It turns out that our government increased the life expectancy of the population only to increase the retirement time.

Pushkin

Pushkin was six years old and he was a beautiful curly girl with a beautiful name Elizabeth.
Next to Elizabeth, her mother was sitting, with one hand she held a hood with a ball dress, the other, held a phone at the ear.
Lisa, swallowing the wind, was frankly missing. Electrician had just left Moscow, and her mother was constantly shaking with her friends on the phone. There were very few people in the car and the girl took me courageously:

Why do you have a woman’s bag?

Mother, not disconnecting from the phone, without enthusiasm complained:

“Lisa, don’t stick to uncle.

I objected to:

- Well you, she doesn't bother me at all, on the contrary, for conversations and the road is more fun.

Mom satisfied and no longer returned from the depths of her phone intrigues.

I answered:

This is not a woman’s or a man’s bag, it’s a camera bag.

Then Lisa told me that she and her mother were in Moscow for a dance contest and that she took fourth place there. The girl asked the railway questions, and I answered in detail: Why the rails knock, why they need spades, and why the electric car clings to the wires.
Then she proposed:

Uncle, let’s play something.

I, not thinking long, offered to play in the cities, but the matter did not go with us, because Lisa did not know any city except Oditsovo and Moscow. Then I offered to play rhythms and quickly explained what rhythm is.
The girl immediately understood and with the speed of the computer began to issue very unusual, but philigranous rhythms to any, the most difficult words. At that time I felt something wrong, but I didn’t look, and Lisa said:

- Just rhythms - it's not interesting, let's tell me a word, and I'll come up with a little verse with that word.

Not too self-confident for a six-year-old girl? I thought and immediately decided to start with something more difficult:

- Well, invent me a verse with a word... with a word, say, a buyer.
What is it?
He is such a man, his name is Buyer.

Lisa closed her eyes and without any pause, directing herself with her hand, expressed:

A buyer looked at me under my coat.
But I was not afraid,
There is a cover...

I just stumbled and felt like Mr. Salleri listening to Mozart’s Requiem.
Neither I nor any of my acquaintances, except, probably, Dima Bykova, would have been able to issue something like this, and here the six-year-old Pushkin in the electric car.
Pushkin’s mother moved and, without breaking away from the phone, said:

“Lisa, next time we go out, say goodbye to uncle, don’t forget the windshield and let’s go.

The girl stood up from the bench and quickly spoke:

- Let us soon, or let us go out, the last word, so that I can compose the last verse.

I, not yet to the end of the shower, burned out the absolutely unthinkable:

The spider Corchagin.
What is a spider?
- It's also a man, Pavka, well, Paul is the name, and Korchagin is the surname. The spider Corchagin.

Pushkin sneezed, closed his eyes and expressed:

In the house where Pavka Korchagin lived,
It was dark,
Only the sticks hit...

Good bye Uncle.

After Lisa and my mother got out, I came to myself for half an hour, I barely stopped, because such a level of rhythm could be given by at least Vysotsky, and that, not immediately, but after a sleepy night.
At least she would soon be explained that she is Pushkin.
Ay da Lisa, Ay da Suki son...

No matter what they talk about in the West, and Russia is still a very free country! Putin personally opposes raising the retirement age, and it is still democratically raised. Putin is against corruption.

From an unknown number yesterday came a SMS - "A man with a small member was shot down in Nevsk. “Are you okay?” How to react to that?

When Rahmaninov arrived in America, a music critic surprised him:

Why is the master dressed so modestly?

“Nobody knows me here anyway,” replied Rahmaninov.

Over time, the composer has not changed his habits.

And the same critic asks again a few years later:

“Master, your material circumstances have changed significantly for the better, but you haven’t gotten better dressed.

“Why, everybody knows me,” Rahmanin shrugged his shoulders.

Again about female logic.

There has been a lot of growth in the area. The wife asked her to form a crown in the form of a pyramid. I carefully cut off everything excessive, it turned out to be quite a decent "pyramid". I called my wife, rightly hoping for praise, but she said on the go that I had defiled the tree.

You asked for a pyramid.

Yes, but not such a thing!

Please paint what she wants.

This is how the oval is painted.

I am very emotional and my husband is not. I recently went out on the balcony, and I admire it through the glass: how beautiful and beautiful it is. I breathe in euphoria on the glass, smile and paint a heart. He smiles in response, breathes on the glass and paints a penis. I stop lying stupidly and lock it on the balcony!

My friend Serega was doing repairs with his parents in the apartment. The apartment is located in the first in the USSR youth housing complex - MŽK. It should be noted that in addition to the construction of these houses were also attracted to future young tenants - engineers of the space industry, who instead of working several days a week helped in the construction of work that did not require special qualifications. The lack of materials and qualifications during the tough socialist periods taught builders to be reckless, but at the same time had a strong impact on the quality of future apartments, one of which came to my friend’s parents in the 1970s.



During the meeting Sereg, excited by the repair, said a mysterious phrase:



In life you will not guess what is in this apartment under the linoleum!



My shy assumptions – concrete, fence, wood, glass, maybe even foam – caused Seregha only to shake his head and smile a man who knew the bitter mystery.



