Once a friend, who at the time was already 26, called in panic - the husband came from the walk in the dumbel drunk, and he has a meeting in the morning, and what to do?

I say - well, lead to a white friend, drink a weak solution of manganese and suck two fingers, you need to clean up, what I will say, ugly, but you need, if you do not, you need to stimulate it to come out.

She then calls back, cries, says, I can't, it's so terrible, so unnatural, I drank him with a solution, but I can't squeeze two fingers.

I am terrible, what did you want?

She - but I still have long nails, suddenly I will hurt him.

The Departure.

Then he calls again. Cries are strengthened.

Hysterically, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.

I’m already psychotic and crazy—what am I? Should you come and put your fingers in your mouth?

She is silent. And then complaining so asks – in... mouth? ! to

I am a bad friend, terrible. The hysteria happened to me.

Cigarettes are very expensive in Australia. A pack of 30 cigarettes costs from $34 and above. Smokers are outraged, but the government has said: Go on, people are ugly, smokers are shameless. They smoke, and then run to doctors with their syphilis and emphysema, treat them at the expense of the state. So take care of your tobacco pain in advance. And we’re going to raise, don’t even doubt. And the tobacco magnates pretend they are not at all.



For understanding: for $ 34 you can buy foods of all tastes, meat, butter, cheese, milk, vegetables-fruit, yogurt-kefir and more on the cake money will remain. Buying another pack of cigarettes and remembering Zoy, I feel like a family budget destroyer and a universal evil. But I smoke.



Smoking cigarettes is not acceptable, but of course it happens. A man approaches you, first stretches a dollar and asks you to sell a cigarette. Sometimes, a person approaches and polently asks, but without a dollar. I have no principle of never giving a cigarette or giving only for money: I act according to the mood. Most often the mood is not to give: I smoke less to save and smoke less. To refuse to give-sell a cigarette, the reaction is always calm: no, no. But once I had a completely different story.



I go and smoke. I will meet two gentlemen, a Negroid race. I ask for a cigarette, or two. They seem very young, and I thought they were minors. Of course, I refuse and go on. I scream in the street, I hear the scream, I know what they call me. I turned around and one of the above-mentioned gentlemen ran to me.



Sorry if I scared you, but please give me a cigarette. The gentleman says.

No sir, I will not. I think you are a minor! I answer him.

No, I am an adult! I am a student from the USA. I can show you my identity card.

Are you adult? Then find a job and make money on cigarettes, sir! I say, I turn and leave.

And then I hear a naturally hysterical scream: “You’re racist, mom! It is racist! It is racist!”



I wanted to go back and give him a cigarette. Such a widespread racist gesture: let smoke, and more. But greed defeated racism and I didn’t smoke. Probably I am a racist. Those are things.

Yes, life is a game, but the account is already wasted!

The district pediatrician.
A medical error.

Prior to the medical institute, I worked as a repair carpenter in a hot shop. The state entrusted me to repair conveyors, freight lifts, tower cranes and other equipment, and properly paid from 180 to 220 rubles a month for hands. Plus, there were trips to the prevention center, a month of free living in a double room, eating from the pulp and going to physiotherapy. And sometimes 30% of the travel "to the south" in the trade union gives.
Then for six years the state taught me mind and medicine, gave me an increased scholarship and a bed in a five-bedroom for 2.5 rubles a month.
And then I was sent to the site in the children's clinic, entrusted the life of 1200 (that is exactly one and a half times the average rate) of children and began to pay 120 rubles, on the hands of 106. I have forgotten about any hideous journeys until the end of my work in medicine... and in general for the rest of my life)
Nothing to do, the family needs to be fed, I take calls from two locations, in the evening emergency, plus duty in the hospital, as a rule, on weekends and holidays, there was double payment)
The approximate schedule is this: on Monday morning for reception, then two areas of calls (in the summer it is 7-10, in the winter to 23-32 addresses a day, but I still have a section in the center of the city, but half of the houses - the private sector; it was already in the 90s there everything was demolished and the towers rebuilt), at 18 hours in the hospital, for night service, in the morning on Tuesday at 9 immediately after duty - again directly to the clinic, reception, two areas of calls, from 19 to 23 hours - emergency. Home at midnight.
I slept, Wednesday morning reception-call-night service-already Thursday reception-call-night at home.
Friday: reception-call-night service in the hospital, sometimes for two days, until Sunday evening.
How the senior nurse closed the tables to me - I don't know, I only complained that I had 26 hours of work a day, but I got 180-220 rubles. No categories or services I had at the time.

