xxx: I lived to 30 years and only now learned that I am absolutely infertile from birth :(
YYY: Are you married?
xxx : yes :(
Yyy: Sorry for the stupid question, as a psychologist, I wonder, do you feel guilty to your wife? Or maybe other feelings?
I do not feel guilty, I am not guilty.
xxx: but about other feelings for my wife, yes, they are, but I will not write
YYY : Why?
xxx: I don't want to leave evidence for trial, because I have a "daughter" =/

by Corp. Car owners after the snowfall
Hello to everyone. Who can borrow a half clock?
Hello to you, sensitive smartphone compressor!

The power of the spirit does not endure the spirit of strength.

What are we, adults, ruined?

The friends have two children, a son of 11, a daughter of 4. The son on his own initiative puts his sister to sleep, helps her to wash, disguise, tell something before going to bed... Gold, not a boy.

One day, the girl says:
“Mommy, I don’t want Pawlik to put me down anymore. He does something that is too early for me.
Mom in panic:
What? what? What does he do to you?? to
He taught me to count to a thousand.

If you managed to deceive a man, that doesn’t mean he’s a fool. It just means that you have been trusted more than you deserve.

SMS with my friend.

Sanhedrin, hello to you. What are the couples today?
Topics: TMM and Heat Engineering
HH: Of course, thank you very much. Do you drink vodka?

Yesterday I wanted to lock up in the bathroom, hug a cat and cry.
I'll tell you in secret - in most modern homes, even if you turn on the water, you can still hear when you cry.
Oh yeah...
Unless you are crying in the cat.)

With a pickup.

XXX is
You don’t want to eat animal corpses – eat the placents of underdeveloped plant embryos, figs...
Reply to
YYYY
It’s also life, eat stones.
ZZZ
The stones also have feelings. Eat Christian Stewart!

The truckers went out to smoke. There is an Audi Q7.
Fuck, this is the car! I would like that to myself.
Do you have such a car? Your salary is not enough to change the wheel.
G: No, well to such a car and salary corresponding and work...
I: So then you dream of teleportation right away, the chances are the same...

From comments to the report on the assembly of self-made subwoofer:

There are no words! I applaud with envy the hands that grow out of my ass.

and user
3004-327 Your password has been expired for too long.
3004-321 Please see the system administrator to change your password
and user
Look at the administrator :)
by admin
Come and see.
by admin
We are many to choose.
and user
and :)
Do you treat passwords?

............
1st You are a horse! You can’t take me to the bridge! You will lose steadily!
2nd Cut off your finger?
1st Provide reasonable things!
2nd We have a very luxurious girl in our department that smells afterwards. Hard to sleep with her, horse? :D
1st They struck.
A few months later:
1st Here are photos.
2nd You are a real horse. Ffououououououou.
1st What did we hit there?
2nd for nothing.
1st The blue. I am a horse!!!! to

As a child, sitting in the toilet, I imagined that a balloon with a refresher for air was a Jedi sword hand, and a deadly blue beam shone from its cap!
And here, sitting on the toilet, I skillfully destroyed the supporters of the Empire, spreading my enemies to the right and to the left!!! to
And now, as an adult uncle, I look at the air refresher and understand... Only I know its secret. Only I will save people from the invaders!

With the appearance of new turnikets in the Moscow subway with high heels, my panic fear of spitting eggs changed to the fear of spitting my face.

XHH: By the way, all the punches are females.
Are the Eklers male?
Oh, and the rookies!
WOW: Rogalick is an Eckler before he saw the punch.

Why do you play games?
Because I am a mess without friends. What else to do? You don’t walk in the street – I’m always beaten by hooligans.

How the spring hunt happens: on the weekend, a bunch of fire hunters ride on super jeeps and fashionable rifles to the lake. When it begins to melt and the duck sits on the water, a wild canonade begins in all directions.

Local residents without guns, but with a bag and a specially trained dog, collect the duck. And the next day they build along the road and sell their ducks to hunters. I have to buy...

C the forum. Discuss the wireless router.

- I had the reluctance to buy this device... I have been setting it up for the second week... It is falling out. It depends on when I try to connect from the phone.
- I bought such a miracle, spent 2 days on the adjustment, at the end dropped to the factory settings, then unexpectedly launched the praised master and the miracle all worked.
I am 15 years old, I set it up in 15 minutes. Everything works great.
I’m 26 years old, I set it up in 26 minutes. Everything works great.
“I’m 76 years old, I didn’t set it up in 76 minutes. I will soon die.
I’m 4096 years old and I’ve never thought of him as Buddha.
- I'm 10 years old, I can't set it up in 10 minutes))) Please help.
"I am 32 years old, married, have a dog, wanted to buy, now I don't even know what to do. Please help me!!! to

I work as a translator in a joint Russian-Japanese production.
Yesterday, the director decided to bypass the production.
Look at the programmers: there is no team leader! He appeared two hours later - as he appeared, again came in,.
After that, the director (more or less speaking Russian, but not very well) asks: "And how is it - the alarm clock sat down and got up? Can you sit and get up at the same time? And yet another non-living object..."
I laughed. I explained. The director sneezed, then gave out a wonderful thing - remind him to change the battery in a year.
I went to Siddhartha and explained the task. The young man, Russian, laughed and sneered.

The next morning, the director meets up at the shuttle, we go to the programmers together. Tim-lead is in place, the computer loads. The director kicks, says something like "this is how you should work".
Here the computer starts.
Instead of the usual login, a window appears: "There are 364 days left before changing the battery in the alarm. Enter the number of remaining days and press "ok"."
Translated to the director, he still smiles, only wider.
Tim-Lid stands in a titan, looking at the inscription. Enter a number in the field to enter, the computer loads.

But the director’s joke liked it, apparently he will look out the window again.

Comment on the camera, worth 1.5 million on the website of one of the shops:

This is in Russian rubles, right?