When I listed all the materials I knew used in the living room, he took a deep look and said sadly:



Fuck you guessed. The asphalt!

If this is the case, then they will not be spent on retirement, but will be carried out.

Now is the time to defend my diplomas and I remember my defense.
He presented his diploma and answered one of the questions:
“To be honest, I didn’t get into that.”
One of the teachers turned to us and said:
“Never, never say that. Remember the phrase – THAT wasn’t the purpose of my research.”

Hermann Gref proposed to make the retirement age, as in Germany - 67 years, and to give loans, as the Sberbank in Germany, under 0.9% of the year did not offer.

I thought it was hard to surprise me, but, as they say, don’t be surprised.

The place of action is our days (yesterday), Volokolamsk.

The director is informed that during the cleaning of the swamp in the territory of the mine was found. Which of the mines are launched...

Well, the director contacts the police, those with the Emergency Ministry come, a man in a armor approaches, inspects, says - call the sappers, the mine is rusting. The sappers will come only the next day (unclear, okay). The police leave the sergeant to guard the rugged mine. I call the director in the morning.)

- This is the case, the sergeant for the night mine... took home, so as not to wait all night, and brought back in the morning.)))

The morning. I took my grandson to the kindergarten and went to work. I approach the T-shaped intersection on a secondary road, stopped to miss those who are on the main road.

In the main rush, the haishnikov car is driving, the one in the passenger seat is looking at me.

Immediately behind the intersection, their car stops, the captain-in-chief jumping out of the car and stopping me.

The captain is like that, checking the documents, everything is okay, you can go. Then there was this conversation:

- Commander, tell me what was so suspicious in my car that you stopped for me?

and belt.

So I was attached.

That is suspicious.

It happened here, a day ago, to go in public transport. Heat below 30, hot, sweat. Oh, the grandmother in the wool cloth and in the pantyhose! Chinese, Chinese from the 90s. Money to the conductor gives and demands, does not ask, namely, requires that the locks of the bus (guard) and forks closed. that :

Not for money, grandmother. Order a taxi! Turn the oven on!

I found it, the stallion. The grandmother wept and went.

Going today to shave, talked to a girl hairdresser, she says - you have such good hair, you probably wore long hair during the Beatles? I only have 40. OOO

A friend works in the deck. Two days in 12 hours. They were asked to go out for an unscheduled night shift during their rest. for a walk. It was strictly requested. The men gathered and began to get angry. The type that for a vacation, there the same night must pay, and better generally for double payment. Do not go! So they broke the collective and went apart by the houses.

A friend told me this after a beer. And one whitened with grays camarded him and said:

There will still be a rat that will go out to work to lick the boss.

Yes, we have a collective! All men of the world! Heat with a friend.

A few days later he told me.

Everyone went to work except him.

I had three stories in my life, after which I stopped giving people money on the street.

1st The Favourite

We went with a friend to the KFC as schoolchildren, picked up food and already departed from the box office, as a bombardment came to us and asked for money for potatoes. The friend complained and gave, the boy recounted the little things and asked, "What, you don't give money for cheese? “” To what a friend quite reasonably said something like, “Are you not an officer? “”

Bohm turned in the direction of the exit with the words "I don't eat without cheese potatoes" and left. The whole line and the cashiers.

2nd Get a ticket home.

The classic now divorce with a suitcase, but then seemed to be a novelty, gave a guy 200p for food and offered to transfer to relatives or friends money on the card so that we could take them off at the ATM, which he replied: "No, I don't want to stress anyone, and so norm, they feed for free, the money is given, and friends will then have to give."

Three I want to eat that the tubes burn.

The bombardment came and begged tears to give money, because he died of hunger. I went to the nearest dining room with him, he was not allowed inside, said he would wait, in the end I bought soup, cabbage, something else. I go out and he is not. It became so rough that he threw food straight into the urn. He returned to the stop, and he is already dull.

One day, I remembered such a story:

I turned my foot on football and had to go to the clinic. I was very young and my mother led me (you know in Chelyab, Leninsky, where the trams will jump, the eighth child), here she rushed, and I crumbled small, she says harshly.

and faster,

I stopped her with the question:

“Mom, would you like to have a mom like me?“”

She shrugged. I thought. And he said “No.”

I’ve lost my whole family a long time ago, but because of this story I remember it.

Love your mother, she is alone.

People sitting at the budget feedbox do not need a food basket.

Have you ever lived near a mountain river?
In my youth I had to live a couple of months in the Caucasus at an altitude of 1500 m in the valley of the river Laba.
When we arrived there, the noise of the river overwhelmed all the other sounds in the valley. To say something, I had to scream in my throat. I thought that the cranes: either we will squeeze everything, or we will shake our throats, or both.
Two or three days passed. It turned out that birds are singing here, cycades are striking, there is no need to roar at all, and the noise of the river is heard only if you listen specifically.
More experienced comrades in mining explained that it is the brain itself, beyond our will, filters out the constant useless noise, not carrying information.
So, dear women, don’t be offended that your husband doesn’t hear your vocal flow.
Nothing personal, only physiology.