But the practice invaded a lot, for a year, the valley became: "Well, what's there with you, mommy, what happened? We will deal with it now!”)

Summer on Saturday night. The heat, the city as extinct - all on the villages and beaches. I am in an emergency, work a little, I sit, I bring the papers in order.
The challenge, very close, in the neighboring house, only the road to cross. In fact, they could come by themselves, a girl of 12 years, the temperature is low.
The supervisor complains: the parents for the fourth day in a row as everyone got, cause a fever, and the local or emergency will arrive - the temperature is normal, no cough, no sneezing, nothing, a person five different doctors looked at her in the end, healthy, nothing.
I am so good at the challenge. As specifically, the 9th floor and the elevator do not work.
(Then this happened rarely, because of the breakdowns; but by the end of the 80s it was already in practice - the robbers make a call to the apartment on the upper floors, turn off the lights in the entrance and the elevators, and wait for the doctor, and often the doctor.)
I’m always in my hands!)), the mother blamedly looks in the eyes: "Doctor, there was, there was a fever, and now tempered - normal, but was, was..."
I am already boiling; the maiden is clearly healthy, the color of the face and skin is normal, no cough, no redness in the throat, no whistles in the lungs, the stomach is calm...
On a full reflection, after listening to quite clean lungs, I begin to percussion my back, kick my finger, while simultaneously educating and reading notes to my mom, raising my voice.
And here - the op-on, the sound of the percussion "not ours."
I knock again. On the left, on the right; on the upper, on the lower; and here again, and here again; again on the left, and again on the right.
The picture in my head folds, I write my mom a direction to the hospital with suspicion of lower left-hand pneumonia.
I apologize, I say not to offend my tone, and go to X-rays quickly.

In a couple of weeks I walk through the corridor of the clinic, behind someone’s voice: “Doctor, doctor, wait, doctor!”
I feel like a mom is pursuing me.
“Doctor, doctor, you don’t remember me, I’m not from your department, you gave us an emergency left-hand pneumonia. So, Doctor, you are wrong!
We did not have left-hand pneumonia, but bilateral! “Thank you Doctor!”

Reaction of foreigners to candy "bird milk":
Do you have birds?
We are all in Russia!

We worked as weaknesses, in one

A large height. Where in the 10th area

On the floor of the garbage pipeline, I heard strange sounds. I approached quietly.

I see a little poppy sitting, cuddling, throwing something under his nose. I need to catch it, I think it will disappear. Well, and I steal to him, greedy hands stretching a zombie ack.

Here is this mudassusin, sees the rescue

The expedition in the form of me, broadcasts with a chilled voice: fuck up Pidoras! He leaves me, leaving me in full disarray.

XXX: I was like that. I also trusted, did not laze, did not read, did not care. And then a message came to him, highlighted on the locking screen: "I couldn't call you, good night, dear."

YYY: Oh, this is Sergey Car Service.

Zzz: So many families destroyed...

I worked in the car this weekend. I carried an interesting girl. From the address took, her boyfriend respected, everyone could not break up. She’ll miss me, she’ll miss me, she’ll miss me, she’s so good, she’ll let me go.

To the final address you brought, she calls -Zaya, I came, meet me.

Another shark came out. paid for her. The window was open to me and as they walked before entering it was heard - you're so good, I missed you.



He carried another girl. She wrote all the way with her friend. Well, that is, my passenger wrote, and a friend answered her with voice messages. I warm my ears.

If I made the correct conclusions from the interrogation - the girl from the evening went to the club with her girlfriends, where she was "lost", the phone was turned off, all this time the husband (maybe not the husband, but the rabbit of any kind) tried to call. At two o’clock in the afternoon, the girl turned on the phone, her husband called and promised that if she wasn’t at home in 30 minutes, he would take her tower down. He and his wife argue that their husband is not right. Because there is no trust, and without trust there is no relationship, and there is no trust.

told a good acquaintance. I go around the market, I watch and see a man standing with a bright Caucasian outer appearance and selling peanuts, drawing people around, saying, "Peanuts, juicy, ripe, do not find you better, we have better, and we are not as good as we do."

