Victor
Today I woke up at 9 a.m.... From the fact that the thief dropped the drainage pipe... The real thief... the drainage pipe... In Moscow...

XXX: Oh, this is a shit. Unfortunately, when Misha dropped her, she walked first, neither alive nor dead... and then walked into the cellar, right there she wore a three-liter bowl of cucumbers! She came out satisfied. After that, Misha did not remember.

I realized that the 3D printer is better than the shredder.

It is not the generals who won the Second World War, but the soldiers, on the contrary, the great soldier spirit!
Yyy: It’s not me writing this message right now, it’s my fingers, the big fingerprint!

Oleg: My sister played in the Sims from 8 years old. And loudly constantly proclaimed his actions, and not just the Sims went out to crack, and then lunch, and on the roles, each has his own story, etc. Natural hell canonical gameplay, like in RPG.
XXX: And what next?
Oleg: Cho-cho... the roller coaster now.

Stop the nuclear physics! Like Jamsut and Rakhine, nuclear physics is studied secretly; like typical copniks, nuclear physics. Be original in your inventions, dear physicists!

A group of students learn that the government is hiding from the masses information about the existence of trolls in the north of Norway. Brave boys and girls on their own with the help of false means to destroy giants, representing a huge danger.

In order to protect an extinct species from the man-barbarian, the Norwegian government creates a reserve, but a group of brackets learn about a government secret.

KOIIETAH_PEIIKA: When a friend of mine worked in the pentastane, baked cakes for hamburgers, his friend asked to explain what, say, for the word — shit. The acquaintance takes a raw cocktail and plunges it to the floor, spreads his hands to the sides and says, behold, shit, now just throw it out.

The worse the conditions of life, the greater the people are declared on television.

In the pharmacy the buyer (P) and provider (Pr):
Q: Advice drops to improve appetite in children.
Here is the drop xxx.
Q: What can you do to reduce the appetite in adults?
Pr (without the shadow of a smile): a leak patch. Sold at the box.

P.S It sounds like a joke, but the buyer was my wife, and I heard it all.

Conversation with wife.
She: I want to grow my hair so long that my chest is covered.
I: And for what?
She: I will walk on the beach without a lighthouse!!! (The Rainbow)
I: Well, if some places do not shave, then you can walk on the beach without cowards!! to

Those who write that a mother sitting at home with a small child does not nifiga - stay better and go on without children. It will be better for everyone. Author quotes - and you try to spend a day alone with your own child, a lot of discoveries will be made. In other words, it is time to meet him.

The theme is the cleansing of Russian from all borrowings, including football terms.
Bookvolub: In the final squad of the world field on powder-pupyrus, the Russian national team defeated the Spaniards 2:0. The first puppy on the 32nd mine of the 1st пачаs sprinkled into the gates of the supostats decimal Velemudr Rys. The second pit was plotted with the pinal defender Ogloby Ryazansky for 12 minutes before the end of the match. This is our first victory in 218 years of participation in fields.

R2D2: In my early youth, when The Adventures of Electronics were shown, I dreamed that Electronics would be more produced, then put to the machines, and communism came to us!
Z0Z0: And I dreamed of a dog like an electronics!
R0ta9: We in the army were given one series to watch, so this Mike came to me every day in a dream, with known consequences... And about communism with dogs, no, I did not dream...

After the change:
I: Let’s go to the girls on the third floor?
Go home... go home... go home... go home.
I: They have three – the tenth size!! to
I will be in a minute.

[12:05:32] Yahoo: I woke up a couple of days ago
[12:05:36] Yahoo: that someone pissed under the window
[12:05:43] Yahoo: in the bushes
[12:05:55] Yahoo: the shorter guy says to the telephone - dress up
Yahoo: “Sasha, just 30 seconds, what are you laughing at?”

Iphone has a pedrilla.
A girl without complexes is a prostitute.
Someone said something funny, but you didn’t understand – a drug addict.

How are you better at the train?
How old are you? Did you not call early?

I want to eat and sleep, and you?
I want to fuck and fuck, fuck and fuck... and I want new shoes.
The last one was unexpected...

to this:

I am a second. For four months, you claim that you do not sleep when our son is asleep, therefore, you are doing something, and this dialogue between us and you ends every night with the word "hate". Tell me, are you doing shit?? to
and
You guys, believe me, every woman in the decree just dreams of going to work, instead of sitting with children and doing housework in parallel. Pray your wife, let her rest.

Brightist
I always break my head - where do people manage to tap their phones?
Tell me, if not a secret, what to do with the phone to drown it in a healthy mind and full memory?

ice_mint_cat
falling into the bowl for example))))

Brightist
Why do you need a phone in the sea?

ice_mint_cat
At first, the bowl was not in the plan.

Irrabagon
Great comment, thank you ))