<xxx> I accidentally learned that the pocket on the trousers was meant for a condom.
<xxx> And I wore all kinds of SIM cards and microSD in it so that I didn’t lose...

In the near future, "Unstoppable 3" will be released and there will be the following quote:
Just don’t get upset, it’s Legolas.

10 people sentenced to jail for theft of gold and things in World of Warcraft
The first comments:
Is there a prison in World of Warcraft?
Yyy: In the StormGrad.)

Andrei, aggregation is when you buy a sauce. Sex without love is called fuck.

Electricity which:
I have African Americans here.
Oh... what?
Nigerians are here.
and where? O_O
Well, I’ll go and I’ll have Nigers here!
Where is there?
I caught the virus!
Is it on the table?
Well yes!

I talk to my wife on the phone:
I: You will go through the Proletarian, you will get to the crossroads from Dzerzhinsky, by it directly, past Magnit, Sberbank and Caravan. The caravan is already at the crossroads from Lunacharsky. All the time straight, through the waiting road, and there will already be Suvorova. Well, if you get lost, you have a Yandex Card on your phone.
Why do I need Yandex cards? I have a Yandex husband.

Commentary on the article on the CES2014 exhibition at the Intel stand:

by Sergey Poroshenko:
Well, I don’t know who treats computer gesture management, but I think this technology is very promising. And the scenarios of use can be invented car. Intelle to note (when implementing my gestures, please do not forget to deduct the fee on my card):
- scratched the puzo - a browser with a cooking page opens
- stumbled in the nose - "host" boring, you need to start YouTube
- stumbled onto the screen with the screams "what for us?" - launch "task manager" and close the app
Fingers with a veer/soppy with a bubble – the computer understands who is in charge and grants administrator rights.
- dressed a sweater and got a beer - Sisadmin came, opened the management of networks and shared access
- grabbed the head and convulsively runs the eyes on the monitor - find and open the file "course.doc"
- sharply pulled out the clothes, put his right hand on the mouse, scratched the cheeks - a mommy entered the room, turned the window with porn, find and open the file "course.doc"
- scratches a cloth in front of the monitor - nothing to do, the guy just wipes the dust
- showed the naked ass - reinstalling Vinny...

January in Moscow

XXX: Daddy is in the house now. The frogs are elevated.
YYY: Will we all die?
The frogs will all die.

In time went. Earlier, Khrushchev could spontaneously appear to England on a military ship with threats that it would destroy the island from the face of the earth with the first nuclear missile launch. And now some banana republic is openly sending Russian diplomats far away to the south of Africa – and nothing, the most influential man of the year has not even promised to throw them.

This country is called Senegal.

I will be 10 years old this year!
With anniversary!

If everything is fine, you are either in love or drunk.

I took my son to the kindergarten. A girl comes to me in the dressing room and says:
And your bone is my fiancé, and we are getting married soon!
I'm starting to slowly move away from such a staggering news that I'm going to be a maid soon, but here's another blow:
We will live with you.
Well, I did not expect such a slide at all. He decided to play his future niece. I ask her:
Does your mother not mind?
And then the six-year-old girl took me seriously:
“No, you know how hard it is to find a man with an apartment and an elderly parent.

Patriarch Kirill condemns Russians who use foreign words.
Remind him, please, that both “patriarch” and “Cyril” are foreign words.

Doctor Moriarty: Banned Orthodox cats to keep in the house? Not to be like the Gentiles?
Ipi Ra-Nefer: Abbat is the oppa. In the RPC, a cat can go to the church. I think you know :)
Doctor Moriarty: Yes I know, I just joke a bit :)
Abbot D. Erble: A single cat runs here in our monastic cinema... he would have forbidden, but only the father of the idol appointed him as his father’s economist. After the veterinarian cut him into monasticism with the name of brother Castratus.

After reading the article on Wiki about what "Santa - Barbara" is filming to this day:

The devil looked at his counterpart with some respect.
The young man! Thro the history of Christianity, we are constantly being persuaded by people who wish to live eternally, but at the same time enjoy all the benefits of a contract. What only conditions of giving the soul they did not come up with: and the classic "Stop the new, you are beautiful", and very difficult "when after the rain on Thursday on the mountain the cancer whispers". But yours: when the last series of Santa Barbara will be filmed - has undoubtedly brought a fresh stream into the world of hell jurisprudence!

VKontakte is not working. Millions of people worldwide have started to work with heavy breathing.

- No, well, "KATYA F ANAL" is even a financial analyst, not what you thought.

(A young employee with very red cheeks)

Xxx> well you come closer to her look, I think artificial, in the photos she either has them, or light rubies
Yyy> I will not fit, I myself will be embarrassed and red. If it is closer at all.
Xxx> and why be embarrassed, you said she wasn’t interested in you anymore, since she has a boyfriend
Yyy> well I don’t care, but you tell my libido.

"It was last summer in mid-January" - in principle, not so absurd lines

Census with wife.
She:...and I’m fucked and evil!
I: Did you change it and didn’t like it?
She is: >_<