I once mentioned in a conversation that I was teaching off-site students to solve problems on probability theory, which an elderly math teacher suddenly said:



- I have one problem on this theory, I live for many years, I cannot solve it.

This task was not taken from a textbook, it was thrown into my life itself. Here is the condition: I am a non-drinking person, only on holidays I allow myself a little, and in my youth, I did not drink at all. Once a year, only for a very serious occasion. This will be considered an event for our task. The second event is my mother-in-law.



When my husband and I got married, we immediately began to live separately, but in the same city with her, so she sometimes came to visit us. I did it, frankly, not often – not more than ten times a year. Now, let us go to the task. What is the probability that the ten times I have been drunk will coincide with the arrival of the mother-in-law? Don’t bother with the calculations, I’ll tell you right away – it all coincided. Probability is equal to a unit.



A man comes once from his mother, cuddling. I ask, what is fun? He answered:

My mother thought I was an alcoholic. She asked not to ruin her life, to divorce soon. I tell her that it’s not so, and she doesn’t believe it, she says, “How can’t I come to you – she’s gone! »



We laughed together, but this was not the end of the story. The mother-in-law was upset that her son did not listen to her words, almost a year she did not come to us. And here, one day, I slept, and in the house, as it was, there were no medicines left for the cold. I decided to improve my health by a popular method: vodka with pepper. I drank and lay down, and suddenly the door was ringing. I open, there is a maid! I am none, all shaken from sleep, and I smell good for the whole apartment not gladiolios at all. The father-in-law didn’t say anything to me, but it was evident that my reputation was finally crucified.



Since then, I have ceased to worry about it. She thinks I’m an alcoholic – her problem. I will live as I lived.



I have lived there for many years, my husband and I recently celebrated a silver wedding.

He is an adult and has a family. When the bride was brought to meet, she was worried, afraid she would not like it. I was almost as afraid that my mother-in-law would take me for an alcoholic. Now my sister and I live soul in soul. She thinks her son is lucky with me. Life put everything in its place. The theory of probability has nothing to do with it.

A acquaintance told me.

Her mother is 82 years old. I went with some pain to the local therapist. She (obviously to reassure her) offers to come back in 20 years. “Are you sure I’ll find you here?” My grandmother asked her.

I have a friend, Oliver, a German professor at the University of Aachen.

Fifteen years ago we worked together in the same laboratory.



Once after lunch, I served him a Russian chocolate candy "Mishka Kosolapyi".

Oliver ate a candy and cried out:

It is incomprehensible! Such sweets are simply impossible in Germany!

So so delicious? I asked polished.

No, fantasy requires three different waste baskets: foil, paper, and calc.

Fear that someone else will pick, causes a woman feeling 100 times stronger than jealousy.

Why did you cry during sex?
I had a terrible dream...

McDonald's feedback from the German: The staff is very friendly, the food is also cool, but the parking spaces are a little more than the average in Europe. According to EuroNorms, there should be a minimum of 2.75 meters, but in this McDonald’s, unfortunately, according to my measurements, the width of the parking lot is only 2.60 meters. I only rated it at 1 star.

The golden rule: if you are thinking about bluffing or not - bluff!

It works and if you feel that you have overdrunk, and you think, rather than cheat, that it would be easier, and when poisoned with food, but not to such a stage that the body does not ask you anymore.

If you have this idea in your head, you have to go crazy. Of the pros: 1. you can still get to the place (say, the toilet), and then you may not have time 2. you will immediately become easier: alcohol and what annoys you will not be further dissolved in you. It will only be worse.

As soon as you think to bluff or not - bluff!

yyy: plus a small lifehack – when you swallow, press your nose with your fingers. This will relieve unpleasant sensations in the nasopharynx after the process.

XX: Where have you been before?( by

YYY: For some reason, few people know about it. Several people have admitted to me that they remember me with warmth after they have been flogged.

told a acquaintance. They decided to legalize the relationship with their boyfriend. Both under thirty, second marriage, generally not pioneers. She is an absolutely urban lady, the "child of the asphalt", he is from the Altai village, learned, his parents live there. After ZAGS, they sat with friends in the cafe and in the morning with their parents to the village. Well, there - the village is a village, a mountain with all the consequences. Following her words. I woke up in the morning with the head in the mouth. I went out in the garden - spring, sun, beauty. A bed with a young hoodie, just to my condition. I sat down on the curtains, squeezing slowly. A mother-in-law goes out, smokes, and thinks about something. I am him:

The snack is delicious, I love it.

He looked at me, pulling a cigarette out of his mouth:

- Ukrop I love myself, but tell me, do you eat a carrot bowl?

Zelensky is president. If he does not manage, he will laugh.

