bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92907
 23.01.2014
to this:

Russia: Pay, or we will turn off gas!
Ukraine: Let's get a discount, or we will turn off "Tanks"
Russia: Okay (

"Tanks" in Russia

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №92906
 23.01.2014
He has two towers of physics and history, he works as a literary editor, and calls himself a humanitarian-technical bisexual.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92905
 23.01.2014
This is not a joke, but pure.
The Truth!
Last Thursday (C)
I went to see if yes.
by KAG. At the entrance to the village gate.
The Chinese Castle at the gate
The Russian chain. I put the key in
The Frozen Castle and Two
Fingers broke the key.
The interior of the castle remains.
No access to the territory (
There are no Bulgarians nearby.
Connect to. I went to the hostage,
I bought a metal knife and three.
The Chinese bilateral.
Pilate Pilate, Pilate Pilate
scratches on the shell. All six
Chinese drinks about Chinese
The torch brought out. He thinks what
High quality Chinese
The castles. A guard appears.
He looks, goes on guard and
Bringing a Russian
The painting. Drawing the debris
Cut in 30 seconds.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №92904
 23.01.2014
xxx: How to write and tap on these chickens in the "central" Toyota? Not a dealer in the rack. And the Samurai themselves?

YYY: No of course. They take electricity on rice paper wrapped in a roll. At the arrival to the samurai, the Japanese Serna Mikhailovna puts a careful stamp where it is written in Japanese:

I don’t like to buy downsale. The Emperor.

Mark had to be taken. The Emperor.

Did they go crazy there? The Emperor.

Please tell me what you’re worrying about me about this thing. The Emperor.

Why is Camry so expensive in Russia? The Emperor

There are no right-handed lexicons. The Emperor

Let it go! The Emperor.

There is no quality anymore. The Emperor.

"Thank you for your attention. We return. Put on that roll. It does not break."

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №92903
 22.01.2014
I sent a package to my wife at the post office, something from cosmetics. American brand, made in Japan, dispatched from Switzerland and sold by an Australian company.
Are the Chinese not a thumb?

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №92902
 22.01.2014
I delighted Google, went to their map, found the building of Google itself, approached and walked around the territory of the complex, around the beauty: summer, the sun shines, the trees are green everywhere, people in shorts - I take another step, and the heracles - the autumn has arrived: it became turmoil, the sun is not visible, there are no people and trees without leaves. I take a step back again summer and beauty... generally decided not to go to that part of Google, there is obviously something bad going on!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №92901
 22.01.2014
I went on a New Year vacation in Egypt. Now I definitely hate Tagil... really I didn’t decide which, Upper or Lower?
P.S. I apologize to the people of this city.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №92900
 22.01.2014
I realized that it was time to go to bed when I poured water out of the cup and said, “Thank you.”

[ + 56 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92899
 22.01.2014
<[stuff]> Wife and wife
<[stuff]> she decided to try out the old shoes of the small on the slender, so here, damage the total mass put up popsic rubber boots, for 50 hryvnia
<[stuff]> purely symbolic
<[stuff]> calls the grandmother, asked about them, the type in which they are in condition and all that.
<[stuff]> baby - well take a little money, wife - no question, take for 40 hryvnia
<[stuff]> grandmother - well, after them our grandfather will come, take
<[stuff]> the wife thought could give them at all for free, probably no money, once they trade for pennies, well.
<[stuff]> comes in 2 hours grandfather...
<[stuff]> on the outdoors
<[stuff]> gets the press bubble and long searches among 200s and 500s for forty hryvnia
<[stuff]> takes the boots and says - like if they suddenly don't fit us I'll come and return!
<[stuff]> fuck it, it’s a fuck just

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №92898
 22.01.2014
Player in the box: collecting money on the "Mashenka, 3 years old, starmaker", now here is the aunt with a star status... And where is the state?

