We met yesterday with a classmate, he works in a store of medical equipment, tools and all kinds of mistakes, there is a mini-office. further from his face.

In the evening, closing soon. I sit at work, work in tanks, sometimes I look at monitors from cameras.

I see some engine at the entrance. I watch - two schoolthrones stand and crack on the Braille font, where the working time and contact info are placed. Apparently funny to them it seemed that a blind disabled person would come and start driving with his hands on the food.

I get up, go out and knock them up with a sleeve. One man managed to escape, the other was caught by the cap. I keep holding and asking, “Nahera? Tell me Naira? “” It is silent. I take him to the store, telling the partner at the box office to look after him. I bring him a cane with water and a cloth.

“Go,” I said, “your

Stir and went to wash. and washed.

All I say, go on.

has gone.

After 40 minutes, a partner runs to me and says that a man came to me with mint. I think “Huawei.”

I went out, I watched — there are a man, a mint and that boy. The man's face is such that there would be no mint - he would have crushed me with our same scalpel on the vinegret. I wonder what the matter is.

Ment reports to me that from the words of the boy I insulted him, beat him, raped him, drove him in the face, made him sit on a bottle and called his mother the last words.

I say, “Okay, shit, go on!”

We enter the office, give them a recording from the cameras, where everything is perfectly visible, what they and a friend did and what punishment he suffered. We go out. Father approaches his son and tells him so much that I sat down. I apologized and left.

All suitable parents. What the boy hoped for, one thing is known.

We had a wonderful teacher at the university. Wise, demanding, but rather humorous. And he had a strong diverging strabismus, especially when he was angry. We, as dumb first-class students, in their supposedly closed VK groups made memes on popular then-healers such as Evil Schoolchildren, Penguins-sociophobes and others:



Percentage of people looking at you as...

@ by

Or not to you.



A semester has passed and the session has begun. The Exam. The above-mentioned teacher enters the audience full of people, unloads the tickets and says:

You know, many people think that if a person is older, then social networks are not for him. He starts to smile badly, but I’m not. So you sit... prepare... and I’ll watch you. Well, or not to you...



After this phrase the whole course for some reason understood that no one above the trio will get...

The zoo is the only place where all prisoners are innocent.

Everything is known in comparison.

The Doctor of Science first read a lecture at the institute. At the end of the course, the students took the exam. At the first examination he passed, putting him a naught. 

Then, after listening to the answers of the others, he searched for the first one in the dormitory in the evening and, apologizing, rearranged emy neud to the perfect.

According to Rosstat, the fastest delivery of pizza, then prostitutes, and then the police and the ambulance with firefighters. The Ministry of Emergency Affairs recommends that in the event of an emergency, you first order pizza and prostitutes to fight the threat together before the arrival of the authorized services.

I remember in my student years, I worked in Ostankino, a scene collector, collected the program known to everyone at the time Factory of Stars, and on the decorations sits a black guy and does nothing, well, many began to whisper among themselves, type of which is stuck and does not work. As a result, someone approached him, and in our Russian-Math language, explained that there is nothing to cool down, let’s work like everyone else. He pulled with us from probably half an hour to various decorations, until a scriptwriter ran and said that he was a participant in the program. It was later revealed that it was Pierre Narcissus. (That’s how it’s called)

I have one aunt, she is one of those people whose boldness is just over the edge. At the time, I was still apologizing to people when they asked me to borrow money, but now I just refuse. I then arranged to work on a monolithic house building and had a very good money. Of course, all the relatives knew. And apparently my mother told my aunt what my first salary was, and she needed the money very urgently. And now my phone is ringing and her number is lit up.

I am I, my aunt

Just from Flight

T: - Save your mother, I have already spoken to your mother, she supported me, I need 8 thousand.

I have never even talked to her personally before.

I: Oh shit, there is no money.

T: How is it? ! to You are working!

I: - Well, I work, but here you have to pay for the apartment and buy. (Yes, I used to be soft-hearted, now I would have sent it right away.)

Q: So where did you put all the money? You got 60,000!

I: - (no fucking fucking, forty) the debt distributed, done, spent. (I can’t believe I was as stupid as I was)

T: So take what my mom gave her and I’ll give it to her later.

I: So it is you and her that decide.

T is NDA? ... look at it. Do not ask us for help.

He dropped the phone. Immediately the mom called, said that now will call my aunt and will ask for money, say you just don't give her, or she will never give. I explained to her the conversation that had already taken place and said with such clutches the next time I will send a walk to the side ***. And since recently, they have not communicated with their mom, because the latter did not give her a washing machine when she bought a new one, but gave it to her daughter. But I can see that my mother is happy with it.

This story took place in the late 1980s at Denver Airport (DEN). I just arrived from Houston (where I lived) and was about to take a flight departing from Denver. And here I go through the airport, pulling a suitcase behind me, I don’t touch anyone... And then my aunt jumps over me and says loudly, “Hey, the carrier! Bring my suitcases to the check-in stand in landing area 34!” He puts his suitcases on my side. I think what to do next, especially given that my flight is just departing from Landing Zone 34. The decision is made, we execute. I pass my suitcases and continue on my way.

After a few moments to the aunt comes that her demand has been ignored and she pursues me, on the move beginning to whistle. When she grabbed me, she grabbed me in the ear, “I’m not used to repeating! “To which I answer, ‘Here’s great, don’t repeat it again. Please leave me alone.” In general, she pursued me all over the terminal, throwing her suitcases in the middle of the passage.



And here I am in Landing Zone 34. At the check-in stand I greeted the check-in officer and asked her to open the entrance to the landing corridor so that I could get onto the plane and start preparing him for flight. And then our aunt arrived at the registration stand and cried out, “No, I won’t let this lazy carrier escape the punishment! He dropped my suitcases! I want him fired!”

The registrar looked at me and asked, "Don't you think it is necessary to remove this lady from the flight?" I replied, “Yes, of course. Safety of crew and passengers. Inadequate behavior, possibly alcoholic intoxication. The servant smiled and said, “I’ll call the security service and take care of the bureaucracy. “Happy flight Captain!”

The Doctor of Science first read a lecture at the institute. At the end of the course, the students took the exam. At the first examination he passed, putting him a naught.



Then, after listening to the answers of the others, he searched for the first one in the dormitory in the evening and, apologizing, rearranged emy neud to the perfect.

Not so long ago, my sister flew to Switzerland to relax from everyday life, ski, drink hot chocolate, admire the mountains. She returned, tells about her impressions and in a bunch of information not interesting flies one very funny phrase: "In general, I was very surprised by their mentality." I’m a simple person, I hear about mentality – I ask what it’s about. My sister tells a story.

The girl and her mother go through the park, walk, communicate and then suddenly the girl says, "Mommy, it is hard for me to carry a doll." A. the doll, it should be noted, was actually the height of a little more than half the girl. The mother replied, “Let’s put her here on the bench and take her on the way back?” Then they really just put the doll on the edge of the bench and continue their way. This is the European mentality.

The interests of the state and the people usually do not coincide.

By education I am an engineer. I know that any phenomenon can be explained without resorting to the help of supernatural forces. I do not believe in hell. But some phenomena can put you in an impasse.
My mother lived a long life, went to a different world at the age of 97. She lived in Israel with my brother. One day I dream. My mother approaches me, young as a child, and says she came to say goodbye, she leaves. I was not surprised that my mom was so young and that she was in Los Angeles. I just asked:
You are where?
to Dad.
So Dad died.
I know.
Then my mother told me a lot of warm words, begged me not to be upset, and left. When I woke up, I said to my wife:
Mother is dead.
Did they call you from Israel?
No, but I know it.
I called in half an hour. I have always been very close to my mother. As a child, as an adult, and when my mother was very old. I always felt connected, regardless of distance. I do not believe in afterlife. I still feel the connection with my mother. I know that she helps me in difficult moments, in solving difficult questions, I advise, and I get an answer. To date, the mechanism of this phenomenon cannot be explained, but the fact that there is a connection between mother and son, between twins, is a fact.
P.S Interestingly, such a connection exists also between spouses who have lived together for a long time. I like to go to the mountains. I put a lot of weight on myself. One day, on a very hot day, I lost consciousness. Probably solar or heat shock. I woke up from a phone call. My wife called and asked if I was okay. I explained the situation, the wife called the son, he came and helped go home. Neither before nor after my wife called me when I went to the mountains. I asked why this phone call. The wife said that she felt a strong alarm, everything came out of her hands. One day scientists will be able to explain this phenomenon.