I go and take the peanut that I liked. I hear a voice.



I put it in place! He says so horribly.

At first I thought it wasn’t me.

Hearing is a problem, right? ! to I put that straw. Yes, you put it, the seller continued.

I have cooked:

Why is it suddenly? I tell the seller.

This is not good, I’ll sell it to you now. I do not sell unflavored, I say, we have the most juicy, ripe and tasty watermelon. We keep the mark," said the Caucasian and got out of the car such a discreet peppermint.



I bought it. In fact, the strawberries were just excellent. Holds the seller’s mark!

Serega and I have known for 15 years, started as young engineers in the same department, now I am the head of the department, and Serega is deputy. The Dira. 41 years old. The Holocaust then,

This story began three years ago.

We were sent to pre-graduate practice students, well sent and sent. One morning one of them rushes and asks stealthily if I can leave Pofinik Vladimirovich from lunch today, because I have D. R.... I answer that it is possible, but how she will get - the bus service at 17. 00 and at this time comes Seroga, our conversation heard and proposes to bring the girl, because he needs to the city...I forgot about it exactly for a month.

Within a month, the serpent goes:

Pofinik friend, I’m getting married!

In general, my practitioner hugged him and we played a wedding.

She was 22 years old.

Two years has passed without a face.

What happened brother?

I’ve been in love for more than a lifetime, I think I’m going to divorce, and that’s the problem.

What is?

- My love, my aunt does not know how to tell my daughter.

How did you stumble?

- What about, after the wedding carried a young wife to his house and how I did not understand and her mother moved to us, and she is only one year older than me, and looks 35 maximum. Well young in dancing, and I got tired and I started spending more time with my aunt at home. And with her and talk about something and generally common interests.

I will not tire you. The third year has passed. And now Seryoga from "papa" became a good father for his ex-wife. The daughter was happy to find this out, as she also found a peer.

So they live. A few days ago, Serogah became a grandfather for the daughter of his former wife.

The Conclusions? They are not

To become a true egoist, it is not enough to live for yourself, it is necessary to force others to live for you.

Navalny has found a single-Russian billionaire.
So are the news.
Let him try to find the Unicorn.

One day, in a student school, the boys fell down and gave a comrade an inflatable black woman. We were all delighted to get drunk and went out for a walk in the evening, but one of us was too drunk we put him on the bed, put a puppet next to him and left. In the morning, he woke up and fucked the doll. The name of the name)))

One day I wrote a letter to Mr. Frodo and asked him for a bowling. Eventually, under the tree was a soft toy and a letter from my grandfather. It’s crazy, but you didn’t write the size of your foot.

Reddit users talk about their most embarrassing and uncomfortable gifts. Do you think getting socks or deodorant for your birthday is ridiculous? Read the collection:



1) My mom’s friend’s son came to my doctor without an invitation and gave me his report on geography. Passive to you, Barrett.



On my 13th birthday, my friend gave me a rope...He said, “Now you can play with your cat.” I did not have a cat.



When I was 10 years old, I told my grandfather that I wanted to give them a brick to break their TV and then they would buy me a new one. On my birthday, I got a very beautifully packed box with bricks inside. Fuck, I miss my grandfather.



4) I received a table game as a gift, which did not get half of the details, and a couple of days later I was asked to return it.



The last time my aunt saw me was when I was four years old. At the age of thirteen, she gave me a T-shirt with a Spider-Man.



When I was 18, about 20 of my friends gave me a surprise by having a party in my basement. As a gift, one of my friends gave me a box of coconut chips on which all of my friends wrote. He explained his choice as follows: "Nobody warned me that we would arrange you a surprise, I learned about everything in an hour, panicked, looked around home in search of a suitable gift option, and noticed at the last moment this box."



When I was 18, my mother told everyone to give me only socks, and I got only socks.



8) A fellow group member gave me a female mannequin (the upper half of the body) for adulthood, the set also included underwear and other items of clothing to dress the plastic lady in the "original," according to him, way.



9) One day my mom gave me a ugly underwear. It cost a dollar and was broken – one leg hole was smaller than the other. She gave me five pairs of that shit. Once again I got a candle.



When I was 12, my grandmother gave me half of my billiards, and the other half she gave to my younger brother a month later. We do not have a billiard or a billiard table. This is not the only ridiculous gift from my grandmother.



