bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №95327
 15.03.2014
I live with two girls. One of the righteous, which the light did not see.The fast observes, eats only vegetable salads with cupcakes.Once after 10 she told everyone that she would fast and go to confession. Now both are sitting in the kitchen, drinking alcohol, chatting, watering the dirt of common acquaintances.The righteous woman bites with an orange, not with cheese, because she fasts.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №95326
 15.03.2014
Varlamov: By the way, a good response from Russia would be to give up foreign automotive industry. It will be beautiful, and the Germans will break down.
Comment: A tougher response would be to start delivering our automotive industry abroad.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №95325
 15.03.2014
Quote from news on lente.ru
and----
Two residents of Australia responded to the vacancy of the catcher, which opened in Sri Lanka... one of the applicants works at home as a system administrator...
and----

Admina users got, the hands are itching. and :)

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95324
 15.03.2014
I’ve seen a lot in this life, but what a person would like to talk to a congestant is probably overwhelming.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №95323
 15.03.2014
The genius:
The good ones:

A long time ago, when a total commander appeared, and it was only in English, we downloaded it with my brother and used it. Of course, it was not registered, and there was always a window to select a number (1-3). We did not know that the number was written from the bottom, and we were constantly trying to guess. This is the "game" we have had. When they first guessed they were happy, but usually it took 3-5 attempts)

Guess the number from 1 to 3 out of 5 attempts – beautiful!!! =) is

Is it wise to be wise if you don’t know what you’re talking about? There the number was constantly changing, and if "he did not guess", the total was closed and it was necessary to start it on a new one. With a strong misfortune, you can "failed to guess" ten times in a row.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №95322
 15.03.2014
Xxx
Well written, of course, and historical analogues are true, but this is all nonsense, unfortunately.
And the reasons and mechanisms are completely different, close to how the USSR collapsed.

YYYY
There is no sense of guilt for the crimes of the Communists in today’s Russia.

Zzz
Yes, and fuck him, with a sense of guilt; 85% of the population lacks a sense of self-preservation and signs of higher nervous activity.
The question is whether the remaining 15% will be able to fix the situation.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95321
 15.03.2014
The only thing common to all is the sky. What can you say about the same land?

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №95320
 15.03.2014
The Horse

When my friend Vasie's mother died, my father also wandered. Although apparently, for his seventy-six, he was vigilant and subdued, but the mind began slowly to leave his wise head.
and Alzheimer.
You want – you don’t want, and Vase had to go through the wild traffic jams of Moscow every day to see his father. The old man did not want to move to his son in any way, but suddenly the mother "from the store" will return, and at home no one (he sometimes forgot that he buried his wife...) It is clear that in such a state you will not leave him for a long time - the gas will not turn off, the castle will not be able to open, will not find the road from the bakery, or not. Here was Vasya after work and prayed to his daddy.
There carried - food and good mood, and vice versa - thirst and unbearable pity for the father.

Every day began like this:
A great Cossack!
Hi Dad.
Where is your car? I hope you guessed to put it in the garage, or we have some drug addicts in the yard, can scratch.
I put, I put, don’t worry (Vasya lied, although their garage was demolished during Brezhnev)
Where is the horse? Freezing on the street? Hurry back, drive your jeep out of the garage and take a horse there. The car will survive, but the horses on the street are completely tubular. You laugh, it’s cold.

The old man lived in Moscow for fifty years, but now, at the end of his life, he was increasingly seen paintings from the distant Krasnodar childhood, with horses, senoval and basements with ice.

“Don’t worry, Dad, of course, I did so – the horse fed, drank, took it to the garage, and left the car on the street. I chose a place without drugs and left, so everything is okay.
Well, this is a good man, son, a good man. What news about my grandchildren?

One evening, he took Vasa with his wife and daughters to Kuzminki Park.
They walk, they see – two young girls ride their babies on an old, sad cabbage.
Vasina's daughter also wanted to ride a horse, but Vasa had a crazy idea.
He put his wife and children in a taxi, and he left to trade with the girls.
He traded long and passionately, promised good money, and the girls were all afraid, the offer was strange, but after seeing the certificate of an emergency service employee, they still agreed.
In addition, Vasya promised to drive the girl from the barracks to the houses after all, because the subway will no longer go.
And here, after four hours of journey, having wrecked half of Moscow with horse debris, Vasya, a sad goat and two tired girls, were already at the entrance of the old man.
The father came down from his twentieth floor, Vasya brought the horse to the lamp and said:
“Dad, I need your advice: look, is it time for me to move the horse, or let it go like this?

The old man looked carefully at the sad goat, gently stumbled on her thick belly, looked at the goat in business and said:
Don’t worry, she’s good, she’s good, she’s good.
In general, her appearance is right. It was a good winter in the garage, good son. I thought you’re cuddling the cattle, but I’m looking at it, no, good. But here you put her wrongly, and for that I will blame you.
The old man fixed something, pulled it somewhere and suddenly scratched easily into the saddle.
The girls who stood by the way, so and wept, but Vasya calmed them with a gesture.
The Kazak made a relentless, three-metre circle of honor, descended to the ground and said:
- You have a good man, son, I am proud of you, and what good children I have raised and your horse is good.
To be honest, I thought you were going to die stupid.
Well, it’s late, it’s time to take the horse into the garage. Remember, a horse in the garage is a car on the street. Remembered it? Go on, go on. Until tomorrow.