Whc: And the state's more important tasks are to paint the Olympics, so that other countries are in shock - what is the volume, what is the efficiency, to build roads that are collapsing next year ten times more expensive than in other countries in the same climatic zones, to write off debts to everybody, to keep the autoprop (national already only nominally), to be an allah in the Caucasus, to develop desantable temples... this is also more important than raising quotas for high-tech treatment, fundamental and applied science, diversification of the economy.
This is more important to you personally. Let’s look around and don’t ask naive questions.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92897
 22.01.2014
An employee about her new Skype foreign language teacher:
C: He is so cool, he lives in Crimea, by the way, your countryman!
I: What a landlord, he is in Crimea, and I was born in Magadan!
C: Well, it’s also on the shore. Both of you are from the planet Earth.
The portion. Three minutes later:
C: You just don’t write this on Facebook, or I’ll never get married!

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92896
 22.01.2014
You are unlikely to publish this quote, but I will describe one of the happiest days in my life:
AI: W, install me finally FineReader!
I am busy, then
A.I.: You’re setting me this crazy program for the third day!
I am... la! Log *** pas ***, put it yourself
A.I.: And you don’t think that the disclosure of your login and password is a breach of privacy and threatens corporate security?
A: I went to X. stupid sheep I have a cattle, I want them.
AI: I’ve dreamed about it since the first day of work here: You’re fired!
A: What is it?
A: I am now the head of our department. ))
A: What is it?
AI: The SS was transferred by the director to another branch, now I am in his place. You must come to work on time, it was announced at the meeting.
B is............
AA: Don’t drag, write on your own quickly, I’ll sign.
B is............
Q: AI, and I said that you are the most beautiful and smart woman I have ever met!
A: Every day! "B: Going to X., a dumb sheep"
B is............

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №92895
 22.01.2014
From the series "the mouths of the baby"- the mom shared the story of one employee from work.

A 3-year-old child from the family remained at home with his grandmother and a small dog model of the "thy-terrier", who breaks off with his nightmare-looking voice and will not humble himself.

The little boy approaches the grandmother and gives: “Ba, it is necessary to give her (the dog) puzzles!”", she, naturally, is shocked by such a rich vocabulary and answers: “You can’t say so!”", what the child says to her: “You can’t say, but you can give!”". The curtain!

[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №92894
 22.01.2014
There have already been archery, catapult and monks on the Maidan... soon there will be Griffons and Angels and they will go to beat the necromants.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №92893
 22.01.2014
XXX: Look at the banners. I dropped 3 sizes.
Yyy: Without diets and exhausting puppies?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №92892
 22.01.2014
In the news: "Snowden gave a encrypted interview to the magazine New Yorker"

Wizard: And why did you think it was encrypted? Maybe he’s just a shit?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №92891
 22.01.2014
- As a child, they did with their girlfriends "secretaries" - beautiful fantasies, bushins were placed in a hole and covered with glass. They believed that in many years, they would become real jewelry. Once in the institute with a friend walked in that courtyard, remembered the secretaries, decided to look for them. Incredibly, we found one! And in it was a worm...Life is pain :(

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №92890
 22.01.2014
I looked out the window and saw a guy walking in the backyards. I think I’ll do a good deed, I’ll open the window and I’ll shout, ‘Take off the backyards!’ and he’s answering me, ‘Let’s go you naked!’ When I looked at it, I realized that these were bright blue shoes.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №92889
 22.01.2014
I sit in the bathroom, the acoustic is good. I hear the conversation of the neighbors from the upper floor. Female voice: "Have you already caught all the cucumbers?". It was terrible to live.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №92888
 22.01.2014
From the Fire:

There is a cat. The cat weighs 10 kilograms.
There is a bed. The bed has a high soft back with a width of 10-15 centimeters.
And there are owners of cats who sleep on this bed.

At night, the cat jumps on the back of the bed and walks on it. The cat has a night shift. But since the cat in the past life was a cow and some features transferred to the present incarnation, on the fourth or fifth walk it loses balance and crumbles down.
If I'm lucky, the cat falls by. If I’m not lucky, ten kilograms of cat land on my head, and for some reason it’s always my ass.

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