Without a preamble.

And someone tried in a professional forum, where specialists gathered who ate a dozen dogs in this profession, to ask a simple question on the topic of the forum?
For example, in a forum of electricians ask: "How to measure the current passing through a pocket lamp connected to a KBS battery?"

The first answer will be: "There are no telephones in the forum, tell the lamp and battery parameters."
The second: “Well, you are a fool. Who connects a 300-ma lamp to a 100-match battery?”
Third: “You can’t measure the current because the resistance of the bulb is nonlinear and depends on the voltage.”
The fourth: Google helps you. Do you know how to use search engines? Go to a professional forum, distract people.”
Fifth: "It is impossible to measure the current received from the battery. The battery is consumed in the process of burning the lamp and unambiguous indicators will not work."
Sixth: "Specify where the device described will be used? If on the laboratory table - it is one thing, and if in an aggressive environment, it is quite another."
Seventh: “Where did you find the “lights from the pocket light”? What is this device? LEDs are now used in lamps. Don’t confuse it with your finger.”
Eighth: "What length of wire do you use and what section?"
9 “Have you not been to school? So take a textbook for 9th grade and read it on page 47.
The tenth... and the following will explain to you all the aspects of the problem, from the battery device to the Masonic conspiracy to produce low-life bulbs, and you will be given all the psychiatric diagnoses from idiotism to schizophrenia.

And only if you are very lucky, then on the twenty-fifth page of the discussion someone will answer that you need to turn an ampere into the gap of one wire between the battery and the bulb.

Business owners note: if you are already hiring a woman as a HR manager, then at least get married! Married, not divorced three times. Otherwise, the nonsense turns out: she can't pick up a husband, and you seriously want her to pick up staff for you in the company.

Sometimes there is such an inappropriate companion in the train that it seems like you are driving in different directions with him.

Meeting a good companion is great luck. This, at least, saves on subsequent visits to a psychologist.

I often travel by train. I try to reduce the risks and buy SV. Yes, cheap, but look above on saving on a psychologist. The tactic is not perfect, of course. In a classic four-seater coupe, there is a chance that you will at least be differentiated. One by one, like in a cage. If two hamsters meet, then okay. What about two tigers?

I recently discussed this topic quite in detail with my next companion in the Coupé SV.

The first part of the journey we tactically silenced with him. He looked out the window, I was in the mirror at the door. When we realized that we were not a threat to each other, we separated.

This guy was my alter ego. He approached the issues of joint travel no less sensitively than I did.

The assistant complained about various "inadequates", as he himself called them, repeatedly hit him in the trains.

One breaks down the chicken, not looking at the neighbor, with the enthusiasm of Jack the Destroyer. The other is with a glass. The third endlessly taroters on the mobile phone, so by the end of the trip you know more about him than his own wife. And the fourth stands over you at night, sleeping and watching.

The last example from his story interested me. I asked the attendant to share the details.

“You know,” he told me, “I once drove in a SUV with a man, like you do now. In appearance normal like a man, cockroaches do not run on the head. We went to sleep. In the middle of the night, I open my eyes – and he stands over me and looks. He looks straight in the face. Do you imagine? Like a giraffe.”

Of course I presented. I immediately became uncomfortable. I even rushed and supported the companion in his noble anger. How many freaks in the world, you should.

We talked with the companion about this, without a broken chicken and a glass, and, pleased with each other, went to bed.

In the middle of the night I suddenly woke up. I opened my eyes.

Buy it trembled. The curtains and walls were on the sidewalk. The glasses jumped out of metal glasses.

My companion snorted so that the blood was sprinkling in the veins. It seemed that with its snoring it pulled space and time into itself, like a black hole.

Suddenly, the companion took the highest note in the night, strangely shrugged, and it was as if something had broken up inside him. and all. There was complete silence.

I lay down for a few seconds until I began to sweat out of fear.

There are so many different fascinating stories about breathing disorders and death in sleep. I, as a well-deserved hypocondric of all Russia, knew all about this from reliable sources, from anonymous people on the Internet.

I stood up and cautiously, on chickens, approached the neighbor. In the dark, I did not find my glasses on the table. I bowed to the companion to look him in the face.

And when I finally saw that the companion’s eyes were safely closed, he safely opened them.

“Oh! “He said another bad word, Matt.

I went back under my blanket and hid.

The driver turned a little, and after some time the rescue whisper came from the side again.

I lay down and thought that he wasn’t such a fric, that man from the history of my companion. He also probably wanted to save a human life.