A week later, the old Cossack quietly died in his sleep.

P.S

I’m not sure that children should be bailed, but parents must be bailed.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №95319
 15.03.2014
Two patients with the same pain in the leg went each to their doctor.
The first patient received a prescription from his local doctor for a painkiller, which did not help him at all. He came to the reception again and was directed for a X-ray. Then, after a boring wait in a three-week turn, he finally got to a consultation with an orthopedic surgeon, who examined the limb and suggested an operation.
The patient returned to the local therapist to take preliminary tests. And then another month and a half he waited for his turn to get to the surgical department of the city hospital, where he was placed in a five-month row for a planned operation. When his turn came, the nurses went on strike, and his turn moved safely for a few more months.
A year later, he was successfully operated.
The second patient went to the doctor, who immediately took a picture of his sick leg and decided on an immediate operation. Four hours later, the patient was completely healthy.
Question: What is the difference between these two patients?
The first patient was an ordinary citizen insured in the OMS system.
The second patient was a Labrador dog.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №95318
 15.03.2014
Netochka: I am interested. On porn sites also clash for politics, and then the fashion is sharply blocked by oxygen? Type: "No policy, let’s talk about sweaters"?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №95317
 15.03.2014
xxx: 100Rm ‏@100Rm 7 min.
Roskomnadzor noted a decrease in the number of Russian media
yyy: very lacking the phrase "surprise".

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №95316
 15.03.2014
A straight man, an open man, an untrue man asks:
When will you be able to congratulate the winners? I tried here – they are deadly offended.
I don’t know, I answer. Probably when they do what they have done. Well, for example, when it becomes better than it was.
Oh he says. is understandable. That is, never ever.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №95315
 15.03.2014
Pro: Did these mushrooms not give you rest all day?and ?

Nash: There they write that the main enemy is the dwarf mole and the sea star.
Throw, you live 10,000 years, and here hyax... and the dwarf mole has come to you.
You can’t even eat it :)
Sadly..

Pro: or the sea star.
Whooooooooooooooooooooooo
Living on the bottom of the ocean?? to

Nash: If SpongeBob is a sponge, then why didn’t Patrick eat it?

Pro: hmmm... "this is the turn!" (c)
The creators of the cartoon were unlikely to know, but what an irony!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №95314
 15.03.2014
Wife (call to the window): Look, there are clouds so flying that they look like a barrel with horns!
I: I see, and there the sun illuminates the clouds so that it looks like a heart... Funny, now you see the devils, and I see the hearts...
Wife: It’s because you’re constantly looking at me and I’m looking at you.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №95313
 15.03.2014
Kashmir: an uncomfortable situation? ha ha!
Kasharikovna: I will tell you the uncomfortable situation)))
I go on a bus with my sister. There are some extremely noisy people sitting in front of us. And the back of the chairs is high, and noble faces we do not see. We stop in a town, parking for ten minutes. The sister is screaming in the phone, I thinkfully bread juice and look out the window. Time runs out, the bus runs. Fifteen minutes later, my sister and I noticed that our neighbors were somehow quiet. We, of course, start a dispute: did they go out at the station or just remain silent. I try to cross the back of the chair, but even with my 173 cm in height, it doesn’t work too well. Like no one. I move this to my sister, she says:"I have not seen them go out!". I:"Let them go out, I tell you!" And I pull my hand forward, confident that I will hit an empty seat.
Kowalkiewicz: So is it. That awkward moment when you touch someone’s nose.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №95312
 15.03.2014
From the conversation in the sauna:
"Look, you see scars on the elbow - it was my operation done by my friend, the best surgeon in Russia on the elbows and knees. The Professor. They are all athletes...
It does not hurt, the hand works. In general, he said, we don’t like friends and relatives to do, but it’s okay.
He says he doesn’t need surgery on his knee. I did not think...
I tell him - Well, you have such a department, so many students-masters! You will choose the best...
He’s gone mad for me, you? I will go to Germany...
Uff

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №95311
 15.03.2014
When a friend told me “choose, or I, or a rat,” I replied (calmly, with a smile) “Or it’s like choosing between something equal... Do you equate yourself to an animal?”) )". She did not come up on this topic anymore.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №95310
 15.03.2014
The day of the number "pi" is devoted to:

You just have to try.
Remember everything as it is:
Three, fourteen and fifteen.
Ninety two and six.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №95309
 15.03.2014
Four people in the office. Three of them are taken on a literary position, but are essentially engaged in editing and adjustments. Only one in four is a writer. He is a designer.)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №95308
 15.03.2014
The life of the disabled in Russia is so harsh that the Paralympics for them is a resort.

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