I have a trailer, a bio-toilet is installed in the car house, and a hole for the bay of chim. The fluid comes out of the car. I put the A-92 sign on the cover. I get out of the entrance in the morning, and near my car lies a canister, the hose is woven into the toilet neck and surrounded in a radius of 2 meters.

I rented an apartment.

A man lived, after a time began to delay payment.

Soon he said that he did not pull the apartment and will come together, but he has no money.

He agreed to take the passport in bail, promised to give the money in two weeks; and disappeared.

My passport was in my home.

Four years later, a girl calls, calls his name and asks to give him a passport, in exchange is ready to pay his debt.

They met, it turned out, she is pregnant, he promises to get married, but with a passport settled.

I was ashamed to call.

The fiancé fucking.

Making your first million legally is real. difficult to survive.

The evening. I am standing in the line to the food box. A man in front of a miner. He patiently waited until the old lady had finished reporting to the treasurer for the wrong pricing and rounded around and only wanted to hand over the bottle for payment, as he was wiped off by the stunned lady, who had just flattered at the turn of all the others.

“I only have sausages!” - correctly notices the lady, pushing the servette stick forward on the tape.

The treasurer is indifferent to the goods, as at this moment the guy calmly takes and launches the sausage along the ballistic trajectory somewhere deep in the hall.

“You don’t have a sausage...” and stretches out his water for payment.

I don’t know why, but I felt brighter.

The Valentines Special. of $100.
We come and arrest you in front of the girl/wife the day before. Let go in 24 hours. The price includes a place for fishing, beer, snack, tent and table games to choose from.
We come in shape with shorts.

My childhood was in the north of Tyumen, where there was absolutely no agriculture. There are berries in the forest, but there are no gardens with potatoes and carrots, around the sand, especially nothing grows, so the northern children of those years did not even know what urticaria is, not to mention the rest (as there is now - I don't know, but the strawberries appeared everywhere, we didn't have them). After school, I went to study in Ural. Flowering apples, topolish puff - all this I saw here, I can say, for the first time.

And here I have lived in the Urals for more than 25 years, and my agricultural sleepiness never passes. I have been going to my husband’s parents for nine years and, fucking, I can’t distinguish one bush from the other.  The last time I was assigned to grind last year's leaves from under the rice, I was all upset, grinded carefully. The man approached and said, “You’re probably all out?” Oh, I say, I also noticed that this is a variety of another, those two bushes did not collapse at all. And he replies, "Of course, because those two bushes are a carrot, and this one is a carrot!"

But the funniest was when I was looking for garlic in the market. I needed a local, not a Chinese. I ran once - there is no one, I go back - my grandmother is sitting, she has a bunch of strawberries, peanut butter and garlic a few heads. I ask, “What is your garlic?” She says, “Girl, it’s gladiolus.” My husband cried in the voice. How do I know, maybe a new one?! to

In short, working at the country I am not especially persuaded, and after the caterpillar got stuck in the swimsuit in the bath (picked the drizzles), so in general try not to leave in nature without supervision. But here with the blades I figured out: now it is not triangular and square, but stitch and sovkova!

In the 1970s, my grandmother went on a trip to Sochi. Their group was accompanied by a guide, let it be Vera, as the grandmother said, a very good woman. They became friends during the trip.

Once it turned out that Vera was from Omsk, like my grandmother. The further dialogue:

B: On which street do you live?

A: Oh, I live in the most beautiful place of Omsk, on the Irtysh Shore.

B is yes? I am there too. In which house?

A: In such a way.

B: I am the same. And the apartment?

A: The 55th

B is :? I have 56!



This is how my grandmother met her neighbors. Then they communicated for a few more years until Vera moved.

As an anecdote:

Two mathematicians sit in a restaurant. One went to the toilet. The second called the waitress and asked her:

“Girl, could you, when I ask the question, just answer x in a cube for three?”

She agreed.



His colleague returns and he begins a discussion.

“People know mathematics very well. Here we argue on a cocktail of cognac that the arbitrary waitress knows the integral number? He joyfully agreed.



He calls the waitress and asks:

“Well, girl, do you know what is equal to the integral x square by de x? “”

She replies, “X in a cube for three.” A colleague in shock. Then the waitress added:

Plus a constant!



And now history.

My friend and I, a professor of mathematics, are traveling from Toronto to Boston. On the way we go to McDonald’s and order two identical combos. The seller calls the price: 13. and 73.

My friend said it was wrong and the price should be fair.

What she answered:

The tax is charged from the total amount. “”