- A bag with folded tools and broken chopsticks, which she collected while working in a hairdresser.



Two t-shirts and rubber sweaters to make me look stylish in the summer. T-shirts were terrible colour and size XXL (initially she gave them to my grandfather, but he found them big). I was eight at the time, but my grandmother said, “Let him grow up! “” They were stolen from the hotel where Grandpa and Grandpa once rested.



"When I got the rights, my grandmother decided to mark it and gave me a travel pharmacy. The only disadvantage: all the items in it were pink and the bag itself was large-sized "Barbara".



She has signed for various magazines such as Reader's Digest, Ranger Rick, National Geographic. Knowing that I love to read, she carefully picked up a few pieces, packed them and handed them to me. And I thought, "Oh, at least some normal gift," and then I began to list the magazine...I opened a page that depicted a girl in a bikini, her body was carefully wrapped and painted with a marker. I scrambled further and everywhere the “suspicious” and “disgraceful” images were carefully scratched by the marker. It turned out that my grandmother, being a deeply religious woman, scrupulously scrutinized every page of all magazines and painted all the shame to save me from temptation.



11) I was once presented with a scotch-called box of cloves, all filled with O_o’s cloves.



12) My best friend gave me a silicone ear and a Van Gogh card inside which was written, “I always listen to you.” It was the strangest, but coolest gift I’ve ever received.

A graduate son and friends went on a tour a day ago. We rented tents, sleeping bags, everything. They destroyed a camp on the shore of Obi. At three o’clock it was cold and we went home. by Taxi.

Two gas company employees, a senior training instructor and a young trainee examined the meters in the cottage village.

They parked their truck at the end of the street and went on foot, entering every house to check the meters.

After checking the counter in the last house, they went out.

The owner of the house, a woman of fifty years of age, accompanied them by the gaze from the window of her kitchen.

The senior instructor offered his junior employee to run back to the truck to prove that the forty-year-old man could outrun the young man.

When they had run almost halfway, they realized that the woman from the last house was running right behind them.

They immediately stopped and asked her what had happened.

“When I saw two gas drivers rushing away from my house,” the woman replied, “I decided it was better for me to run away too! »

A shopping center was opened near the house. I went out with my wife to admire. While his wife went to his women's departments, he went down to the basement. Motorcycles and scooters are sold. I am standing, looking, pretending to buy my father in the village. Prices from 40 and above.

Suitable consultant, a guy aged 23-25, then our dialogue:

Good morning, you are interested, tell me, etc.

Okay, so I look at it, suddenly I think ?

He- I can show a new entry, there is one option, you will definitely like it, it is just my dream)))

I- What a modest dream you have, a total of 90,000)))

He- With a salary of 18,000 consultant is just a dream)))

And we just opened vacancies (with training) for machinery for production. We produce mining equipment. Salary for the time of study (2 months) - 18000, how much he currently earns. from 40,000 The stalls are new, the salary is white, the full social package, and so on.

The answer:

I’ll be better off with 18,000 consultants, but I won’t go to the factory. The factory is bottom.

Good luck to you, Andrei (beijik looked), cops on the dream. Or just dream.

And the factory is not the bottom, and who thinks so, we are not on the way)))

We shared an interesting secret:

If your job is an engineer\electric\sysadmin, or anything else related to the technology and in a large office - a great life hacker: if you go through the office, it doesn't matter where, in the business, or

Go to the bathroom or go to the bathroom for lunch, take the wire with you. It does not matter which - let it be a network cable, power cable, or in general the bride of a wire wire of unknown origin. Those who are less agile will not get to you with their problems. “Oh! Here is he! And stop, with the wire goes, in the affairs means, okay, then, "those who are more naughty and get stuck with the problem can be pointed to the wire to say, "Listen, I shash this, in general let us later." Shared a lifehack man, who has been walking with wire in his office for 5 years, yesterday tried, today I continue - WORK)

Message of the teacher:

Fifteen years ago, I had an exam. He answered well, I was already going to put him 5 in the count, but here, trouble, only

The word "start" right out of the head (everything in life happens). I tell him:

Give me this...

What is? ... →

"Hu, like her, with whom all the students come to the exam,... the guy terribly red and got out of his pocket a huge sparkle.

So... it extends. And now, by the way, he became a professor, we work at the faculty.