Below is an excerpt from the Cape Times newspaper (Cape Town, South Africa). “I promised to keep his identity secret,” said Jack Maxim, a spokesman for Sandton Sun Hotel, Johannesburg, “but I can confirm that it no longer works. We asked him to clean up in the elevators, and he spent four days performing the assignment. When I asked him why it took him so long, he replied, “Well, so the building is 20 floors and there are elevators forty, two on each floor.” “At the end of the day, we realized that he thought there was an elevator on each floor, and he cleaned every elevator twenty times. We had to fired him. This is the best solution for all sides.”

Ten years ago, we went from Anapa in a composition: I, my wife (now formerly) my cousin, and my wife's sister. That is four. I am driving, my wife on the right, and my brother and sister on the back. The car was Mitsubishi L200. We were driving, and I got tired, already at two o’clock in the night, terribly breaking my sleep.

I’m looking for a safe place to stop, stop. I see a well illuminated gasoline. I turn to her, stand up safely, fifty meters from the nearest column, I do not turn off the engine, because it is already cool, and so that ventilation works.

I put on the parking lot and the towel, and just dropped on the chair, instantly cut off. And, as it often happens when you fall asleep in the car after a very long ride, I dream of a road, of course.

And my brother and wife's sister, it turns out, in the process of a long sitting next to them became very friends and they were unable to sit just so, and they decided to strengthen the friendship with sexual association. Blessed as they thought that slowly, covering up with a plow, nobody will know, since we and our wife slept as dead. Well, or maybe they were invariably intrigued by danger and all this aroused. In short, they began to quietly shake the car. And, in the process of consolidating friendship, it becomes stronger and stronger.

And I sleep. I dream of a road. The engine moves, the car moves. Suddenly, what clicked in my sleeping brain, I open my eyes, and I instantly realize that I fell asleep at the steering wheel, and that the car is rushing straight to the refuelling column!

I woke up that there was urine: - Hold on!

The steering wheel left, the brake to failure, almost bended the brake pedal from effort. The car both stood and continued to stand, only with the front wheels turned to the left. The heart missed five beats, the back was wet. I started to let go and began to shake. I turn on the lights in the cabin, everything is on me. The woman from the neighbor’s chair was upset. And behind two, with my wife’s sister sitting riding on my cousin’s brother. Their eyes are very and very scared. And my brother, releasing his girlfriend's breast, says with such a strange voice: "I still hold that you are doing it?

In short, I had no more sleep in either eye, fear I endured. Since then, on long journeys in the car, when you have to sleep, I warn everyone not to bounce the boat. from sin.

PS Curiously, my brother married my ex-wife’s sister, and have been living together since then. This is how it happens.

The happiest people in life are those who do not yet know that they are unhappy.

Two gas company employees, a senior training instructor and a young trainee examined the meters in the cottage village.
They parked their truck at the end of the street and went on foot, entering every house to check the meters.
After checking the counter in the last house, they went out.
The owner of the house, a woman of fifty years of age, accompanied them by the gaze from the window of her kitchen.
The senior instructor offered his junior employee to run back to the truck to prove that the forty-year-old man could outrun the young man.
When they had run almost halfway, they realized that the woman from the last house was running right behind them.
They immediately stopped and asked her what had happened.
“When I saw two gas drivers rushing away from my house,” the woman replied, “I decided it was better for me to run away too!”

A girl sits in an unmanned taxi and wonder:
What an unusual car without a driver!
The car responded:
“You know, I’m an artificial intelligence for business, and a taxi is a job.

I work for one operator. Not so long ago, just half a year. And as soon as I got arranged, I was told about several subscribers who became a local legend. I recently had the privilege of communicating with one of them.

I will call him Vitaly. He called the CC several times a day, but no one wanted to communicate with him. The fact is that Vitaly has a speech defect and Turret syndrome (neurological wound, a person involuntarily matures). According to the rules, if the subscriber matures, the specialist asks not to use non-normative vocabulary 2 times, the third time recommends to calm down and call again.

The first time I communicated with him 3 months ago, when I was still a trainee, he immediately warned me that his mat flew involuntarily, apologized in advance. He was unable to name his ancestry, but named the code word correctly (the operator can provide all the information about the number if you call the true FIO, or the code word). The first consultation lasted about 15 minutes, many of the words he said I simply couldn’t understand and constantly asked. He thanked me for a long time and we said goodbye.

The other specialists looked at me with astonishment, asked why I communicated with him, he mates, can't call FIO. When I told them that he had a code word at all, everyone was very surprised.

The next day I was called to the quality service department. Asked about this subscriber, and said that he left me thank you and asked at the next call to connect him immediately with me.

Now Vitaly began to call less often, approximately once a week. The guide wrote us detailed instructions about subscribers similar to Vitaly. The "one consultation - 3 minutes" rule no longer applies to such subscribers.

If he calls, he immediately asks me to translate, if I am busy, he waits. As Vitaly explains this, "you are the only one who started communicating with me, and now I want to communicate only with you."

It is strange that the government has previously been involved in such cases. Strange that the other guys who work could not get into a position and just listen to the person. No one is insured from such cases, and anything can happen, treat it with understanding.

Don’t count money in other people’s pockets. Start with a hole in your own.

Metropolitan of Belgorod and Starooskolsk John on the evening of the anniversary of the beginning of the Great Patriotic War said that the war was won by the baptized people, and the dead unbaptized soldiers of the Red Army, who "were born already in the godless time", became sacrifices brought for the godless.
This is not the first, and not the last, darkness. It is logical to continue the associative series: the mass extermination of Jews by the Nazis, since they are also unchristed. Only here the overall picture does not fit the burned villages, often to the ground. Despite the negative attitude toward religion in the USSR, in the villages, almost all were believers. Interestingly, could John, looking into the eyes of the Belarusians, call Khatyn the ruined fort of the wicked? So Metropolitan Belgorod is either an idiot or a traitor of his spiritual office, pouring water on the mill of atheists.

The country is ruled by a strong hand. It’s bad when you hit it in your pocket every day.

Pensions are the alimony that the state pays to us for living together.

The Europeans...

The European Games of Table Tennis in Minsk. Fu Yu won from Portugal. In the final she defeated Han Yin from Germany. Third place was played by Ni Xiaoyang from Luxembourg and Yan Xiaoshin from Monaco. Bronze was taken.

Vladimir Putin said there are no oligarchs in Russia.
What to do in Russia in the summer?

Communicated with the girl, periodically slept together, sometimes walked, then she unexpectedly said that the vacation for a couple of days will take for the wedding. I thought a girlfriend’s wedding, in a joke asked, “Are you getting married?” She actually got married in a month. I was surprised first, and then I was surprised too.

We brought with a guy a wave-shaped poppy, the name was chosen simple - Gosha. At first, he was pleasantly cheerful. Until he started talking. Gosha loves to listen to conversations, listen attentively to what is said on television, and then repeat everything he has remembered.

I come somehow from work, Gosha is hysterically worn in the cage, happy to see me, calls by name and repeats endlessly "go here". Well I approach him, I ask what happened, and he says to me, “Will you come out for me?”

I did not give this phrase special importance, most likely he listened to me in the morning when I called my colleagues, looking for a replacement for tomorrow. And the guy was sitting in the headphones, playing the computer, too, without attention. Gosha did not hesitate, asked again five times. I jokingly answered that I would go out and went to the kitchen. While I was making tea, I heard my boyfriend quietly talking to the poppy. P is a guy, G is a goose:

Q: Gosha, where is the ring?

G: I do not know.

Q: Gosh, where are you doing his business?

G: Go to NAH!

It turns out a guy through the poppy wanted to make me an offer. For a long time they rehearsed that Gosha would ask me and then give me a ring in a clove. But Gosha turned out to be clever, hid the tsack and sent the guy somewhere away.

The guy took the ring while cleaning the cage, and made the offer as appropriate =)

A new employee (C) came to the bank, to whom I was fixed as a mentor. Start with a standard conversation:

I: Do you live where? Far to work?

A: Yes, not at all, 10-15 minutes from home.

I: Yes, I’m not too far away, I live in a painting.

C: And I too!

This is how it happens!

I: And for a long time?

C: For the rest of my life.

Further discussions on the subject: in which school he studied, common acquaintances, wondered why in 20 years of conscious life never saw each other in the area.

Q: Do you know the shit?

I: Of course I know! There were some "tollkinists" who went there - they stumbled on the sticks, and they ate vodka.

The man cried out, and then proudly said:

C: It was us!

In one small district group VKontakte appeared an announcement: a guy is looking for a guitar. Whatever, the cheaper the better, and ideally in a gift. I scratched my brains: I have a guitar at home without a string and upset in the mud. The whole body, which is the most important thing. I don’t want to, I can’t play. I will give him a good deed.

We called and agreed to a meeting. The guy liked everything, but refused to take a gift.

Can I give you a beer for her?

Not principally for me. Take it, it doesn’t need it anyway.

“It doesn’t eat,” insisted the new owner of the guitar, “it just can’t! Sign is bad.

I went into the store, he took me two bottles of beer of medium quality, shrugged his hands and broke up.

And then I go home and think... It turns out that I just had a guitar?

The greatest threat to democracy is a wise, just and loved ruler.

of Ukraine. Winter of 2019. On the street +1.
We work in construction. Nine people are cementers. People are simple.
Everyone’s salary is minimal. We cut cylinders and blades of concrete. At smoking and lunch we come to warm up in the bus PAZik, on which the company drives us to the construction site.
The driver of the bus, Stepanic (man 55 years old). All of his work is to take the workers to the site, and after work - to take them back to TREST. He has a schedule, like everyone else, from eight to five. That is, all 7 hours (one hour a day Stepanych, still, to work - the delivery of people to the construction and back), while we drag the concrete - he has free time with the attachment to the place and the bus (there is dry and warm), which he is not even obliged to repair ( in the "garage" there are car slides, they carry out all repairs and ITs). Basically, at this time he reads books, heats the bus and constantly noises, say, the minimum - bullying the working man.
It was lunch time, everyone ate and rested. Who played the cards, who played the phone. On the street it rained that day - we were wet, tired. We sit, we smoke, we dry, we warm.
Stepanic begins his speech:
“I’m looking like Pope Carlos on these chacals. And they, fucks, smell a minimal and hold it for two months! I’m counting, I am counting! Drivers are not in X...
You are right, Stephanie! The brigadier speaks. How much can we endure this horror? Throw away your “bone”! Come to us in Betlehem! Not all life to be humiliated - gasoline with the bus to steal!

My family spends a month several times less than the effective managers of the Ministry of Commerce spend in a day in hotel rooms. Guess whose spending the government has offered to control?

A pigeon has been sitting at my window for less than half an hour, watching me work, and knocking on the window if I get distracted.

XX: I am afraid

You are talking about planning, time management.

Fucking Pigeon: This Is My Secret to Success