Xxx: I have such a friend, she is 30 true, and I don't know how she got sick, but buying a hard for a laptop she has been discussing with me for a year), she earns not badly, for this time she has 3 PC guru, reinstalled the system, but it starts once. I have thrown her closets for 4k sharp terabytes, expensive, well here is 500 GB 2600, her reviews are not very, well take the SSD on 256 and the old disk in the container, her 256 is little 😪. And with cyclicity two calls a week again, will it go? I say no 3.5 inches does not fit into the letter a-a-a 😆😆. I will soon buy it myself.

Yyy: Something tells me that your friend does not need a hard drive, but something else, but also hard.

The best story from my childhood....I was 7 years old, we in the garden grew roasted pearls (those in the form of a letter v) and my father decided to climb.Naturally as this and it is the strength to get up enough, and vice versa - no, sits on top of the caviar and asks me to bring the staircase, well I as a decent peasant, I followed her, then I decided to visit the best friend and call to play in the console now or dendi it doesn't matter, I clearly agreed.

It was 3 hours of play and here I remember, his mother, the ladder, I’m running home. Scream from the garden:

Did I give birth to him?! to

As a result, my father spent 3.5 hours on pears, and I then lived with my grandmother for 2 weeks.

I went to Ikea with my wife on Saturday.

Lots of people on weekends.

So what, at home?

Yes, you only have to go to the toilet.

Go to parking.

Why is the line in the women’s toilet always like this? How long did you wait for me?

I: A minute of ten.

Why do men go to the toilet faster?

I: Per because every woman in the queue, locked in the cabin, thinks, “Let these dolls wait until I slowly and relentlessly do my business!” Probably that is why.

Wife: (thinking for a moment) But I think so when I enter the cabin...

On YouTube, the film “Moscow does not believe in tears” is split into two files. in the series. They are made, of course, in one day.

And the first series has 8 500 000 views, and the second - 5 500 000.



That is, somewhere there are three million people who are like, ‘Ah, clearly, understandably. The grandmother gave birth in the dormitory and went to bed. A normal movie.”

I once installed an MPU (printer, copier, scanner...) in one office.

A boy of twelve years runs from the threshold to his aunt-secretary:

and grandmother! I got a fifth in English today. Will you buy me a plan for that?

and Grandma:

of course. After work we go shopping.



Something was offensive...

I go out and call my mom:

-Mom, here the boy bought a tablet for the current fifth in school. What do I need for red diplomas and candidate degrees?

Lack of backbone!

Recently, I heard from a friend a story that always, when I remember her, raises my mood, and something inside me is disgusting. At the age of 40, his father had encephalitis, which, unfortunately, significantly affected his mental abilities and adequacy in general. The family did not leave him in trouble, they are cared for and are not allowed to shut up in themselves, all relatives and friends treat his outings with humor and even gathered a peculiar collection of his pearls. There was a signal from aliens caught in the yard with a foil device and turned on gas in the apartment, which is not so fun. Since you can't say immediately about him that something is wrong with him, some dishonest personalities sometimes used, as they seemed, the "sickness" of a simple man. Mostly sellers or advertisers. Often unnecessary services were stunned, for example, replacing the seal in all frames in windows for 14,000 according to the infamous pensioner divorce scheme. Recently there was revenge. As they say, instantaneous karma, and suffering guys, I understand, will be for all of their predecessors.

In fact, the story itself: Grandfather came to the cellular communication salon, which exactly office - not even specified, because she was pressured by laughter - and stated that he needed a smartphone. The sellers drove him a Samsung Galaxy somewhere there for 12,000, to him a chick and, attention! VIP client service separately for 7 000 total. What gives this upgrade-our grandfather can at least every day come to them in the salon and without a turn with a personal manager all day to find out how to use the smartphone and the services of the operator. The VIP client. And our grandfather terribly loves to find out everything, unbelievably sluggish and periodically gliding into philosophical reasoning about politics and history, as well as about his personal life and his whole family. Well you already understood that neither wife nor daughter did not even go to understand, why obviously a sick person (this can be seen in close communication) coupled this service, now it is for them something like an attraction for grandfather, you can not worry where he went again and what busy-everyone knows that he is there clarifies at 3 hours in a row)))) But the whole family is very zealous to ensure that employees in any case do not refuse the VIP client in proper service)))

If we don’t want to go all the time on the robberies, we have to take the villas sometimes.

I live in a private house, 2 floors (this is important).
I’m having a birthday and I’m constantly calling for congratulations. He went up to the 2nd floor and left his phone there. In the kitchen all in the process of cooking, cooking, roasting. The cat is sitting on the stairs, watching me. Suddenly I hear her whisper, not just a whisper, but a real whisper. I look, she sits quietly and just roar, I approach her and I hear the phone call. That’s how she warned me of a call I didn’t hear.
They understand everything, but sometimes we can’t understand them.