hey he said!” After a minute, they shouted to me, “Come out, we’re going to shake you!”

Well, I was not in a very good mood, jumped in the shoes, and ran out. I see, the one who is healthier, stood up, headed to me, whispering mashed, kind of fading. And I, without talking to him, turned the "melt" to him, he kissed his mother-earth with a pumpkin and suddenly stinked. I go to the second, the most speaking one. And as he drowned from me, only the heels near my ears glittered. I squeezed at myself, thinking, “Oh, naive winnow, from whom did you think to run?” And followed him.

Then there was a pause in the story, which was clearly delayed.

Well what? Next What? I am asking.

and nothing. I could never catch him.

This is what adrenaline does!

How to extinguish millions of hectares of forest is economically unprofitable. And as the collection of the valley to allow - so the limitations and conditions of the hero breakthrough.

Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, I remembered two such stories, and somehow unite yourself into one. The situations are similar, but the stories are different!
The first was told to me by my father, a teacher with a long experience, when we discussed the peripetics of the teaching profession. “I worked as a teacher of physical education at the Nikonov School, and one day a student of the Institute of Physical Education came to us for practice. He was tall, tight, came to class in a chic sports suit – I never had it. As a practitioner, he had to take several lessons, and he got the theme of "Rise on the rope." The student built the class, told what was needed, and then said, “Look, I show you!” And easily, technically, climbing the rope under the ceiling. And there, the rubber breaks out of his sports trousers, and the trousers hang on his ankle. At this his practice ended, I didn’t even have time to talk to him, I didn’t understand how he disappeared from the gym, and he didn’t show up in our school anymore, he didn’t even come for characteristics.”
The second story was told to me by the lady-inspector GORONO (for millennials - the city department of folk education). We talked about a well-deserved teacher. And this lady says, “You know, I recently went to her for a class in the commission. The woman is, you know, big, but active, always in motion. And here she writes on the board, then, continuing to speak, goes to the class, and at this moment the cowards fall on the floor from under her shirt - the rubber broke. So you can imagine, not for a second, with a smooth voice continuing to uncover the topic, she leaned, raised the cowards, approached the teacher's table and removed them in the box. The fourth grade students didn’t even shuffle, as if they hadn’t noticed! The lesson went perfectly.”
So what is it? Everything in life must be prepared. Well, and, of course, professionalism in the institute will not be taught, it is a matter of profit.

The leader of Moldova Igor Dodon has agreed with Vladimir Putin on a discount on gas.
The Russians could not agree on the gas discount with Putin, so gas again increased by 1.4% from July 1, 2019.

One of my favorite mathematics courses.

The professor rolls on the board of long-lived formulas and something monotonous bumps under his nose.

The audience suspects. that he himself has been confused for a long time and is drawing hooks from the balda.



I: Sorry, can I ask a question?

Q: Yes, please...

I: So tell me, in life, in reality, how can this all be needed? Why teach this? If you need to, give one example.

Q: Here, in a week we will have a check-up, there will be...

Physiotherapy, 1 course Teacher at the first class in the introductory speech:

I greet you, ladies and gentlemen.

Voice from the back:

I don’t give you here...

The Teacher:

I am not losing hope!

It was a trip to the Czech Republic. I rented a car. I went to Karlovy Vary and rested. I go back and already in Prague I cling to the bus and eat, the navigator confidently leads.

Wherever you go, the police. We talked in broken English. I am a police officer.

P. You passed under the sign of traffic prohibited!

I. How to? I was on the bus and didn’t disturb anything.

The buses can come here, you can’t.

Sorry, I didn’t know, can I go?

P is no. There will be a fine.

I. What one?

P. From 500 to 5000 crowns (the crown then ruble 1, 5 was worth).

I understand it (with sadness). Could you 500?

P is possible. Payment immediately.

It turns out that you can negotiate.