bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96407
 08.04.2014
I did not go to English, I passed all the texts translations and assignments at the exam. Even my pronunciation was better than the teaching. They could not give me anything new. “But you didn’t go, so four would be five.” Let’s explain, Shrek, why did I have to go to a lecture? The answer is – don’t go away.
--------
You see, like many in your youth, you do not understand that the classical higher is not only the sum of facts, but also the ability to operate them, the ability to discipline your mind. Ability to discipline yourself. This is reflected in the attendance of lectures. You don’t know how to compel yourself – what kind of guy, engineer, scientist, specialist, professional are you? You are a dilettant, nothing more.
The engineers of the USSR were valued. We could simultaneously teach engineering graphics, sopromat, biochemistry, philosophy and a foreign language. Exams and not exams. And without copying and stealing of other people’s references from the internet. Therefore, when the last engineers of the union retire, the fabulous dolby... e... diletants will remain in the production.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №96406
 08.04.2014
Reminded me:
"they have interior design in the style of Masdaam cheese:)"

Uncle lives next to a building 2- or 3-storey (you won't understand) cottage. I don't know what the architect smoked, but the cottage has windows in the strangest places: on the staircase cage two on both floors, but at the level of the carpet, the loft all in the windows, somewhere the windows at the level of 1.5 floor.
The Uncle Lovely Calls the House Damn

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №96405
 08.04.2014
Conversation of two grandmothers in a district hospital:
A man should obey a woman in everything, and at home too.
Yes, to be exact.
Did your husband listen to you?
Yes in everything.
My own, and where is yours now?
and died.
And my too...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №96404
 08.04.2014
My sister goes home with her four-year-old son Goshka, and in her hands carries a large flower of aloe (according to us, a fool). In the courtyard, a neighbor-grandmother meets her and says with amazement, looking at the flower:
What a fool has grown up!
She replies with pride:
and yes! I am 4 years old!

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96403
 08.04.2014
xxx: depends on the phrase " asked one doctor of technical sciences to remove his defense"

xxx: tried to understand what protection could be put on a doctor of science

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №96402
 08.04.2014
Leonid
Where can I find the B?

by Mikhail
in the Maidan)))

[ + 22 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96401
 08.04.2014
The friends. A sad fact came to me. There was a kindergarten there a long time ago, and they said, “You go to school, you will sleep.” I thought, “I’ll go to the institute, I’ll go out.”"Nifiga. And I thought: I will finish school, I will finish the institute and I will be fine. And Nifiga: the school ended, the institute ended, went to work and realized that this was a new catarga, and for the rest of her life, not 5 years and not 11 and not 6 as in the institute, and all her life, no hope, plus the same early rises to the end of her life. Somewhere down there, from the garden itself. And about sleeping, what do I think now: "I will spit out in the grave"? So now I look with sympathy at schoolchildren and students who think that it will end someday, and with envy that they still have this illusion. This is shit, life is unfair.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №96400
 08.04.2014
It is a very unusual alliance between BMW and Toyota: the two companies create a joint sports car.
xxx: Japanese cooperate with the Germans O_O
It’s not the first time they collaborate.
YYY: Last time, indeed, their cooperation was bad.
Two cities in Japan exploded with nuclear weapons, in Germany Berlin split into two parts

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №96399
 08.04.2014
to this:
I have been talking about associations:
What's in common between helicopter and lead?
Helicopters are the souls of defeated tanks.

[ + 36 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96398
 08.04.2014
The English channel shows: the parliament discusses, as usual, from the morning the Ukrainian issue (working). It turns out, yesterday, Ban Ki-moon in the UN made an interesting statement, and for some reason in the Ukrainian media are stubbornly silent about it!

The fact is that the UN Security Council once again considered the issue of Ukraine, and experts came to the following conclusion within the framework of international law: it turns out that since the collapse of the USSR, Ukraine has not conducted and not registered properly in the UN the demarcation of its borders as a state... They remain along the borders an administrative district of the USSR according to the usual treaty within the CIS, which in the UN does not have legal force.

Since the country does not have its official border within the framework of international law, there is no reason to talk about its violation by anyone. There is also no reason to speak of separatism. Changing the configuration of the border. You cannot change what does not exist.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №96397
 08.04.2014
(In the cafe, we drink with new acquaintances)
XXX: Which school do you study at?
Yyy: In anthropology...
You drink like a philosopher.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №96396
 08.04.2014
Once you’re so clever, chew for the foolish, what is your beloved ‘Green Elephant’’’s overwhelmed meaning?
-
I chew up.
The only meaning of the Green Elephant is to recommend this "masterpiece" of art to some unhappy friend, advertising it as a "excellent arthouse knot." A friend looks - swallows - and recommends to the next unfortunate. The Green Elephant goes around the country.
Has anyone recommended this movie to you? and :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №96395
 08.04.2014
From the movie "Noah":

I watched in 3D. I thought it was such a funny comedy, I wanted to roast some places, but I didn't stop, because the moments were tragic. for one time. You can watch it on a large 3D screen. Again, why Ham did not become a Negro as in the original source, is unclear. In fact, I have already stumbled on that tolerance. I thought he would become a Negro and say, “Thank you God that I am not a Moscal.”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №96394
 08.04.2014
Q: Where did you get this dress?
Yyy: Do you remember the sewing machine I’ve never used? I sold it and bought this dress.
c) The Simpsons

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №96393
 08.04.2014
xxx: found a generator of slogans on the network. decided to try. The word is "hoy". The generator generated the most epic response: "huy. This is great!"

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №96392
 08.04.2014
xxx: If you have another elimination of monitors with a diagonal of 19+ at work in normal condition (yes, I am naive), let me know :) I can offer 17k ELT xD in return
YYY: You better get a nail in it 200k, take a shot and come.
The peasant greed will not allow this to happen.
Yyy: The nail is sorry? You and the wicked :D

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №96391
 08.04.2014
If you consider that the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, two parts of one Tolkien epic, the episodes are screened in the order of 4, 5, 6, 1, 2 and 3! Something like this has already happened! ?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №96390
 08.04.2014
Answer to this:
One company went bankrupt, and we "absorbed" it. Now its employees are shaking up on managerial positions and sabotaging the work of our established enterprise. Question: How can shit command the brain?? to

Your bosses did not get fired immediately after taking over the inappropriate managers for your company, who were given a "disclaimer" and even allowed them to stay in senior positions! Therefore, your niche company is not fixed.

[ + 7 - ] Comment quote №96389
 08.04.2014
I wake up this morning with a big bump from a reminder on the phone that today is a philosophy exam. I explode, fly to the other end of the city in the inst, take off on foot to the 7th floor, run to the auditorium, pull the door... It doesn’t open. I pull again... And here it comes to me... I graduated from the institute 5 years ago, today on April 1 and my brother, a murderer and a bully came to visit me...

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №96388
 07.04.2014
And so far - if you have nothing to hide, try to do the same paternity test. You, I’m sure, are the most innocent, but Natasha in this world – let it go.
and...
Who has not had the luck to read the post on the billboards - a man speaks of wives who have given birth in marriage, but not from a husband. Of course, the paternity test is healthy. In turn, as a woman, I want to warn married ladies – every time your husband is about to leave the house, check for your gold jewelry, as well as your and your child’s clothes and shoes. And you know how many such cases - pull and drink... no matter what your non-drinker - out of a cousin's aunt friend of a former colleague's husband so robbers the family, so your can!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna