A classmate of his wife in Israel, called the guests: "...in the hotel to stay expensive, stay with us, it will be a little cheaper." I just wanted to visit them.)
I was in the store yesterday. In addition to food, I took a couple of beer for the dacha. Standing at the box office, the cashier is such a straight east aunt, snooping, with a strong accent:
Is there 18 years?
What is?
Are you drinking beer 18?
I’m 34 and I’m already big.
Why is it so thick?
So why rejoice?
"Listen, if I asked if I was 18, I would have been so happy all day long!
Modesty was not on my list of virtues – there was not enough space.
And as a child, I dreamed not about a computer, but about a underground bunker, only to dig it I had nowhere. And when the parents bought the land, they said one century of land in the corner of your plot, roy your bunker. I joyfully excavated a hole of three cubes there, but I didn't have time to arrange it... A week later, a sortier was erected over my bunker. has not yet been filled.
“Today I saw a 15-year-old girl buying a rejuvenating cream. Pepe, it is time for me to retire.
She may be 40, but the cream is good.
With my acquaintance happened such a fun story that even a frog does not burn. When he told me, I barely put on my pants. It happened that he spent on the girl he lived with. Summer and all that, the grandmothers go away quickly, well, and asked for work on a tough trip, hard, but the grandmothers immediately and a good amount. He left, a week bumped in dust and heat. We got up a day earlier, gathered together and went home. He did not call the girl, thought a surprise to make, convinced himself that she was decent and everything would be fine. The other workers were calling, like, call, not stupid. Hohmi is so. He did not call, he fought himself. I thought if I would call, I’t believe her. Then I called for five minutes before we got home. I did not withstand the checks. I came home, everything was fine, sat down to drink tea, began to tell about the trip, how it went and what the work was there. Then he says, like, you need to call the boss and ask if you can get the money right now to repay the debt to a friend. He recruits the boss, waits and the phone is ringing in the toilet. There was only a phone in the bathroom, but there was no boss. The girl swears she doesn’t understand anything and that’s his stupid joke.
My wife’s name is Gay. Well, the usual such an ancient Greek name, her parents were interesting.
Sometimes I have to say that I’m married to Gay, yes.
I have a friend, a healthy man, 30 years of age, a beard, a hrivast, engaged in historical fencing, interested in the reconstruction of the early Middle Ages, in short – an excellent guy. One day, our common friends went on vacation and asked him to take care of their dog. I don't know what the breed is, but the dog is small. Not that terrier, rather something like a Beijingese, but more like a dog. A female room variant. But even this room dog needs to walk, such is its dog nature.
On the day I described, my comrade went to some kind of folk festival, where he jumped under the sounds of guitars and rolls, and together with like-minded people sang Irish folk songs in Russian. He dressed, of course, according to the event – grabbed the Scottish Kilt. If suddenly anyone does not know, this is such a men's fabriced shirt, one of the most important items of Scottish men's national costume. But it’s time for the night, the festival is over. People began to think where to go, to continue the banquet. There was also a friend of my name, but he was forced to turn away and go for a walk, the debt above all.
I left as I was, there was no time to go home to change clothes. Well, Peter's thing was, we've got someone here just not going, so the man in the kitten didn't surprise anyone in the subway. He went to friends, took a dog, went out. He went out into the yard, went around the house, let the dog walk, smoked, stood, looked at the sides. The area is depressed; outskirts, floors, late evening, in the street of no one. Suddenly, three beautiful men come out of the corner. Sports costumes, shaved skulls, white socks, sandals are shorter, the classic hops, as it was in the nineties. My friend was surprised; I thought such characters had already been elevated.
The gentlemen noticed him, stopped, looked closely, whispered for a few minutes, then one approached my comrade and politely, without any ambiguity, fired a cigarette. My friend cooked, of course. Autokhton smoked, released a splash of smoke and asked what the breed of the dog was. A friend replied that he didn’t know exactly, they talked a little about the cynology, the local got tired, thanked again, and was about to leave.
- And I had thought that you and the boys would ask me for a shirt, - said the friend, pressing his hand to the rapper to say goodbye.
Are you chick brother? He was surprised, and we see that this is not your shirt, but a kilt!
It is very difficult to keep the love of people for a small salary.
I bought a landscape and encountered the fact that there are constantly a lot of bugs on the site and around it.
I read on the Internet that hoodies do not live where there is a lot of hoodies.
Thro the summer, I searched, dragged and fed.
Now in the day I have a lot of gossip, and at night it is full, shit!
Never drink while driving. Because when you get hit by someone who writes SMS while driving, you are to blame.
There are only a few days until the wedding, and the preparations are ongoing.
I take a shirt, I include a shirt... The girl (wife) seeing this whole picture, rips it out of her hands:
D: What are you doing?
Tagged: hotel
D is forgotten! You are a married man! (Sweetly kiss the cheek and finish what I started)
Five years have passed, but I have never forgotten the only time I was wearing a shirt.
Why buy new pants? They are not seen. Stick a hole with a scotch or isolate and continue to walk. And in general, when you bzdi the trunks, remove them, or you are tormented to fix the trunks in them.
YYY: Thanks for the advice! He threw the ripped truffles, glued the hole with a scotch. How often do you need to change the scotch in the hole?
Excess weight is a problem for the legs, which is created by the hands carrying everything in the mouth.
During my work, I had to establish units specializing in information technology. As a rule, the management trusted me and the staff schedule agreed without unnecessary questions. One case I remembered.
The director calls me and asks:
What is this originality? In related units the positions of analysts and experts, and you have the positions of specialists. And the salaries of your specialists you ask for higher.
I jokingly, but in a serious tone, answer:
An analyst is one who thinks how to solve a problem, an expert is one who does not think but knows the solution, and a specialist is one who knows and decides in practice. Thus e. An analyst is a underdeveloped expert and an expert is a failed specialist.
After this conversation, the Director-General reduced analysts and experts, and specialist positions appeared in related units.
To make the flow in the roof you need two people, one and a half meters of ruberoid, a cage of goodron and two burners. The problem is that the President must send these two.
When my son was in the 4th grade, I found a book called The Body Language.
The book captured him.
How to understand when a person lies, whether his smile is sincere, whether he is interested in conversation, gestures in different countries, what are handshakes and much more.
He liked the chapter about the look of a self-confident man.
He immediately started practicing.
The next day there was a record in my diary – I was called to school.
The child broke the lesson of English.
The wording of the claim was magnificent: “Your son was looking at the teacher.”
I remember someday I got a job in one distribution company and my task was to bring the brand of children's cosmetics to the market.
There was already a brand with a strong market position in the company’s portfolio and my brand was in addition to a strong brand for older children.
The bosses developed a clever strategy that we will retail offer two brands in a complex and the retail will of course agree because it will immediately close a wide audience by age and, as a result, the budget for promoting my brand is virtually not needed.
Given that my brand was little known to the retail, this approach seemed to me at least strange. I was not lazy, I spoke with retailers in Minsk, I traveled through regional cities, I spoke on the spot and they told me clearly that my cosmetics were not needed.
I came to the office, drafted a report and scheduled that without a budget nothing would work and threw out the budget needed for the start.
The bosses read, thought, and then said, guy, you’re cool, we really see that our strategy won’t work and we need a budget. Therefore, we decided to abandon the active promotion of the brand and just leave it in the portfolio in the background.
But, unfortunately, now we do not need your services and we will have to break up. We will send you a recommendation letter!
A week later, with double feelings and an offensive letter of recommendation, I went looking for another job.
At age, sex is not as important for health as health is for sex.
The story of contesting the fine in court.
I got a letter from the police, in which I was accused of driving on the red light. A photo from the camera. Actually, I don’t usually do that.
I violate the speed, mostly on the haieves, but here to the red...
When studying the photo, it became clear that I was turning red to the right, which is quite cosher in Ontario. Accordingly, he put a bar on the option to appeal in court and sent back.
When I appeared in court, I realized that people like me on that day were 20 people, as a result of the same camera. In fact, we were all accused that we turned right on red without a mandatory stop and in the corner of the picture was visible my speed from the radar - 28 km / h.
The prosecutor immediately offered everyone to pay half the fine without penalty points, about $ 100.
Everyone except me agreed, and I wanted to see how the judiciary system in Canada works.
I said, “I am not guilty!”
The prosecutor began to scare, "If there is a court, then we will demand the most severe punishment. up to $1000 fine.
I didn’t give in, like, “I can’t agree, change the wording!” and c)
The prosecutor cried out and complained to the judge that I was such a bastard and refused to admit my guilt. The judge reasonably noted that this is exactly what the process is.
I started my speech:
“Is there a certificate for this radar? But that doesn’t matter – the radar measures average speed, not instantaneous speed.”
The judge said, “Please explain the difference.”
I said, “It is simple. Instant speed is a derivative path in time, whereas average is an integral of instant speed in time for a time interval divided by the same time interval.
Take a pause...
The judge said uncertainly, “Well, even easier, can you?”
“And how much easier... I was driving at a speed of 56 km/h, with 60 km/h allowed. Stop at the red light. My immediate speed was 0 km/h, as prescribed by Ontario’s traffic rules. And my average speed was (0+56)/2=28 km/h, which was measured by radar, as you, Mr. Judge, can see on the attached photo."
The prosecutor understood that something went wrong, and as an experienced man understood that if I won the trial now, it would be a precedent, and no one would be able to be convicted in Ontario for driving the red without stopping on the basis of camera testimony.
He said, “Since we don’t have enough evidence, we’re taking case.”
Then he approached me in the corridor and asked, “Are you really stopping?”
I honestly replied, “The hell knows it.”