bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №87967
 06.10.2013
Corey Taylor: Fuck, I took a 2nd cat yesterday. was free
Corey Taylor: brought, they ran around the corner. At first he was scared, and she spit on him.
Corey Taylor: Then he was afraid of me and stopped reacting to her
Corey Taylor: Then she went out to see him.
Corey Taylor: Now they mock, walk the goose and are friends with me =(

[ + 34 - ] [8 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87966
 06.10.2013
I live outside of Russia for the second year. I felt a fundamental difference now. I go by bicycle at night on the edge of the motorway (asphalt is better than on the pedestrian), I listen to music. Once - at my level is a police car, they show that I have to drive to the side. I turn, and in my head the thought, like a reflex, "whether it were not taken," developed during the years of life in Russia, especially no documents were with him. have stopped. Fear and tension gather in the legs and hands, causing them to tremble a little. It all ended pretty nice - asked to continue on the pedestrian path and gave a catapult :)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №87965
 06.10.2013
I sit behind the compilation in the office.
Wife from the kitchen:
Drop up our bed.
An insidious plan is born in the head: the location of the manual hexagonal drill pops up in the memory, the speed of the screws is thought out for a greater effect of suddenness.
15 minutes from the kitchen.
Not all, only the bed.
That is 100% understanding.
I love her!
(I don’t need to put the bed back.)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №87964
 06.10.2013

Ivan Vladimirovich
Today at 2:53
Angry Bird’s gazing is ugly at least because an empty bowl can be thrown into a pig on the highway. If the bank got into the salon, then most likely the hint will be understood.

[ + 16 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87963
 06.10.2013
It is only on television telling that the insurance policy opens the doors to all medical offices. That is, it is so, but before this, the door must either be lubricated or knocked on it for a long time.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №87962
 06.10.2013
Axel: Imagine, we called one of our employees – her program stopped running. Corrected and corrected. Here I see, on the system block someone removed the license sticker from the wheel.
I ask the employee: "Why did you stick the sticker off?".
In response to the full seriousness: "this is why the program broke, yeah?"

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №87961
 06.10.2013
I decided to bomb at night. I sit down with a group of drunken boys of hollow character. One of them, according to their dialogue, is not local:

Who is in the central square?
2: (proudly and exaltedly) Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
3: You are fucking. Lenin is there!
You are fucking yourself! His clique was just like that!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87960
 06.10.2013
You need to see a stunning passage from the school composition on the fairy tale "The Queen of the Frog", nothing changed:
____
The prince, guests and sons and wives gathered in the palace.
They laughed at Ivan because his wife was late and thought he didn’t want such a wife at all. Soon to the palace came a chariot strapped with horses and a chariot and the beautiful Vasilis came out of the chariot.She poured water behind her sleeves, poured food there and turned the ball. The girl splashed with water and a lake emerged, threw food and labies appeared. The other wives did the same, they poured water over the sinuses and poured food over the shelf. Then they began to pour food into the king, and he was soaked, and then they threw his bones, and he threw them out of anger.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №87959
 06.10.2013
Pregnancy is an interesting time. I feel like a cat - I eat, sleep, get fat, and everyone likes it :)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №87958
 06.10.2013
I bought a dishwasher.
The smell of Mohito
My husband was long roasting while washing his dishes.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №87957
 06.10.2013
-only hardcore, I also lived without a refrigerator in the shelter, I eat just hanged outside the window, but it is really hardcore

In 9th grade I went to the Olympics in a neighboring city, spent the night in such a dormitory.
He was a witness to how 2 gods, one goes on to the other on his shoulders and a long stick in his hands, at 5 a.m. they walk under the shelters and knock down the barrel)))

[ + 10 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87956
 06.10.2013
In one forum:

- Ah, I'll go borsch cooking, once it's time to do no one...

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №87955
 06.10.2013
brother recently bought Grant... comes a text message: "given the car to crack, twisted to the section on the third - disconnected the strap of the unattached belt, apparently the computer thought that I was already a corpse";;

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №87954
 06.10.2013
With the abolition of the serfdom rights people have depreciated!

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №87953
 06.10.2013
This happened in Toronto ten years ago.
Within a short time, several friends received tickets (warnings) for excess speed on the highway. Moreover, although the excesses were insignificant, about 10-15 km per hour, drivers were punished strictly - in addition to monetary fines, they received punitive points, which automatically entail a significant increase in insurance.
The penalty was double offensive, because the usual flow of cars on the highway with a speed limit of 100 km per hour runs 120-130 km per hour, at least in the left extreme row.
The offended drivers decided to take revenge for such undeserved harsh punishment. In order to do this, they, invoking the help of friends, did the following.
On one of the summer holidays, when the people full-fledged drive cars out of the city to rest, our heroes, each in their car, went to the most "densely populated" highway and, being in a row so as to fence the entire highway, began to drive on it with the maximum permitted speed of 100 km per hour. Neither more nor less.
As a result, behind our avengers, a giant traffic jams of evil Canadians were formed, rushing faster to come to the bosom of nature, which was even shown from a helicopter on the news.
All this was not left out of the attention of the local police, which made an unfair, but the only correct decision - to detain friends, and to allow traffic jams, in the absence of interference, to dissolve themselves, even at prohibited speeds.
The detainees were fined for interfering with the movement of other vehicles. But this time friends, I feel my full right, went to court, which, of course, won entirely - you can not be punished for the implementation of the rules of movement!
The results of the fight for justice were such. Police gave unofficial advice not to stop cars driving on highway at 120 km/h in the general stream, but ordered more attention to drivers with aggressive driving or driving from 130 and above.
Justice has won.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №87952
 06.10.2013
No need to print on cigarette packs steep inscriptions, it is enough to write: "The proceeds from the sale of funds will be transferred to the foundation of the party "United Russia".

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №87951
 06.10.2013
It is unfair. The whole country was crushed, and only Povetkin was crushed.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №87950
 06.10.2013
to this:

From the listener.
In Chinese, books are called “108 ways to make something.” It turns out that they have no multiple numbers, so you have to write accurately.

So that’s why they’re 1.3 billion... no idea what’s so much. They seem to know the exact number, but understand that it is already overcrowded - they can not.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №87949
 06.10.2013
XX: Do you prefer to lose weight with acne or with smooth skin but thick?

XY: can I lose weight, with smooth skin?))) generally depends on the degree of both, but acne is more repulsive than excess weight, as such

The first is me in the summer. The second in winter.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №87948
 06.10.2013
Discussion of October-93
I think for the fullness of the picture it is worth asking Ren TV to make a movie with their version of the events.
 
Do you also suspect the underground Lemurians from the constellation of Sirius?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna